Okay, here's to luck in sending. It's in .txt format, so it should
(reasonably) work.
BTW--I have given some thought to changing the title. If anyone has a
suggestion, please do not hesitate to send it down my way.
Laters
Adrian D. Rainman
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: omsw.txt
Ranma 1/2 and all characters are created by Rumiko Takahashi. The
Amazons...well, I'll lay tenitive claim to them for now. ^_^
One Man, Six Wives
Chapter One
Meet Ranma... and His Six Wives
"Man, I hate it when it rains."
"No kidding, Hiroshi. It's pouring buckets out there. I think I'll wait
here at your place until it stops."
"All right, Daisuke. I'll just tell mom that-huh?"
"What is it?"
The curly haired youth cocked his head to one side. "Man, it sounded like...
singing."
Daisuke looked at his friend. "Out in that weather? It's not even fit for
dogs, let alone-what?" He stopped in mid-comment, straining his hearing as
far as he could.
"You hear it, too?"
"Yeah. It does sound like singing." Daisuke's eyes widened. "Look out
there!"
"What is it?" Hiroshi scanned the area. "I don't see anything."
"Are you saying you don't see all those lovely babes in the rain with
umbrellas riding on the back of a panda?"
"Where?! Where?! Where?!" Drooling with lust, the other boy eagerly looked
every which way until his eyes locked onto the sight his companion described.
"Sweeeet!!" he said, letting the word drag out after he stuff his lolling
tongue back into his mouth. "Six sexy babes with scrumptious bods, and-oh
yeah!-no pants--! Oh, man, I'm in love!!" Hiroshi declared dramatically.
The black-haired boy nodded vigorously. "I bet they're pretty-"
"More than pretty; they're hot!"
He conceded that point, then continued. "Betcha it's cold out there, though."
"Yeah, yeah, it's cold," Hiroshi absently said, not tearing away his
lecherous gaze.
"I bet they're getting cold out there since they don't have pants..."
"Yeah, yeah..."
"You know, we could invite them in so they can get... warmed up..."
"Yeah, ye-" Hiroshi blinked out of his trance, then looked at his buddy.
Daisuke looked back in kind, then they both grinned lecherously.
"Oh, girls..." they said simultaneously, throwing on their rain jackets and
shoes.
* * * * *
Six young women with similar odango hairstyles were indeed sitting atop of a
large panda that lumbered down the streets of Nerima. Before the bear and
the umbrella-carrying girls were two people, of which one came up to the knee
of the considerably taller one and carried a gnarled, wooden staff. They
were dressed in heavy yellow slickers with oversized hoods and galoshes, and
they seemed to be the ones in charge of the girls.
Nearly all the people that they passed had stopped to stare at the scene
unfolding before them. Surprisingly, most stopped not for the bizarreness of
the situation, nor for the intense beauty of the young women. Indeed, what
had captured their attention the most was that the Chinese sextuplet, an
observation made from the style of their clothing, were harmoniously singing
a song in english with all of their hearts.
"I love him! I love him! I love him!
And where he goes, I'll follow! I'll follow! I'll follow!
My true love! My true love! My true love!
And where he goes, I'll follow! I'll follow! I'll follow!"
Just about everyone listened to them intensely, despite that those were the
only words of the song they sang, possibly because that was all of the song
they knew. Nonetheless, it sounded quite good.
"Girls! Girls!"
The entourage paused at the insistent shouting. All heads simultaneously
swiveled around to face the owner of the voice. They found themselves
looking upon two youths wearing raincoats and holding umbrellas along with
hungry grins.
"Wow, what a pretty song you all sing. Uh, you chicks want to come over to
our house and..." The copper-haired boy seemed to drool a bit in his pause.
"...get warmed up?"
"Nah, we're almost wherever we're suppose to be going to," the tall person
wearing the heavy slicker spoke up.
"Oh, come on," the other guy pleaded. "Can't you lovely ladies spare us just
a few minutes? We know all sorts of things to get you all... warm..."
Daisuke edged in a little closer, fingers tensing.
A girl with sliverish hair slipped off the panda easily. Raising a hand, her
lips moved, speaking something softly. The two guys were too entranced with
her figure to notice how the rains began to swirl about both her and
themselves. Suddenly, a hard blast of wind flung them back nearly thirty
feet before they plummeted into a nearby open dumpster.
"That was a bit much, Frost," the tall slicker-wearer said.
The young woman frowned, finding her soft-soled gray shoes very interesting
at the moment.
"I'm not mad or anything. Just be careful, okay? Not everyone is a rugged
fighter, you know."
Frost looked back up, smiling a bit.
The person smiled back. "That's better. Come on, let's go."
Nodding, the platinum-haired girl slid back upon the panda. Once seated, the
troupe set off again.
* * * * *
"Ow..." Daisuke groaned, crawling out of the dumpster. "That hurt... that
hurt a lot..." He painstakingly helped Hiroshi get out as well.
