I am not the writer. I am posting this up for Kaiton.
What has gone before: Ranma went with the Katsuragi Expedition to Antarctica and met a 14 year old Misato. The Angel spoke to him, transporting him back to Japan for an undisclosed purpose. The time is 2015, the place is Tokyo-3 and the Angels are attacking. Ranma has been sent as Asuka's guardian and has replaced Misato as Chief of Tactical Operations.
---Title---
Evangelical History
A Ranma/Evangelion crossover
By Dr. Suekeiichi Kaiton
---Tri-Gan Apartments, late morning---
Sunlight came in through an open window, refracted from the numerous skyscrapers erected all over the city. The insidious light crept along the ground, eating up the darkness, until reaching a huddled mass of blankets and sheets that was once a freshly made futon. In its stead now lay sheet atop blanket, atop sheet, atop blanket, atop futon; the occupant seemingly unaware she was now solely resting on the carpeted floor. A few strands of purple hair peaked out from the mass of bedding, then a slender hand, a few mumbled swears, then finally a head.
Misato as a rule was not an early riser, her late working hours prevented that. At times she would sleep at work, slumped over a technician's console or in the infirmary, someplace no one would look. Now because of the damn sun, she wouldn't be getting anymore sleep that particular morning. Yawning, she idly scratched her stomach, walking towards the bathroom, when Asuka walked by with a bucket of bathing stuff tucked underneath an arm.
"G'morning Capt. Katsuragi."
"G'mornin' Asuka." She stripped down and tossed her underclothing into the hamper. After soaking for a good long time, then stepping out feeling refreshed, she noticed that Shinji's familiar washing hamper had disappeared, leaving her underclothing on the blue tile floor. [Blue? Since when had our bathroom been blue?] She picked up her clothing then shuffled back to her room, still mulling that thought in her head. As her foot entered the room, the first thing she noticed were no beer cans strewn across the floor. [Shinji must've cleaned up my room this morning. Jeez! He even took my bottle of gin!] She brushed off her clothes from the previous night, dressed, then left the room again.
"Ya want any breakfast?" Asuka and Ranma were sitting at the kitchen table, fried fish, miso soup, rice, and pickles set before them. A third place was set as well.
[Hold on! Asuka, Ranma, room not dirty, no Pen-Pen, blue bathroom. What could this mean?! This's gonna bug me for awhile...] Misato staggered into the room, waved half-heartedly at her co-workers, and opened the refrigerator. Three doors, not two; one full of food, one full of drinks, and the last full of alcohol. [Shinji must've bought a new fridge.] Popping the top, Misato drank the can with her full morning haste. After a satisfying burp, she looked around again, this time with conscious eyes.
[Alright, lets go over this again. Asuka, Ranma, room not dirty, no Pen-Pen, blue bathroom, new fridge...still can't quite grasp it...] Just then Shinji walked in the door, carrying a plastic bag of vegetables. Ranma motioned him to put it down and eat. He did so. [...Shinji just came in. Shinji just came in?!?!?!] "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?!?!"
"Uh, Ranma picked you up from the bar down the street, you'd fallen down. He offered to cook breakfast for all of us too." Shinji sat down with another setting, gestured to a seat, one which an incoherent Misato couldn't help but take. "Are you hungry?"
"Yeah...I'm in Ranma's apartment?" All she received were stares from her hosts, stares which seemed to ask 'you just figured that out?' Shinji shook his head then whispered something into Ranma's ear. "I think I'm gonna need another beer." One was already in front of her thanks to Shinji's morning ritual which consisted of: Wake up, wash, wake up Misato, make breakfast, feed Pen-Pen, wake Misato, eat, set beer on table, wake Misato. Drink, scream, burp, then she attacked her food.
"Don't worry about the beer Shinji, I always keep a lot in the house, Asuka knows how she gets after drinking. And I think I can handle my alcohol." Ranma finished in record time and sat around, making small talk. "So synch tests are today, hmm? How exactly do they do them around here?"
"We're put in an entry plug, then run through a Eva simulator. Sometimes Dr. Akagi makes us take 'special tests' meaning we take them nude." Shinji sipped his soup and finished the fish. "Wow Ranma that was really goo-"
"We have to what!" Asuka's cry startled all around her, even Misato who was wondering how her clothes had come off last night. "I'm not taking a synch test naked, no way! It's bad enough they take so long anyway but to sit in there naked for two hours? I refuse!" She stormed out the door, headed for parts unknown.
"Don't worry about her, she sometimes gets like that. Let her cool down and she'll be fine by the time we get to headquarters." Ranma polished off his second helping and washed the dishes, playfully splashing Misato with cold water to wake her from her trance. "Anything wrong Misato? You seem a bit _cold_ today." He laughed at his own joke.
