Why not? He had never heard of Tarou or Ryu Kumon before they came and
harrassed him, and they were both able to take him to his limits at the
time. And unless Takeshi's defeating these people he challenges in public
or
they talk about Takeshi defeating them, he's not going to be that widely
known. And Ranma's never demonstrated much of an aptitude for knowledge of
most martial artists around.
Ah, but it seems from the slightly introspective way Ranma talks in this
story that being the best is very important to him, in which case he would
be seeking out challenges himself, just as Takeshi is. In the manga Ranma
never really seems interested in being the best; he just fights those who
challenge him or those who antaganize him long enough. While this is almost
exactly what happened with the fight between him and Ryouga that's
mentioned, it just felt as if Ranma was trying to prove that he IS the best,
which is shown by the way he comments on being able to defeat Happousai in
around a year even though Happousai isn't really doing anything that
impinges directly upon Ranma's skill or reputation--the reverse is true, in
fact, since Ranma often is involved in beating Happousai to a pulp.. Also,
even Sifler makes comments about Ranma and Takeshi being very similiar in
personality, and seeking out challenges seems to be a large part of
Takeshi's character, yet Ranma is never shown to do the same.
A part of Ranma wanted to jump at the opportunity and accept, but he
wasn't
that stupid. "What's the catch?"
"No catch." The man stated plainly.
this really pisses me off. the deal isn't legitimate if the old man
lies,
which he most certainly has. ranma gets screwed royally here.
Agree. I bungled this one big time. Now insert this rewrite here.
xxxxxxxxxx
A part of Ranma wanted to jump at the opportunity and accept, but he
wasn't
that stupid. "What do you want from me in exchange?"
" Aside from defeating Takeshi? Nothing."
"The heck you don't. No one comes out of nowhere and offers to help me
beat some guy without wanting something from me in return."
xxxxxxxxxxxx
I think that will suffice. Sifler's still not disclosing full details
(obviously) but this should make it not sound like an outright lie.
It sounds as if Ranma's response is declaring that Sifler is a liar and
Ranma doesn't believe him. What does Sifler say in return? I hardly think
that the conversation would continue as normal if Sifler just gave Ranma an
evil grin and said nothing... o_O;
As Sifler finished his suggestion, Ranma felt a sudden overwhelming
compulsion to do exactly what the old man said. Not questioning it,
and
being a man of his word in any case, he followed the compulsion and
raced
towards the school at top speed.
the compulsion is another catch, which wasn't part of the deal.
Actually it is. Ranma receives the power dependent on him beating Takeshi
with it. Sifler says it earlier on. Since Ranma accepted it, he has to
live
up to his end of the bargain. That's all the compulsion is doing.
Only in the rewrite, the original was specifically stated to include no
conditions, but okay! ;)
Trademark smirk in place, Ranma turned to the awestruck crowd, Akane
at
the
front of them. There was only silence as everyone stared in mute
astonishment at the tableau before them. Ranma said, "Now you see who
the
real martial artist is, don't ya?"
riiight. i really think it's more in character for ryouga or akane to
use
powerups of this sort.
Agree. However I don't think it's beyond Ranma to do it under these
conditions. Especially since he was quite happy to use the gekkaja to
protect himself from Saffron. it's an edge he needs in order to win.
Yes, but his driving motivation during the fight was simply to get Saffron
out of the way so he could rescue Akane. Always before Ranma has either
learned a technique or increased his skills to a point where he would be
able to defeat an opponent on his own or he used weapons or items that were
capable of offsetting a rather large advantage. But I think that you've
already established Ranma's state of mind, even though it does seem like a
bit of a stretch.
and that is exactly what you are? Oh, maybe not at the moment. You'll
still
have a few years to learn enough to beat anyone, but so long as you
stay
alive, you will eventually become the mightiest martial artist on the
planet. So cease your whining and embrace what you have always dreamed
of
achieving."
this is completely untrue. happousai was shown to be as small as he is
now
even in his youth during the little love pills arc, which supposedly
occured
100 years ago.
Oops! Very good point. That slipped my mind. That's going to change to
just
Cologne now.
But then you don't address Happousai's skill and size in any way, and the
similarities between he and Cologne, physically, at least, are rather
strong. So it still doesn't feel quite right if you just say that the old
ghoul is the only one using the technique.
also, sifler again talks of what ranma has always dreamed of. yet ranma
didn't hesitate to throw his dreams away for akane(HSH arc), so this
doesn't
make sense and doesn't fit with the idea that sifler has granted ranma's
innermost desire.
Two things. I'll have to look it over, but I don't think Sifler states
he's
granting Ranma's 'innermost desire' (though obviously being better in
martial arts than everyone is one of the driving forces in his life), but
it
is the one he wants the most at the moment. Two, technically he hasn't
thrown away his dreams with Akane. She's still there. They can still
marry.
The only problem is he's physically fifty years older now. If they have
any
problems with the age, that's their own 'businness' (from Sifler's POV)
You're right about the innermost desire part, all Sifler says he'll do is
grant Ranma the ability to defeat Takeshi.
which made the miasma of desolation surrounding everyone grow. Even
Ranma,
who had never truly given up before, could sense the truth behind his
words,
and despair began to consume him as well.
somewhat hard to believe. if happousai and cologne have both used
techniques to make thier bodies more efficient, they would know
precisely
what was required to turn ranma into a runt. making a body more
effecient
would surely be less difficult than making it less so, which means that
they
should know how to show ranma what they did in order to get where they
are
now. and if they can show him that, then he should be able to reverse
the
process, making his body less efficient and causing himself to change
back
to normal.