"Daisuke..." the boy's friend said, lying on the rain-soaked ground.
"Yeah, Hiroshi?"
"I think she likes me..."
The thought of facefaulting hurt too much, so the black-haired boy settled
for thumping his buddy on the head.
* * * * *
"So, daddy, what is this Ranma person like?"
A man around his late thirties to early forties wearing a burgundy gi beamed
for a moment before frowning to himself. "I have no idea."
The brunette with the sharply cut hairstyle and blue kimono lost the smile
she had moments ago and adopted a disaproving look. "You don't know?"
"I never met him before."
"Great," a younger-looking girl with long, black hair and a sweaty, yellow gi
fumed in disgust. "For all we know, Dad just engaged us to a pervert!"
"Really, Father," the oldest of the three girls said, shaking her head as she
idly straightened out her dress and apron.
=DING DONG=
"Ooh, that must be him now!" The girl wearing the kimono hopped up and
quickly made her way to the front door. Her father followed suit. Seconds
later, she came tearing back to the room where the family meeting was being
held, her eyes wide with panic. The elder man was backpedaling in shock.
"Dad, Nabiki! What's going on?" The youngest of the three daughters rose
up, taking a defensive position.
"Th-there's a panda at the door!" Nabiki nearly shrieked.
"With six girls riding on it!" her father added.
As if to give proof to her claim, a huge, miserable-looking panda lumbered
into view with the six girls still sitting on the beast's back. Behind them
came the two people, slickers donned with their faces hidden by the shadows
of the hoods.
"Friends of yours, Father?" the oldest daughter asked.
He shook his head violently, long, raven black hair swishing back and forth
through the air.
The diminutive slicker-clad figure stepped forward and doffed its hood,
revealing an incredibly old woman with snowy white hair. She resembled
something of an evil gnome from a western fairy tale. With what appeared to
pass for a smile, she addressed the man of the household. "Greetings,
Tendo-san, correct?"
"Er, yes, that is me, Soun Tendo." Soun straightened out to address the
visitor properly. "Who are you, may I ask? And all of these girls?"
"You may. My name is Cologne, matriarch of the Joketsuzoku tribe in China.
These girls-" She waved a hand behind her to the girls as they all
dismounted the panda. "-are six of our best warriors. Come forth."
The young Amazons did as beckoned, lining up one side of the little old woman
like well-trained soldiers-well, all of them except for the blonde one that
nearly fell on her face due to tripping over the panda's foot. Cologne did
not react in the slightest, though the other girls groaned in embarrassment.
Meanwhile, the panda disappeared, leaving the other person hidden within the
heavy confines of the slicker.
First, Cologne began the introductions with her own great-granddaughter
Shampoo. The addressed girl was in a ruby red cheogsam dress and had indigo
locks of hair. She was touted to be the best fighter in her age bracket in
the village, a fact that caught Akane's attention.
Next she pointed to Perfume, the pink-haired girl in a charcoal-colored
cheogsam with red trim. Her hazel eyes were highlighted by a faint old scar
that started dangerously close to the corner of her right one, and drew down
her cheek towards the bottom of her jaw. She herself was refered to as being
Shampoo's equal, though her chance to prove so was once denied by a zealous
Amazon sister.
Then came Lotion, the amazon with the sky blue mane of hair. She was wearing
an orange cheogsam with azure trim and was presented as a healer-in-training
and Perfume's cousin. The girl smiled politely and folded her hands before
her as the elder introduced her.
After her was Satin, the shamrock child, as Nabiki idly commented because of
her love for green. Her attire, similar to the others, her eyes, even her
hair was some shade of emerald. She stood in place, rifling through several
bills before putting them away somewhere on her person, a fact that did not
go unnoticed by Nabiki.
Next came Sash, a happy-looking blonde with a blue chinese short dress and a
red sash around her waist. She was bit of a klutz, as she revealed earlier,
but Cologne had commented that she was the best swordswoman in the tribe.
The claim was dubious at best in the eyes of Akane, considering the
clumsiness she had seen.
Finally was the quiet Frost, whose complexion was notably paler than the
others. The platinum blonde appeared to be little more than a frightened
bunny when singled out. When Cologne introduced her as being one of the few
practicioners in the mystical arts, she gave the Tendos a shy smile and
shimmer of ice blue eyes.
"That's all well and good," Soun began, holding his chin. "But I had just
received a postcard from my old friend Genma, saying that he and his son
Ranma would be arriving today. It made no mention of you, Cologne-san, or
your group of warriors."
At the mention of Ranma, six pairs of eyes shone brightly. "Ranma..." the
young amazons whispered as one, clasping their hands together as if in
reverant worship.
"Eh?" Soun was amazed by the sudden change of the house's new occupants.
Before, they were like stoic warriors for the most part; now, they seemed
more like idol-worshipping fangirls.
Cologne sighed a bit. "Well, at least they're getting better control of
themselves."
