Subject: [FFML] Re: [shortfic][Ranma] Akane's a Mutant? Oh No!
From: "Miller, Bert" <bert.miller@unisys.com>
Date: 10/4/2000, 7:43 PM
To: "'Gary Kleppe'" <kleppe@mediaone.net>, ffml@fanfic.com

Thanks for writing!

Akane's a Mutant?  Oh No!

Because Akane being Green Lantern is just soooo last month....

So what craze will be next month? :)


A small crowd of students gathered to hear the explanation.
Removing his sunglasses, the gaijin pointed his finger into the
air.  "Mutants are the next step in human evolution, homo
superior!  We are feared and hated by normal humans because of
our powers and abilities, far beyond those of mortal man!  We are
the first Cro-Magnons facing the last Neanderthals!"

Wonder if this guy's aware that evidence has shown 
Neanderthals to have been *smarter* than Cro-Magnons.

Of course not!  (Or he'd change the speech.)


The students scratched their heads.  "Is that anything like Sailor
Senshi?"  "No, more like Gatchaman, I think..."

Ranma stood, scratching his head.  "Ummm... so whattazat mean,

Two head-scrachings in a row here. (Wow, an actual comment 
instead of a quip. What's this world coming to?)

Well, I'll look at it, but it's almost appropriate here.
Maybe Ranma should pull his pigtail instead.


Putting his hands close together, Blue Thunder closed his eyes and
stood perfectly still, while blue electric flashes built up
between his palms.  After a minute, he opened his eyes and thrust
his hands toward a handy nearby tree.  A lightning bolt, again
blue, shot towards the tree and shredded its bark completely off
the tree's midsection.

Hm. If his power takes that much build-up, he's probably not 
much use in a superhero battle.

Depends on the superheros; he'd fit right in in Sailor Moon :).

But this guy wouldn't be of much help in the Marvelverse or
in a Ranmaverse fight.


Adopting a stern expression, Blue Thunder pronounced,
"Inexplicable demonstrations such as these often cause normal
humans to hate and fear us."

Nabiki poked Akane, who drifted over a few inches, still flailing.
"I think normal humans are more likely to keel over in helpless
laughter."

No reaction from Akane to this?

Hmmm... yes, Akane should react.

"NABIKI!" Akane shouted, red-faced.


Happosai bounded into the room.  Patting Nabiki on the back, he
removed Nabiki's bra in the blink of an eye, and went on the
Akane.  Ranma grabbed him out of the air and held him up.

went on to Akane.

Yep, noticed it myself after sending.  Damn.


"This is where my computer detected the emissions, Luna!  There's
a youma in this house, stealing energy!"

"Those devils who seek to harm innocent humans beware ME!  The
108th generation Devil Hunter is HERE!"

"The Magi confirm, reading is Blue!  She's an Angel!"

AKANE: Why ME?!? This is the kind of thing that happens to RANMA!

Well, sort of.  Of course, since Ranma will try to defend her,
it IS happening to Ranma as well...


Though I did enjoy Jed's fic, this was a funny spoof of the 
concept. The
only major suggestion I'd make is that the Happosai connection at the
end came a little out of the blue. It might help to show his presence
before or at least mention it. Ideally I'd like to have the noodles
mentioned, but that might be too hard to do without giving away the
punchline.

Mentioning Happosai earlier is a good suggestion.  My take was, and
still is, that even mentioning noodles earlier gives it away, but
maybe I'll think of something...


Also, you can probably squeeze in more jokes... The two Blue Thunders,
for example -- I can imagine people talking about our friendly mutant
and Kuno thinking they mean him. Akane's "condition" ought to be good
for some slapstick, too. But it's already quite funny as is.

These are both very good ideas.  There should definitely be a Blue
Thunder confusion joke during the day.  Akane's condition... maybe a
bit more can be squeezed out of it, but I don't want to overdo.


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