Subject: [FFML] (Ranma)(fanfic) Duck and Peaches...ch. 5
From: "Hans Holm" <hansholm@bredband.net>
Date: 7/23/2001, 2:09 PM
To:


Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and co., and
there's nothing I can do about it. I don't make any money on this and 
if anybody does, don't. Unless you actually have the rights to Ranma 
1/2, in which case there's not much I can do to prevent it.

C & C is appreciated, since it's the only indication anybody reads this.

This takes place after the end of the manga, and about ten months after 
Mousse's return (after training at Jusenkyo).

DUCK AND PEACHES AT THE FOOT OF FLOWER MOUNTAIN
CHAPTER FIVE
By Hans Holm

Graveyard Sammi was not a very patient person. Logically, being classified 
as one of the restless dead would disqualify anybody from having that trait. 
It didn't help that she was teamed up with the King of Pain, who, in addition 
to being useless in any non-violent situation, somehow always managed to 
unnerve her (although she'd never admit _that_). Even under the best of 
circumstances this would be frustrating. And now...

She had broken down every piece of furniture into its component parts. She
had torn down every non-bearing wall in the house. She had thoroughly
searched everywhere in the house for secret compartments. Nothing. It 
_would_ have helped if she had been sure what she was looking for, but she 
hadn't found anything that it could possibly be. And the King of Pain hadn't
even moved a finger to help. As usual.

On the other hand, maybe the girl didn't hide it in the main building...
So the King of Pain would be useful after all.

"The pigs are restless, King. Be a dear and wipe them out, will you? _All_ 
of them."
She imagined seeing a smile under its barbed wire mesh mask as it turned
and left. If nothing else that would keep it busy and get rid of those noisy 
animals.

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, in Nerima...

"Akari?"
"Zzzzz...mmbble...Kasumi! Is something wrong?"
"There's a Mr. Yamada on the phone. It sounded important."
"Mr. Yamada! Where's the phone?"

"Hello, Mr. Yamad...What?...uh-huh...no...no...They  what?!...no...of 
course, I'll pay for any repairs...yes...no...no idea...well maybe, but it 
doesn't make sense...yes, it's better if you don't know...keep me posted, 
ok...ok, bye!"
"What was that about?", Kasumi asked.
"Oh, that was Mr. Yamada, one of my neighbours. Something's happening 
at the farm. Mr. Yamada thinks somebody broke in or tried to set it on fire 
or something. The pigs just commandeered his tractor."
"The pigs commandeered his tractor?", the newly-awakened Ranma said as  
he entered the room, followed by Ryoga.
"Yes and they would only do that if it was really serious", Akari explained.
"They...would...only...do...that...if...it...was...really...serious?"
"Yes. For example, if somebody barricaded themselves in the house."
"And what do we do now?", Ryoga asked. "There's no chance we'll get to
the farm on time."
"We'll just have to wait. Mr. Yamada will tell us if something big happens, 
or call when things have calmed down and he's had a chance to check what
has happened. Go back to bed."

Who could be behind this? The Sakurabas or Woolworth would know 
better...Well, maybe Chieko didn't, but Taka would never let her run off on 
her own...and she wouldn't bother to do anything if she or Katsunishiki
wasn't there. The Medbyenovs had more important things to do...Maybe it
wasn't one of _her_ rivals...may be someone was trying to get to Ryoga, by
attacking her farm... 

* * * * * *

"This is very bad, Hayashi", Yamada said, surveying the carnage.
"Yup."
"And to think I used to love the smell of bacon in the morning."
"Yup."
"Did _you_ find any survivors?"
"Nope."
"How about you, Maeda?"
"Well...Most of the piglets and the pregnant sows, showed up at my place, 
shortly before the explosion."
"GAAARGH! Why didn't you say so in the first place! We've just spent
three hours looking for them and they were at your place all the time!"
"YUP!"
"Uuh...I think I have to go now...I just remembered I have an important
meeting. In New Zealand." 
ZOOM!!

"Get back here, you... Ah, well. I guess we'll have to go and tell Ms. 
Unryuu now."
"Yup."

