Subject: [FFML] Re: (no subject)
From: Miashara
Date: 12/7/2000, 1:03 AM
To: Kwokinator
CC: ffml@fanfic.com

Interesting. A few points:



During the fight scene, I'd recomend using Ranma's name much less. More

pronouns and descriptive references are deffinitely recomended. They break

up the monotony of "Ranma-chan did this and then the monster did that."

Also, varying your sentence construction during aforesaid fight scene is

rarelly unwise. Keeps everything moving faster. And fight scenes, somewhat

by definition, should move really fast.



Now, we only have Ranma's word for it but he thinks he's been inprisoned

for at least a decade. Given his capacity to learn and the base powerlevel

he manifests in the original series, if he really was inprisoned for a

decade, I'd imagine he's nigh unstoppable by now. We don't know whether

the OS has happened, it seems like an alt uni is very possible, but if it

did and _then_ he gets a decade of pure training, he'd be able to mop the

floor with Saffron. I'm surprised he even needs a boat ride. 



He interacts a bit too well with the other people for my liking. I mean,

he's been by himself for so long that he's been hallucinating and

inventing friends. And Ranma never was exactly a people person to begin

with.



Please, put the title in the subject. It was barest chance, and Tangent's

comments, that I read this to begin with. 



Now you have my curiousity piqued about why he was inprisoned. If I

remember from the teaser, it had something to do with all his associates

combining against him. I'm also interested in finding out what he's going

to do. Considering he's most likely significantly nuts to begin with now,

I think a extremely overpowered and vengence maddened Ranma would not be

someone I'd want as an enemy. Great main character, of course. ~_^



And I'd really like to know how anyone managed to confine him for that

long. So many questions, so little fic. Keep it up.



Miashara









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