Since it's been a while since I originally posted this, I decided to
post it again along with the second chapter. There are small changes in
this version, thanks to the comments I received from all the nice people
on the FFML. :)
Disclaimer time:
Rumiko Takahashi, Shogagukan, Kitty and Viz Communications own Ranma
1/2. Yuzo Takada and A.D. Vision own All-Purpose Cultural Girl
Nuku-Nuku. This fic is based is on Gregg Sharp's Nuku Nuku idea from
chapter 30 of 'A Reluctant Bet' (and is used here with his permission).
Corwin (ely7@inter.net.il or corwin@virtuallyjeannie.com)
http://lavender.fortunecity.com/friday/573/ranma.html
* Previous chapters can also be found at:
http://members.xoom.com/phu_lam/index.htm
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: apjg-ch1-draft2.txt
All-Purpose Jusenkyo Girl Nuku-Nuku
Chapter 1 - Jusenkyo, the Valley of the Really Cursed Springs.
Ranma Saotome stroked the rather large cat standing next to him and
looked around at the place his father had brought him to.
"Aww, this doesn't look so bad."
The pink-furred cat hissed, apparently disagreeing.
"Come on, Ranma, follow me!" Genma yelled, leaping to one of the poles.
"Wait here, Nuku," Ranma said, gently patting the cat on her shoulder.
"Hey, what's up? Why are you so upset?"
The cat hissed and yowled, trying to communicate to Ranma exactly why
this place set her hackles up.
"What kind of cat that? Pink fur and too big for housecat. Hmmm. Oh what
is Sir doing?!"
"Stop playing with the damn cat, Ranma! Are you not a man?" Genma
taunted his son from one of the poles.
"Something's scaring the heck outta her, Pop. I haven't seen her this
agitated since we stayed outside that cave over in Okayama," Ranma
exclaimed, frowning.
"Ah, Sir, what you doing up there? This place very dangerous, nobody use
any more!" the guide yelled, flailing his arms frantically.
"Ranma, are you chicken? Get up here and fight!" Genma shouted. Seeing
that his son wasn't responding to his taunts, he paused, considering a
new tactic. "What are you, a weak little girl?"
"Oh shuddup." Ranma exclaimed, leaping to the top of a pole, if only to
shut his father up. "What're the stakes this time?"
"SIRS?!"
Nuku Nuku howled as her master got close to those pools. This was why
cats were clearly the superior species, stupid blind know-it-all humans!
Couldn't they _feel_ the spirits of this place, hungering for further
victims?!
Leap, kick, sweeping attack. Block, sweep, countermove.
Splash. Bubble. Panda attacks.
Ranma blinked, startled. A panda?
Dropped guard. Attack goes through defenses. Throw.
Nuku raced forward, she weighed in excess of seventy pounds, maybe she
could deflect him?
Splash. Bubble. A scream.
"Oh, very sad, Sir... your cat fall in Spring of Insanely Super-Powered
and Very Beautiful Drowned Girl. Terrible tragic story of..."
The Jusenkyo Guide's telling of the tale was interrupted by an inhuman
snarl. The pink-haired girl turned a look towards the panda that spoke
of violence. Genma was momentarily unconcerned. After all, he was a
trained martial artist, he could easily defend himself against some
teenage girl, couldn't he?
This was dispelled by the sudden violence rained upon the panda by the
transformed girl, who actually lifted the transformed Genma up over her
head and threw him. Then a dark-haired martial artist boy joined in.
Ranma was quite aware that if he hadn't been knocked aside, he would
have landed in a pool that had turned his cat into a girl. He wasn't
sure what would have happened, but this was what he considered Genma's
latest and most stupid maneuver. In a long line of similar maneuvers.
Right now he'd react, later he'd ponder it.
Genma tried to flee but Ranma and Nuku had hunted together previously
and were used to working as a team. Even when they were transformed,
they found their actions fitting like a well-oiled machine in operation.
Sometime when the panda had been dunked in the Spring of Drowned Flying
Pink Elephant Cub and beaten half to death, they hauled it back to the
Guide's hut, and Ryoga fell off a cliff and hit a spring that had
nothing to do with a Drowned Pig.
--------------------------------------------------
Nuku tugged uncomfortably at her clothing and glanced sideways at Ranma.
"Rrrrroooww?"