* * * * * *

In an attempt to avoid diaper-changing duty, Shampoo decided to give the
Tendos and their guests a free breakfast. Maybe she could find out what
Mousse and Akari had been doing yesterday too. She knew they hadn't been 
with Ranma and Akane all day - she had met them on their way to the 
airport while doing deliveries - and _Mousse_ couldn't possibly take that 
long time to buy clothes for. After all, she had seen his new clothes and they
wasn't the kind you spent hours in front of a mirror in, trying to decide.

Making her entrance with her usual flair, she found the household trying to
console Akari, or at least snap her out of her near-catatonic state.
"What wrong with Pi...Akari?"
Nabiki dragged her out of the room before explaining.
"Someone attacked farm?! Why anybody do that?"
Wait a minute...

Shampoo added two and two and, for once, ended up with four. (After all,
this didn't include Ranma with another girl.) Strangers had shown up at the
Nekohanten, looking for Mousse...and they had known who Shampoo and
Great-grandmother were...True, they hadn't got all the details right, but in
general...They got the impression that Mousse had dumped Shampoo...and 
Akari had spent the day with Mousse...
"Shampoo have idea who attack farm!"
That drew the attention of the part of the household who felt awkward trying
to console a crying girl and was more comfortable with planning revenge.
"Is long-shot, but..." She told them of her encounter with Wu Jing and his
companions.

The next problem was convincing Ryoga to save his revenge for the actual
attackers, rather than taking out his anger on Mousse.

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, Mousse was also occupied in thought:
What could Wu Jing have been looking for since it wasn't Hairspray...

-FLASHBACK-
"DON'T TOUCH THOSE!", Mousse screamed at Tao Tao, when he
realised what she was currently juggling.
"Gee, Mu Mu, it's just some of those water bottles you'd hid at the bottom
of your trunk", Tao Tao answered without stopping.
"No, you don't understand", Mousse said while trying to snatch them away,
"it's magic water - it's very dangerous."
Tao Tao froze, apparently forgetting the bottle flying over her head.
"What?"
Mousse, vaguely sensing the missing bottle,  took this opportunity to tackle
Tao Tao away from the bottle. The bottle landed on the small of his back,
but luckily didn't break.
"I like you too, Mu Mu, but could you stop groping me and tell me about
the water?", Tao Tao said, while trying not to start laughing.
Mousse, realising where his hands were (next to his face but, ahem, a little
further above ground level), stood up rapidly and tried to hide his nosebleed
by turning the rest of his face bright red too. 
"Ooh, you're so cute when you're embarrassed", Tao Tao teased him. 
pinching his cheek, "but what about the water?".
"You know about my curse, it's water from the same spring I fell in."
"So anybody hit by this water will turn into a duck? Cool. What are you
planning to do with it?"
"Isn't that obvious? I'm going to turn someone into a duck."
"Anyone special in mind? That girl you're always going on about...
Chomper?...Champagne?"
"No, but there's this guy who takes advantage of her and lots of other
girls..."
"So, you're going to turn him into a duck, and then?"
"Uh, I hadn't really planned that far ahead...kick the crap out of him and
go back to China with Shampoo, I guess."
"OK. Hey, now that you've shown your secret stuff..."
"I didn't show it, you just went through all my stuff, without asking."
"Details. How about I show you mine?"
"Sure."
They went over to Tao Tao's caravan, Tao Tao dragged out one of her
trunks and then opened a secret compartment in the bottom.
The compartment held a small figurine made of flint. It was vaguely 
humanoid in shape, hunchbacked with differently sized limbs.
"What the hell is that", Mousse asked.
"I'm not sure.", Tao Tao said, "This creepy European guy hired me and 
Wu Jing to steal from a whole group of other creepy European guys,
but then he didn't want to compensate us for all the trouble we went
through, so I sort of made a copy and kept the original. I think it must be 
magic or something."
"I doubt anybody would want this for its aesthetic value,", Mousse agreed,
"but how did you make a copy?"
"He wasn't really sure what it was supposed to look like, I think he said
something about it changing shape."
"So it's a small piece of stone that changes shape. Do you really feel safe
with such a powerful magical artefact hidden in your caravan? You'll be
swarmed by evil sorcerers and creatures of the night if this ever gets out."
"I know, as soon as I figure out a safe place to hide it, I'll get rid of it."
-END FLASHBACK-

Yes! That was it! Wu Jing and his companions had been looking for that
stone and now they thought he had it. Or maybe Wu Jing was just planning 
revenge and was trying to mislead him into thinking he wasn't. Besides, he 
didn't have the stone. Or if he did, Tao Tao had never told him she left it 
with him.

