Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma/Slayers][alt][xover] Ranmazoku 10 Full
From: Brian Randall
Date: 9/11/2001, 3:15 AM
To: PansutoTarou5925@aol.com
CC: ffml@anifics.com

PansutoTarou5925@aol.com wrote:

And once again....


  Still no complaints from me. :p

  Just sorry about taking so long to get this C&C to you.

-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: ranmazokuch10.txt

** *  *   *    *     *      *       *      *     *    *   *  * **
Ranmazoku Chapter 10 - Wolf Vs. Pheonix
By PansutoTarou5925
** *  *   *    *     *      *       *      *     *    *   *  * **

DISCLAIMER - I do not own the rights to Slayers nor do I
own the rights to Ranma �. Long live the rightful owners of
these two fine anime. This work is non-commercial and is done
only in imitation of Rumiko Takahashi and Hajime Kanzaka.
Imitation is the sincerest flattery, no? US rights owned by Viz
and Software Sculptors. If I mention the Senshi, Sailor Moon
belongs to Naoko Takeuchi(Sp, anyone?) and.. and.. I dunno
who has the US rights, but it's theirs not mine. (I'm drawing a
blank) Appleseed is the property of Masamune Shirow.

** *  *   *    *     *      *       *      *     *    *   *  * **

Author's note - This story originated from an idea on
Nighthawk's page and is some guy named NesTea's fault. If
he's reading this, I'm curious to know what he thinks of all this.
Questioning me would be like questioning Xellos if you ask
when the next section comes out, because it's a secret.

ALTAVERSE WARNING - This is an ALTAVERSE. Events,
characters and the like may not resemble canon. People who are
rabid canon-thumpers beware! (and eat a Dragon Slave while
you're at it)

PREVIOUSLY - Ranma discovers he's not Genma's son, that
Xellos is his father, that he's not even human, studies black
magic under Phibrizzo, yadda yadda yadda, gets in a fight with
Ryouga and curses a decent sized crowd to act like Kuno. Then
he corrupts Hotaru into becoming a mazoku and put a world of
hurt on some poor Daimon and Eudial. Afterwards he spied on
the Inners, took Nabiki, and got Kasumi angry! Then they went
to the Slayers world and met Lina and Co under false identities.
After that they duked it out with Sherra and Ranma vanished
after touching a magic sword. Hotaru smacked around the
Senshi and now Ranma's back. Read the previous chapters,
really, I'm not good at rehashing stuff.

NOTE - [...] indicates telepathic communication between
Ranma and Hotaru in the Astral plane.

** *  *   *    *     *      *       *      *     *    *   *  * **


What 'it' was didn't need to be vocalized. The Silence Glaive
spoke, blasting the rock above Saffron's allies and burying them
from the debris. Ranma didn't expect that to delay them
overlong, in fact, even as he began to teleport he saw the rock
rising and exploding from the Bakusai Tenketsu, but the other
bird-person's brief yelp of surprise had distracted Saffron.


  from -- with (?)

Saffron dodged with blinding speed, but Ranma still scored a
clean slash along Saffron's cheek. The Pheonix God flew
backwards, putting distance between himself and Ranma.
Ranma laughed. "It shouldn't be that hard to cut you down to...
size?" He stopped laughing. Even as he watched, Saffron's cut
healed and vanished. 'On the other hand, this could be a bit
harder than I bargained for. Forgot about his healing!'


  Ranma's got it too, to a lesser degree, doesn't he?

Saffron replied with a storm of small fireballs, correctly figuring
Ranma couldn't block all of them. However, Ranma simply
teleported out of the way. Saffron didn't duck this time, he just
fired a fireball over his shoulder.


  Hmm... Getting PoE flashbacks. But that Ranma didn't know how to teleport at the time. :p

  'fired' a 'fireball' sounds kind of awkward.

  Perhaps, 'lobbed' 'tossed' 'launched' 'flung' 'hurled' 'cast' 'sent', etc.

Ranma slammed into the wall hard. "Damn fireballs!" He felt his
skin quickly healing - if not quite with the speed of a pheonix,
then close enough. He flew forward out of the crater in the wall
he had made. The two combatants stopped to readjust their
views of each other.


  'slammed into the wall hard' lacks impact. Er... you know what I mean. :p

  Don't just tell us he hits the wall, let us _see_ him slam into it, cracking stone with force that would break lesser men in twain, sending spasms of pain through him as he tries to reorient himself from the forcefull strike, etc.

