Hey,

First:

Dude, it's not very cool to slag people on the list like that.  Certainly makes me want to _not_ bother giving C&C, since for all I know you might dislike what I've got to say and get all public on my ass.  Sure, having people dump on your work sucks, but deal with it in private.  Having people say they'll hurt you if you don't continue writing might be encouraging and all, but at the end of the day it isn't any more contructive than badmouthing.

Second:

Hey, I'm deadly bored at work and too tired to tackle my own writing, so... time for some C&C!

Chapter 3 "Where have the good men gone?"

Oops.  Well, I missed the first two chapters, but <shrug> that's never stopped me before.  Hopefully I'll find some mistakes left lying around.  As usual, I won't comment on style--that's none of my business, really.  To each their own.

"...." Words
*...*  Thoughts
<Panda Sign>

The above, though, is a personal pet peeve of mine.  Why do people use these silly characters to deliniate thoughts and signs?  Go find any decent book and open it.  You won't find anything like that--so I've never understood why it persists in fanfiction.  A script-format throwback?

Sitting there amongst the students, Ranma enjoyed his anonymity.
He was quite happy that no one there had heard of the great Ranma Saotome.
It allowed him to simply watch and observe his fellow classmates, instead of
being the one who was watched.

Right.  Like I said, I didn't see the first two chapters, so I appologize if you addressed this already.  Unless something's changed significantly within Ranma, that's not very likely.  Ranma _loves_ attention.  He's an egomaniac--a friendly, light-hearted one, sure, but the guy lives off of attention.

However, I'm guessing this is an Alternate kinda thing, since this Ranma also seems very studious and all.

           Biomedical Ethics was the class that Ranma was
waiting in. Using his time  wisely, Ranma readied his notebooks
and other materials. Time ticking closer towards the beginning of class.
However, there was still no sign of the errant professor, and Ranma began to
hear complaints among his classmates. Ranging from guesses on the
professor's IQ to statements about leaving in another 5  minutes. Satisfied
with his current setting, Ranma's eye once again began to wander the room.

A very different Ranma, apparently.  Sentence fragments in the above, too: "Time ticking...", and "Ranging from..."  Obviously fragments have their place (I abuse them all the time), but they read very clunky here.

Out of all the nameless faces of his classmates, Ranma's eyes were drawn to
a brown haired gaijin sitting directly in the center of the room.

Oh oh.

         Peering closer at the man, Ranma observed the man's
face to be a mask of cool control behind the mustache and goatee
he presently wore. The whole time, the man seemed to be mimicking Ranma as
he too looked around the classroom observing the occupants. Intrigued by
this seemingly common trait, Ranma continued to watch the man.

Maybe, 'Intrigued by this seemingly _shared_ trait.'  Common trait would suggest most of the people in the room have it.

Soon the whole class was just about to leave, when they all
noticed the man who had been sitting in the middle of the classroom, walking
to the front after placing his bag on the professors desk. With a slightly
raised voice, he silenced the room as he said.

Those clauses are jumbled or something, and make the sentence hard to read.  Maybe break it into two.  Even changing 'walking' to 'walk' helps clear it up a bit.

"It is exactly 8:30. Class is now in session."
The silence was deafening, as embarrassed students realized the
professor had been there the whole time.

I'm confused.  Why was everybody getting so impatient, insulting the teacher, and getting ready to leave--if it was still before class actually started?  I'd expect them to wait until at least fifteen minutes past or something...  It's not _that_ uncommon for professor to occasionally be late for class, and students are usually fairly understanding-- at least, they were at my university-- well, for the first five or ten minutes anyway-- um, except in Engineering classes, but they'd leave anyway....  Okay, fine, students are an intollerant bunch, but they'd at least wait for class to start before fidgiting.

"I would like to welcome you to Biomedical Ethics." The
professor continued addressing the class. "In other words, Welcome to hell
and I am your professor."

A small trembling hand that belonged to a young woman sitting in
the back was slowly raised.