* * * * * *

"But why would someone who's after Mousse attack the Unryuu farm?",
Akane asked.
"They're looking for something they think...that other girl left with 
Mousse", Ranma explained. "And because Shampoo denied being Mousse's
gir..."
"SHAMPOO NOT MOUSSE'S GIRLFRIEND!"
"...Because Shampoo _explained that she's not Mousse's girlfriend_, and
he spent the day with Akari, they must have assumed she was his 
girlfriend."
"But why did they attack the farm?", Akane asked again.
"Maybe they thought Mousse hid whatever they're looking for there", 
Ranma said. "Or maybe they just wanted to make a point by targeting 
people close to him."
"So why didn't they wreck Nekohanten instead?", Ryoga muttered.
"Because they frightened by Great-grandmother", Shampoo said. 
"Anyway...let's see if Mousse has anything to say."

* * * * * *

"Yes, that sounds reasonable, I guess", Mousse agreed. "And I wouldn't put
it below Wu Jing to do something like that..."
"On the other hand, Akari thought it was possible that some of _her_ rivals
was behind it", Akane said.
"Maybe you should go there and see if they left some clues", Ranma added.
"Ask the neighbours what they saw, and stuff."
"'You'? So you're not going to do anything, Ranma?"

"Ah...uh...I mean...There's no point in all of us going there, is there?"
"Ranma..."
"Uh...If they targeted Akari because they thought she's Mousse's girlfriend,
who says they won't attack Ucchan's or the Tendos too..."
"He's got a point there", Ukyo noted.
"I think that Ryoga and myself should be able to handle this without 
Ranma", Mousse remarked. "We'll go with Akari to the farm, and you stay 
here and protect all the other girlfriends I didn't know I have."
"Shampoo go too", Shampoo said. "You two need help to even find farm. 
Besides, they beat pigs. Maybe too strong for just you...And Akari no in 
shape to look after Hairspray right now."
"Uh...right", Mousse muttered.

"I don't think it would be a good idea to bring Hairspray", Ryoga said. "I
mean, what if they are still there?"
"I guess you're right", Mousse said. "But we can't just leave her here."
"Great-grandmother no handle babies unless big emergency", Shampoo
explained.
"So get a baby-sitter", Ryoga groaned. "It can't be that hard. After all, the
girls have been all over her since she showed up."
"Jealous, P-chan?", Ranma stage-whispered.

"Uh...What are you doing, Ukyo?", Akane asked.
"Uh...ah...Just exercising my arm. See?" To emphasise her point she 
put a little more energy into her waving.
"Of course!", Mousse exclaimed. "The answer's right in front of us!"
"You'll put her in the fridge?!", Shampoo asked, following the direction 
Mousse pointed.
"NO! Ranma!"
"What? Me? But I...", Ranma protested, backing towards the wall.
"Ranma, do you think your mother could look after Hairspray while we're
away?"

* * * * * *

"They've spllit up", Lumpen noted. "The supposed girrllfrriend is going to 
herr farrm togetherr with the not-girrllfrriend, Mousse and what llooks 
suspiciouslly llike one of the Hibiki boys. The baby willl be staying with the 
rredhead's motherr."
"Why are they doing this to us!", Ananzi screamed. "We're supposed to 
kidnap the supposed girlfriend and the baby. Would it kill them to be a little
more co-operative?"
"Now, now. How was it the boss-man phrrased it?"
"I thought it was your turn to pay attention."
"Neverrmind. It was something allong the llines of get the girrll, the baby 
and/orr whoeverr they'rre with at the time."
"In other words: anybody we think we can get away with kidnapping."
"One coulld easilly prrovoke the wrrong people whille folllowing orrderrs
llike that."
"Oh yes. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

* * * * * *

"Do you think Hairspray'll be okay?", Mousse asked to break the silence.
"Off-hand, I'd say that Mrs. Saotome has more experience handling babies
than any of us", Ryoga answered.
"But...but look how Ranma turned out!"
"That not Ranma's mother's fault", Shampoo said reassuringly. "Besides,
is just for while. We back before you know...Where Ryoga going?"
"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do", Ryoga replied.
"Huh?"
"I'm going to the bathroom, OK?"
"It's _that_ way. Mousse, help him get there. And back again", Akari 
ordered.
"I think I can ge...", Ryoga protested, but was interrupted by Akari.
"Last time, you ended up on the bullet train between Fukuoka and Osaka.
And we began on the subway in Tokyo."

