At 15:23 7/8/2001 +0100, Freyr Gunnar �lafsson wrote:

And here it is yet again ! Fixed a whole big bag of spelling errors too :)
I must excuse my poor grammar. English is not my native tongue.

Does anyone know where to download English spellcheckers for
non-Anglophone-market software?  Such URLs might be a nice addition to the FAQ.

Version 1.2

The copyright to Ranma 1/2 and all the characters,events etc. belongs to

Rumiko Takahashi. This is only 

made for the free entertainment of others and myself. I do not intend to

profit from this story.

This story was written by: Freyr Gunnar �lafsson
You can contact me at: gnarlin@utopia.is
If you like this story or want to C&C feel free.

RANMA'S REVENGE

PROLOGUE

five!
He knew where she was. He went as fast as he could, faster then anyone knew

he could go, faster then

even he himself thought possible. If only he wouldn't be too late ! Faster,

FASTER, FASTER!

four!
a tree flashed by, jump-kick off its side, chi-blast off the cliff side, up

into the air he went flying, 

trees flashing by by the thousands, cold air kissing his skin.

Three!
Feelings of doubt and nervousness locked inside him. He landed at the top

of the cliffside, started running again. 

Closer and closer and closer.

Two!
jump up, duck branches, right side from hill, dodge left, jump up side,

duck and roll. And there, from the

top of the hill he saw her.
There he saw her. Panting and swetting he started running again. faster and

faster AND FASTER...

One!

For some reason, this reminds me of text-file manga translations with the
sound effects left in.  The original draft did even more.

He came down right next to her and knelt. He checks her lifesigns. She was

dead. She was dead and he hadn't

told her. He knew men shouln't cry, at least that's what his pops always

told him. MEN DO NOT CRY! 

Ah, but there was another emotion swelling within him now, adding to his

already impressive spectrum of feelings.

Intense hatred to his already intense sorrow.

Okay, what's going on here?  I like the way you begin in media res.

He knew who had killed her. The Amazons and their laws. Their ways of

bullying the rest of the world into doing things

their way. Always their way, never swaying or bending the rules for the

happiness of the pleeding of others. Cold 

and heartless. Emotionless. Drones of their own anchient mentality. He

hated them all. Shampoo was just the most

recent offspring of the Amazons brainwashing kind of upbringing. "BLINDNESS

TO THE FEELING OF OTHERS SHALT THOU BE" they

must have said. "Obsticles are to be removed, no matter what they say or do

to try to sway you of their course" the mothers

must have said to their young children. "Men are worthless for anything but

servitude" the elders must say.

So far, seems like he doesn't actually know this but assumes it instead of
considering that other Amazons may disagree with Shampoo.  How unfair of him.

He felt the fury he had bottled up since all the madness had started. All

the fury that had escilated with the growing 

crazyness of his life. All he EVER wanted was to hold Akane as his wife in

his arms. Go with her on training trips. Perhaps

even teach her those secret techniques he knew. Fight her, Fight with her,

tease her some more, Even.... kiss her someday. 

Zero!
The Amazons WOULD die ! ALL OF THEM WOULD DIE ! BURN IN PAIN, IN WHATEVER 
AFTERLIFE THEY BELIEVED IN. AFTER HE JOINED AKANE IN HER AFTERLIFE, HE

WOULD CONTINUE WITH HER 

Yep, funnier than "BURN IN HELL".  Don't change this bit.

THERE 
TO TORTURE THE SPIRITS OF THOSE FOREVER DAMNED CHINESE BITCHES !
His aura burned like the sun itself. He burned with hate, desperation, the

want for revenge. 

The landscape around him started to melt but he didn't notice.

>from the trees Colone knew that she was too late and that she would now
have to do everything in her power 

to make sure that the amazon tribe would survive the onslaught of Ranma

Saotomes revenge.

Chapter one.


Ranma knelt with tears in his eyes and kissed her cold lips. There was no

way he could just leave her 

here. He had wanted to make her a part of his life. Perhaps he could take

her with him on his quest. He knew of

a way. Her spirit would come with him, so she could she his revenge through

his eyes. He touched her body and 

channeled as much of his chi into flames as he could and cried in agony as

he watched her body turn to ashes in 

front of him. He grabbed the ashes out of the air. A tear from his chin

fell into his hand. He 

Wouldn't most of the ashes be on the ground?

then stuffed all 
the ashes into his mouth and swollowed. As he did so he felt a peculiar

intensity come over him, 

Pretty visceral here.

And now, a nitpick: cremation doesn't reduce the entire body to dusty ashes.
Some bone chunks and teeth don't get broken down that much.  If you want to
make this bit more realistic, have Ranma swallow only some of the ashes.  Or
chew.

like the difference between the flame of open fire and the concentrated

flame of a gas-tourch. He looked in the 

general direction of China, collected as much energy from his reserves as

he could, consentrated them and let 

them ingulf his muscles to give him streangth. He had learned this

technique when he was twelve years old. 

