Finally getting to this one as well:

The Nature of Destiny
---------------------------

    I hated her. I had to hate her, for I am the Rose Bride and such
is my destiny.

Hence the title of the fic.

    I looked down at her face, so peaceful and innocent in her sleep,
and a feeling that was almost like guilt sprang from the empty void of
my soul. I clenched my fists and dragged my eyes away from her. What
was wrong with me? I had done this betrayal many times before - why
should now be any different? If my brother was to return to what he
had been, then this was a necessary step that had to be taken.

Except he keeps bungling it even when he has the chance.

    I cursed, and jerking my head away forcefully reminded myself just
who I was. I hated her! I had to! She was a means to an end - nothing
more! The only reason I was here with her now was to ensure that
through her sacrifice my brother might be freed. Oh, why did the
thought of what I must do over the next few days make me feel so...
ashamed?

    I looked out of the window at the dark sky overhead, and let my
mind wander to see if I could come up with an answer to my self
imposed

self-imposed (I think)

question. But as my eyes followed the patterns and

constellations of the field of stars twinkling before me, the only
images that my mind seemed to produce were memories of her.

    Memories of her laugh, her smile, the way she sometimes looked at
me with those deep sad eyes of hers...

The hot lesbian sex. Better than anything Akio had done. Well, he couldn't
actually engage in lesbian sex for obvious reasons, but he was still second
rate.

    I am running, running to escape from the words, running to escape
from the emotions struggling to be born in my dead heart, just
running... I have no direction, I simply flee. Trying to escape from
her, trying to escape from me, trying to escape from everything...

    Wind, cold wind, it tears at my nightie, tears at my mind. I halt.
The lights of the world glimmer like a forest of stars below me,
reflecting in my tears. Confusion rages throughout my mind and the
sound of my living heart booms like a chain of unending explosions in
my ear. I am lost. My mask, my direction, gone - all gone. I am
standing on the edge looking down at the pretty lights glimmering
below me.

    Lights... Stars... The edge of the world... The End of the
World... Escape... Freedom...

Ah. I remember this bit. Nice build up to what she was doing out on the
ledge.

    Her hand is locked around mine in a grip that cannot be broken,
and her face is visibly straining with the effort of breaking my fall.
The wind pulls violently at us both, but she only tightens her grip
and I know that my bid for freedom had failed. I look at her, begging
her with my eyes, trying to get her to understand. But all I can see
reflected in her face is an unyielding will and a desperate concern
for me.

Nice paragraph, but I'd work on the imagery just a tad and see if you can't
make it a bit more powerful .

    "I'm sorry, Utena-sama," I cry out, and I genuinely am. For in
those few precious moments of crystal clarity that the promise of
release had bought me, I had finally realized something that should
have been blindly obvious - the reason that I could not hate her.

    The reason that I cannot save her...

    The reason that I loved her...

    She _was_ a Prince, _my_ Prince. And because of that, I would
ultimately destroy her in one way or another. I could not help it - it
was my Destiny.

Nice again.

    I look away. I cannot stand this. Why must it be her? Why does she
have to care for me so much?

It's those hot lesbian undertones, I'm telling you. :)

    "...And when I saw you and Akio-san together..." At this point her
voice broke slightly and her fists clenched. "Together," she
continued, "I even thought you had betrayed me. When you were
suffering so much, when I had said we should save each other..." She
started to cry, looking at me with an expression on her face that made
me feel disgusted at myself.

    "_I'm_ the one whose

who's (I think)

    "It's okay now," I whispered softly into her ear, "So please...
Leave this school. Please... Forget about all of this...

Since everyone will forget about you, otherwise. :)

Nice moving piece.

D.B. Sommer



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