Subject: [FFML] [FFML][Revenge]Payback
From: Andrew Wilson
Date: 9/13/2000, 9:13 AM
To: ffml
Reply-to:
templar@softcom.net


     So now I have just one thing more to say
before I go: Tag Andrew, you're it.

Oh, thanks loads pal.  You said I would have a week to find
a hiding place before releasing this.  I still haven't found
that asbestos suit.

But, a promise is a promise.

-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: revenge.txt

Arriving home from work, I limped over to my computer (hey, knee injuries suck) and flip it on.  Lately, the ffml had stagnated, most of the good authors were busy with various real life issues, so their fics were rather slow in coming.  Hoping against hope that the next chapter of PB10, or Redheads, or maybe something that was both original and good was waiting for me on the mail server, I logged on.  Of course, those things were about as likely as me actually finding the English versions of the BGC vocals (not that it's stopped me from looking).

*Slacker?  What's he done this time.  Revenge fic?*

"You son of a bitch!" I screamed, followed by cursing that belonged in marine boot camp.  The bastard had actually gone and done it.  I had written those paragraphs in my spare time, and had sent it on to him as a joke...

*******

"Listen, people," I was desperate.  Catti-brie had an arrow pointed at my head, both of the Nerima wrecking crew were cracking their knuckles, Deedlit was idly tossing a black sphere in the air, and Drizzt had his scimitars out.  "Was it really that bad?"

"Ask him," Drizzt said, pointing behind me.

Having a frightening notion of who was behind me, I turned.  I was greeted with a view of a shoulder.  A very well muscled shoulder anchoring a very powerful looking arm to an even more powerful looking chest.  Gazing upward, I saw a clean-shaven face framed by blond hair.  Eyes as cold and blue as the winter sky gazed back at me.  My eyes lowered to the silvery hammer held easily, ready to strike.

"Oh.  Hi, Wulfgar.  I don't suppose we can talk about this?"

"No," he whispered, bringing his hammer up.

*******

... but I never expected him to actually write one!  Thoughts of genetic mutilation crossed my mind, and I began to compose a goodbye letter to my loved ones.

*Wait a minute, it's not like all this stuff is real!*  Of course, given that thought, the next events shouldn't have surprised me.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that."  The voice was male, in the tenor range, and with an odd accent.  I knew that I had never heard it in my life, yet it was familiar.  I quickly turned around...

...To discover that the back wall of my room no longer existed.  A large crowd of people, looking both normal and bizarre (though mostly the latter) filled the space.  I recognized several of the faces, and knew that I was in for a world of pain.

"Pain," the voice said again, "hardly."  I saw who was speaking, and immediately had to work to keep control of my bodily functions.

Standing in the front row were Drizzt Do'Urden, Ranma Saotome, Deedlit, and Emeralda.  Behind them was every other character I used in a fic.

"I knew I should have encrypted my files."

Emeralda laughed.  "Like that would help?"

"Can we just get this over with?" I asked.

"Oh, no," Ranma said, pulling out his staff.  "The fun's just started."

Now, at 6'2", I am taller than most of my attackers.  Even so, I had no delusions of surviving a fight.

"What's it going to be?  Curse?"

"Been overdone," Ranma replied.

"Trapping me in some horrible body, like you did to Slacker?"

"You might find some way to enjoy it," said Emeralda

Images of being trapped as a chu-chu thankfully disappeared.  "Severe pummeling?"

Drizzt shook his head.  "You would pass out from the pain far too early."

"Then what?"

"You'll see," Deedlit said, summoning a ball of energy in her hand.  I swore to myself that if I survived this, I would hunt down and kill every single Chibi-Usa incarnation I came across.  Then the ball hit.

There was much pain.

*******

I awoke in an ally.  I was alone there, which was good.  When I tried to stand, I noticed my balance was off, which was real bad.  I also remembered that Emeralda never said my guess was wrong.

When I noticed what they did to me, I did that rational thing.  I screamed and passed out.

*******

Waking up again was easier, but still not very fun.  I quickly looked at myself.  Trim figure, decent clothes, but female.  Checking other aspect of my new form, I restated my oath of destruction.  Looking back, I wouldn't have minded the form so much if I could also have the powers that should have come with it.

In short, I was screwed.

The startling thing was that there was a child on my lap.  The child was unconscious, though I couldn't see any signs of injury.  Several curses went through my head as I noticed the pink hair done up in a ridiculous style.  Of course, that was when the child decided to wake up.

As the signs of conscious thought became apparent in her eyes, I knew I now had the opportunity for revenge.

"Small Lady?" I asked with as much sarcasm as possible. "Are you all right?"

She didn't seem to hear me.  As an insanely happy look entered her eyes, I decided to burst the bubble.

"Are you happy now?" I growled.  "You just had to write that, didn't you?"

"You're not sailor Pluto?" she asked.

"You're damned right I'm not.  It's because of you that I'm stuck like this, Slacker.  Did I ever mention that I do *not* like Sailor Moon, unless it was a crossover fic with something else?"

Recognition came into her eyes.  "What about your powers?"

Shaking my head was enough.  Seeing the green hair also reinforced my anger at the situation.

It was very strange to hear such a young child say "Oh, shit!"



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