"What do you mean by that?" Nabiki couldn't help but ask.
The forgotten person that came in along with the others slipped out to the
front. "What she meant," the being, mostly likely male going by the voice.
"Was this." Slowly, he drew back the hood, revealing his face to the Tendos.
Three voices caught in their collective throats; standing before them was
the most handsome male the Tendo daughters had ever laid eyes upon. Tall,
and sporting a pigtail that more than looked good on him, he gave Kasumi,
Nabiki, and Akane a winsome smile.
"Oh, my..." Kasumi breathed, a blush slowly growing on her cheeks.
"...wow," Akane said under her breath, completely stunned by the boy-no, man!
"I am Ranma Saotome," the almost ethereal vision said.
"He's mine!!" Nabiki lunged forward, eager to attain her new fiance...
..and nearly skewered herself upon a wall of drawn, sharpened weapons and
simmering Amazons.
"Back away! He our airen!" the foreign girls cried out simultaneously.
Slowly, but surely, the middle Tendo daughter inched her nose away from the
deadly weapons that unwaverly held her at a distance. Once out of immediate
danger, and weapons were put away, she dashed behind her incoherent, babbling
father, then disappeared up the stairway towards her room.
Akane managed to rip her gaze away from Ranma to pay attention to the events
unfolding rapidly before her. "What are you doing with my fiance?" she
demanded of the Chinese girls, arms akimbo.
"Fiance?" Ranma asked, confused. "I think you're mistaken, miss."
"I agree, Akane," Kasumi said, trying to hide her blush. "He is our fiance
until he decides on me." Catching her own error, she quickly tried to cover
her slip-of-tongue, "On one of us, I mean."
Akane briefly paused to look at Kasumi, whose cheeks were a light pink. She
began to ask her something, but then closed her mouth. "Must have imagined
it," she said under her breath.
Cologne was balancing herself on her knobby staff. Addressing Kasumi, she
said, "Child, I'm afraid that simply cannot be possible. You see, Ranma is
already-"
"HUSBAND?!" came a shriek upstairs. Everyone blinked in surprise as Nabiki
charged down the stairs with a Chinese/Japanese dictionary in hand. She gave
a befuddled Soun an irritated glare. "Daddy, did you neglect to tell us
something important, like he's already married?!"
His eyes flew wide. "WHAT?! That can't be! Genma and I were suppose to
unite our schools! He wouldn't allow his son to get married!"
"Um, Tendo-san," Ranma said. "I am married. To all six of these girls, in
fact." Immediately, said girls snuggled up with Ranma, one around each leg,
one on each arm, and two from behind him. The pigtailed boy looked a little
embarrassed by their displays of affection. "Sorry about this."
The Tendo patriarch gaped in naked shock at his confession.
"H-H-How... how could... Gen... ma..." His eyes rolled up into his head, and
he fainted dead away. His body thumped off the floor, and his daughters
surrounded him in concern.
Just then, a stocky man in a dingy, white gi with a kerchief of the same
color rushed out of the bathroom. He stopped cold upon seeing Soun lying
down on the floor; one of his daughters trying revive him. He took off his
wiry glasses, cleaned them, then looked again at the scene. Swiveling his
head just to one side, he found Ranma swamped by the lovely group of Amazons.
One more look identified Cologne pogoing across the room to him.
"Genma," she said as she came within three feet of him. "Explanations are in
order about these people and their fiancee claim." It wasn't a request.
Genma sighed, holding his head against one hand. "I think a headache is
forming..."
* * * * *
"Ooh, my head..." Soun groaned as he came to. The first sight he saw was
Kasumi removing a washcloth from his forehead. "Kasumi, forgive your father;
I must have frightened you all passing out like that."
"It's all right, Father," she said, smiling.
"I must have gotten too excited about Genma and Ranma coming."
"Um, Father..."
He chuckled. "I had the most terrible dream that they had arrived, but the
boy was already married to six Amazons!" He laughed out loud.
"Father..."
"How ridiculous!" Soun began to roll on the floor, laughing all the way.
"What so funny about marry six strong Amazon?!"
Soun froze completely. "No..." he murmured under his breath. "It can't
be..." Fearfully, his head craned towards the source of the overly cute
voice. Eyes lighted upon a mop of purple and reddish irises with a look of
indignation.
"Shampoo wait for answer."
The Tendo patriarch blinked dumbly for a few silent moments then scanned the
entire room. Five more girls were nearby, along with a very handsome boy
with a pigtail and a shrunken old woman holding a knotty, wooden staff. He
screamed then. "It wasn't a dream?! How?! Why?! Saotome-kun!! How could
you do this to our solemn vow?!"
"It wasn't my fault, Tendo-kun!"
His head swiveled to the new voice so fast, his neck nearly snapped.
"Saotome-kun? Is that you?"
"Yes, it is, Tendo-kun."
