[RANMA][FUZION] - [COMEDY][LANGUAGE][VIOLENCE]
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WHAT IF?? Takes on the Multiverse!
An Anything-Goes Spamfic
Section 31, Part I, Tab C, Answer 42
A Ranma 1/2 Fan-Fiction
-= By Gendou Knepper =-
Early Draft - Unfinished Concept Paper
Released to FFML - Alpha Version 0.001
Ranma 1/2 characters & situations created and copyright by:
Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan/Kitty/Fuji/Viz/etc.
Other copyrights are owned by the respective copyright owners.
All copywritten material is used without permission.
All other material is (c)2000 Gendou Knepper
This story is a Fan-Fiction, and as such, is written for entertainment purposes only. So don't sue me. I don't have any money anyway.
Please be advised that this story contains language and violence that may be unsuitable for younger audiences.
This story takes place in an alternate dimension, so characters may act out of character.
Characterizations, characters and situations are used from both the manga and the anime.
The writer subscribes to an eclectic mix of American and Commonwealth English. Any and all spelling and grammatical errors are his own.
The writer would like to thank his pre-readers, Chris Bookless and Justin Tarlton, for their help and support. Thanks guys.
Praise, comments, creative criticism and questions may be sent to: gendou_knepper@hotmail.com
Flames, insults and general stupidity will be ignored.
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[Scene: Inside the Average Pair Lair, Hiroshi and Daisuke are plotting to take over the world using an Iconian sub-dimensional portal they stole from another bizzare self-insert fan-fiction.]
Hiroshi: (running his fingers through his hair) We've done it! We've done it! (laughs manaically) Soon, WE will rule the Ranmaverse! And we'll rename it: the Hiroshi&Daisukeverse!!
Daisuke: (head inside a panel) Indeed. After I make a few adjustments, we can finally start this baby up. (muttering) I still like Daisuke&Hiroshiverse. Damn coin toss.
Hiroshi: (looking abashed) Uh, what if we were to start it now?
Daisuke: (bangs head inside panel) Ite! Don't even joke like that!
Hiroshi: (backing away from flashing red button) Uhm. Oops?
Daisuke: (jumping up) Oops? Oops? What oops? No oops!
Hiroshi: (glancing at blinking panel) What does "Core Overload" mean?
Daisuke: (confused tone) You can read Iconian? (shakes head, screams) AIEEEE!! We're gonna DIE!!! The reverse tetryon quantum-ion polarity generator (Daisuke is a 1997 graduate of the O'Brien-Scott School of Technobabble and a 1998 LaForge Merit Scholarship Award Winner) can't handle this kind of stress! Augh! (begins running around and screaming)
Hiroshi: (rushing over to his friend) What do we do??
Daisuke: (calmly) When the core implodes, all of the multiverses will be compacted into a few basic patterns, with this universe providing the template for the majority. (screaming) We're gonna DIE!!!
Hiroshi: (calmly) Oh. Ok. (panicking) Daisuke, there's something I need to tell you, man. I love yo...
Daisuke: (flatly) Too late.
.o0 Universe Implodes 0o.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-= Friends =-
[Scene: Inside Chandler and Monica's Apartment. Chandler is lying on the couch, reading a document. Several others are lying around him on the floor, some poking out from an open briefcase beside him. They appear to be finacial reports of some kind. A shot over his shoulder reveals a shonen manga hidden inside one of the reports. Suddenly, the door slams open, revealing a pissed-off Joey, who is wearing a spotted bandanna and carrying a bamboo umbrella.]
Joey: DIE BING!!! (charges Chandler)
Chandler: (sitting up) AUGH! Joey! Whaddya think yer doing??
Joey: You destroyed my happiness! Because of you, I've seen HELL!!! (extends umbrella and leaps at Chandler)
Chandler: (dodging blow) Aw, whattsa matter, C-Chan? (Joey snarls at this and swings another blow at Chandler, who easily avoids it) Did Monica accidentaly sit on you again?
Joey: (steaming) You leave Monica out of this! She's too good for you! You don't love her! (hurls bandanna-shuriken at Chandler)
Chandler: (dodging) Who'd ever love a sexless uncute tomboy like her anyway???
