Subject: [FFML2] The Joy of Fatherhood[Ranma][Fanfic]
From: Ryoga P Hibiki
Date: 2/7/2001, 12:27 PM
To: ffml2@listbot.com

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Ranma 1/2
The Joy of Fatherhood.
Not, a Ranma gets a kid fic. 
++++++++++++++
She had made it, at last. The Goddess Klulis had finally managed to get
her own world. After millennia of work under other gods for the coveted
position, she had finally gotten her very own reality. 
Sure, she could complain. It was one of those ready made universes after
all, but at least it was something. 
She paused and looked down at the progress of her little world. "Seems to
be all right for now." She smiled and turned towards the great celestial
television that was floating off to the side set and smiled in
satisfaction.
++++++++++
"What? Dead?" snapped the Goddess as she looked at the towering form
before her. Not that it was very intimidating; she was pretty tall
herself.
"Yes, you left him alone for five minutes," commented the god who stood
before her.
"You guys always leave them be!" snapped the Goddess angrily.
"We had minor gods working under us too keep an eye on things," replied
the god lazily. "Really dear, you aren't quite up to that level yet."
"Dang! I really wanted to have him in there too!" she muttered as she
glanced down at her world for a moment. "How? How did it happen? I never
noticed."
"Well, the doctor slapped him after he was born. He got angry, and
decided to hold his breath and take it like a man, instead of crying."
"What? You mean the stupidity is that ingrained?" said the Goddess in
shock.
"It's what makes him special," replied the elder god with a shrug.
"I could perform a miracle, but I'd have to go through heaven and find
his stupid soul first," muttered the goddess angrily as she looked at
said reality from over her shoulder.
"It would be too late by then," replied the god with a smirk on his face.
"I had one of these universes once. It never goes well without him,
however indirectly he influences things."
"Yeah, he's probably the first one like him too ever make it to heaven
too," snorted the woman angrily.
"Hmm, now what?" muttered the goddess as she glanced around. "Say..." she
turned towards the elder god and smiled sweetly at him.
"No, Klulis," he said with a sigh.
"Why not? I'll just borrow one little soul!" she said with her eyes
suddenly growing to huge proportions, they also started to shine.
"No!" replied the elder god as he turned his back on her.
"Come on! What about that stupid looking one! The one with his face in
the computer screen!" said the woman as she fell on her knees and grabbed
his robe.
"Who? Him?" said the god with a snort. "That guy might actually like it.
He's scheduled to die soon anyway..." muttered the god as he attempted to
convince himself. "All right, but just this once! I don't want this
getting around."
"Yay!" cried the Goddess cutely as she threw her hands in the air.
++++++++++
Carrot sat at his computer, writing the next few chapters of his latest
fanfic. [The Shameless Plug!]
All he did was yawn; he stretched out his arms and opened his eyes again.
Only to find himself looking at several giant doctors, all of who were
staring back at him in equal shock.
"He's alive! We did it!" cried one of the giant men in Japanese.
"A miracle!" exclaimed one of the Nurses.
Carrot started screaming, he couldn't control his body and his limbs
flailed about wildly.
"My god! I've been abducted by Japanese Space Aliens!" screamed his mind.
"They're going to probe my anus!"
One of the giant space aliens picked him up and carried him over to a
gigantic woman. He was gently placed in her arms.
"Mrs. Takama, you have a very healthy young boy!" said one of the aliens
in Japanese.
"Huh?" thought Carrot as he looked up at her. She wasn't exactly a
paragon of beauty, but hardly repulsive.
A large Japanese man with glasses, dressed in a business suit with
hospital scrubs over it, grinned proudly. "A boy! I have a son!"
"Huh? Whazis?" thought Carrot as he tried desperately to think of how he
had gotten himself into this.
His eyes focused on a blurry image over him, a huge mirror on the
ceiling. He found himself looking at a newborn baby in the woman's arms.
"Th...that's me? But, I'm not a Buddhist! I don't believe in
reincarnation!" He paused and thought about it for a moment. "Or is that
Hindu? I always get those two screwed up. Hmm..."
+++++++++++++
Up in the heavens, two great beings smiled down on the world.
"He seems to be taking this rather well," commented Klulis.
"Hmm? Oh, he's not entirely stable," replied the god with a small shrug.
"Man, he was a better choice than I had thought," commented the goddess
offhandedly. 
"I guess so. What the heck were you doing when this happened anyway?"
said the god as he noticed the television. He leaned in and peered at the
screen for a moment. "Phantasy Star Online?"
"Um, yeah. I'm using a FOneware, got her all the way to level 52, in less
than a week!" said the goddess proudly.
The god merely sighed and shook his head. 
+++++++++++
Sixteen years later...