"Oh, Saotome-kun!! What's happening?! Why are all these women claiming to
be your son's wives?!"
"It's... a long story." Genma took off his wiry glasses and rubbed the
bridge of his nose.
"We have time," Soun said, firm and resolute in a heartbeat. "Begin."
The stocky martial artist nodded and began his tale.
* * * * *
He and Ranma had arrived in China and set out to the Cursed Springs of
Jusenkyou. Upon arrival, they were greeted by the Jusenkyou Gruide, a bulky
man wearing an old green Chinese army uniform. He spoke in broken Japanese,
introducing them to the training grounds, then tried to warn them of the
dangers the pools held. However, the pair paid him no heed, instead taking
to the bamboo poles sticking out of each pool. Then, they fought.
A few passes into the fight, Ranma snaked a foot past the older man's guard,
sending him spiraling into the pool below. Landing on a pole a little
unsteadily, he mocked his defeated father who was still under water.
Suddenly, up came a furious panda in a torn gi and glasses hanging from one
ear. The sight so shocked the younger martial artist, he nearly fell off the
bamboo pole he was perched on. Ranma didn't have enough time to regain his
balance, as the raging animal swatted him down. The boy tumbled through the
air at a downward angle and splashed into a pool not very far away from when
his father had fell.
"Oh, Honored Sir!" the Guide started before pausing. "Oh, no need worry.
Only fall into Nannichuan, Spring of Drowned Boy. No harm done."
Ranma broke through the surface, feeling disoriented. "What happened?" he
asked, crawling out of the spring. Something didn't feel right; he felt...
different. He couldn't place what was odd or why he felt so strange, so he
shrugged it off as being nothing important.
Instead, he looked around, seeing only the giant panda that had knocked him
into the spring and the Guide who was inspecting said soggy animal. "Um,
where's oyaji?"
"Come with me, Honored Sirs. Much to explain."
* * * * *
After explanations (and hot water for Genma) were made, the Jusenkyou Guide
allowed the Saotomes spend the night in the hut. The next day, he began to
escort father and son out of Jusenkyou when a little girl came up the path
bearing wrapped box tied with a piece of coarse twine.
"<Father,>" the girl said in the native dialect. "<I brought you some lunch
and->" He eyes strolled from the Guide to Genma, then landed on Ranma. She
stopped walking suddenly, entranced with what she saw. A small blush began
to blossom on her cheeks.
"<Plum? What's wrong?>" the Guide asked, concerned that his daughter was
staring off for no reason.
"<I... I...>" She dropped the little package and lunged at the pigtailed
boy, succeeding in latching onto his leg with the strength of a starfish
opening the shell of a clam. "<I love you!>"
Ranma blinked in overwhelming shock as the kid unexpectedly tried to become
one with his calf and shin. Genma had the same bewildered expression he wore
upon realizing that he had just became a panda. The Guide fell over, stunned.
The younger martial artist tried to pry her little hands off his leg, but
Plum's grasp was like steel. He tried to shake her off, push her off, even
going so far as to try to kick her off repeatedly, but she still clung on
with her tenacious death-grip. "Geez, oyaji, mind giving me a hand here?"
Shaking himself out of his daze, Genma hurried to pull the ten year-old girl
off his son. Their efforts amounted to dragging Ranma a good thirty feet on
one foot. She held on steadfast, refusing to let go.
"<Plum!>" the Jusenkyou guide shouted, catching the attention of all three.
"<Let go of the youth now.>"
"<No! I won't! I love him!>"
"<Love? You just saw him a few seconds ago!>"
"<It's love at first sight! And I'm keeping him forever and ever!>"
"<Plum, what's wrong with you? Just the other day, you were talking about
how boys were icky.>"
"<He's not a boy. He's...>" Plum made a fawning sigh. "<He's a god in
human form...>"
Ranma spared a glance from his encumbered leg to his father. Genma glanced
back to his son.
"Think we're missing something here, oyaji?"
"I believe so, boy." Then he adjusted his glasses, squinting. "By the way,
are you getting taller?"
* * * * *
"I sorry about my daughter behavior, Honored Sir. Please, forgive me."
"It's all right, I guess," Ranma said, massaging blood back into his
Plum-free leg. "What happened back there, anyway? And why did she just let
go of me like that?"
"I not know. After she hit me with bamboo pole for try to make leave, you
make run for it and hop on pole. She try follow, and you save her jump into
spring, then you and she tumble into hut and knock over kettle for morning
tea, and she just go, peaceful and embarrass. Is very strange, indeed."
"Hmm..." The boy scratched his chin in deep thought. "Up till now, I had
felt a little funny since I climbed out of that spring yesterday."
"But you fall in Nannichuan, Spring of Drown Boy. Should no have effect."
"I don't know about that," Genma commented, scratching his chin idly. "The
boy did seem a bit different earlier when I got a good look at him just
before he had gotten free of your daughter. Right now, he looks just the
same as the day we came here."
