charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4133.2400
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4133.2400
X-archive-position: 16613
X-listar-version: Listar v0.128a
Sender: ffml-bounce@fanfic.com
Errors-To: ffml-bounce@fanfic.com
X-original-sender: kagato@bellsouth.net
Precedence: bulk
X-list: ffml
[The following text is in the "iso-8859-1" character set]
[Your display is set for the "US-ASCII" character set]
[Some characters may be displayed incorrectly]
I sit here with several dozen puncture marks on my arm from some failed
attempt at prompting cohesive thought through ramming straws through my
flesh. I always thought it would be someone else reading about me. I've got
a file marked "In Case of Suicide, break open file and send to...". It's my
suicide note with an addy to all of my friends and compatriots, thanking
them for the time we've spent together. I wonder what makes some of us
simply enjoy the view from the precipise, why some of us jump, and why a few
of us are lucky enough to bounce.
There's another special file I have, a file I started collecting of a
special sort of response I got to Suicide Blast. It's a file that contains
shared stories of suicide, depression and the odd snippet of hope. People
started sending them to me, and being a sentimental sort, I saved them all.
I tried my damnest to reply to them all as well, I can only hope I never
missed one.
I can't remember Ben Kosse precisly, I'm terrible with names, always have
been. But the name rang a bell, and I have to be honest, I don't believe
I've ever read his fic. I very carefully turned to my "special file" to look
him up, not sure what I was going to do should I find it, read it over and
over I guess.
It's gone... the whole file. My roommate has been working on my computer,
did a few reformats, he must have wiped it out at some point. I'll never
know. My own suicide note is there though, he seems to have missed that.
...<delete>...
I don't know if I owe you that or not Ben Kosse. Maybe it's just something I
owed to myself that you helped remind me. We shared a couple things in
common, think I'll narrow that down, for now. We'll just be fellow fic
writers...
As for the request, in an effort to keep this whole situation from turning
into... well, I can't say it would ever really be Spam, but I wouldn't want
it to even hint that it might turn to such... feel free to send any comments
or feelings to me at kagato@bellsouth.net. I'll compile and post them as one
when I feel the time is right. I'll even add the ones already posted, if
they will give their permission.
If you don't have anything much to say, or simply can't find the words, we
can take it as an obligatory moment of silence. Sometimes, that's all you
can say...