Leif Johnson wrote:
Ranma would have been a very good catch for Shampoo, true... but
times had changed, and so had he. Was the difficulty in finishing the
stone worth the price of failure? The sight of Shampoo bouncing between
the tables distracted Cologne, and she sighed again.
## COLOGNE: <ogling> Whoa, nelly!
This sentence produced an involuntary twitch in me, but there's no feasable
reason for it. Probably just left my mind lying the gutter again...
You know, I wasn't in the proper mindset when I looked at that line,
but I'll adjust it so that the 'bouncing' and 'distraction' are in
seperate lines.
Now, get your mind out of the gutter! ... mine needs to drift by.
Finding a lull in the already slow day, Shampoo approached the
Amazon matriarch, "Great-grandmother..."
## Needs a speaking verb in this line, or else write it:
matriarch. "Great-grandmother..."
When a line of action and a line of dialogue are combined, ( Blah blah, "Blah.")
then the action line must contain a vocal verb to link them. (Shampoo approached
the Amazon matriarch and bellowed, "Great-grandmother!!!")
Artifact of my older writing style, before Mr. Angus MacSpon told me
that leading into quotation from prose was improper grammar.
Will revise!
Cologne rubbed her forehead wearily, "I know, I know. 'How do I make
a chi attack like Airen,' right?"
## Say whaaaa? Cologne's a telepath? I think you need at least SOMEthing leading
up to this deduction of Cologne's.
And the inconsistance between 'chi' and 'ki'. Gotta fix that.
## Yes, I would wonder why ANYbody would go to school early. Ranma is definitely
not "stable" at the moment.
Wild horses are seldom content with stables.
Her aura of anger reached about 60 watts before she realized two
things.
## In the future, all of our electricity will come from angry martial artists...
Cool!
In retrospect, this is one of those things that seemed like a good
idea... I'm going to adjust that.
First of all, Ranma wasn't there. Secondly, Shampoo was
staggering about, a haunted look in her eyes. Guttering briefly like a
candle in gale-force winds, her battle-aura winked out.
## Cool simile.
That one, I'll keep. :P
Thanks.
Akane listened, hearing nothing of the battle -- wherever it was.
Shrugging to herself, she dismissed the affair. Ranma could handle
himself in the challenger's arena, whatever the specifics of martial
arts origami were, anyway.
## What a keen idea...
This is actually important to the plot later, believable or not.
Akane rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to retort, but Shampoo
interrupted, "If you two not work together with Shampoo, he no one's Airen."
## UKYO: Well, we'll just have to find this "No One," and hunt her down!
Hehe...
Both of the other girls blinked at this, then Akane shrugged. "And?"
## SHAMPOO: Restaurant go boom. Akane offer free room and board, no? Is no
problem, Shampoo sleep in Ranma room.
Heh!
Shampoo swallowed, and explained, "Great-grandmother say... Chi
attack not work with good feeling. Only bad feeling."
## Come to think of it... You ever see a school of "Happy-go-lucky Martial
arts?" There might be something to that...
Not familiar with the term? I'm actually trying to find out more
about Yamisaki (french art, interestingly enough) -- 'the Art of Movement'.
It's incredibly impressive stuff.
Shampoo and Akane stared at the okonomiyaki chef for a long, silent
moment.
## Heh heh... Though I doubt Shampoo would agree with Akane on that one.
I'll let it slide for the humor factor -- there's little enough
towards the end of the fic already.
Shampoo collected herself first, then continued, "When you use
feeling, feeling become stronger to you. Lost-boy use depression, so
always be depressing."
## She really hit the nail on the head, there.
I think she's pretty smart about those things.
The three girls shared a glance, then Ukyou nodded. "It's our duty
as Ranma's fiancees to find out what's going on.
## Fine, but I can't see Ukyo admitting that Ranma has other fiancees than her.
Hmm... Good point. I'll adjust that.
The matriarch scowled. "That's only what he calls it, child. It's
not what it really is. The real mouko takabisha is an internalized
technique, not an outward one."
## So, in this story, the mouko takabisha was NOT created by Ranma? Hm. "Mouko
takabisha" is just a name he made up for his variation of the shishi hokodan. In
this chapter, you don't really mention anything else about the "real" mouko
takabisha.
Well, no, the name and the similarity just happen to be a
coincidence. More on that later in the fic, though.
## COLOGNE: <tapping fingertips together> Eeeeexcellent...
If she ran the powerplant where Genma worked, I'd be worried.
## GENMA: Ah, my son! What a true master of the "Anything-Goes Evasion of
Respsonsibility and other Scary Things" technique!
There was actually a long boring shpiel about that in the second
Ranma held the ball of energy for a long moment, and it became more
and more stable the longer the pair watched it. Ukyou frowned, feeling
only nervous indecision. Not fear, or guilt.