"Come to think of it, I did get splashed with some of that kettle water
trying to pry her off," the youth said to the Guide.
The stocky man scratched his bald head in puzzlement. "Not familiar with
such problem. No record of uncurse victim falling into spring same as victim
here. Maybe elder of Joketsuzoku village know something."
"Well, when can we go?" Genma asked.
"Now, if in hurry."
"Now will be just fine."
* * * * *
Thanks to an encounter with a waterfall spraying a cold mist, a damp boy, an
even damper panda, and the Jusenkyou guide arrived at the Joketsuzoku village
in the late afternoon just as a great tournament being held there was winding
down. While the Guide went in search of the head elder, Ranma and
Genma-panda found their attention drawn to a huge banquet sitting unguarded
on a table. Haven't eaten anything in a day and a half, they helped
themselves.
Shampoo had just dusted off her last opponent on the Challenge Log when she
saw a boy and a panda eating her victory feast. Naturally, she was very
angry with their audacity and made her displeasure public knowledge by
shouting it throughout the village. In hindsight, it was a bad idea, at
least for her.
Perfume, having her bruises looked and fussed over by her loveable, though
slightly annoying at times, cousin Lotion at that moment, glanced up to the
huge table. So did her cousin.
Satin, collecting on a few bets made among her figurative tribal sisters,
heard Shampoo's shout of two people making pigs of themselves with her
victory feast. Curious as to who was ballsy enough for such a bold move, she
turned to look at the table's occupants.
In looking at the offenders of the victory feast, Sash stepped on the end of
a long sash she had tied around her waist and fell over, which had caused a
chain reaction that knocked down three other Amazons as well.
Frost, who was bored that day and came out to watch the tournament for a
change of pace, did likewise, if it would relieve her sense of boredom.
Six pairs of eyes locked onto the face of Ranma Saotome. In that instant,
six hearts turned into a gooey puddle. Six minds, acting as one decided
privately that this one is the one for them.
* * * * *
Shampoo was the first one down to face the new boy, though the others weren't
very far off. in the crowd. "<Why do you eat my food? Do you want to fight
about it?>" Silently, she hoped so; gaining a husband would be the perfect
way to end the day.
Ranma looked confused. "Did you understand a word of what she said, oyaji?"
The panda shook his head.
Upon hearing the foreigners speak, an emerald-haired beauty made herself
known. "Well, Satin translate," she said. She learned the Japanese language
fairly well, though prepositions gave her a headache. "Shampoo upset that
victory prize for winning tournament be eaten. Boy must fight to repay for
prize. Or take panda as subsitute." She added the last part in for
incentive to get the boy willing to fight.
He looked a little skeptical at Satin, but he sighed and said, "All right.
Tell her I'll fight whoever."
"Okay." She turned to face the purple-tressed amazon. "<He says he'll take
on two Amazons, me and you. You go first.>"
Shampoo was a bit taken back. "<What? Are you sure, and not trying to pull
a fast one on me?>"
"<Would I really do such a thing to my own tribal sister?>"
"<Yes,>" Shampoo and another voice deadpanned. Perfume, followed by Lotion,
appeared behind Satin. "<You're not being entirely truthful, are you,
Satin?>"
Satin fluttered her eyelashes innocently. "<Why, whatever do you mean,
Perfume?>"
"<You neglected to say that he can take four of us on. Lotion and I will
fight him as well.>"
Lotion blinked. "<We will?>"
Perfume secretly winked at her cousin, and understanding dawned on the
azure-haired girl. It was rare for the two to ever do anything separate;
sharing a husband would not have been that unexpected of them.
The murmurs of the crowd that went unnoticed earlier, intensified with that
announcement.
"<Four Amazons? Why that's suicide!>"
"<Awfully sure of himself, isn't he?>"
"<And he's such a good-looking boy, too. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be
young again!>"
"<Mother, you're sixty-five and still married to Father.>"
"<Oh, let an old woman have her dreams, would you?>"
Just then, Sash took that moment to crash into the backs of Perfume and
Lotion, knocking them all down. "<Stupid sash! Stay tied, okay?>" The
blonde sighed, tying the long, flowing end of her silky red sash around her
waist again.
"<Sash, you klutz! Get off my back!>" Perfume growled, her pinkish hair
almost bristling. "<Can't you see we're trying to ready for a fight here?>"
"<Oh, yeah. I hear he said that he's so good, he'll beat up five Amazons all
by himself! I just can't let that slide, so here I am to help fight for our
honor!>" The blonde struck a heroic pose as she made her proclamation. The
effect, however was ruined by the broken ties on her cheogsam slipping away,
revealing a fair amount of cleavage. She looked down and squeaked very
loudly as she struggled to fasten her dress back up. The other four Amazons
involved in the conflict sweatdropped in embarrassment.
"<Actually, he said six and no more.>" The voice was so soft, a few people
swore that it was just the wind whispering through the village.