Ranma smiled back and said something in that human language they were
always jabbering on in. Now that _she_ was human, she supposed she'd
have to learn it. How... inconvenient. Still, it was much less easy for
stupid older smells-greasy human to pull stupid stunts with _her_ human!
Heh. And wouldn't it aggravate greasy-fat-man if she _could_ talk?
Nuku decided to do it. She'd always been cleverer than smaller cats.
She'd just never had the equipment or a good enough reason to learn
speaking like a human, although she could always get the gist of what
her human talked about. Now, however, she _was_ (shudder) at least a
part time human. And all fat-greasy-needs-to-bathe human's fault. Her
human had learned to pay attention.
Not knowing what to make of this, the Jusenkyo Guide turned to Ranma.
"Sir, what kind of cat? She not act like typical cat get transformed."
"We're not sure. Nuku Nuku was one of a bunch of cats Pop rounded up to
teach me some lame technique called the Neko-ken. Nuku adopted me when
the training... drove me a little nuts. Having her around's helped. Guy
I knew said she was a variety of mountain cat native to China. She musta
been just a kitten when we met."
Nuku stared at Ranma's mouth. You puckered and moved the soft bits like
so and moved the tongue around like that. It seemed extremely
complicated. "Rrrruuuu?"
"What is it, Nuku?"
"Ruuaaa? Raaa. Raaaraaa..."
Genma stood up, adjusting his backpack. "Whatever, Ranma. We must go. We
have things to do and must go back to Japan."
"Uh huh," Ranma said. "Guide, you said that if _I_ had hit the pool, I'd
be turned into a girl?"
"Whenever struck with cold water, yes, Sir. But hot water turn you
back."
"Raaaraannnn." She'd been watching his mouth. "Nuuukyuuu?"
Ranma blinked, realizing what was happening. Nothing like having the
truth being used as a blunt instrument repeatedly against your head.
"She's trying to talk? Nuku Nuku?"
Genma blinked too. The boy was mistaken, right?
"Nuuukkuu." Nuku Nuku frowned. This was _so_ difficult and it had been a
rough day. Maybe she should catch a nap before going further?
"Nukkkuuu?"
"Nuku Nuku." Ranma tapped Nuku in the chest, then tapped himself in the
chest. "Ranma."
Nuku smiled, understanding the human gesture if it wasn't natural to
her. "Rrrrannnmaaa."
"Cat is very clever cat," said the Guide with wide eyes.
"Good girl, Nuku Nuku."
Nuku nodded. She knew it. Now her human understood...
Nuku blinked. She _was_ human now, at least part time. Well, didn't
_that_ confuse things all to hell. Hmmm. And Ranma smelled nice, too...
--------------------------------------------------
"Now, listen here, Guide," Ranma said, pulling the man with him out of
the hut. "You said there're over a hundred springs here, right?"
"Yes, Mr. Customer. Each with its own tragic..."
"Yeah, I'm sure. So, what are they?"
"Well, let's see. Spring of Drowned Annoying Super-Cute Magical Girl,
Spring of Drowned Ugly Bikini-Wearing Alien Female Agent, Spring of
Drowned Cute Girl Who Cooks Toxic Food, Dreaded Spring of Drowned FanFic
Writer..."
The guide shuddered at that name, adding, "Last spring forbidden."
"Aren't there any normal springs here?" Ranma asked, sighing.
"Preferably, with shorter names."
"Yes, Mr. Customer. We have Spring of Drowned Cabbit. Very tragic story
of cabbit..."
"Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm gonna need a sample or two from a few springs
here."
"Why you want do that? You look for curse too?"
"Nah, I just figure that'd be a good way to get back at Pop. What do you
think?"
"I think Mr. Customer has very good idea. Jusenkyo curses not mix, if
enough water used. Is even possibility for cure, when curse stabilize in
one week."
Grinning evilly, Ranma said to the guide, "Let's not tell Pop about
this, ok?"
"Ok," the guide agreed, nodding.
The pigtailed boy continued, "Now, how about we get those samples I
wanted, and then you can tell me about all about the other products you
have here..."
--------------------------------------------------
"...and so here we come, Sirs, to rustic village of Nichieju."
"What kinda food they got here?"
"Rrrrooowww?" Nuku didn't like this, flat out _refused_ to carry a
backpack, and was not thrilled with her Ranma following his father,
however grudgingly. Besides, humans tended to stink after they
exercised. More evidence, if any was needed, of the innate superiority
of felines.
