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The Day the Dogs Won
A Ranma 1/2 fanfic
C&C appreciated - firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and its characters are property of Rumiko
Up in the heavens, Cupid was busy testing out a new love mechanism Urd
provided. <I must _really_ be bored to take time looking over
something Urd made.> "So... when I shoot this type of arrow, it will
always hit its intended target after which that person will fall in
love with whomever is listed on the arrow?"
With a huge smile on her face, Urd nodded in reply.
"Right." The look on Cupid's face showed that he didn't believe a word
"What do you mean?! You don't know how long I worked on that! It
works I tell you!"
Cupid still wasn't impressed. "So, if I take these three girls and
list them as my targets," he replied, writing down the name of three
girls, "and make these three guys as their intended loves," he
continued as he wrote down the name of three guys, "then when these
arrows hit their respective targets, those girls will automatically
fall in love with the guy listed?" With that he set the three arrows
on his bow.
"Why do you put multiple arrows on your bow?"
"Huh? Oh, it makes things easier."
"I see." Remembering what he asked about, Urd shook her head.
"Anyway, of course it will work! I'm more sure of this than anything
else in my life. In fact, I'll go as far as to say that this will
revolutionize the jobs of love deities all around!" With that, she
pointed her index finger upwards, trying to look as important as
Wiping the sweatdrop from the back of his head, Cupid sighed. <She
seems so sure about this. Then again, she was this sure all those
other times. But something does look different this time around.>
"Well.... I guess I can give it a try."
"All right!" Urd starts pumping her arms and jumping up and down,
overjoyed at not having her love arrows turned down. "By the way, just
what names did you write down?" she asks, running up to Cupid to get a
glimpse. Seeing two of the pairs, she starts laughing out loud. "You
really are stretching it there, aren't you?" she asked, patting him on
Which had the unfortunate effect of Cupid letting go of the bowstring
and having the arrows shot. "ARRRGGGHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, seeing the
arrows go off into the distance.
"Oh well," Urd sighed, "At least of the important two are affected.
Not like the others matter."
Right away Cupid ran up to Urd and started shaking her. "Are you
insane?! Neither of those two are even remotely possibly! Only those
foolish amateur deities actually think those two would work without any
reasoning, just so the _eternal_ pair could be together! Damn them and
their haste!" He then stopped shaking her and lowered his voice,
"Besides, there were three pairs, not two."
Urd's face became pale and asked, "You mean that..."
Cupid just nodded. "Yes, all thanks to your potion... wait a minute,
this potion was made by you." He then points at her. "_YOUR_ potions
never work! All is not lost!" With that he started dancing, overjoyed
at the fact that there won't be any major problems.
"Actually, it was just my idea. Belldandy did all of the work while I
Cupid stopped dancing as his jaws dropped down as far as possible.
Slowly turning around to face Urd, he asks in a soft voice,
"Belldandy?" Seeing her nod, he slowly turns, eyes growing wide in
horror, back towards where the arrows went, now only a small dot in the
distance. He could only think of one thing to say. "Say, is Belldandy
"I'll race you there."
With that, the two deities were off.
It was a typical morning in Nerima.
Ranma, having been kicked into LEO by Akane, landed in front of the
Nekohanten. <Damn. I wonder what set her off this time. And so soon
after I saved her.> Shrugging it off, he saw where he landed and
decided to go in, hungry as ever.
Once inside, Ranma was confused. Shampoo was there, yet there was no
glomp that usually follows. He became a little curious and wondered if
anything had happened. "Shampoo?" he asked, wanting to make his
The Amazon turned towards Ranma and smiled, looking happier than usual.
"Hello, Ranma," she replied, after which she went back to cooking, not
taking any notice of Ranma's shocked look. A minute later she turned
back with an even more joyful look on her face and screamed out
"Airen!" before running towards Ranma.
<Well, here it comes.> Ranma closed his eyes, anticipating an Amazon
glomp. When he didn't feel anything, he opened them to see Shampoo
fiercely hugging an equally happy Mousse. <How? When?> he thought
right away. Thinking for a bit longer he realized that this does make
things easier for him. "So, when did this happen?"