"Not bad." Ranma allowed.


  This line, I like. I like it a lot. :p

Saffron snorted. "You should follow your own advice."


Another predatory smile from Ranma. "I always believe there's
no fight I can't win." Herb fired another chi blast, which Ranma
this time redirected at Saffron with his sword.  Ranma flew in
behind it, giving Saffron the choice of dodging blast or blade,
but not both.


  Extra newline?

  Hmm...

Saffron simply snuffed out Herb's comparatively feeble blast
with a fireball the size of a Buick. Ranma spiked the fireball
down into Cologne with the flat of his sword and tackled
Saffron in midair. Shifting quickly, he transformed his free hand
into the claw that his monstrous form had so he could match
Saffron.

  Why not just adopt the mazoku form outright? Isn't it larger/more powerfull? Then again, we don't see Xellos doing the same when it would benefit _him_, so there could be a compelling reason...

The two began a brutal midair wrestling match of claw and
blade. Without enough room to swing for a truly lethal blow,
though, the two merely cut each other up without doing real
harm.


  Hmm... 'real harm' to 'lasting damage'? The first makes it seem like a sparring match instead of a duel to the death.

At least by crowding Saffron Ranma prevented anyone from
taking potshots at him. He needed to think.


  Saffron Ranma -- Saffron, Ranma (Hmmm... SoD Pheonix prince.)

Cologne's staff darted in, fired at her leg. She noted Cologne
wasn't wasting her time with pressure points and vitals this
time. She figured the old monkey had finally figured out she
didn't have any. It still made her only a small nuisance
though,trying to cripple her. She was pushing six feet in her
current form, and was wielding even the heavy iron Silence
Glaive one handed. Her other hand alternately blasted the two
with magical lightning and dark fire, or just slapped them
around.


  'Just slapped them around'? I like it.

Kiima's sword rushed in at the same time as Cologne's next
staff strike. Stepping forwards into the blade, Hotaru let it ram
right through her. She slipped her other hand on the Glaive and
swung the wrong end like a baseball bat, whacking Cologne and
sending the light old woman tumbling. Then she slapped her
hand on the blade, holding it fast, and wiping the victorious grin
off of Kiima's face. "What are you smiling about?" Hotaru
asked.

  Hitting Cologne where, exactly? Again, show, don't tell.

"Herb! Stop goofing off and help us!" Cologne said. Hotaru
raised her Glaive above her, asi if to finish off Kiima. Herb
turned away from Ranma and Saffron's midair brawl in order to
see Hotaru about to slash down on the helpless Kiima.


  asi if -- as if

Herb raised his staff, the Gekkaja, and blocked Hotaru's
overhead strike, the sheer force of the mazoku driving him to
his knees for a second. "Ugh!" he grunted, standing back up.
Hotaru increased the pressure on him again, but their little
strength contest was aborted by Cologne's arrival. Her staff
strike was easily dodged, but she simply started backpedaling
again.


  Reword that last sentence? The last 'she' was Cologne, not Hotaru, even though it _looks_ like that's what you meant.

A loud thud distracted them momentarily, as a huge mass fell
from the sky.


  Uh-oh.

The enormous winged wolflike thing that was the monstrous
form of Ranma Saotome hunched over the slightly squashed
Saffron. He stood on his rear legs, holding his sword in one
talonlike claw. "Heh. Let's see how you can survive in a
wrestling match with me now." Ranma growled, his voice
unnatural and grating now. The sheer bulk of Ranma put him
near Pantyhose's bulk, and a meaty hand formed a huge fist that
slammed down into Saffron with the speed of the Amaguriken.
The basin they were fighting in cracked, as Saffron was
slammed through the ground with inhuman strength.


  Well, I think Saffron's a wee bit delicate to handle too much of that kind of handling, and the Pheonix people weren't too bright to go ahead and bring the keys to Jusendo with them.

  Or maybe just too confident.

Ranma's fist reared back again, and Cologne and Herb thought
this monster was going to finish off Saffron. How could
anything survive another such blow? But a huge fireball shot up
and blasted Ranma's head.


  this -- the (?)