"Oh, we is in luck, Sirs, is big fighting tournament." The Guide heard
the noise and turned to see three tourists tearing into a victory feast.
"SIRS? What you do there?"
The newly declared champion stalked forward and began berating the tall
girl with the pink hair, but desisted when the girl _meowed_ at her. She
turned her attention to the dark-haired boy in the hopes of at least
some indication that the other understood he was being fussed at.
"So if I beat you, there's no problem, right?"
Nuku watched the fight, stalking around to view from different angles as
Shampoo attacked, Ranma counterattacked, then the defeated kissed the
victor. Oh goody, they were friends now.
If the crowd gasped with surprise as Shampoo gave the Kiss of Marriage
to Ranma, they went into shock as Shampoo was stopped before she had
even stepped back from Ranma. Stopped by the pink-haired girl grabbing
Shampoo and giving THE KISS OF MARRIAGE!
Shampoo considered fainting. This was not anywhere near the script she
had intended. She rallied, however, deciding to get angry. Were these
stupid outsiders mocking Amazon Tradition?
Nuku Nuku wasn't ready for the attack and was stunned by a strong blow
to the head.
The not-friend turned an attack towards Ranma.
Nuku understood this, sort of, in cat-terms. The new female was deciding
if she would be the dominant in the association. Well, Nuku Nuku had her
own thoughts about this.
Shampoo thought about it, and there was only one thing to do. "Wo ai
ni!" She leapt forward again.
A hand snaking out and grabbing the back of Shampoo's collar arrested
her forward momentum.
Shampoo turned to regard the pink-haired girl who was moving around as
if sizing the Amazon up for an attack.
Nuku revealed that that WAS the game plan when she leapt at Shampoo with
a howl.
Shampoo lifted her bonbori from where they had fallen, and started
forward herself.
*WHISHHHHT! Clatter-clatter-clatter.*
Shampoo's eyes bugged slightly, going from the neat little slices of
bonbori mace to the girl's bare hands.
"/Careful Shampoo, the girl knows the dreaded Cat Fist!/"
Shampoo stepped back and threw the useless handle to the side. "/Great
Grandmother? What is this Cat Fist?/"
"/A terrible technique. Mainly useless, though difficult to defeat
without knowing about it beforehand. She has struck you twice now. Look
at your dress./"
Shampoo did, noticing two lines cut in the silk. "/WHAT?!/"
"/If she fought in earnest, she would have drawn blood at least./"
Cologne was intrigued as the girl showed all the signs of cat fist
mastery. Which meant that Shampoo's opponent currently had the mind of a
cat. "/If you use deadly force, she will likely respond that way./"
"/I will not surrender,/" Shampoo growled, leaping forward.
Nuku howled and struck. SHE was the head female here. She'd teach this
upstart to get in line. She'd avoid making it fatal though, this other
girl had less than half her speed and strength, plus no claws to speak
of.
The battle quickly became a cat-fight instead of a martial arts duel.
When the dust cleared, Shampoo was lying in the dust with Nuku Nuku
crouched over her.
Cologne sighed and stepped forward. It looked like _she_ would have to
get involved. Though she noted that Shampoo had merely been embarrassed.
Especially as Shampoo was woken up by the stranger girl licking her
face.
"/Well, Shampoo, this Outsider Man _and_ this woman defeated you.
Consider your options carefully./" Cologne turned to the three
Outsiders. "If you'll just wait a few moments, I'm sure my great-
granddaughter can sort out this mess. If you'd like a place to stay for
the night we would be honored if you'd be our guests."
Shampoo considered. An Outsider girl defeating an Amazon meant the Kiss
of Death, you had to pursue and kill. Though rarely used anymore, but
Shampoo was Cologne's Heir and therefore held to a higher standard. An
Outsider man defeating an Amazon meant the Kiss of Marriage, which she
had just delivered to the man, so they were married. Then the Outsider
girl had given _her_ the Kiss of Marriage, which meant...
Shampoo looked disgusted and mumbled, "Wo da airen. Wo ai ni," _very_
unenthusiastically towards the pink-haired girl.
Nuku Nuku watched the purple-haired girl lower her head as if staring at
the ground.
'Good, she knows her place now and is baring her neck. The pack grows
and I can learn human behavior from a female of approximately my age.