Joey: GRRRRR!!!
[Fight continues indefinitely]
**************
[Scene: Inside Joey and Rachel's Apartment. Apartment is empty except for Duck, who is wandering around looking lost. Just then, Rachel comes in. She flips through the mail, then walks back to her room without seeing Duck. Duck, who was investigating something interesting on the floor, misses her entrance and exit completely. Suddenly, the door to the apartment explodes, revealing Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Ok, where silly fashion girl? {spots Duck) What Duck doing here? (Phoebe goes to the sink and fills a glass with hot water. Pouring the glass over the duck, she stands back.) Where fashion-girl, duck-boy?
Ross: (looking around blindly) Phoebe, you saved me! I love you, Phoebe!! (glomps onto a potted plant before Phoebe knocks him out)
Phoebe: Stupid Ross. (sees Rachel walking out from her room) You, fashion-girl, you no bother Chandler, you hear?
Rachel: (smiling menacingly) The only one bothering him is you, sugar. (draws a huge coat hanger from behind her back) I think you'd better go now.
Phoebe: (smiling even more menacingly) Fashion-girl wanna fight! Good! Obstacles is for killing!!!!
[Both close distance and engage in close-quarters combat. Phoebe obviously has the greater skill, but her lack of weapons makes the match about even. Fighting continues unabated. Both ignore Ross, who is still on the floor, unconcious.]
*************
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's Apartment, or rather, what's left of the apartment. The place is a disaster-area. In the center of the shattered floor, Chandler and Joey sit back to back, leaning on each other, panting. Both are in, if possible, worse shape than the apartment.]
Joey: As soon as I (pant) catch my (pant, pant) breath, I'm gonna (pant) kill you.
Chandler: Just you (pant) try it (pant) C-Chan.
Joey: Quit calling (pant, pant) me that!
[Just then, Monica enters the apartment, carrying some groceries. When she sees the destruction, she drops the bags and screams.]
Chandler: (panicked) Wait, Mon, I can explain!
Monica: (angrily) Explain WHAT, Chandler? (advances on Chandler) You've been picking on Joey again, haven't you?
[Joey begans to inch away from the two, his self-preservation instinct kicking in. Chandler just stares at Monica.]
Chandler: (shocked) What?? (points at Joey) He started it!
Monica: (yelling) Stop making excuses, Chandler! You're always picking on Joey!
Chandler: (now angry as well) What? You...you...you are SO uncute!!
[Monica's battle-aura flares up around her. Reaching into Hammerspace(tm), she withdraws the Great Big Mallet(tm)]
Monica: (screaming) CHANDLER NO BAKA!!!! (slams Chandler through the roof into Low Earth Orbit) Hmph! (storms angrily into her room and slams the door. The little duck-plaque with the name "Monica" on it falls off and hits the floor.)
[Joey starts to leave when a damaged water pipe suddenly bursts, drenching him with cold water.]
Joey: (clucking)
[Monica hears the noise of the pipe and comes out of her room. She stares at the spray, then at the tangle of wet clothes on the floor. She picks at them curiously, then gasps in happy surprise.]
Monica: C-Chan! (picks up the little chick in her arms and hugs it)
C-Chan: (clucks happily and snuggles up against Monica)
=======================================================================
-= Newsradio =-
[Scene: Dave's Office. Dave is sitting at his desk, sleeping. Suddenly, the door flies open and Jimmy James steps in. He draws a bucket of water from behind him and splashes Dave, who immediately turns into a girl (ie: Dave in drag from the Halloween Party episode).]
Jimmy: Foolish boy! Sleeping when you should be practicing!
Dave-chan: (sputtering) Whad'ja do that for, old man??
Jimmy: Look at you! What kind of a man do you call yourself??
[Dave-chan's response is interrupted by Bill, who runs in and glomps onto Dave-chan.]
Bill: (estatic) Oh, short-haired girl, I love thee. I will allow you to date with me.
