An End to the Woe
This is complicated. Where to begin... where to begin...
I guess I should explain some things. You ever hear of a 'revenge' fic?
Probably you have. If you haven't... well, let me tell you a story.
Wait, let me introduce myself first. My name is Brian Randall. Just a
guy, I write fanfiction... nothing special, really.
But I have this friend, and he gets me into trouble...
----
I rubbed my eyes and looked away from the monitor. That was... four,
now. Four fics parodying Durandall's story, and the third one to give
credit to me. I couldn't help but feel a little irked by that. It
happens, I suppose, but I know it annoys the hell out of Durandall to
have me be given the credit for something he did.
I yawned, checking the clock. It was late, and I had to open the next
day at work. Yeah, I have a crap job. Why do you think I write
fanfiction? Anyway. It was late, I should have been in bed... but I was
awake anyway. The next thing I know, reality ripples around me, and I'm
in... I don't know... I guess... it's where I go when I'm feeling
especially creative.
It's not much, really. A desk, a computer, and me. Oh yeah, and the
chair. Can't forget the chair. Of course, the first thing I notice is
that I'm my avatar, and not myself. That's fine, it normally means that
I have a good idea, and am ready to commit it to media. So I plopped
myself in the chair and set to typing... and nothing happened. I had
nothing to write.
This was bad. What the heck was I doing in a day-dream realm in my
avatar with no ideas? Then it hit me. I hadn't sent myself. Something
_pulled_ me in. Shuddering, I left. Well. I tried to. Something was
stopping me.
That was very bad.
I turned around slowly. Did I mention the chair? It swivels. Nicely,
too. The next thing I see, is that there's a pair of figures behind me.
Well, in front of me, now. I'm stunned. My avatar isn't much more of a
physical specimen than I am, so this... this is bad. I can't fight.
Well, my avatar knows how, he has to. He writes about it. But he can't
actually _do_ it.
Observations begin to trickle in through the fear. Figure one. Short
hair, brown, somewhat cute, knowing smirk... right. Nabiki. Figure two,
longer hair, domestic... duh. Kasumi. Obviously enough. Probably from
the same fic.
I manage a nervous chuckle, "Ah... hey there, girls?" It was meant to be
a statement, not a nervously questioning whimper. My avatar's got more
of a spine than me, but not much.
Wait a minute. What fic did I do something wrong by them in? The
Unbroken Circle? No... Durandall's working on that one with me, and
Kasumi wouldn't... Then I check their outfits. Kasumi doesn't typically
wear power-armor, and those blades look wicked. Nabiki's outfit is nice
but... that hand cannon looks nasty. I blink at that one. It's the
Hentai Blaster MKII 3000. I know that fic. I wrote it... but why would a
character from a fic be coming after me instead of one of the cannon
characters?
This was very very... you get the idea.
Kasumi's blade tickles my throat, while I explore just how far the chair
leans back, "Can I... help you?" My voice seems to be stuck on muffled
whimper. Probably for the best, really.
Nabiki tucks the hand-cannon into a holster, and crosses her arms across
her chest, "Brian, Brian, Brian... do you know just how much irritation
your 'Woeful Life' story caused?"
I frown, shaking my head. Kasumi's blade doesn't give me much room,
but... "I didn't write that story!"
Kasumi rolls her eyes, but the blade comes away slightly. I almost
breathe a sight of relief. Almost. Kasumi's eyes bore into me, "Right...
we believe you, really." Her tone of voice says otherwise.
Nabiki frowns, "Do you know why we were sent here?"
This puts a few pieces into place for me. They were sent here. I was
pulled here. Damn. It was a setup. "Um... no. Probably to hunt down
Durandall for writing the fic, right?"
They blink at this, then exchange a glance. Kasumi speaks first, "No.
This is about AWL. _That_ story, and the other stories it spawned."
I'm starting to get irritated at this point, but I'm also coming up with
a plan... "I didn't write it! Let me bring Durandall here, and he can
tell you the truth!"
Nabiki frowns, and draws her gun again. That, I _don't_ want to get hit
with. Expecially here. In reality, the effects could be shrugged off,
but here... she might drag me back into the fic. Or worse, into canon
reality. I wouldn't survive there... Jusenkyou curses are par for the
course, and I know _just_ which curse... or would I? "What's in that
gun?"
She blinks, and Kasumi shrugs, "Drowned girl water."
They both look dismayed as I relax a little, "Oh. Well, Durandall has
_that_ coming to him, but I'll warn you... he won't mind it very much."
That catches them off guard. I have to say, for assassins, they aren't
very good, if even _I_ can throw them off.... maybe their roles just
don't fit them well. I would have expected more efficiency from them. No
matter. I spin the chair while they're distracted, and dive for the
table.
While they're complaining, I feel a faint dampness and shifting
sensation. I can deal with that for now... but the blades reducing my
chair to sawdust don't reassure me much.
I grab the small case taped to the bottom of my desk, and tear it open.
It had a note that says 'IOU, Durry-chan.'