Whose ashes did he eat that time?  Don't answer that question now, but keep
it in mind for a flashback or something in a later chapter.

It was even more self destructive than the shi-shi-hokudan but he didn't

care right now. He just wanted to kill. 

He felt the strength of the technique fill him; started sprinting towards

China at speeds that Albert Einstein 

believed where only theoretical. Life of Light," He cried out. "Engulf me!"

Cologne's eyes whent wide open. The fist of light ?! Ranma knew it !? She

did know, she should have known.

As soon as she had saw Ranma eat the ashes she should have known. She knew

that he had stopped pretending. 

His respect for her had probably vanished. He had always played her and

Happosai's games to humor them. To make 

them feel like they still had a say, that they still could muster a full

out fight, still be in control. 

If she or Happosai could really have beaten him then she would have done so

long ago and brought him to China.

But she couldn't, so she let him choose. She had always thought that

Shampoo knew this as well. That when she 

said that obstacles where for killing, she was just playing the game, just

like she, happosai, the Kunos like 

all the rest of them where. She looked at it as training. For Ranma it was

just relaxation. It was obvious whom 

he loved. Whom he fought with. 

Fighting was his life, conflicts to resolve. If there were no conflicts there 
would be no fighting to be done. He prospered in a conflict filled

enviroment. He enjoyed it. He probably hated 

himself now for it. 

Akane would never had died had he not encouraged them all to fight. He

could have ended it, 

So now we have some more ambiguity over who really started it.  Nice touch!

but to continually train was the tradition in the Anything Goes fighting

school of martial arts. She had been 

so sure that Shampoo knew. She would have to move quickly to save her

tribe. At least as much of it as was 

possible. As long as only a few of the young ones of the tribe survived.

How could Shampoo have been so utterly 

As long as only a few of the young ones survived, what?

blind to reality. She was as blind as Mousse.

If not blinder.

<few hours earlier in the wooden groove>
Shampoo stood gloating over the corpse of Akane Tendo the kitchen wrecker.

Finally her obstacle was out of the way.

Now Ranma Saotome, The dragon, the fierce tiger, The phoenix god slayer, he

who had survived the neko-ken training,

he would be hers. She wondered at just how thankful Ranma would be. Oh he

wouln't show it, or say it out loud. That

be disrespectful of him to the Tendo family. But she knew that he hated

Akane. She could feel how his chi burned in

him when he was with her. How his emotions swelled around him like a

perfume, how he lost so much control that that 

unskilled child of a martial artist could even manage to hit him. HIT HIM !

How had that whore dared. Not any more.

She spat onto the corpses face, bitch that she had been. Always playing

with herself in

the night when Shampoo had been listening for ranma. Akane had been moaning

his name over and over and over. Shampoo

had just finally snapped. Law was law after all. Obsticles WERE to be

removed, her great grandmother said so all 

the time. She turned and left to go back to Nerima.

<at an establishment at he end of the universe>
Time and Fate along with Misery where drunk in a bar and had begun to do

what The Eternal One had forbidden 

them to do ever again. They played dice with lives. For that Existence

would suffer greatly. In the end it would 

not matter, as long as the wheel of time kept turning... Those two would

meet again, under different circumstances. 

The One that was eternal knew this for he had made it so. 

Personally, I think that if it wasn't for the epilogue the story could stand
without this bit.

<Present>
On the middle of the great China sea Ranma ran. 
There were legends of great martial arts masters who could walk on water.

Ranma mastered that when he was seven. 

It had been obvious to him to take the next step. Jogging, running.

Handstands on water followed soon. 

Except that he swam from China to Japan at 16.  Alternate universe?

It was even easier when you went as fast as he was going now. Less weight

to put to each step. The ocean waves shot 

past him by the thousands as he ran past fishing boats, taking the

occasional jump off them. Unfortunatly he couldn't

completely avoid the waterdrops. He felt his change. But there was

something different he felt ! It must be Akanes spirit.

At least see will be able to see, hear and feel while the light of life

continues. To bad the technique doesn't last longer.

The fist of light was about manipulating the life forces within people. It

was one of the most dangerous school of martial 

arts Ranma knew. He could simply draw the life force from someone and add

it to his own. Achient scrolls and books told of

vampires who drained life force from others. Superstition. Those where

martial artist who had abandoned the worrior code

so that they might live longer. Those unhonorable dogs. That was also why

they had been hunted down by the other worriors and

killed. That and also their own greed for learning the Fist of Light for

themselves. The Fist of Light was however very

difficult to use and requered absolute control over ones one life force and

chi. One small mistake and it would have either

horrible side effects or, if one was lucky, one would die. 
When Ranma had used it he had added Akanes life force to his own. She would

be able to sence all that he did for a little

while, but to maintain her spirit for the duration Ranma wanted to (which

was as long as he could) he would die with her.