Dave-Chan: (disgusted) Get offa me, Macneil! (throws Bill through the plate-window in the front of the office)
Bill: (off-screen - groggily) That hurt, you know.
Katherine: (off-screen) C'mon Macneil-baby, let's get you to the infirmary. (pause) That'll be twenty-five dollars.
[Dave-chan stares after them for minute, wide-eyed, then continues glaring at Jimmy.]
Dave-chan: This is all you fault, pop.
Jimmy: (sagely) The path of a broadcaster is fraught with peril.
[Just then, Beth walks in with the usual cup of coffee]
Beth: Husband throw cane-boy through window?
Dave-chan: (exasperated) I'm not your husband!
Beth: (splashes coffee on Dave-chan, who reverts back to a man) Now you is.
Dave: (screaming) HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!
(Beth takes advantage of his distraction by leaping across the desk and into his lap)
Beth: (rubbing up against Dave contentedly) Beth love husband.
Dave: (excitedly) No no no! Get offa me, Beth! What if Lisa sees??
Lisa (walking in) What if I see what, Dave? (spots Beth and Dave in a rather compromising position and begins to get angry.) You mean what if I see you molesting Beth, you pervert??
Dave: (excitedly waving hands in front of him) It's not what you think, Lisa!!
Lisa: (even more angry) Then just what is it, DAVE?
[Dave is struggling to extricate himself from Beth's tenacious grip and appears to be thinking of an decent explanation when Matthew walks in, narrowly missing the doorframe.]
Matthew: (glomping Jimmy) Darling Beth!!! How I've missed you!
Jimmy: (pushes Matthew's glasses down over his eyes and responds flatly) Over there, boy. (points to where Dave and Beth are still in the chair)
Matthew: (adjusting his glasses) Beth? (eyes narrow) Dave! How dare you do this to Beth! Prepare to die!! (hundreds of chains made from paperclips explode from his sleeves and wrap around Dave)
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-= Star Trek: The Next Generation =-
[Scene: The bridge of the Enterprise D. Picard is asleep in the captain's chair, while Riker lounges in his, looking bored. Troi is reading a book in her chair. Worf is at tactical, but sneaks a look at Riker every once in a while and sneers.]
Riker: (bored tone) I am SO bored.
Troi: (speaks without looking up from her book - annoyed tone) Why don't you do your homework?
Riker: I said I was bored, not crazy.
Troi: (under her breath) Baka.
Worf: (to Riker) Hey faggot, there's something on the sensors.
Riker: (excitedly sitting up) Awright! A fight!
[A viewscreen image of a Klingon Bird of Prey is replaced by a closeup of Gowron. He has a big grin on his face. Troi looks annoyed, Riker looks upset and Worf looks just plain pissed.]
Gowron: Willy m'boy, how's my favorite student?
Riker: I ain'tcher student!
Worf: GOWRON! I'm gonna kill you, old man!
Gowron: [grin grows wider] Well, well, well, if it isn't Worf son of . . . no-one! Hahahahaha!
Worf: Don't call me that! DIE GOWRON!!! [slams fist into console]
[A massive spread of phasers and photon torpedoes explodes from the Enterprise toward the tiny B'rel-class Bird of Prey. At the last second, the little ship dodges to the side, allowing the burst to pass harmlessly.]
Gowron: That wasn't nice. I'm going to have to teach you a lesson!
[A shimmering red light appears on the bridge. When it fades, Gowron is standing there.]
Gowron: (spotting Troi) Hot'cha! DEANNA!!! (glomps onto her chest)
Troi: (screaming) HENTAI!!! (smashes Gowron into the deck with her fist)
[The commotion wakes Picard up. Picard stretches, yawns, and sees Gowron. Picard screams.]
Picard: Master!!
Gowron: (dusting himself off) Jean-Luc! You need to teach these whelps some respect!
Picard: Yes master! (slaps Riker in the back of the head) Show the master some respect, boy!
Riker: (angrily) I ain't bowin' and scrapin' to that old freak!
Picard: (groveling in front of Gowron) Master, please forgive the boy! He's young and inexperienced in the ways of the world!