Err, no. He has biologically added 50 years to his life through magic. It
was not a natural process, and cannot be 'undone.' And even if the boost
could be undone, he won't get any younger. If it was that easy, Happi
would
have done it long ago. Ranma'd just be a slow and easy to hurt 68 year old
if that was taken from him.
This wasn't specifically stated. Akane noticed that he looked older, but
Sifler at no point said that he had aged Ranma, just that Ranma's life span
was cut in half by what he did. All he said he had done was made Ranma's
body more efficient, and aging him the way he has is a direct contradiction
of that statement--Ranma's efficiency goes down by being older, not up.
Aging isn't something that would have a benificial effect; it has nothing to
do with the increased efficiency that has been granted to Ranma.
Also, you say that 50 years of Ranma's life IS being traded in exchange for
the help(although, again, you don't specifically say this in the story, only
in commenting), so there is more than just the condition of defeating
Takeshi. Once Takeshi has been beaten then Ranma will have met his end of
the bargain but lost 50 years as well out of it, which isn't something that
was mentioned at any point even though Sifler specifically states that the
only requirement he has for Ranma's desires to be met is that he defeat
Takeshi.
and happousai
has the same advantage over the normal ranma that mini-ranma has over
takeshi. so unless both happousai and cologne are completely unskilled,
relying just on the physical abilities that they were given by having
more
efficient bodies, then ranma would not be able to catch up for a much
longer
period of time.
Actually thanks to the change he can learn even faster now and has even
better control over his body. But it is a valid point that you mentioned.
Why can he learn faster now? Also, if he's 50 years older than he's going
to have less control over his body, not more. Again, the aging issue seems
completely seperate of what was done to Ranma's body. Why not take it out?
It doesn't really add anything noteworthy for Ranma to be older. Being a
runt is bad enough, and it eliminates all the problems of Happousai and
Cologne's using the technique themselves, although it doesn't really explain
why Ranma wouldn't be able to change his body back physically. But this is
far less of an issue than the other stuff, and is relatively minor in
comparison.
after all, the gap between takeshi and ranma was so
incredibly huge before ranma's transformation, so that means the
transformation causes an unbelievable boost, one that ranma would have
to
be
far better than takeshi to overcome if he was to defeat happousai.
also,
takeshi should know of the technique that happousai and cologne use,
since
he would most certainly be a far better martial artist than either of
them
are,
Not necessarily. Just because he knows a lot doesn't mean he knows
everything. Also by definition the technique can only be used when you get
older. Sifler could work his way around it by powerful magic, but that's
an
exception. That's not made clear in the story, though.
You don't show that this technique can only be used by old people, and you
also don't really do anything to explain why Happousai and Cologne are so
physically similar, which makes the idea that Cologne is the only one to use
the technique fairly unbelievable.
ranma gets screwed over by somebody
who lied to him,
Hopefully now it falls more under the category of 'misled' or 'tricked'
him.
Still gets screwed over. You need to work a bit more on Sifler's exact
words.
there are several things that don't really make sense,
Hope I addressed most of those.
Some of them.
and
the whole scene with akane was humiliating even to read
The one at the end, you mean? Which part was humiliating, or was it
Sifler's
'You're soul isn't worth it to me?' that you consider humiliating.
Remember,
it was all relative. Sifler was only after one person: Takeshi. He figured
(probably correctly) that it hurt her more to be rejected than it would
have
to accept her sacrifice for Ranma. Being able to make the others miserable
was the only thing that lightened Sifler's mood.
Actually, I was referring to the whole bit where Akane tells Takashi to
stop; that Ranma was beaten. That was far more humiliating than his defeat
was.
--btw, i do have to
point out that not once during the HSH arc did akane defend ranma from
the
various people who were attacking him, so why would she do so here?
It's post Saffron, and she was willing to throw herself in front of him to
protect him even when she was a doll in that arc. I figure it's not
unrealistic for her to do what she did here.
That's true. ;)
well, that's all i have to say. hope this was understandable, and that
i
got my points accross, although they are slightly unclear even to me.
I think I got them. Hope I addressed them well. Sorry you didn't like the
fic. However, your C+C was most useful and I'll address some of the
problems
you mentioned, which is part of what this list is all about.
D.B. Sommer
*Shrugs*
Nobody likes every fic, and I'm more picky than a good number of people, so
it's going to be particularly true for me, I suppose. A lot of the time I
dislike a fic simply because I don't like most of the possible canon
matchups (I positively hate Ukyou as Ranma's pairing) or because Ryouga,
Mousse, or Kuno come off as even somewhat benign, since I think they're all
evil bastards who deserve to die in horrible ways. Regardless, this was
well-written although not quite up to your usual standards. Hopefully
you'll be able to come up with a good way to resolve the problems produced
by Sifler's wording in the agreement and the way Ranma is transformed. I do
suggest that you take out the aging thing though, as that is what causes a
lot of the problems.
Anyway... back to bed! How the hell I managed to wake up at 3:30 am after
only 4 hours of sleep, I do not know. Can still manage to squeeze in
another half-hour before getting up for work (it's 4am now), so I'd best be
about it. Ja!
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