But not until he had removed the Amazons influence on the world once and

for all. And the quickest way to do that was simple.

Kill them all !

<In a certain wooden groove erlier>
Akane and Shampoo fought. Akane fought desperately, feeling bones brake,

limbs stop working, jaw braking.

Shampoo fought with self assurdness. With confidence. She felt the

satisfying crunch of Akanes jaw as she broke it

with her fist, saw Akanes tears as she tried not to cry out in pain.

"Husband stealer will not continue to hurt husband!" Shampoo said. "You
never will have him in life!" Shampoo said. "and now, you DIE!". With a well
aimed fist she puched 

Akanes throut with as much force as she could muster. Akane tryed to beg

for mercy, but the only sound she could make 

was a pathetic little gurgle as blood leaked from her mouth. She saw it

come. For some reason she thought that the punch 

came at her so slowly. She tried to let herself fall to the earth to avoid

the fist, but Shampoo compensated. Akane felt sadness as she felt numbness
troughout her body. She would never tell Ranma. Maybe if she could keep
alive till he came. 

She knew he was on his way anyways. She heard Shampoo glote and leave, but

her hearing was fading along with everything 

else. "Just keep heering My own heartbeat until Ranma gets hear" she told

herself. "Just one kiss, just three little 

words and I can go and meet mother". She didn't know how long she had

waited, but she could only hear faint noises. She thought she could hear
Ranma say something. WAS HE HERE ? I gotta tell him. She felt something pull
her away. IT WAS HER MOTHER, ASKING HER TO JOIN HER IN THE 

Why is this bit in all caps?

KITCHEN. "Why don't you make some food with me" she said. But she only
wanted to 

make food for Ranma. So she tried to stay just a little longer. Suddenly

she saw her body turn to ashes. She was the 

ashes. Or her spirit dwelt in them. 
And then everything whent black.

<the present>
Flight 701 from Tokyo to Hong Kong was aproching China soon. Jane Chang had

been on a holiday to Japan. 

It had been wonderful, especially Okinawa. Oh well, she sighed. Back to work. 
She looked out the window thinking these thoughts as she saw a red haired

young woman in a chinese shirt sitting 

on the wing of the airplane with a serious expression on her face. Glowing

with a swirl of colors. She wondered 

The middle of the South China Sea is not between Hong Kong and Japan.  It is
between South China, Malaysia, Vietnam, and the Philippines.

You might want to change this reference to the Yellow Sea, if that one
extends as far south as the Ryukyu Islands instead of no further than Korea
(I'm not sure).  Either that or add some more details to Ranma's trip, so
that he detours somewhere in that area too instead of just going straight to
Hong Kong.

Don't feel bad about messing this up.  I once read a book review in which
the reviewer praised the author for using a "fresh South China Sea setting"
- and the novel was set in Shanghai!

if this was the inflight movie and how those clever technical people had

been able to fit a television screen 

inside each window. All this modern technology made her head spin. She

could berely pretend she was able to use 

the travel agency software at work. She didn't like the expression on the

main character of this movie. It seemed 

terribly twisted with whatever grief-stricken emotions she was feeling.

Great actress she thought, although she 

wondered why it was that she had never seen her before in any other movie.

She must be one of those new young 

actresses that were doing so well these days. She could see why the

director had choosen her for the leed part. 

Two BIG reasons in fact. Oh well, she preferred to sleep the rest of the

way, so she slid down the window cover to shut the TV screen off.

This in-flight movie thing is great.  Keep it!

Ranma didn't like waiting any moment longer. He felt something out of order

within him. His control of the lifelight must be

dwindlin or somethin'. He had decided to recollect a bit of his chi to be

able to wipe that 

damn amazon village of the face of the earth, and then Shampoo and Cologne.

He jumped of the wing, feeling the 

air around him kiss every curve of his female body. He landed in a

handstand and a roll; took his bearings 

and ran towards the Joketsuzuko village. He suddenly felt all his limbs,

his eyesight and hearing fade away.

"NO, NOT YET, NOT YET!" he thought despirately.

Akane could feel how control of her body came back to her. Her eyesight,

her hearing. All of it. That must mean that

she was alive ! That she could still tell Ranma. Still be with him ! Fate

must smile upon her ! She felt

even more alive than normally. Her eyesight was so sharp. Her responses so

fast and accurate. Her hearing sensing every little detail of her
enviroment. She looked down upon herself to check for wounds. When she saw
the shirt she was wearing along with the two huge mounts that where
*definatly NOT hers* she suddenly realised who, or more accurately, in what body

she dwelled. 
Akane screamed Ranma Chan's lungs out !

Interesting.

Cologne could not believe how fast he was going. She was exhausted from

having to push herself so much.

I can't really comment on the epilogue until I've read the rest of the
story.  So far you've got an intriguing beginning with a bunch of loose
ends.  Now you have a lot of explaining to do.

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