Gowron: (smoking a long thin pipe) I can see that. Maybe I should take him on a (evil grin) training trip.
[Everyone on the bridge except for Gowron and Worf facefaults]
Picard: (still groveling) Oh master, please give us another chance. I'll teach the boy some manners!
Gowron: (nodding sagely) See that you do, Jean-Luc. Now, where is my room?
Riker: Y-y-y-you're staying? (looks horrified)
Gowron: (looks offended) Of course I am! And it's the responsibilty of my students to take care of me in (manages to look pitiful) my declining years.
Riker: (sotto voce) Declining my ass.
Picard: Deanna, please show the master to his quarters.
Troi: (smiles faintly) Sure, Uncle Picard. (gestures to Gowron) Come with me, Grandfather Gowron.
[Gowron follows Troi off the bridge, maintaining a careful distance from her. Worf snarls at him as he passes. Picard gets up and dusts himself off, straightening his tunic as he does. He glances at the turbolift doors, which have just closed]
Picard: (wipes away a tear) What a brave girl to be alone with the master like that. (turns on Riker suddenly, shouting) You should be down on your knees thanking me for getting you a fiancee like her!
Riker: (looks shocked, makes a promise pose, extending his third and fourth fingers) WHAT? ME?? THAT UNCUTE TOMBOY???
[Any further discussion is interrupted by a bandanna-wearing Data coming out of Picard's ready room. He looks around in befuddlement.]
Data: WHERE ON THE SHIP AM I????
Riker: (grinning) Lost again, Spot?
Data: (spotting Riker, growls) Stop calling me that, Will!
Riker: Oooh, you gonna make me?
Data: DIE RIKER!!! [leaps into the air, swinging an umbrella out of nowhere]
Riker: Heh. (dodges to one side, grabbing Data by the arm) Time to go bye-bye, lost-droid. (swings Data around and into a console, which explodes)
Data: (grunts) You'll hav to do better than that! (jumps to his feet) And where's Deanna??
Riker: She went to take Gowron to his quarters. (throws a punch at Data. Data dodges easily)
Data: Gowron's here? And Deanna is with him? Alone?? (sighs gloomily) That makes me (pauses) depressed.
[Everyone on the bridge scrambles for cover except Worf. Worf is watching the proceedings with a big grin, obviously enjoying himself]
Riker: (lamely) Uh . . . (looks around him for a hiding place)
Data: (aims his hands at Riker and screams) SHI SHI HOKODAN! (a massive wave of superheated air explodes from his hands and slams into Riker)
Riker: AAAUUUGH!! (flies past Worf and smashes into a console, which also explodes)
Data: (gazing at Riker) Heh heh heh.
Worf: (looking down at Riker's crumpled body) You okay, fem-boy?
Riker: (groans) I'm fine. (pushes himself to his feet) I never lose. (aims his hands at Data and screams) MOKO TAKABISHA!!! (a ball of flaming energy bursts from his hands and washes over Data, slamming him into the main viewscreen)
Data: Ugh. (peels himself off of the screen, leaving a Data-shaped indentation) You'll pay for that, Riker. (puts his hands together for another burst when the sprinklers come on, activated by the flaming Moko Takabisha)
[Editors Note: Yes, I know the Enterprise uses a field-based fire-containment system, but this is a parody, and a Ranma parody at that.)
Neko-Data: (looks like Spot) Meow.
Riker-chan: (looks like Ro Laren) Augh! A c-c-c-cat!
Monster-Worf: (looks like Fehk'lar) Rrrraurgh!!!
Panda-Picard: (looks like, well, a panda) Growf.
=======================================================================
-= The X-Files =-
[Scene: Inside a top-secret facilty. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are sitting across from the Cigarette-Smoking Man and Deep Throat.]
Mulder: (annoyed) Aw, man! C'mon pop, for the last time, I'm not marrying her.
Cigarette-Smoking Man: (sagely) It's a matter of family honor, boy!
Scully: (angrily) Who say's I want to marry that stupid pervert anyway??