"<Who said that?>" Perfume asked, looking around. Satin gave the area a once
over as well.
An albino girl stepped out of the crowd, holding both hands in front of her.
"<I did,>" she replied.
"<Frost! What are you doing out here?>" Shampoo asked in puzzlement. "<I
thought you hated hand-to-hand combat...>"
"<Now wait just a second here-!>" Satin and Perfume started to cast their
votes of disproval, but one look from the albino's ice blue eyes brought them
up short. Mouthing the words, "Refuse, and I'll tell Shampoo what he really
said," helped her out, too.
The news was made official, and the crowd was buzzing with fervor.
"<Six Amazons! That's impossible!>"
"<A shame to waste all that virility...>"
"<He could have made so many wonderful children, too.>"
"<I suppose this means we'll have to ready the stretcher and toss him into the river
like all the other males that fail to win.>"
"<Oh, that poor boy. Why throw your life away, when you could have me
instead!>"
"<Mother!>"
"<Hush dearie, and let me dream.>"
Ranma only pretended to understand what was going on. Genma-panda followed
the method as well, keeping out of the eye of most of his Amazon public while
he was thinking about it. Neither knew just how much troubles they were
getting into.
* * * * *
[Author's note: This and the following segment is entirely spoken in the
village's dialect.]
"So, tell me, what brings you to the Joketsuzoku village, Guide?" Cologne
asked of the rotund man in the green chinese army uniform. Both she and he
were situated inside of a hut a ways off from the tournament scene so that
they may converse in peace. The Jusenkyou Guide did say that it may have
been a case of emergency.
"I don't understand it myself, but there may be a problem concerning a
Jusenkyou curse, Head Elder." He fidgeted a little.
"Oh? What kind of problem?"
"Well... is there any history of what happens to individuals that fall into a
cursed spring that matches that individual?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, for example, an uncursed tiger falls into spring of the drowned tiger,
or a boy falls into spring of the drowned boy."
Cologne took a puff of her pipe and pondered. "Honestly, I don't believe we
do. However, it's my belief that nothing would happen, other than the
individual would just get wet."
"That's what I believed, too, at first..."
"At first?"
"Yes. However, recently, something... strange happened."
"Oh? Do tell."
The Jusenkyou guide related the tale of his daughter's sudden burst of
affection and the quick ending of it. When he finished, the elder wore a
pensive look. "Tell me, did she ever act like that before?"
"No. Just a few days ago, she was telling me just how boys were so icky and
such."
"Hmm..." Cologne thoughtfully tapped her pipe against her palm lightly.
"Where is the boy now?"
Just before he could say, the hut shuddered violently, as if a hundred trains
had rolled by at high speeds. It continued to rattle and vibrate even as the
elder took up her staff, and peeked outside to see what exactly was going on.
The Guide could only hear the shriveled, old woman say, "Oh, my..."
"Elder?" He took a risk and stuck his head outside as well. Involuntarily,
the rotund man gasped and flung himself backwards. "E-elder, that's-!"
"Yes, I know. A tornado in the middle of the village. I can see it plainly."
"B-but, why?"
Cologne put a tiny hand to her forehead and sighed. "When will Frost learn
not to lose her temper...?"
"Elder?"
"It's nothing. Come along with me. I have a feeling the boy we were
discussing is involved with this."
* * * * *
An hour after the event, a young Amazon warrior with hair the same shade as
summer violets laid on a cot inside of a hut designated for the local healer.
Five other cots surrounded her, all recently vacated. On the wall before
the cots were two shelves stocked with innumerable sealed or corked jars
containing various mixtures or handpicked samples of vegetation. Beside
those was another shelf , this one hosting ancient herbal lore alongside
modern medical textbooks and encyclopedias. On the far side of the room was
a moderate-sized desk and chair with an old, shrunken woman poring over the
pages of an aging tome.
"...ohh..."
"So you're finally awake, Great-Granddaughter."
Through the haze of dull pain and herbal mixtures, Shampoo recognized that
voice immediately. "Great-grandmother..."
The ancient woman turned away from the thick book to face her
great-granddaughter still lying down on the cot. She took hold of her
gnarled staff and hopped onto it, pogoing over to the recovering girl. "Yes,
Shampoo?"
The indigo-haired girl groggily opened her eyes tried her best to focus in
the direction of the voice. "Who won?"
"The boy named Ranma did."
She smiled weakly. "Good. So, we'll get married, right?"
"Yes, you will. All six of you girls will be married to Ranma."
"Great. All six of us..." she mumbled, drifting off to sleep.
Cologne blinked, staring at Shampoo. "My, she seems to be taking that well.
I thought she wasn't into same sex relationships."
At that moment, the young woman's eyes flared wide open in abject horror.
"All six?!" She sprang off of the cot and landed on her knees in front of
the old woman in less than a blink of the eye. "Grandmother, you can't be
serious!"
"I'm afraid so."