"What the hell did I do to deserve this reincarnation?" muttered Carrot.
"My dad is a salary man, my mom is an overweight housewife, and I'm...
I'm what? Going down the same road as my old man, that's what!" He kicked
a rock angrily and clenched his fists. He'd managed to talk his parents
into getting him martial arts lessons, but unfortunately, the Taikwondo
Plus franchise down the street had been running a sale that week. "Man,
this life sucks more than my old one did." He had often wondered why he
could still remember that, and was beginning to doubt its validity.
"Maybe I am crazy."
That couldn't be right though. His old martial arts training from before
was still good. The things he'd learned in his past life still held true.
He'd never even cracked a schoolbook open, and slept through most of his
classes up until high school. He could guess that he was at least a
second dan in Kenpo, and a rather poor red belt in Taikwondo. He could do
better easily, but he just wasn't motivated.
It didn't help that his family genetics seemed to ensure that he was a
little overweight. 
"Hey, Takama. How's it goin?" sneered one of the boys from his class. 
"Huh? What do you want?" snapped Carrot bitterly. The boy was a bully,
and had a thing against everyone, including him.
"Nothin, just your lunch money. Cough it up fat boy," snapped the boy as
he put his hand out and grabbed Carrot's collar.
"But...it's Sunday."
"I know that!" snapped the angry boy. 
Carrot frowned, the kid was dressed in his school uniform. He had come
here today, because he didn't think the boy would be around.
"I don't have any lunch money. There's no school," repeated Carrot
lazily.
"Well heck. I just wanted to fight you again anyway," said the boy
sheepishly.
"Huh?" muttered Carrot. "What the hell are you talking about Kodama?"
"I've never had a fight that good before. Yesterday, when I tried to take
your money, I thought you'd be a pushover. No one has ever stood up to me
before."
Carrot's jaw dropped. "Huh?"
"I want to be a martial artist some day! A man like no other!" said the
boy with tears forming in his eyes. "When you and I fought... it was
like... the greatest feeling I ever got!" Kodama started crying right
there in the middle of the street.
"Uh, sure. I guess we could do it again," muttered Carrot in disbelief.
"R...really?" said the boy as he grabbed his shoulders.
"I guess," grumbled Carrot as he looked away from the pathetic display.
"That's great! You're a martial artist too right?" exclaimed the excited
boy.
"Yeah, sort of. It's not a family thing, if that's what you mean. My
dad's a salary man."
"Mine too," agreed the other boy with a serious nod. "It ends with me
though! I'm going to become a real man! My fiancee and I will have our
own dojo one day!"
"You're engaged?" said Carrot in shock.
Kodama blushed and looked towards the ground. "Yeah, one of those
arranged things."
"I didn't think anyone did that anymore," commented Carrot lazily.
"Huh? I'm happy with it," replied the other boy with a shrug.
"Well, should we... you know..." said Carrot tentatively. 
"Oh! Right! The fight... I guess we could do it later. I'm in no real
hurry, not since I know you'll do it without me acting like a jerk."
"Sure thing... I guess," muttered Carrot as he looked away. His gaze
locked immediately after that. The most beautiful girl he had ever seen
was walking towards them, with a huge smile on her face. He simply let
his jaw drop as all previous brain function and motor skills failed
instantly.
"Excuse me, could you direct me to the Takama residence?"
"Duuuhhh," said Carrot.
"Hey, isn't that your last name?" said Kodama.
"Huh, a-yup," gibbered the love struck boy as he stared at her.
The girl blushed demurely. She was dressed in a formal Kimono and had
black hair, with a slight red tint to it. "Oh my."
"Look, I'll just come back later," muttered Kodama nervously as he turned
almost militarily and stiffly moved away from the scene.
Carrot shook his head and tried desperately to regain control of his
functions again. "Man! That's never happened to me before! Who?"
"Is your name Takama?"
"Yeah, who?"
"My name is Nodoka," she said with a small bow.
"Oh, you need to find my house?"
"Yes, I'm supposed to meet my parents there today. I wasn't ready, and
they kind of left without me," said the girl with a small giggle as she
brushed her hair out of her face.
"Nodoka? Weird," thought Carrot for a moment. "Come on. I'll show you the
way."
"Thank you," said Nodoka quietly.
"With my luck, she's probably my cousin or something," he grumbled under
his breath. 
+++++++++
"Married?" said Carrot in shock.
The two sets of parents sat across from him and Nodoka.
"That's right son, you and Nodoka are to be married. Thus uniting the
Takama and Saotome lines," said his father firmly.
"Saotome?" said Carrot in shock as he looked at Nodoka.
"You have a problem with my family?" said the girl's mother with an
arched eyebrow.