Saffron jumped forward with the Kinjakan, hoping to turn the
tables even further, but Ranma's fist sailed out again and aught
Saffron clearly in the chest.

  aught -- caught

Saffron grunted and opened his eyes to see the enormous bulk
of Ranma's snarling form diving towards him, that deadly little
blade - for tiny it was compared to the size of Ranma's
monstrous body - whistling in a large arc, ready to tear him in
two. He jumped forwards, accelerating his leap with golden
wings, Kinjakan blazing fire and reeled back for a mighty blow.
He came in too fast for Ranma's outstretched arms to readjust;
Ranma had committed himself fully to the attack. Saffron
grinned as Ranma's eyes widened.


  Carefull -- started two consecutive paragraphs with 'Saffron'. Why not 'The Pheonix Lord', or what-have-you?

Saffron was crushed between Ranma's jaws. He flexed his hand
inside Ranma's jaw, intending to roast him from the inside out
and see if he could shrug THAT off, but Ranma didn't give him
the chance. Ranma flung Saffron against the wall and unloaded
another earth-shaking punch into the Pheonix God.


  And for a moment, I thought Ranma was going to EAT him!

"What, you *want* to die? No probalem, we aim to please."
Hotaru's fist snapped forward and caught Herb under the chin.
Cologne held open a small paper fan. "What's that, a toy?"
Flames burst from the fan, blackinging Hotaru's face.


  probalem -- problem

  I'm not positive about this, but Cologne's action _might_ warant a new paragraph.

She wiped off the soot. "Why, you!" she screamed, cutting
loose with an aura of power that nearly brought the two to their
knees through sheer force of the dread and hatred that it
contained. Hotaru didn't waste time, abandoning her
defensiveness in favor of trying to crush these little gnats.


  these -- the (?)

Cologne and Herb hastily scrambled back out of the way of
Hotaru's swipes with the Glaive. Its business end was now
topped with a shimmering field of force and tore up the ground
just by passing near it. Direct hits broke open rocks, which then
melted and exploded.


  Mmm... Heatsaw.

"ARRRGgghhh!!" Hotaru's voice screamed, fading as it shot
up into the heights of the chamber.


  'course, with teleportation, that's not going to do much.

Ranma looked away from where he was pounding Saffron to
see Hotaru vanish into the tornado. "NO!" he yelled,
punctuating his cry with a thin bolt of energy that struck the
Gekkajan straight on, sending Cologne into the wall. She was
held up for a moment by the sheer momentum fo the attack,
then fell, slumped, unconscious.


Saffron realized this was his chance to reverse the one handed
beating he had been getting from Ranma. Reaching back he
snapped off his wings and threw them as hard as he could. The
golden wings of the Pheonix flew out, crescent blades of death.
The left wing missed, but the right wing struck Ranma squarely
in the shoulder. The monstrous limb fell off and dissolved into
the primal black magic that was the true form of all mazoku.
Ranma bellowed. In his shock from losing the limb, he
transformed back into his human form.


  reaching back he -- reaching back, he

  'transform' and 'form' sounds a little odd. Maybe 'changed' or 'reverted' or 'shifted'?

  Extra newline between those paragraphs?

Hotaru slammed into the ceiling, having been taken completely
by surprise by that last attack. She snarled. Already her injuries
were healing; but that attack had been a stroke of genius, using
her own innate dark power against her. She felt a little sick; it
had scrambled her a bit on the Astral, even.

  Astral -- astral (?)

Saffron smirked at the one-armed mazoku in front of him. Did
he really think he could defeat the mighty Pheonix God with
such a handicap? Saffron blurred forward, the Kinjakan
snapping through the air.


  Ranma: Ha-HA! I'm a master of UNARMED combat! With one less limb, I'm one step closer to perfection!

  Saffron: Can't... survive... lethal pun-ishment...

Ranma calmly moved aside, the staff flaring to incandescence as
it neared Ranma, scorching the earth as it hit. Saffron swung
again, to be met this time by the impossibly strong mazoku.
Ranma's blade caught the staff on its flat, and only a swift step
to the side prevented Ranma from slicing him with that sword.


  that sword -- the sword

Cologne and Herb were awestruck. The two could not move
before the spectacle of power in front of them. Even when the
power being put out forced them back, sliding them back across
the floor like so much loose garbage, the two did not avert their
eyes, did not utter a word. It was a clash of titans that they
could never hope to match in power.