Try switching that to an active tense (gah, I've got to work on my grammar terminology): "A young woman sitting in the back slowly raised a trembling hand."

"Your actions were unethical, sir. It was a deception plain and
simple. By playing the role of the student you go in our defenses and
invaded our privacy."

An unethical professor?  C'mon, no way...! <grin>  Personally, I agree with the guy.  Nothing wrong with a professor making a point with unexpected teaching techniques, but it's kinda dodgy for a professor of Ethics do it...

Incidentally, '...you go in our defences,' reads wrong.  '... got in'?

The room seeming grew restless as no one saw fit to argue with
the angry man in the back. Ranma grew irritated at the cowardly lack of
action and raised his hand.

That's rather intollerant of Ranma... it's possibly cowardly, but maybe some of them simply agree?

"I think several people would be glad to know that the only
doctor in the room noticed certain things. For example, the young lady with
asthma in the front row, The man in the back whose stomach is hurting him,
the guys sitting on the side, who are hungover, not to mention, the young
ladies in the back who happen to think you are cute, Alexander-sensei."

Now how in hell did Ranma figure that out?  Maybe Ranma could tell what they were afflicted with, and the doctor could as well, but how could Ranma know what the doctor was thinking?

Not that it excuses the professor's deception.  It's still an invasion of privacy.  Whether someone is asthmatic, diabetic, constipated, or hungover is their own business--sharing the info might be a smart thing to do, but remains at their own discretion.

A light chuckle escapes the professors lips as he states, "Very
good Mr. Saotome."

Switched tense.  "...as he stated".

* I always was the start of things.....hehehe...Just like back in
Nerima...*   Ranma sighed heavily, as his thoughts turned back
to those he left in Nerima.

See, now that's the normal Ranma.  His actions certainly aren't that of someone enjoying annonymity (sp?) as stated in the opening.

Clear tears trace the smooth contours of the eldest
Tendo daughters face.  *Ranma.....I...I .. miss him...I never knew how
much he meant to me....* The river of tears grew and intensity as
Kasumi's memory would not let her forget the man, her heart called for.

The comma between 'man' and 'her heart' interrupts the flow of the sentence.

**********Flashback**************

A few weeks before Ranma's "Departure".....

Another annoying fanfic tendancy.  Have you ever read a book that slashed a row of *s across a page and wrote 'FLASHBACK STARTING!'  It's about as subtle as club to the head, and even worse, it's lazy.  All it takes is a connecting sentence in the ending paragraph above (which you've got), and an adjustment in the beginning of the flashback scene.

It had been a few weeks before his departure, she remembered.  Working in the kitchen, when his voice had called to her,

    "Kasumi!"
    "Over, here Ranma-kun. I'm in the kitchen."
    Briskly walking in with his own brand of graceful walk,
Ranma's female form sauntered into the Tendo kitchen seeking the eldest
Tendo daughter.

Or whatever.  That's not all that good, but it's better than a line across the page and a sentence fragment to situate us--it knocks the reader straight out of the story.

Ranma flashed her a good natured smile, his mind bound and
determined to cheer Kasumi up.  A flash of regret seems to cross
Kasumi's face as she replies. "No Ranma, I'm afraid all the chores are
done, I am just working on dinner."

If this is Kasumi's flashback, how does she know what Ranma's thinking.  Mind the POV--breaking it can undermine a story.

  Ranma's lopsided grin proved more amusing to Kasumi than his
attempting at humor, she let loose a small giggle.

Maybe, 'attempts' at humor.

"Ack! laughter from Kasumi! She must be sick!"

Huh?

continued with his  "Tofu-like" Examination of his patient. Even

Capital letter on Examination.

         Ranma could no longer contain his own  laughter as he
joined Kasumi in laughter. Grinning a little more, both of  them
proceeded to get lost in the peaceful routine of making dinner.

maybe, 'to lose themselves in...'

measured small specific amounts from her  spice covered, as she

Her spice covered... what?