"If you brought me here, why'd you take off my clothes?! Did you think just because I'm drunk you can take advantage of me? Huh?" She was ripping mad now, her breasts jouncing up and down with every breath. Veins popped out from her forehead, and an angry snarl began at the back of her throat. Even Ranma was scared. "To think I actually though you were a nice guy! To think I thought you were cute! To think I was fantasizing about your ass! What the hell was I thinking?" Ranma and Shinji were wise enough to blush at her last three statements, knowing that if she were in the right frame of mind she'd never have said that.
"Wait just a minute Misato! Let me explain!" Ranma reached forward to grab hold of an arm, accidentally grabbing hold of something far more sensitive. He froze up like a deer in the headlights, premonitions of history repeating itself came to mind.
"You...you...you, I'm so angry right now I can't think of anything to say!" She threw a punch, her fist a blur, which had the delightful (to her) result of Ranma being embedded in the far wall. She threw her chair back under the table and made way for the door. Grabbing the manual lock, she slammed the door, drawing a wince from the two males present.
"She'll be back." Ranma pried himself out of the indentation, turning his attention back to the dishes. Misato was acting too pertinacious for her own good, luckily he had NERV security install cameras in his hallways. He had left the bedroom door open when he'd put her down last night. "I wouldn't worry about that." He said with a secretive smile.
"How can you be sure?" Shinji was genuinely intrigued, how did he know? Was it some kind of extra-sensory perception? Just then the door slid open slowly. Purple hair sprouted from the crack.
"I...kinda forgot my keys, Shinji would you open the door?" Ranma allowed himself a smug smile, not unlike another member of NERV.
---Pribnow Box, Central Dogma. Several hours later---
"Anyhow Ranma, when'd you sign up for NERV?" Misato was over at Ritsu's desk watching the pilot's synch-tests. The omnipresent coffee carafe sat by her side. "It didn't have any start date in your records."" This surprised her. Usually NERV employees records had some kind of start date, in fact only Gendo Ikari, Kouzou Fuyutsuki, and Rei had no record of their beginnings. To not have one meant either you were involved before NERV was formed or you were so important your files were wiped. Somehow she doubted the latter.
Picking an empty coffee cup (the one without dancing cats on it) he emptied the remainder of the carafe, carefully placing it back under the coffeemaker for a refill. "I didn't really sign-up. I was with the Katsuragi Expedition during Second Impact as a computer technician assistant to Dr. Katsuragi, whom I assume was your father?"
"Uh...yes." She fiddled with her white cross.
"I was one of the only survivors, aside from you of course. After that I worked for GEHIRN, then NERV." He took a sip from his cup, blanched, then spit it out all over the floor. "What the hell is this!?!?" The fluid in his cup was unlike any lifeform encountered by the foolish man, it was thick, almost a viscous. "What is..._this_?!?!"
"Um...it's called coffee, you ever had any?" Misato watched as his face went blue, then red, then green, then back to blue before settling on a pasty white. "What's wrong?" She sipped her cup, nothing seemed wrong with it in her mind.
"N-nothing...it kinda reminds me of stuff my fianc�e used to make." [Yeah! Stuff that glowed and corroded metals.] He dropped his cup on the floor, hastily kicking it under a console. "I t-think I'll just make my own...heh heh!" [Oh my god! I think the title of World's Worst Cook was just handed down, the difference being she can eat it!]
"Wait just a darn minute! You're _that_ Ranma!? From the docking bay?" Brief glimpses of the first Angel under a tan tarp, a young man saving her from a falling girder, and his raven pigtail flashed through her mind. She flushed as she remembered the awful crush she'd had on him at the time. "Y-you saved me! You pushed me away from the girders when the Angel woke up!" He froze, indubitably unprepared for her remembrance of that day. [I'd heard she didn't recall the events of Second Impact! Well it's still sorta good to know the ladies don't forget me.] The coffee maker bell rung, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"Ahem...well...yes. I knew who you were, I just didn't want to bring up any unpleasant memories." He poured a fresh cup of java, sighing in relief that the machine wasn't cursed, just the operator before him. "Those times hold bad memories...for all of us."
"Who's your fianc�e? Apparently she can't cook worth a damn." She grew a mischievous grin. Ranma's face grew ashen, his eyes turning down penetrating deep into the murky depths of his coffee. Akane had died fifteen years previous, he had mourned for her in his own way. For better or worse he had dealt with his own personal ghosts, no matter how destructive they had been in life, and knew that what he was doing now was for the overall good of mankind. "Someone I know?"