Deep Throat: (sobbing) WAAAAUGH!! My daughter doesn't love her fiancee! (continues wailing)
Scully: (embarassed) Daddy, please!
Mulder: (stubborn) I ain't marrying no-one, not her, not anyone!
[The door to the facility suddenly opens, revealing Alex Krycek. Krycek snarls at Mulder.]
Krycek: Fox, because of you, I've seen HELL!!! (charges at Mulder, slamming the door shut behind him) DIE MULDER!!!
Mulder: Aw man. (makes short work of Krycek) Ya finished, Quiqueg? (kneels on Krycek's back, pinning his hands behind him)
Kryeck: (snarls) Quit calling me that!! (struggles vainly to get away)
Scully: (angrily) Fox, leave him alone! Quit picking on poor Alex!
Mulder: (annoyed) He started it!
Scully: (still angry) You always say that. Stop making excuses!
[Suddenly, the door Alex came in explodes off it's hinges. When the dust settles, Jeffrey Spender, Cassandra Spender and Marita Covarubbias are standing in the gaping hole]
Marita: (perkily) Nihou, Fox!
[Chinese fanfare plays]
Mulder: (shocked) Marita!
Cassandra: Well, son-in-law, I see you've easily beaten Alex. And after I took such a long time to train him too.
Mulder: (preening) Well, you know me . . .
Jeffrey: (sullenly) Yes, unfortunately. (Cassandra smacks him in the head with her cane, knocking his glasses off) Ow! Stop that, old ghoul! (begins to blindly search for his glasses on the floor)
[Melissa Scully walks in from nowhere (the kitchen, maybe?) and sees the mess.]
Melissa: (surprised) Oh my! We have guests. Good thing I made enough soup.
Cassandra: (smiling) Don't mind us, dearie. We're just here to get Marita's groom, then we'll be on our way.
Melissa: (smiles brightly) Oh, how nice.
Mulder: (peeved) I ain't nobody's groom.
[The alien bounty-hunter enters the room and runs through carrying a big bag on his shoulders]
Bounty-Hunter: (happily) What-a-haul, what-a-haul! (exits room on the other side)
[Everyone stares after the bounty-hunter for a few seconds. Finally, they shake themselves out of whatever revery they were in and go back to the business at hand]
CSM: (earnestly) Son, it's a matter of honor that you marry Dana and unite our two schools. (grabs a microphone from somewhere and strikes a proud pose) Soon, the two schools of Anything-Goes Conspiracy-Making will be united.
Mulder: (with finality) I ain't marrying nobody, 'specially not her! (points to Scully, who sniffs and turns her back to him)
[Deep Throat's head suddenly becomes huge and flaming - a massive forked tongue darts in and out and smoke fills the room]
Deep Throat: (deep voice) WHAT DID YOU SAY?? WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY DAUGHTER???
Mulder: (frightened,strikes a promise pose) I-I-I-I didn't say nothin' yet!
Deep Throat: (relaxing his Demon-Head Attack(TM)) Oh, so you didn't.
Krycek: (peevishly) Uhm, could someone let me up?
[Everyone looks. Krycek is still pinned under Mulder]
Mulder: (embarassed) Oh. Sorry, man. (lets Krycek up) You ok?
Krycek: (snaps) What do you care? (brushes himself off)
Mulder: (angrily) Fine, see if I care!
Krycek: Fine! (flexes left arm, which crackles like cellophane) Eep. (clutches arm and goes down) Ow.
[Scully, looking concerned, rushes to the phone and makes a call]
Mulder: (grinning maliciously) You don't look so good, Quiqueg.
Krycek: (in obvious pain) Shut UP, Fox!
Scully: (from by the phone) I called Dr. Skinner so he could come and look at poor Alex's arm. (moves to Krycek's side) Are you ok?
Krycek: (bravely) I'll be okay.
Skinner: (from doorway) What happened to Alex?
Scully: (peeved) Fox beat him up again. (Mulder rolls his eyes)
Skinner: (nodding) Let me look at it. (kneels next to Krycek and begins feeling the arm) It doesn't seem to be broken. Could be sprained, though.