"B-but what about the law? When two or more Amazons are challenged to
hand-to-hand combat, the last one defeated is given the chance to give the
Kiss of Marriage!"
"After the tornado dissipated and Lotion's mother Medicine came to attend to
you all, I asked the witnesses about what happened. From their accounts, you
challenged Ranma to a duel. He in turn challenged you and at least five
others, correct?"
Shampoo frowned. "I think so. They were talking in Japanese, so I couldn't
follow it at all, but Frost gave us the final translation in the end."
"I see..." Cologne thought on that new fact for a second before filing it
away for future reference. "Then, after some dispute, all of you girls
decided to attack the boy as one, correct?"
Shampoo slowly nodded, a sense of dread settling in the pit of her stomach.
"Apparently, someone pushed Frost to the ground in the middle of the fight.
A bad choice, considering how much she dislikes others exerting their
physical superiority over her. In anger, she used her magical abilities to
create a tornado, which swallowed everyone involved in the fight, including
herself. After a moment, the spell abruptly ended, presumably when Frost was
knocked unconscious. As best as they can tell, he beat all of you at the
same time. Since there is no subclause pertaining to instances such as
these," she continued on. "It's been decided that he is to be considered
married to all of you, as it will be unlikely he will issue another challenge
in the present time."
"That can't be right! There has the be some other solution!"
"Well, I could declare Frost as the legal wife of Ranma-" The younger Amazon
started at this. "-or, since this matter is ambiguous, I could have the
entire event made null and void."
Fear flashed in Shampoo's eyes. "No, those can't be options!"
Cologne studied her great-granddaughter's face briefly. "Then I'm afraid
that the original decision stands as is."
The indigo-haired girl wavered, then wilted, groaning and covering her face
with her hands. "This can't be happening..."
The elder watched her for a few moments. "So you've really fallen for him,"
she said under her breath. "Just like the other five have... This is serious
indeed."
* * * * *
"Um, Guide?"
"Yes, Honored Sir?"
"Just what exactly is going on?"
"What do you mean, Honored Sir?"
"Please, just call me Saotome-san."
"Yes, Honored Sir."
"... "
"Something wrong, Honored Sir?"
"Nothing to be concerned about. Please, answer my earlier question."
"Oh, I not sure how you mean."
"I mean, why are all these people putting up decorations and cooking and the
like?"
"Oh, that! They prepare for ceremony. Once in lifetime. No one ever marry
six Amazon all once before. Too too fortunate groom!"
"Ah, I see. Well, I suppose we shall stay around until after the reception."
"Well, Honored Sir, there little choice in matter of staying."
"Eh? Why's that?"
"Other Honored Sir is groom. Would do no good to leave own wedding."
"Well, we can't have that now, can w-?! What did you say?!"
"Calm down, Honored Sir! Would think you be very proud of other Honored Sir.
Very lucky to marry such strong women indeed!"
"The hell you say! We're leaving right now!"
"Wait Honored Sir! Where you go?"
"To get my son, that's where!"
"Oh, they no like that..."
* * * * *
Cologne remained in the healer's hut long after Shampoo had left to prepare
for the polygamous wedding, still reading the huge, ancient tome opened up
before her. Her finger slowly roved up and down the columns of Chinese
characters inscribed on the yellowed pages, aiding her in her quest for an
answer to a nagging question; just what spring did the Japanese boy (and
future son-in-law) Ranma fall into? The guide had claimed the young Saotome
boy fell into Nannichuan, but the elderly woman knew better than to take his
word for law; he had been known to lose track of which spring was which in
the past, and those times had almost led up to disaster.
There were one hundred and thirteen known cursed springs out of one hundred
and forty-one springs total at Jusenkyou as of current times. At least
seventy-two cursed those unfortunate to fall into their waters into different
animals such as Shomaoniichuan (Spring of Drowned Panda), Heituenniichuan
(Spring of Drowned Pig), and Lungniichuan (Spring of Drowned Dragon). She
was thankful that neither the Ranma youth nor his father had fallen into the
latter; the destruction they would have accidentally caused trying to adjust
to that form would have been much more than what the entire country of China
could have had handled even with its one-point-one billion-plus population
ratio. The other forty-one springs had varying effects, mainly those which
affected the mind and sometimes the body as well. At least seventeen of
those springs cursed the subjects to become or to remain human, but the
personalities were, to be polite, greatly altered. One spring could cause
one to become two, though the personalities would sometimes conflict.
Another spring could change even the most raging, violent psychopath onto the
pinnacle of sainthood. There was even some old rumor such as the "spring of
drowned perfect husband" and "spring of drowned love god." Cologne chuckled
to herself; if those springs really existed, no doubt there would be a six
mile-long line of married women with their husbands waiting at Jusenkyou's
front gate.
The ancient woman let the humorous thought pass, and focussed on more serious
matters. A spring that could make one immensely attractive to the opposite
sex...
