on 8/24/2000 6:20 PM, Scott Jamison <majks@yahoo.com> wrote:
I'm confused. Shirokuro has had another batch of puppies? And
Ranko doesn't remember the last time, which happened well before
Nodoka showed up? And Ryouga's parents have somehow miraculously
gotten their own GPS devices since then?
Or are you pretending that the earlier incident didn't happen?
In that case, it's just cheating.
No, this is the first time Shirokuro has a batch of puppies. "Genma's
Daughter" is set in the timeframe of around volume 10 or 11 of the manga.
Nodoka just shows up a lot earlier than in the canon. Given the wildly
different circumstances of her separation from her child, I don't consider
that anything remarkable.
I consciously based a lot of chapter 13 on the story in manga volume 11
where Ranma poses as "Yoiko", Ryouga's little sister. Shirokuro has puppies
and is one TV, just like in that story. Little snatches of the dialogue from
that episode are in chapter 13, though they are sometimes said by Ranko now,
where Akane said them in the manga. One big difference is that Ryouga's
parents are home, a change I made because it suited me. :-)
I didn't think getting a GPS receiver was a miracle. I thought you just had
to walk into a store and buy one.
I find myself compelled to agree with Mr. Noakes to a large
degree. While this Ranko may be a better person than Ranma, (she's
certainly nicer), she isn't nearly as interesting or likable. You
(and the characters in the story) may see this person as basically
all the good bits of Ranma without the unpleasant edges caused by
unwanted maleness...but I (and I suspect not a few other readers) see
Ranko as Ranma with all the unique and fascinating bits of his
personality removed and less desirable traits inserted.
Ranko *does* come across as a whiny crybaby, and as someone
who's lost their fire. I know from your comments that you didn't
mean this, but this is how it looks. No amount of having other
characters in a story praising another character's good points will
make the reader believe the character has them if they aren't
effectively conveyed.
I guess I can't agree with you. I'm detecting an undertone here that you
think this story is anti-male. I worked very hard to make sure it was not.
As Ranko says, she does not look down on boys, she just isn't one and
doesn't want to be one. I certainly don't believe Ranko is a "better" person
than Ranma; she's just a girl, where Ranma was a boy (or acted like one).
I think guys are great (cute, too). I don't think women are better than men,
or vice versa. I would never, ever want to be a man, though. Most of the
women I know feel the same way. So does Ranko. If you're a guy and you have
a hard time believing this, then imagine being a woman and see how you feel
about it.
I find it hard to believe that anyone could go through the kind of
experience Ranko has while maintaining a stiff upper lip. I still think her
emotional fragility is realistic given the trauma she's suffered, and I
think she is visibly recovering from it by the end of the story. She's on a
more even keel.
As to whether Ranko is an interesting, worthwhile person, well, that's a
matter of opinion. Part of the story is about her coming to believe she has
self-worth, even though she is not Ranma anymore.
Some specific suggestions: Everything tends to go waay too
smoothly for Ranko and company once she decides to go en femme.
there need to be more roadblocks; people who like things and Ranma
the way they were, and aren't afraid to say so.
*Why* do there need to be such roadblocks? None of the Tendou sisters need
Ranma to be Ranko. Genma feels far too guilty to fight back, and he and
Souun have known all along that Ranko is a girl. Nodoka desperately wants
Ranma to be Ranko again. Who would fight it, and why would they fight it?
For the sake of making her suffer?
Ukyou and Shampoo are about the only characters I can think of who A) have a
vested interest in Ranko remaining Ranma, and B) the narrow focus to
actually believe that's a possibility (I think Cologne is far too wise to
fight a losing battle). I could have made both of them be far more hostile,
if I had wanted to focus the story on obstacles to Ranma becoming Ranko
again. I didn't; I wanted to focus the story on what I believed to be a more
interesting topic: Ranko coming to terms with what her new life means for
*her*.
I guess I don't understand why you think there need to be such roadblocks.