"N-no! I'm just surprised! She's beautiful! I'll do it!" Apparently, he
had still not completely wrested control of his brain from
his...ahem...never mind.
"We decided it was best not to put the pressures of the engagement on him
until today," said his mother quietly.
"He is not...soiled is he?" said the woman as she shot a glance back at
him.
Carrot finally noticed the long bundle that rested across the woman's
shoulder.
"Gack! Of course!" he replied instantly. He probably would have said that
even if it wasn't true.
"I see, very well then. We shall hold the wedding this afternoon," said
the woman as she stood up. Carrot noticed that her husband hadn't spoken
a single word throughout the entire meeting.
Without thinking, he turned towards Nodoka. "Has your mom ever been to
China? A place called Joketzuko?"
"No. Why?" said the girl sweetly. She didn't seem the slightest bit upset
about any of this.
"No reason," muttered Carrot dejectedly. He was trapped and he knew it,
that woman wouldn't hesitate to cut him in half if he tried to escape.
"Oh..." she looked like she was about to say something, but quieted down.
"What is it?" said the boy as he noticed this.
"Oh! He's so manly! Such a healthy interest in my chest when we first
met! And now he seems to be in tune with my feelings! It was meant to
be!" thought the girl to herself as she smiled at him. "You never did
tell me your whole name."
"Huh? Oh, Genma Takama," replied the boy nervously. He wasn't really
paying much attention, merely trying to figure out a way out of this
mess. The Saotome woman didn't have to unwrap that sword for him to know
how sharp it was. The cowering excuse for a husband beside her was enough
to convince him.
"Genma-samma," said Nodoka with a blush on her face.
"Huh? Oh, just call me Carrot, everyone does," replied the boy out of
habit. 
"Karot? Why?" she said in confusion.
He smiled back at her. "It might be a way out! If she thinks I'm like
that..." he thought to himself with a small smirk. "Have you ever seen an
anime called Sorcerer Hunters?"
++++++++++++
"Oh, I understand now," said Nodoka with a smile on her face as she
turned away from the screen about an hour later.
"Why does she look happy?" thought Carrot with a frown. He had done his
best to grope her throughout the show, giving the impression that he was
a complete pervert. He'd even gone so far as to spread out the few
Urotsukidogi manga that he had, out on the floor openly.
"You're like this man," she said sweetly.
"Yeah. I really like him," he said in confusion.
"You must... really like redheads. I'm so pleased!" exclaimed the girl.
Carrot almost fell on his face. Only two hours until zero hour, and he'd
failed miserably.
"Such a healthy young boy!" she thought to herself as she looked down at
the pornographic manga that was strewn about the room.
"I give up," said Carrot as he walked out of his room and left her there.
"Oh my," muttered Nodoka as she followed him. She turned and noticed the
few trophies and pictures from the dojo he'd been attending. None of them
were higher than third place, but still, it seemed he had quite an
interest in martial arts. "I wonder... perhaps..." she left the rest
unsaid as she walked out of the room.
+++++++++
Carrot frowned as he put down the phone book. "Hi, is your son there?"
A few moments later, a familiar voice answered on the other end. "Hello?"
"I got a question for you Kodama. What's your fiancee's last name?"
"Tendo. Why?" said the boy obliviously.
"I thought I might know her, never mind," said Carrot with a sigh. "It
figures," his mind lamented. "I got somethin to tell ya. I can't make it
to the lot tomorrow. We're gonna have to reschedule our fight so it's on
Tuesday."
"What?" said the other boy in disappointment. "Why?"
"Turns out my parents arranged a marriage for me too. I just found out,
and I'm getting married this afternoon," said Carrot as he glanced over
his shoulder nervously.
"Oh, congratulations! Wait, is it... you know... her?"
"Yeah."
"Hey, great luck."
"Yeah, right," deadpanned Carrot irritably.
"Pardon?" said Kodama in confusion.
"It's nothing. I just wanted to let you know." 
"Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it," replied the other boy in confusion.
++++++++++++
Genma Saotome stood on the porch to his home the next morning. A deep
frown crossed his face as he thought about his situation. "Now what?"
The night before had been quite interesting. Apparently, Nodoka had taken
his perceived perversion to heart. He really should have known better. He
hung his head and sighed.
"I guess, I'm a martial artist from now on."
Unbeknownst to him, Nodoka was standing nearby, just out of sight. She
would stand by her husband's decision, and she knew just the man to call.
After all, the two of them were so much alike. 
+++++++++++
THE END?
Continuation, depends on feedback!
Let me know when you figured it out!
C&C to Carrotglace@juno.com

Previous parts can be found at Http://www.fanfiction.net and R&C Books
International Fanfic Company at Http://www.rcbooks.org

Ja!


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