"No...she was killed in Second Impact." She immediately apologized, stammering out her condolences. Ranma bounced back, albeit not to the level of gaiety as he previously displayed. "No, it's alright. It was a long time ago, I've gotten over her ghost." Asuka ran in, wrapping her arms around him, soaking through his shirt with LCL. "Aaahhh!!! Jeez Asuka! Did ya hafta get me covered in LCL?"
"Aw c'mon Ranma! I'm just happy to see my guardian!" She threw the towel over her shoulders and pinched his ass, drawing a startled yelp from the recipient. "See ya!" She ran laughing from the room.
"Remind me to tell her that pinching her guardian's rear is not acceptable behavior." He deadpanned, rubbing the seat of his pants.
"Did you hear that Shinji-kun?" Misato cast a withering glance at her charge.
"Wh-what!? I-I-I never did anything like that!" He sputtered.
Ranma smiled brightly, catching on to Misato's playful nature. "Then why are you blushing? Taking advantage of your poor, defenseless guardian? I never thought you'd stoop to that Shinji, I'm ashamed of you!" He turned his back to the pilot.
"Ranma1 I never did anything like that!" Misato began laughing, slamming a fist on the console, and spilling coffee over the nearby technician. Ranma chuckled a bit, watching Maya and Ritsuko giggle in the corner. Nothing could save Shinji from the hazing for the rest of the day.
---NERV Laboratory, level 66. An hour later---
Ritsuko rarely ever analyzed the synch test results herself anymore. Maya had taken over many of her simple duties as Gendo piled more and more complicated DNA work to their department. Rei's monthly physical examinations were the only rudimentary task she bothered herself with any longer. With her assistant already finishing off the results, Ritsu turned to a more pressing matter Gendo had differed to her.
Scanning another ream of DNA patterns from the printer, Ritsuko circled the missing codon pattern in red pen, then called up that particular strand on her holomonitor. Ranma's test results were becoming increasingly more alarming the further she delved into his genetic structure, not only did his genome match that of the fifth Angel but he was also the most fertile man on the planet! His physical endurance not withstanding he was a font of new brain twisting puzzles for her to investigate. She'd have to ask him about a few...intriguing...results she'd culled from his sperm samples.
The monitor beside her beeped in alarm as the MAGI completed analysis on his blood sample. [Hmm...nothing out of the ordinary so far, white blood cells far exceeding that of the norm, not too surprising considering what he can do.] Her brow furrowed, her glasses sliding down her nose. [A strange mixture of herbs and rare berries? Could be just a vitamin supplement, lots of people take those nowadays.] Her fingers flew across the keys as the MAGI began a scan of the components in the mixture. [Soma berries, Ceylon tea leaf extract, gimmer root, nothing out of the ordinary yet...wait. Unidentifiable herbal extracts? What could those be?] She leaned back in her chair, gently rubbing the bridge of her nose. She cursed under her breath, bringing up a holoscreen with the footage from Ranma's physical.
"What're you looking at sempai?" Maya's head popped up at her shoulder, her eyes bugging as Ranma began to disrobe. "Again sempai? That's the fifth time you've watched his tape! Haven't you had enough?" Blushing furiously, Ritsu shut the window, turning to her assistant with a glare.
"Have you finished the synch test results?"
"Yes."
"Then take them down to the debriefing room! We don't have all day!" She turned angrily in her seat, Maya's hurried footfalls echoing off the steel walls. As soon as she was sure Maya was away, she reopened the window to the moment she left, watching as he gave his final sample for analysis. Growing more hot every moment, and looking around to check if Maya might have left something she'd have to return for, Ritsuko began taking off her lab coat.
Maya, who crept back to the laboratory, pressed her ear to the metal wall, hearing her sempai's activities. Sighing in exasperation, she proceeded to the debriefing room, grumbling all the way.
---Debriefing room #6, NERV level 26---
Maya stood next to Ranma as Misato read the results of the pilot's synch tests. Commander Ikari and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki were off at a UN conference in Sweden. Apparently NERV's actions during the Jet Alone fiasco constituted an affront to UN procedures, never mind that they had averted a nuclear disaster, Ranma was in practical command of NERV in their absence. Attendance suffered as he offered the employees their vacation days which had accumulated since NERV's creation.
"Shinji your synch ratio had grown by 3% giving you a steady rate of 36%." Misato patted him condescendingly on the head as he grumbled something about Asuka distracting him. She turned next to Rei.
"Rei your synch rose 1%, giving you a ration of 40%. Asuka you have the highest synch ratio at a steady 59%! You should all be very proud!" Asuka cheered, jumping at Ranma, who dodged her attempts at a glomp, giggling and shouting her praise.