Melissa: (concerned) Oh, Doctor, will he be alright?
Skinner: (seeing Melissa for the first time) M-m-m-melissa! (glasses fog up) What a surprise to see you here! (laughs nervously) Are you sick? (absently bends Krycek's arm in a manner in which it is clearly not meant to bend. Krycek whimpers and passes out)
Melissa: (brightly) Oh, Doctor Skinner, you're so funny. Can I get you some tea?
Skinner: (still flustered) Tea? Wh-why yes, that would be lovely, wouldn't it, Betty-chan? (looking at a shocked Scully)
[Suddenly, the Lone Gunman appear from nowhere.]
Byers: (wielding a bokken) Dana Scully, I would date with you! Frohike, assist me!
Frohike: (wearing a ninja suit) Yes, Master Byers, I will distract Fox Mulder while you date with Dana Scully!
Langley: (wearing a leotard and spinning a ribbon about him)(falsetto)OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! Fox-Darling, I've come to rescue you from that evil Dana Scully!
Mulder: (disturbed) And they call *me* a pervert.
=======================================================================
-= Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy =-
[Scene: Inside the Heart of Gold. Everyone is on the bridge.]
Arthur Dent: (shouting) FORD PREFECT, PREPARE TO DIE!!! (leaps into the air and attacks Ford)
Ford Prefect: (disgusted) Aw, man! What is it this time, P-Chan? (defends himself)
Trillian: (angry) Stop picking on Arthur, Ford!
Zaphod Beeblebrox: (starry-eyed) Trillian! I would date with thee!
Marvin: (crying) WAAAAUGHH! My daughter is being molested by a pervert! (continues crying)
Infinite Number of Monkeys: (whispering amongst themselves) Do you think they'll stay engaged? Do you think she will marry a pervert like him? Do you think he'll marry someone so abusive? (continues gossiping)
[Editor's Note: We are halting this parody because it is WRONG.]
=======================================================================
-= Star Wars: Episode I =-
[Scene: In the Hanger on Theed - Everyone is present, it seems.]
Darth Maul: (shouting) For stealing Jar-Jar from me, Obi-Wan, you must DIE! (ignites lightsaber and attacks Obi-Wan)
Jar-Jar: (angrily) Husband no stealing mesa!
Obi-Wan: (annoyed) I'm not your husband, Jar-Jar! (defends himself)
Maul: (attacking viciously) Die now, you enemy of Gungans! (swings saber at Obi-Wan)
Obi-Wan: (insulted) Hey! (jumps vertically onto a catwalk above, Maul follows) What're you talking about? (slams a blow to the side of Maul's head)
Jar-Jar: (proudly) Go husband, kill stupid Darth Maul!
Shmi Skywalker: (impressed) Well, son-in-law, you're doing well.
Darth Sidious and Qui-Gon Jinn: (waving little flags) Go son!
Amidala: (sotto voce) Stupid pervert.
[Fight continues, with Obi-Wan maintaining the upper hand]
Anakin Skywalker: (rushing into the room) OBI-WAN!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO AMIDALA???
Obi-Wan: (peeved) This is the LAST thing I need. (dodges simultaneous blows from Darth Maul and Anakin)
Jar-Jar: (ticked) Maul, you no hurts husband! (glomps Obi-Wan) Airen!
Obi-Wan: (excited) Hey, get offa me!
Maul: (angrily) Molesting Jar-Jar, and in front of me no less! You must pay for this insult!!!
Anakin: (angrily) Molesting Jar-Jar, and in front of Amidala no less! You must pay for this insult!!!
Obi-Wan: (still prying at Jar-Jar) Get off, I tell ya!
Amidala: (flaming battle aura) Obi-Wan, you PERVERT!!! (slams him into the roof with a mallet)
[Door to the hanger opens and Jabba-the-Hutt bounces in, wearing a mask and carrying a large bag on his back. All action stops as everyone focuses on him.]
Jabba: (excited) Hotcha! Amidala, my sweet!! (glomps onto her chest, crushing her to the floor and killing her instantly)
=======================================================================
-= Nash Bridges =-
[Scene: Main floor of the SIU boat. Everyone is present.]