## Well... here's where I bring in my own interpretation of Ranmaverse phyiscs.
Discard it or take it as you will. It seems to be that the shishi hokodan and
other related attacks are more comparible to a gun than a bow and arrow. Your
energy ball right here is like an arrow being pulled back in a bow, ready to be
relased. The arrow is visible, simply awaiting the signal to fire. It seems to
me, from the manga, that the character focuses his internal energy inside him,
like a bullet loaded in the chamber, and is fired instantly, shooting from the
chamber (the martial artists palms) towards the target. So, according to LIRP
(Leif's Interpretation of Ranmaverse Physics), Ranma's demonstration would
involve destroying something, unless it was launched into the air.
Well, there's a lot fo interpetations of this, as to how it
can/should go.
Blade tells us that it's actually just a thin layer of ki holding
compressed air, and it's the air that does the damage.
Some fanfic conventions hold that it's just pure energy, or actuall
fire.
My interpetation is based less on those ideas, and more on the
teachings I've learned over the last few years as a taoist. My
philosiphy is probably not the most popular, but it's the easiest one to
write for me, since it's the one I understand the best.
Long and short of it: Milage may vary, if it doesn't work for you,
then just fall back on the old, "it's magic." :p
The redhead was huddled behind a small bush, wearing her typically
placid expression. The only difference this time was that she was
comparing her reflection to a small picture of herself -- or rather,
himself, at the time -- to a small mirror.
## This sentence is reduntant. You say Ranma compares his reflection to a
picture to a mirror.
Ugh. Yeah, that'll need to be cleaned up.
Akane said nothing, merely maintaining her blush and nodding
slightly. Shampoo was still somewhat pink herself, and managed, "Shampoo
see Airen, too. Happosai is right, Airen is too too well-"
## Yes, and Shampoo is always this shy and demure considering nudity... Bah!
Well, talking about that kind of thing with someone like Happosai
would make
_anyone_ blush.
Cologne picked up where Akane left off, "...you don't really trust
the Amazons, but if you were to catch Ranma and bring him to me, I might
be able to use some truth spice or something on him?"
Akane colored slightly, then nodded.
Shampoo scowled. "Shampoo not like that idea."
## HAHAHAHAAA!!! *SNORT* Is very funny joke, no?
Eh. Fanfic convention. I actually went through and tried to compile
a list of times the characters each used some form of magic to get
ahead, and Shampoo's not the biggest offender (I forget who it was, but
I think it was Happi).
Most any character in the Ranmaverse will use whatever falls into
their hands, (Kuno and the wishing sword, Akane and the Super Strength
Soba or the Battle Dougi, Happosai and his magic love pills, Shampoo and
the Hypnosis Mushrooms, Ryouga and the Age-Changing Mushrooms or the Koi
Rod, etc.) rather than specifically seek it out. Unless it's a cure.
They all hunt for those all the time. ;)
So Shampoo used, I think, the Instant Nyannichian (which she thought
was permanent, originaly) to convince Ranma to date with her, the
Hypnosis Mushrooms when they fell into her hands (Cologne got a wrong
order, though I think in the anime, it was intentional), the Waterproof
Soap (though that wasn't used maliciously), the Ghost Cat's Bell (she
didn't know it was cursed, she thought it was good luck), the Super Soba
(which she useded to counter Akane), and the Contrary Jewel (which was
Cologne using it on Shampoo). There are the magic eggs from the arc
where she was hypnotised, but then, she was hypnotised. And even then,
she wanted to save Akane, and get Ranma willingly.
Shampoo shook her head. "Is... Shampoo not want to hurt Airen's trust."
## Stop! Stop! You're killing me!
See above.
Akane frowned. "I thought your first impulse was always to try and
use magic or drugs on Ranma."
## It was.
Nasty fanfic convention, that.
The room that Ranma shared with his father was eerily quiet, with
only Ranma's soft breathing disturb the stillness.
## disturbed
Thanks.
Ranma lay on the -- as of yet -- unlit grill, unconscious for the
moment.
## As of yet??? Now THAT has interesting connotations...
The HSH arc. Ukyou had him resting on the grill, while she was using
it. :p
Akane, of course, because Ranma knew that he cared about her, even
if he wouldn't admit it to himself.
## This sentence doesn't make any sense, grammatically. I had to read it twice,
and I'm not sure if the fact that it's based on the context saves it.
Will adjust.
Interesting. I disagree with some of your characterizations, but don't take it
personally, I disagree with everyone. I'm kinda worried about where this is
going. I'm guessing that the girls will team up to cure Ranma's fear, now that
they know where it all comes from, and make him feel better and more secure.
Several of his problems will be solved, and he will be drawn closer to the
fiancee of your choice (no offense), and there's a happy ending. Or, his fear is
inescapable, he drops lower into the downward spiral, and everyone ends up
unhappy. There is, however, the note of Cologne and Happosai's evil plans for
Ranma, though it seems now that maybe Cologne's diamond is fractured and broken
beyond repair, now. So, I challenge you to prove me wrong. I'd appreciate it if
you did.
Well, I have a lot planned out... we'll see if I can pull it off, I
guess. :p
Thanks for the C&C!
Leif Johnson
I have this strange aversion to extreme pain, okay?- Ranma Saotome
Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.- Dark Helmet