That is certainly one valid way to have written the story, but I don't see
that approach as essential to a successful story. I don't think it at all
unrealistic that Ranko would be in a tearing hurry to be a girl again once
she believed that was OK and something she could live with, and that most of
the people around her would be supportive.
If there is one actual mistake in the story, it's getting rid of
Ranko's curse too early. Having to deal with the fact that her body
will sometimes be male whether she wants to be or not would add more
dramatic tension to Ranko's situation; and remind us that this *is*
in fact Ranma, whatever else has changed.
I think there is plenty of dramatic tension: Ranko is having to cope with a
whole new world. I actually thought that the dramatic tension was higher
from Ranko realizing she was committed to this new path without being able
to turn back: she no longer has the "safety net" of being able to revert to
Ranma. Again, what you are suggesting is a valid way to have written the
story, but not, I believe, the only valid way, and I chose to emphasize a
different set of issues. I saw Ranko still having a curse as a distraction
from what I was trying to explore.
Your goal, as I understand it, is for Ranko to come to see her[self]
as a worthwhile person. Unfortunately, as the story is written, this
comes at the expense of Ranma's worth as a person. The character I
like is discarded and forgotten by seemingly everyone, with nary a
tear. You might want to have at least Ukyou and Kodachi point out
that Ranma wasn't a monster....
No one in this story calls Ranma a monster, not even Ranko herself. She just
resents her former self because she was forced to be him for so long. I
don't think of Ranma as a monster either, not at all. I think of him as
having a heart of gold, really pathetic social skills, and a self-esteem
problem that requires him to win every contest in sight. :-) There are far
worse things to be.
I don't think Ranko thinks Ranma was evil or a monster; she just thinks he
was a jerk. Well, he was. Lots of good-hearted people are jerks. She also
knows *she* was Ranma. She doesn't say "Ranma was a jerk," she says "*I* was
a jerk." She's talking about her past behavior, not Ranma's worth as a
person.
I'd also like to point out that Ranko is under no obligation to remain Ranma
just to make someone else happy who happens to like Ranma the way he is: not
the other characters, not the readers.
It's precisely because Ranma was such a larger-than-life character that
Ranko finds herself unsure how to find her own self-worth as Ranko. Ranma
was a very hard act to follow: as Akane notes early on, he's like some
historical figure who was half myth; a demi-god. That's why Ranko keeps
belittling herself by saying "That was Saotome Ranma, not Saotome Ranko."
Does that sound like someone who thinks Ranma was a monster, or had no
worth?
Finally, Genma spends a *lot* of time mourning Ranma in this story. That's
because he's the *only* character who has known Ranma *as Ranma* for more
than a few months. That's another reason this story is set very early in the
Ranma 1/2 timeline.
And I know it would go against the whole grain of the story, but
what would really help this reader's interest is to have a menace
show up that doesn't care that Ranko doesn't want to be Ranma anymore
and has stopped trying to be a dedicated martial artist, and
perfectly willing to kick her butt. For example, Tarou, Prince Herb
or especially Kuumon Ryuu.
The last would be especially interesting because his "Ranma
Saotome" guise would cut directly to the core of the identity crisis
that Ranko is having....
Again, not the issues I wanted to cover in this story, but a perfectly valid
approach to take (any takers?). I suspect my Ranko would call on her friends
and family to help her were this to happen. I think Ranko, Ryouga, Akane,
Ukyou, Shampoo, Mousse, and Cologne all working together could handle any
threat like this. Saffron might be more of a challenge.
I thought of doing something just like this, but the story runs nearly 300
pages with only just the material *I* wanted to cover. A full length novel
is already enough, thank you. If there's a monster in "Genma's Daughter" at
all, it's the story's size. I didn't want to spend another twenty pages -- a
whole chapter -- on a side story like this that, frankly, would be a
digression from the main storyline. I know lots of people like Ranma 1/2 for
the martial arts aspects; for Ranma as hero. Those people will likely find
this story disappointing.
By the way, you are under no obligation to find my story interesting. ;-) I
never expected it to appeal to everyone. Thank you for taking the time to
critique it.
Luck,
SKJAM!
Thank you!
Deborah