"Yes, Ranma Kun?"

I missed it above.  Why the honorifics?  I guess I'm taking up another issue here, but your fic has thusfar been empty of Japanese--as it should be!--so why bother with the -kun and -sensei, and all that stuff?

"well, I was wonderin, since ya take care of me, and pops and Akane,
and Biki and your dad.  Who takes care of you?"

Who's 'Biki'?  Nabiki?  Since when has Ranma been that familiar with the girl who tortures him so?

..

...

......

This is prose, not script or manga.  All it takes is something like 'Kasumi's answer was slow in coming,' or 'a heavy silence preceeded her words,' or whatever.

         Ranma Saotome has been called many things in his lifetime, but he
was not  a fool.

Heh.  Debatable, that--and he's my favourite character of the bunch!

"Okay Ranma...I will.......*

Should be a comma at the end.  And, well... wasn't that kinda easy?

*****************Ucchan's Okonomiyaki*****************

Same as above.  Place us with prose, not titles.

Silent, Quiet, Empty...dark, unlit, and Empty..

Why capital letters?

          Normally at this time of day,  The Ucchan was bustling
with the smell of hot okonomiyaki, and hungry customers, but today...today
was different the restaurant was empty. The grill was still clean, the floor

It's a bit clunky, but there needs to be at least a comma after 'different'.

       Sitting at a desk against on wall of the room, sat Ukyou

"...against _one_ wall"

There's some mistakes I've skipped, but I've run out of time--this has already taken me longer than I expected.  Just a few quick things:

      Currently Nabiki Tendo was doing two activites, which she
preferred to avoid. Getting her hands dirty, and hard physical
work. Since, one Ranma Saotome was the end goal, Nabiki made an
exception.

Slam! Bam! Creak!
Scrape! Crash!
Boom!

Nabiki: Batman!  Stop that this instant!
Robin: Golly Gee, Batman!  The Penguin'll get away!
Batman: We better leave, Boy Wonder!  I don't think I can affor her....

Sound effects are for comic books, not stories.  All it takes is: Nabiki looked through the boxes, knocking them noisily aside in her searching.  Or something.

"Konban wa, Auntie Saotome.    I am visiting for a reason."

It's night?  Oh, good-evening!  Why the Japanese?  It's an English story meant for English readers--why not stick with English (except where it simply can't be translated--like for place names (Nerima) and some foods (sushi), and so on.

"I just wanted to tell you, I was impressed with the way you
handled yourself today. Keep up the good work, and one day you may be as
observant as me."

Ranma: Yeah, sure thing, sir.  And I couldn't kill you in a dozen different ways from this position.

"Well, sensei. I was trying to be nice and not embarrass the two
sleeping students, and the one that is pregnant, and also I didn't want to
embarrass you with the fact that I can tell you had eggs for breakfast."

Professor: Damn, I knew I should've brushed this morning!

"Not bad Saotome...not bad."
"Thank you sensei, I have to be going now."

I dunno.  Rather than sounding, like, really cool--which is what I assume you're going for--Ranma comes off sounding like a real prick.  Despite the ego, his classmates still liked Ranma 'cus he wasn't all that high-and-mighty about his super-human skills at school.  This Ranma's acting like a real wanker.  His classmates are going to hate him--I would, anyway.  That's not a bad thing, if that's the angle you want to take with this story: maybe he's changed, and he really doesn't care what the other students think of him.  Fair enough--but I don't think I'd want him as my doctor.

Well, a different premise--Ranma goes to medical school--with some other changes involved--Kasumi loves Ranma--but the healthy scattering of minor mistakes makes it far less enjoyable to read.  Dropping the script-format throwbacks and working on the flow of the sentences (comma splices, tenses, all that stuff) would, in my opinion, help a lot.

<shrug>  Or just ignore everything above.  I'm always reluctant to give criticsm because, hey, who am I to tell people how to write?  I'm probably taking myself too seriously here....
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