"Shampoo had always loved Mousse throughout her life. Just wait until
he strong enough to beat her. Now can wait no longer. Shampoo had to
show her love. Mousse kindest person Shampoo ever know. It always
been true love. Wo ai ni, Mousse." Shampoo then gave Mousse a peck on
Seeing how it turned out, Ranma couldn't be any happier. "Well, I'm
glad that you two got together. I always knew that you two were fated
to be together." That last statement was followed by a cough from
behind. He turned around to see Cologne, who seemed weary, possibly
from the late night activities by Shampoo and Mousse.
"Thirteen years. For thirteen years he's continuously harassed
Shampoo, always getting 'no' as a response and yet still continuing.
"He once ran through one of our most important ceremonies, screaming
out 'Shampoo, I love you!', knocking over the sacrificial bird as he
ran past it. The bird managed to escape. That was the first time in
over three thousand years that the ceremony wasn't completed.
"Another time he mistook one of our up and coming fighters for Shampoo,
grabbing her leg with his chains and pulling her off the combat log.
She's now a master of a special style of martial arts using a crutch,
practicing on dummies with long hair and fake glasses.
"During the day of Shampoo's coming of age ceremony, he ran up to hug
her. This was while she was taking a bath, with other girls her age.
Did I mention that he was _also_ naked? He then proceeds to hug the
granddaughter of another elder. A girl that doesn't react so well to
boys around her, in fact. Shampoo was _this_ close from being
dismissed as future matriarch, for not having gotten rid of this
nuisance like any true leader would.
"Then there was the time that he thought the leader from a nearby
village was Shampoo and that her husband was a challenger. It was by
mere luck that civil war didn't break out.
"That Shampoo can tolerate his presence, let alone declaring any sort
of love for him, is astounding. Throughout her life she didn't have
many friends because other boys were chased away by _him_, which goes
to show you just how 'good' most of our young male fighters are, and
other girls would avoid her, afraid of catching the 'curse of the blind
Throughout her speech Ranma was continuously wiping the sweatdrops on
the back of head. "You know, the way you put it, this match doesn't
seem so good."
"The only way she could have declared any sort of love for him would be
through the use of some love potion. Possibly with outside help."
Cologne stopped to stare at Ranma. "Either that or she was feeling
lonely cause of _someone_ not caring about her."
"Hey, you can't point this at me!"
Cologne, though, wasn't done. "There was a statement used in these
type of situations. What was that? Oh, yes."
The scream of 'RANMA!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!' could be heard from
many miles around the Nekohanten as one could see a figure being shot
out from the roof and landing a few miles away.
"Does this mean you won't be giving me breakfast?" Ranma shouted back.
Still quite hungry, Ranma's next stop was Ucchans.
<That was weird,> he thought, remembering the events in the Nekohanten.
<Well, at least that's one less girl to worry about.>
Looking ahead of him, Ranma saw an enraged male kunoichi. "Konatsu,
are you okay!"
"What have you done to Ukyou-sama?!" The anger in Konatsu was evident
as he was restraining himself from attacking Ranma, wanting to first
hear his side of the story.
<Something's wrong with Ucchan?> Ranma thought, getting a bit worried.
Could she have hurt herself? But why would she? It's not like he was
angry about the wedding, especially since he perfectly understood the
reasoning for her actions. "What happened?" <God, please let Ucchan
"The day started out alright, though a bit strange. Once she woke up,
Ukyou-sama was hugging every plant she had. I thought this was some
sort of special earth day or that she became a plant lover. Deciding
to show her that I was also one, I too was hugging the plants. But
instead of a smile, she gives me an angry stare and asks if I've been
'Rhea-ized', whatever that means. Once done with the plants, she went
out to hug the mailbox but didn't take the mail." Konatsu stopped for
a moment to take a breath and continued. "You should have seen how sad
she felt. But then I saw the gleam in her eyes." Konatsu shuddered
thinking about it. "Right away she ran back inside, hugging everything
in site: tables, chairs, even the grill which I had to turn off before
something bad happened to her. And then she went towards the
spatula..." He tried his best to not visualize what happened then.