  Wow. Herb was once dangerous to Ranma.

Cologne hoped ferverently that the two killed each other.


  Ouch.

What was Ranma up to?


  Hiryuu-Korin-Daan?

Ranma continued to give ground, looping inward. The Bras
Blade was untouched, pristine, and shrouded in black magic,
whil the Kajakan was more battered, the power of the magically
sharp blade damaging even it, but it too glowed with the fire of
Saffron's magic. Ranma backed up and reached the center,
tripping.


  whil -- while (Whils are, apparently, the race that Yoda is. Interesting and irrelevant trivia bit! Thank Mr. Patchmonkey!)

The Kajakan leapt forward, seeking his heart.


  As an aside, I always thought it was the Kinjakan.

The Demon Dragon Ascending Wave. Mixing magic of black
and white was dangeroud, but this was a directed danger. An
explosion of immense power ripped skywards, tearing apart the
ground and sucking the waters of Jusendo upwards. Meanwhile,
Saffron was blown backwards, borne away on a storm of
darkness.


  dangeroud -- dangerous

Cologne's eyes widened in horror. The dark tornado seemed to
explode outwards, expanding and consuming the chamber. It
expanding walls slowly spiralled towards her. Heedless of her
injuries, she sprang to her feet. "Herb! Get Kiima and escape!"
Her voice was barely carrying over the infernal roar of Ranma's
attack, but Herb ran out from behind his rock, her finger
pointing at Kiima telling him all he needed to know.


  It expanding -- The expanding

Besides, only a dunce would have realized that the wall of
swirling darkness advancing upon them was a bad thing.


  I think that one's been caught. ;)

Hotaru opened her eye without hot sauce in it and eyed the wall
of darkness warily. Sure, this was obviously Ranma's, but she
had the feeling that it would take out anything, regardless of
affiliation. Seeing the others fleeing, Hotaru decided to teleport
outside.


  Repetition of 'eye'?

Ranma hovered over a blackened, smooth glass crater. His arm
was fully healed, and he flexed his regrown hand. Ranma
sheathed his sword. "Power," he said simply. Ranma shifted
into his female form, then returned to male.


  I wonder if his mazoku form will have gained Death Fog attributes in the regenerated limb...

Herb-chan and Cologne shivered and quickly slunk away.
Kiima, however, started looking for Saffron's egg. He was
obviously dead, or he would have flown down to challenge
Ranma. She shifted painfully. Obviously her wing had been
broken in the fight, and it would take a while to heal. Her left
arm hung limply as well, and her eye on that side was swollen
shut as well. She had to get Saffron and get him to safety. Then
she'd have to make the journey to Tokyo. They needed stronger
allies against this monster.


  Repetition of 'as well'.

Afterwards, Cologne and Herb had gathered the collected Musk
and Amazons. Cologne rapped her new staff on the challenge
log to get their attention. "Listen, my people!" she gravely said.
"There is a new force for evil in the world. Despite our proud
and storied past, we cannot prevail alone. Beyond that, the dark
power of Jusendo is awakened. We cannot stay here overlong.
We must abandon the lands of our foremothers and go to
Tokyo, there to meet with others who can help." Cologne
paused and looked over the assembled crowd. "The force we
fight we cannot possibly confront and beat alone. I know your
hearts tell you this cannot be, but it is true. We two, and Saffron
besides, were not enough to win. We would be like wheat
before the reaper."


  fight we -- fight, we (?)

It took a few hours, but the Amazons were on the move. The
day after, the Musk began an eastward trek as well.


  From your descriptions, there aren't many Musk, though...

From small time loan shark and blackmailer to potential
conqueror. Yes, her sights had been set much higher by her deal
with Ranma...


  Extraneous '>'? Could be an e-mailer artifact. :p

Heh heh! And the first arc of Ranmazoku ends! Hope you
enjoyed it. I'll probably start the next arc in October.


  I thought the first arc ended when Ranma got the sword?

  Well, looking forward to more regardless.

Until then...
Well, I will write more Ranma Gets A Gun in the interim..


  Hmm?

  Well, sorry for taking so long to get to this, but thanks for writing it! :)

and Crossover Corner
www.geocities.com/animecrossovers
and Tannim's http://tannim.anifics.com/index.html

-- 
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://members.tripod.com/lwf58/fan_fiction/durandall/index.html
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.



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