"See! See! I told you I was the best!" She had grabbed her guardian's arm, pulling onto his limb fiercely. Crooning madly, she completely missed Ranma's embarrassed gaze in Misato's direction, in the process also missing Misato's understanding smile back. The newly demoted tactical operations commander dismissed the group giving them the rest of the day off. Ranma turned to follow his charge out when Misato stopped him.
"Ranma?"
"Yes?"
"Ritsuko, Maya and I would like to invite you to our NERV bridge crew poker party at my place tonight, the Children will be there too, so don't worry about Asuka." Misato fidgeted with the red leather straps dangling from her officer's coat, her black one-piece dress pulled taut over her washboard stomach. Well, her _almost_ washboard stomach. [Please say yes, please say yes...]
"Alright. I'll see you around eight then?" He flashed her a crooked smile, buttoning her right breast pocket on her coat. "I like my staff to be perfectly dressed," he pushed the clasp of his tunic coat, "especially when it gives me an opportunity to reprimand such a lovely officer." He bent conspiratorially towards her. "Misato?"
"What?" Her ears were red from their close proximity.
"Is the party BYOB or are you providing the drinks?" He grinned like the Cheshire cat.
"Stupid lousy jerk! You'll never let me live that _one_ time down will you!?!"
"Nope. It's just such good embarrassing blackmail material." He slapped her on the back, not noticing her angry red aura. "Besides, I really liked the strip show ya gave me!"
The aura died down, her face instead sporting a dangerous grin and a vein the size of Tuscalusa bulging grotesquely. "Oh d-did you?" She turned to regard him, her eyes flat and a pointed canine poking out from her lip. "Well, then! I challenge you to a drinking contest tonight! The loser has to strip naked in front of the rest of us!" <I don't intend to lose!> "Or are you chicken?"
He frowned, no one ever called him a coward not even his family. Grasping Misato's hand like a vise, all while grinning like an idiot, he firmly shook it twice. "I accept your challenge! The loser has to strip naked in front of the rest of us."
"And stay naked the rest of the night!" She added, hoping for more of an embarrassing situation, for him that is.
"You're on." Both laughed maliciously as each held a mutual thought. [I don't intend to lose!] "See you tonight then."
"I'll buy the beer."
"Fine."
"Fine." Misato snorted at his retreating form, already walking towards the door where Asuka waited impatiently. She had planned on hitting the mall, he planned on hitting the couch. The life of a NERV guardian has both peaks and pitfalls, Ranma was going to experience both.
As the cold metallic clang of the doors echoed through the corridor, Asuka clinging to his arm, Ranma smirked a bit. Then laughed ever so softly, Asuka worried for his sanity. "It's nothing Asuka, just something Capt. Katsuragi said today. By the way, we're invited to her house tonight for a little party."
"A party? Really? This is gonna be so much fun!"
"Glad to see you're getting along so well with the other Children, but I thought you were going to 'show that Third Child who's the best?'" He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, making sure to avoid the personnel walking through the halls. "I mean, you've killed one Angel to his three, I guess you're really not the best." He knew just what buttons to push.
"That's nothing! I have a higher synch ratio _and_ I've killed that Angel single-handedly. He's only killed those three with outside help!" She balled her hands into fists, vowing that someway or another, she would topple Shinji from his throne. [Of course not too hard, I don't wanna hurt him, besides he's kinda cute...]
As Asuka continued to berate herself for her weakness, Ranma's thoughts returned to Misato. [You're gonna regret making that bet with me, I'll make you eat you're words! If there's anything Ranma Saotome is not, it is a coward!]
---Debriefing room, NERV level 26---
[I never should've made that bet! I don't wanna run around naked for the rest of the night!] Turning back to her own Child, Misato fixed him with a dangerous grin. "C'mon Shinji, I need you to help me at the liquor store." Few words spelled doom in Misato's care quite like 'liquor store,' well maybe that and 'cooking,' but it would take Ranma a little while before he realized that.
Shinji groaned, knowing all too well the fateful hand dealt to him.
---To be continued---
For those of you wondering where my stories are posted, these are the places they are available.
Phu's website can be found at:
http://www.xoom.com/phu_lam/
Zaxxon:
http://sfcreators.com/atlantis/FanFic/Other/DrSuekeiichiKaiton/
Lost One's Anime Page:
http://ranmaxovers.tripod.com/
Thanks have to go to the people that thought enough of my work to post them on their sites. Special thanks go to Phu, who helped me gain valuable feedback by posting my stories to the FFML. Anyone I haven't mentioned means I couldn't find your addresses, drop me a line and I'll revise the list.
Dr. Suekeiichi Kaiton
Kaiton@banet.net