"Luckily I was able to pry it away from Ukyou-sama and calm her down a
bit. It was soon after that when _he_ came." His face darkened as his
anger came back. "That... that.... _CROSS DRESSER_!" Not being able
to handle his anger any longer, he ran towards Ranma, intent on
Ranma just sidestepped the attack and knocked him unconscious.
Wondering how Ukyou was feeling, he went inside Ucchans. The sound of
Ukyou moaning 'Tsu-chan!' could be heard as the door was right away
opened with Ranma running out as fast as possible. If there was one
thing he learned it was that okonomiyaki batter just should _not_ be
used in such a way!
<Well, this day's been strange,> Ranma thought as he reached Furinkan.
Worse yet, for him, was that he still didn't get anything to eat.
"Hold, foul sorcerer!"
<Well, at least some things stay the same.> "What is it, Kunou?" Ranma
asked, cracking his knuckles as he was looking forward to the upcoming
fight against the kendoist.
Anything Kunou would have said was halted as they both turned to see a
girl running towards them.
"What do you want, tomboy?" Ranma was annoyed that his fight was going
to be interrupted, though somewhat glad that Akane was here.
Without any sort of reply, Akane splashed Ranma with cold water,
instantly turning him into a girl, and turned towards Kunou. "See,
sempai? The pig-tailed girl you've been lusting after is actually
"Wha... why?" Kunou couldn't believe it. The sorcerer could change
his body. All this time Saotome made him take his attention away from
the fair Akane Tendou. And it worked perfectly. He didn't deserve
Akane's love. Seeing his fair maiden in front of him, he asked, "Why
"I couldn't stand seeing this any longer. You looked completely
pathetic," she responded, the tone of her voice serious. Her response
made Kunou feel even worse.
Seeing the scene between the two, Ranma sighed. <Finally! No more
being annoyed by him. Though I do feel a little sorry for him. Oh
well, better to know now than later.>
"I thought you only loved me. It hurt that you would love someone who
was actually a man." Looking up at him with tears forming in her eyes,
she added, "Because I love you with all my heart. I want to be the
only one you love." Right away she kissed the shocked kendoist on the
lips. After a few moments, Kunou eagerly returned the kiss, neither of
them paying any attention to Ranma having fainted.
Waking up in the nurse's office, Ranma saw that someone was also there.
His friend looked up, seemingly glad that he woke up. "I see you
finally woke up. You've been out all morning."
Ranma was relieved. So it was all a dream, those events just couldn't
have happened any other way. "I just had one of the worst nightmares
"You can tell while we're walking outside. I really want to get home."
"Isn't there still class now? Not that I want to go."
Hiroshi shook his head, a smile forming on his face. "Kunou convinced
his dad to give us today and the next few days off."
"Umm, why?" Suddenly images of the 'nightmare' came back in Ranma's
"Oh." Hiroshi eyed the door and slowly opened it. "To celebrate the
upcoming wedding between Kunou and Akane. Oh well, let's go." Right
after saying that he ran out as fast as possible.
Standing still, body noticeably twitching and slightly glowing, Ranma
was soon able to open his mouth and express just how he felt.
Many years later most Nerimans could still recall the day of the
'scream heard around the world' and the amount of damage it caused.
Having regained some sort of grip on his sanity, Ranma thought of the
<Okay, so far three girls who supposedely love me have now expressed
their love to someone else. One to a blind fool. Another to an
annoying cross dresser. And the third to Kunou. I wonder how my
grandchildren would ever react to that.>
"Grandpa Ranma! Grandpa Ranma! Who are these girls?" One of Ranma's
grandchildren asked, pointing towards a picture with three girls.
"Them? Oh they were all in love with me when I was young."
"They're pretty. Which one of them is grandma?" another asked.
"Actually, none of them. They all fell in love with someone else."
"Woah... they must have been models."
"Actually..." Ranma then proceeds to show them pictures of the guys
they fell in love with.
For a few minutes they just stared back at him. Finally one of them
was able to say something. "Wow. Our grandpa's a loser!"
<Okay, enough thinking of that!">
Ranma realized that only one thing can be done.
"So, Kodachi,... umm.... well I...." Ranma found it harder to say
something to the Black Rose than he thought. Probably because he was
also trying hard not to pay attention to someone shouting 'Oh, sempai!