Seems like she's recovered from the shock, Shampoo thought as the boys 
left. Besides she probably needs something to take her mind of the farm and
I need the truth, so...
"What Mousse and Akari do all yesterday? Shampoo know you alone most 
of day, so tell truth! Even if think Shampoo can't handle truth!"
"Calm down, Shampoo. We just went shopping, and we talked..."
"About who? Shampoo want to know!"
"You know, for someone who insists she doesn't care, you sure seem..."
"SHAMPOO NOT JEALOUS!"
"OK, OK. If you really want to know we talked about Hairspray's mother.
It sounded like she was really nice."
"That all? Nob...nothing else?"
"Ah, so _that's_ what's been eating you! Have you considered actually 
talking with Mousse himself? Not that you really care, of course..."
"That right, Shampoo no care. And Mousse been too busy lately."
"But right now you've got a few hours of train travel ahead of you. How
about going for it once Ryoga and Mousse gets back?"
"Shampoo not sure. We supposed to guard Akari..."
"If you and Katsunishiki can do it, then I'm sure Ryoga and Katsunishiki 
can do it too. Don't worry. Besides who's going to attack while we're 
inside a moving train?"

* * * * * *

Back in Nerima...
"Hold still, you little brat!"
"A manly man, Ranma, is secure enough in his masculinity to do women's 
jobs without complaining", Nodoka said sternly.
"Akane is more masculine than most guys I know, and she complained."
"If Mousse's daughter does the same to your shirt that she did to Akane's,
you'll get to complain too...and she _still_ did her job."
"Besides, you said you could do it better", Nabiki added. "And that you'd 
better get some practice, anyway..."
"I don't see _you_ risking shirt and dignity practising", Ranma muttered.
"What was that, Ranma? Did you say that you wanted me to repeat your
comment that you 'are going to need the practise since Akane's so bad at
this' so Dad can hear it?"
"I don't think you can get out of this, Nabiki", Akane interjected. "I think I 
saw Auntie Saotome and Kasumi working on a schedule..."
"Sorry, but I have a important meeting starting soon. Have fun playing with 
the spore!"
"Oh no, you don't! Get back here, Nabiki!"
The opportunity for babycare-practise was quickly forgotten in favour of a
game of catch-Nabiki-and-carry-her-back-home-to-join-the-fun. 

"They left before I could give them the shopping list", Nodoka noted.
"Then we'll have to go shopping ourselves instead", Kasumi replied.
"But...we can't take Mousse's daughter with us. What will the neighbours 
say?..."
"Oh, those wacky Saotomes. I wonder what Ranma's done this time", 
Genma-panda interjected via sign, as he lumbered past.
"...And we can't leave her with Genma and Soun", Nodoka continued.
Before Kasumi could answer, she was interrupted by a surprised yelp, 
followed by a thud, from the living-room.

"Kasumi?...Help?", Soun called. "This little girl has a really incredible 
grip..."
"I know, Daddy. But..."
"If I didn't know better I'd say it's the infamous Tendo deathgrip."
"If it's a Tendo technique, don't you know a counter?", Nodoka asked. "Or
is it too..."
"It's not exactly a technique...and the counter is hard to do without the
mother or a good substitute..."
"I'll go get her bottle. That worked before."
"OK...and Kasumi?"
"Yes, Daddy?"
"Please hurry."
"But what about the groceries?"
"You go get Hairspray's bottle, Auntie, and I'll do the shopping."

Kasumi could move pretty fast when the occasion required it.