Joe Dominguez: (angry) DIE NASH! Because of you, I've seen HELL!!
Nash Bridges: (exsaperated) Again?
=======================================================================
-= Neon Genesis Evangelion =-
[Scene: Inside NERV headquarters, inside one of the Eva launch bays.]
Gendou: (angrily) Shinji, you must marry Asuka and carry on the Anything-Goes Human Instrumentality School with her!
Shinji: (angrily) Shut UP, old man! I ain't marrying anybody!
Asuka: (angrily) Who'd marry a pervert like you anyway?
Kouzou: (sobbing) WAHHHH!! My daughter's marrying a pervert! WAHHHH!!
Gendou: (annoyed) She was talking about Shinji, Fuyutsuki-kun!
Kouzou: (sobbing) WAHHHH!! My daughter's fiancee is a pervert! WAHHHH!
=======================================================================
-= The Matrix =-
[Scene: Inside the Matrix.]
Trinity: NEO NO BAKA! (slams Neo into Low Earth Orbit with a hyperdimensional hammer)
Neo: (fading into distance)KAWAIIKUNEE!
=======================================================================
-= X-Men =-
[Scene: Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.]
Logan: (screaming) Cyclops, because of you, I've seen HELL!!!! (leaps at Scott)
Scott: (annoyed) Aw, man, W-Chan, whaddid I do now?
Logan: (swinging viciously at Scott) You take back what you said to Jean!
Scott: (dodging) Why should I take it back? She IS an uncute, unsexy tomboy!
Jean: (slamming Scott into the ground with a mallet) SCOTT NO BAKA!!!!
Scott: (moaning) Uncute . . .
Logan: (gloating) Heh.
=======================================================================
-= King Lear =-
[Scene: Inside Lear's castle.]
Lear: (wailing) WAAAAHHHH!! My youngest daughter doesn't love me! WAAAHHH!!!
Regan: (concerned) Oh my. Please daddy, don't cry. Everything will be ok. I'm sure she didn't mean it like that. (comforts Lear)
Goneril: (bored) Sis? I think we're suppose to be evil?
Regan: (petulant) I just don't DO evil well, though.
[Editor's note: We are ending this parody due to the fact that Kasumi just can't do evil. Sorry. We tried. Don't blame us. Blame her.]
Lear: (demon-head attack) NO ONE IS BLAMING KASUMI FOR ANYTHING!
[Editor's note: NO! Of course not! (nervous laugh) No one will blame Kasumi! Certainly not us! No! (nudges reader) Right? RIGHT?]
=======================================================================
-= Batman =-
[Scene: A dark street in Gotham. (yes, I know, they're *all* dark)]
Penguin: (swinging umbrella at Batman) Yes, I'm going on a long trip! But before I go, I have one thing to do. Beat the hell out of you, Bruce! (lunges viciously)
Batman: (dodging narrowly) Geez P-Chan, that's a little COLD.
Penguin: (screaming angrily) AUUUGGH!!! (lunges again and again)
Batman: (dodges again and again) Heh. (knocks Penguin into Gotham river) Ooops! (grins) So sorry!
Penguin: (makes angry penguin noises) Bwaak!
Batman: (grinning) See ya, P-chan! (starts to run off)
Penguin: (makes really angry penguin noises) BWAAAK! (trips Batman into the river)
Batman-chan: (annoyed) What'dja go and do that for??? (crawls out of river)
Joker: (appearing out of nowhere) Oh my love! Allow me to date with thee!! (glomps Batman-chan) I shall free thee from that accursed sorceror, Bruce Wayne! (snuggles)
Batman-chan: AUGH! (tries to get away) Geddoffame!!! (slams Joker into Low Earth Orbit) Yeesh.
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Authors Notes
Ok, this is a sillyfic fuzion I wrote because I was REALLY REALLY BORED and I was suffering from writers block. Sorry.
Uhm, any more ideas, people?
I THRIVE ON COMMENTS! PLEASE! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!
Heh heh heh.
Gendou no baka.
Anyway, let me know.
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