I think I know who set me up, at least. There's a crunching noise, as my
keyboard takes a hit. Crud. I have a backup, but... I scramble away to
the far end of the table, and grab another box. Thank god, Durandall
hasn't hit this one. I take the syringe, and inject it quickly.
The girls flip the table off me, and stare at me in dismay.
I grin, "SI serum. I kept it around for emergencies, but..."
They smirk at me. It isn't working. This is bad.
Still, I have _some_ powers. I gather them to me, and create a ball of
flame. It doesn't even faze them, so I run like hell. I can hear
Kasumi's chanting as I attempt to translate, "Darkness beyond
twilight..."
Any fan-boy worth their salt knows that _that_ phrase translates from
aggressor to common as "You are SO screwed." I didn't need to hear more.
I wasn't sure what was going on, but I couldn't translate to my own
reality. Fine.
I translate to Durandall's demesne.
He's not there. Great. I start digging through his piles of trash,
looking for some more SI serum. A sudden drain in energy tells me that
Miss Tendo (one of them) has just annihilated my realm. Lovely. I manage
to find some of Durandall's stash of SI serum, and inject myself. Stings
a bit.
His realm supports SI much better than mine, but I still need to be
wary. Kasumi and Nabiki have immunity, somehow, but everyone else
_should_ immediately succumb to my power if they see me. Unless
someone's been arming them behind my back... which might be the case. I
know that 'Vignettes' Kasumi didn't have any weapons, just magic power,
and that's where she's from. But why is she after me for 'A Woeful
Life'? Wait, scratch that. _Who_ sent them?
This should be easy. 'Vignettes' was never posted. So, it's a
pre-reader. Which one of them could it have been?
Druid? No, not his style. I get the feeling that if he wanted me dead,
he'd have done it himself. And a lot more efficiently, too. I shiver at
the thought.
Next suspect. Ginrai? No, he'd never... would he? Nah... I don't
interest him enough either way.
And... no, it _couldn't_ be him.
But... if it wasn't them, then...
Of course. I never even sent it to the pre-readers. Only one person has
access to my computer.
Durandall. He set me up. He had me post his story, so he could persuade
the cast of 'Vignettes' to do a revenge fic... but that was silly,
Nabiki and Kasumi's analogues didn't show up in the original _or_ the
parodies.
Oh well. It was him, I'm sure. Maybe he was more than just annoyed with
me, for all those other authors giving me credit. I frowned, sensing
that the Tendos were drawing near. I had to finish this, and fast. The
_last_ thing I need right now is an addiction to the SI serum, and until
I can deal with them... I can't go home.
So I summoned Durandall. In his avatar, of course.
He's an SI veteran, but I catch him off guard. Nullification, instantly.
Now he's not much more than his normal self. He can only stare at me for
a stunned moment before saying, "What the hell is this for?!"
I smirk knowingly, "I got you. You thought you were... no matter. The
Tendos are coming, and I'm going to give you to them in exchange for my
own safety."
He glares at me, but there's not much he can do. He's powerless, and I'm
a girl right now anyway. Right... need to take care of that. SI
powers... He manages an envious sigh before the Tendos appear. I'm not
going to explore that further. His life... his choice. If he's an SI
veteran, why doesn't he...
Kasumi and Nabiki step out of a portal, behind a stack of the trash
Durandall's got accumulated. Kasumi looks irate, while Nabiki looks...
furious. Though that Iczel armor looks _nice_ on her... She spits in my
direction, "What the heck are you doing, attacking this innocent guy?"
I blink, and look at Durandall, "Hey... YOU wrote 'A Woeful Life',
didn't you?"
He nods, "Oh, yeah. Why... what's this about?"
Kasumi grimaces, "No... sorry, _Brian_ wrote it."
I'm getting angry at this point, but I doubt I can fight them. Even if I
had the power to fight them, I'm just too nervous to use the SI powers.
If I can't talk them out of this... "Who sent you two?"
They share a wince, and Kasumi hands a picture to Durandall, "This is...
our employer."
Durandall looks at the picture and starts laughing his head off.
This is very very very... you know the drill.
Nervously, I snatch the picture away from him, and look at it.
It's me. Not my avatar, _me_.
Oh. Damn. How the _hell_ did I pull that off?
I look up, but the Tendos are smirking at me, while Durandall drops an
empty syringe. Not good.
"I'm sending you home. Don't read too many of the e-mails saying you
wrote it. You might start to believe them."
I can only nod at this point, he's got the SI powers, so... he's right.
I'm going home, then.
He dispels the Tendos, and then I vanish.
-----
And that's why I find myself here, back in reality. And the moral of the
story, my friends, is never post for someone else. Or you get your name
stuck on someone else's stories. Or even worse, associated with
SI/Revengefics.
And, uh, if anyone asks, this was written by Durandall. Really!
-----
Actually, Brian wrote it. Honest!
-----
Written by: Brian Randall and Durandall. (This time we mean it.)
--
Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the thing to blame.