* * * * * *

"You sure took your time", Akari remarked.
"I couldn't follow him all the way into the can, could I? Then he had trouble
finding the door again when he was finished."
"We lucky Ryoga not leave through window. Or flush himself."
"Anyway, I think Shampoo wants to ask you something, Mousse. In
private."
"I-i-in p-p-private?", Mousse stuttered as Shampoo dragged him away 
looking for a suitable secluded place. And debating with herself whether she 
should take revenge on Akari for this or not.

OK. Now we're alone, in an as private place one can find on this train.
What do I do now? He's just inches away. What should I say? Why did I let 
Akari talk me into this? Why don't I _ever_ think before doing something? 
What do I want? I must say something...soon, or he'll get the wrong idea...

"Shampoo..."
"Mousse..." It's just Mousse. The same old stupid Mousse that you've
known since you were babies. The same old stupid Mousse that would do
anything you told him too. _Almost_ anything. The same old stupid...
"Shampoo, wasn't there something you wanted to talk about?"
"No!...I mean...Yes! I-I...uh...you know...I mean...I just want to know...
uh...whyareyouignoringmeallofasuddenyoureactinglikeyoudontcareabout
meanymoreeversincehairsprayshowedupyouvebeenactingdifferentandyou
neverevenmentionedtaotaoorthatyousleptwithheristhereanythingelseyou
forgottotellmeaboutanyothergirlsboysfianceesrivalscurseslonglostrelatives
marriagecontractsforourkids?" So there, that wasn't so hard was it?
"Uh...My hovercraft is full of eels?"
*Blink*Blink*
WHAP!
"D-don't you dare make fun of me, Mu Si!" Jerk.
"I was trying to lighten the mood."
"You _ruined_ it! You always do! Whenever I start to...Whenever I think 
you...You always mess up! Now I ask a simple question and you won't 
even give me a straight answer!" Insensitive jerk. Jerkjerkjerk. Idiot.

"Whoa! Calm down! Please? Let's try this again: Wasn't there something
that you wanted to say?"
"No. I have nothing to say to you, Mu Si. Go away!"
"How can I give you a straight answer if I don't know the question?"
"Are you still here? Go away!"
"Uh...You're blocking the exit."
"I DON'T CARE!"
"But I can't..."
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" 
Whapwhapwhap!

There was a not inconsiderable and somewhat uncomfortable silence.
"Have you calmed down yet?"
"I'm not speaking to you."
"Can't you at least tell me what you're mad about? I mean...I haven't done
_anything_ for at least a week...ever since Hairspray arrived..."
"EXACTLY! A baby shows up with a note saying it's yours and suddenly
it's Hairspray this and Tao Tao that and you're running around all over 
Tokyo with Akari and Nabiki!...AND I'M NOT JEALOUS!!"
"Uh...I...Well, Cologne said I had to learn to be more responsible."
"If you had been more responsible earlier we wouldn't have been in this 
mess! Ever heard of counterper...contraspec...those rubber thingies that 
keep you from having babies!? And what is so responsible about running 
around with Nabiki?"
"Shampoo, I'm..."
Suddenly, the door broke and they tumbled out into the aisle.
Landing in front of a pair of familiar looking feet.
"Uh...It l-looks l-like someone has made progress", Ryoga said. blushing.
"It...It's not what it looks like!", Mousse and Shampoo protested as they
untangled into an uncompromising position - several feet apart.
"I thought you were taking a long time...", Ryoga continued.
"What Ryoga doing here? Is supposed to watch Akari!"

* * * * * *

Akari was awakened from her reveries by someone singing.

%...waiting on the shingle - will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?%

She looked up. Nobody else seemed to notice anything. Katsunishiki had
fallen asleep on the seats across the aisle. And where had Ryoga gone off 
to?

% Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!%

It was coming from outside the window! Looking out, she found herself 
face to upside-down face with an African man in an impeccable white suit. 
He smiled and tipped his hat.
"Made you look!"
Nobody seemed to notice the shattered window-pane or Akari's abruptly 
cut off scream.

To be continued...

NOTES:
The Sakurabas is a rival pig farmer, but the pigs uses a different style (i.e. 
not Sumo).
Woolworth breeds combat sheep.
The Medbyenovs train wrestling bears.

Lyrics to the Lobster-Quadrille by Lewis Carroll.
It should probably have been something more spider-oriented, but I couldn't 
think of a good one.


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