Movement caught the corner of eagle-sharp gray eyes. Reflexively, she looked
towards the open window of the hut and saw a furtive passing of a grimy white
figure. Curious, Cologne let the unanswered questions slip into a pocket of
her mind as she took up her staff, then crept outside. Before her was the
back of a bulky man in an old gi with a bandanna tied about his head. Genma,
she realized immediately. What was he doing around here, sneaking through
the village like a thief? With a small smile curling at the corners of her
mouth, she went to find out.
* * * * *
"Let me guess," Nabiki said suddenly. "You caught Genma trying to sneak out
with Ranma."
"My, you are a perceptive child. At any rate, you are correct. I subdued
him and had him placed under guard until the ceremony."
Soun leaned over to Genma's ear. "You, a master of Anything-Goes, allowed an
old woman like her to best you in unarmed combat?" he whispered, shame
evident in his tones.
"She said the Master's name. She knows the Master!" the stocky martial
artist replied in the same whispering tone.
Soun turned to stone on the spot. In an instant, he prostrated himself
before a now-bewildered Cologne. "I'm sorry, Cologne-san. I did not realize
you knew... him."
She quickly regained her composure. "Who, Happousai?"
Genma's hankerchief flew off of his bald head, while Soun's hair stood up on
end. "Shh! Please don't say it out loud, or he'll return!" they said
simultaneously.
"Return?" A wiry, white eyebrow perked up slightly. "Where has he gone to?"
An uncomfortable silence sat heavily in the room. "I see... Understandable,
considering who it is. Well, I won't press the issue much farther."
"Cologne-san?" Kasumi asked.
"I apologize. I do not believe we have been properly introduced earlier."
"That's all right. My name is Kasumi Tendo. These are my sisters, Nabiki-"
She indicated the brunette on her right. "-and Akane." She pointed to the
girl in a gi occasionally stealing looks towards Ranma as he looked somewhat
embarrassed with all the attention he was receiving from his six lovely
Chinese wives. He had long since discarded the slicker, and the Amazons
nuzzled up with him as close as possible.
"Thank you. Now, did you wish to ask me something?"
Nabiki quickly cut it. "Yeah, I was curious. What brings you all here to
begin with, since Ranma seems to be having more fun with six girls over
there?"
"Um, we're looking for Mom," the pigtailed boy spoke up from his sitting
position. "Oyaji had the idea that we should get her approval before I
became officially married."
Soun immediately whirled to face him. "What?"
The girls realized too late what was going on and quickly tried to make move
to silence their shared husband. However, he said, "Right now, we're
symbolically married, but Mom has to have final say in it."
At that moment, Soun and Genma exchanged knowing looks. His three daughters
hid smiles among themselves. The six Amazon girls silently groaned as the
cat escaped the bag with supple celerity. Cologne gave Ranma an unreadable
look before making an almost imperceptible nod of her head. Ranma simply
blinked. "What?"
"Oh, nothing," everyone in the room spoke as if one.
The Saotome heir blinked twice. "That... that was a little unnerving..."
* * * * *
Years from now, Ranma would most likely regret letting the status of his
polygamous marriage become public knowledge. That is assuming he were to
live through the trip Fate so lovingly prepared for him in advance, that is...
End Chapter One
This started out as a wacky idea I came up with on the spur of the moment when
the Muse went South on me months ago. I tried thinking up the most unique
opening for a Ranma Altaverse fic to help ease my mind on other matters, and
on that point, I think I've succeeded for the most part (hey, when you get
"It's certainly an unique opening" from people like D.B. Sommer, you can't go
wrong, right?) although I did get an extra idea or two from various readers
like Rai and Hans. The more I wrote, the more I liked, even to the point of
actually making it a regular story. The people have spoken, and One Man, Six
Wives will continue on. Yes, I know, Kasumi 1/2 and A Twisted Fate will be
continued as well, though I am considering putting ATF on the back burner for
a bit after I release Chapter 4. The ideas are there, but the desire to write
them down with fervor hasn't shown up yet, most likely because I'm in an
introspective mood. Good news is Kasumi 1/2 will get written, hopefully much
faster than the last chapter.
Some interesting points: As I'm pretty sure most people who read Ranma fics,
or understand the Chinese language know, airen does not actually translate into
husband (it means beloved, or lover). I only wrote it as such for a mass
simplification (that and I don't know just what do Chinese women refer to their
husbands as). Thanks to Edmund Chui for that little reminder.
Okay, that'll be a wrap. Any comments, questions, or monetary donations will be
graciously accepted at raemowse@aol.com. Flames and such will be unceremoniously
delivered to smores@campfire.site
My works are being showcased on LarryF's homepage
(lwf58.tripod.com/fan_fiction/raemowse/). And yes, I'll be doing an MST soon
(even though no one really asks me about those ^^;;)
Opinions aren't worth much if no one ever listens to them.
Adrian D. Rainman