I didn't know you could do that with your bokken! Harder. Harder!
HARDER!' from what seemed to be upstairs in the Kunou mansion.
Kodachi was anxious for her Ranma-sama to say something. Obviously he
was depressed over that Tendou witch having chosen her brother. Now he
was going to propose to the only one who truly loved him. Any thoughts
of her future life along with her Ranma-sama were halted for a moment
when she saw a rather deranged looking male kunoichi running towards
them, huge sword in one hand.
"I can't watch!" Cupid lamented, waiting for Urd to shoot the arrows.
"Neither can I."
"No, no! Not when you're about to shoot..."
"And, well.... Kodachi, I love you." Ranma looked up to see how the
she would react. He saw her mouthing the word 'sama', eyes sparkling
with love. <I guess this is it.>
About to hug her, Ranma hears someone scream, "Kodachi-sama!"
"Konatsu-sama!" Kodachi shouted as she ran up to Konatsu and gave him a
hug that only true loves would give.
Ranma tried not to pay attention to them as he was getting more scenes
in his head about being called 'grandpa loser.' Unfortunately, for
him, this caused Ranma to pay more attention to someone screaming in
ecstasy 'Sempai! Sempai! Sempai! I'm gonna...'
"Konatsu-sama, I would like us to be alone. Would you please tell
Ranma-sama to leave?"
"Sure thing, Kodachi-sama," Konatsu replied as he began cracking his
Back in the heavens, Cupid was giving Urd a hard stare.
"Well, it's not like we _wanted_ them to be together," Urd sheepishly
Cupid just grabbed the bow from Urd's hands and smacked her with it.
"And that's what has happened the past few days, Ryouga."
"Ranma, I feel sorry for you. But you know I'm not that way."
"What are you talking about?!" Composing himself, Ranma continued.
"Say, how're things going between you and Akari."
"Okay. She's a sweet girl but I'm still not sure if I want to spend
the rest of my life with her."
"Well, if you're not so keen on marrying her, maybe you should hand her
off to me."
"I mean, she _does_ lead a rather boring life. You need someone more
adventurous. I, on the other hand, would love to have that type of
life." While he was talking, Ranma didn't pay any attention to the
stares Ryouga was giving him. "So what do you say about that?"
Ryouga stood up, grabbed his umbrella, and provided his answer.
<Stupid... Ryouga,> Ranma thought while trying his best to walk with
two crutches, <He didn't have to hit me _that_ hard.> Even though it
was only for a week, he was almost tempted to disguise himself and go
to the Amazon village to learn how to fight using crutches.
Not seeing where he was walking, Ranma bumped into a girl with green
hair. Having dropped his crutches and lost his footing, he grabbed the
nearest thing to maintain balance. <A good thing there were these
horns here. Wait a minute, horns?>
The girl looked back at him, trembling with anger and electricity
flowing from her hands. "You! How could you..."
"An opening! Shoot!" Cupid commanded Urd.
Both Ranma (who was still holding onto the horns) and the girl felt
like a sharp object hit them. The instant they made eye contact, any
sort of love they had for each other was magnified thousands of times.
"Darling!" the girl shouted while glomping Ranma.
"Umm.. what's your name?"
The girl looked up at Ranma affectionately. "Lum."
"Lum-chan!" Ranma responded, giving Lum an equally strong hug.
"Well," Urd said, dusting off her hands, "Alls well that ends well."
"Other than the fact that Ranma will be in a huge amount of trouble
once Lum's friends find out, especially with him having to use crutches
for the next week or so," Cupid responded dryly. "Oh well," he sighed.
"Say, you want to go get a drink?"
And the two deities left, prepared to spread love to other places.
I've read a countless number of fics where Shampoo declares her hidden
love for Mousse and even read a few where Ukyou declares her love for
*Five minutes later, after Ginrai stops shuddering*
But in all of these fics, Akane declares her love for Ranma and poor
Kunou is left out. Well, enough of that! It's time that Kunou gets
the girl of his dreams. But when I started writing this I realized
that if Kunou should get the girl he wanted then so should the other
two guys. And that is how I came up with this fic.
You may now resume picking up your sharp weapons.
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