Now, I've got another pet human or at least a packmate who smells better
than greasy-fat-man. Hmmm. Her fur smells nice, actually. Have to see if
Ranma can get his fur smelling that
nicely.'
--------------------------------------------------
A week later, bystanders on a street in Nerima were treated to an
unusual sight. A pink elephant was fighting with a cute pink-haired girl
and a pigtailed boy around her age. And the strangest thing of all was
the boy yelling to the elephant about an arranged marriage. Eventually,
the elephant distracted the two, and swatted the boy aside, only to
strike the unsuspecting girl with a street sign. After five hits, she
was out, and the elephant used its trunk to pick her up and flew away,
flapping its ears.
"Damn you, Pop!" Ranma shouted, taking to the rooftops in hot pursuit.
--------------------------------------------------
Hearing a knock on the door, Kasumi excused herself and went to open it.
It was only proper, as a host, and besides, she could make her judgement
on the boy her father engaged to one of them before her other sisters.
Opening the door and looking outside, Kasumi did the only thing she
could in a situation like that - she shrieked.
The rest of her family followed to the front door immediately, filing
into the yard, as they gaped at the beauty and the beast, not missing
the pink motif.
Soun, missing the girl's quite prominent feminine features, and pretty
much ignoring the surrounding weirdness, jumped to the only possible
conclusion.
"Ranma! My boy!"
As the strange human latched onto her like there was no tomorrow, Nuku
Nuku frowned. After the disaster in the Amazon village, Ranma had taken
time to share his vast social skills and knowledge on proper behavior
with her. And from what he'd told her, the man was trying to feel her
up!
One moment later Soun was in la-la land, lying on the grass. Akane,
enraged that someone would attack their father, and like him ignoring
insignificant, little details such as this new stranger taking out a
Master of Anything Goes with just one blow, leapt at Nuku Nuku.
The cat-girl was about to slash at the new attacker, when someone
intercepted Akane's hand, shouting, "Leave her alone!"
Turning towards Nuku Nuku, Ranma gave her a smile, and said, "Sorry it
took me so long to get here."
"No problem, Ranma!" the pink-haired girl replied, matching his grin.
"Nuku Nuku just made new friends!"
"Excuse me," Nabiki interrupted at that point, "but would you happen to
be Ranma Saotome?"
Ranma released Akane's hand from his and scratched the back of his head,
laughing nervously. Akane was still too shocked that a mere boy
intercepted her strongest punch with such ease, not to mention that a
BOY even dared do something like that.
"Err, that is, yeah, I'm Ranma. Look, I'm sorry about this, so we'll
just be leaving, ok?"
At that point, the elephant whipped a sign out of thin air and presented
it for everyone to read.
[Don't be rude, Boy! We'll stay with your fiancee!]
"Fiancee?!" Ranma shouted, panicked. "Y-you can't be my fiancee!"
"Why not?" Nabiki asked, since Akane and Kasumi were still in shock.
"Because... because... because I already got a fiancee! Yeah, that's
right!"
Nobody noticed the elephant become extremely nervous at that point.
"And who is this... mysterious fiancee?" Nabiki wondered out loud. Since
the rest of her family was still in various degrees of shock, nobody
could take use that conversation to trap her into marrying this Ranma
character, so she could play with him a little and watch him sweat.
"Umm, my fiancee?" Ranma asked, glancing to his sides frantically.
"It's... it's Nuku! Yeah, me an' her are fiancees, definitely!"
'We are?' Nuku Nuku thought, mirroring Nabiki's thoughts at the moment.
Thinking it over for a moment, Nuku Nuku latched onto Ranma's arm and
cried out cheerfully, "Nuku Nuku not mind!", silently adding to herself
that maybe they could sell the elephant to a zoo.
Nabiki considered joining her father in a dead faint, but decided
against it. Carefully weighing her options, she came to the conclusion
that while Ranma wasn't rich, he was handsome and quite strong, if that
little display with Akane earlier on was any indication. The recent bit
about this pink-haired girl being his fiancee was a clear lie, but at
least the girl wasn't opposed to the idea.
'Hmm, if I play my cards right, I could use it to keep daddy at bay,
while having the time to decide whether I want to be engaged to Ranma in
the first place.'
Nabiki smiled, not unlike a shark spotting fresh blood.
--------------------------------------------------
End of Chapter 1