Deborah Goldsmith wrote:
This is the last post I am going to make where I try to explain the ideas
behind my story. I feel like I'm repeating myself, and I also feel like I
made these ideas more than clear in the story itself. If not, I'd appreciate
actual C&C on how to make them more clear rather than continued knocking
down of straw horses; it should be abundantly clear from my posts here what
my intent for the story was.
Mostly, this is the last post I'm going to make because I'd rather spend the
time writing or doing other fun things, rather than having an argument.
I probably shouldn't be responding. I wouldn't except that you phrased a number
of your statements as questions and because there's a general principle of what
I consider to be good storytelling that I want to get across to the audience
at large.
Akane for a start. Look how she reacted in the blow to the head story.
That Akane is in love with Ranma in a romantic way. This Akane is not; she
loves Ranma as a sibling.
Say. That's convenient. Given that Ranma has been behaving in the exact same
way, why does Akane feel differently about him, except to remove potential
conflict from the story?
The school administration because it creates very confusing paperwork and
adjustments.
Really? How do you think they would react? "Your birth certificate and
childhood records aren't valid, Saotome-kun."?
Something like that for a start. They might want to expel her, or try to
order her to still attend as an official "boy" even though she isn't one
or at least make her fill out forms for an hour or two.
Ryoga, who has lost what he enjoyed more than anything else
in the world.
That's one possible interpretation. I don't see Ryouga that way. I think
this is more a fanfic idea than something in the manga.
Ever read the moxibustion story?
Make a suggestion as to how they ought to react, and how it makes the story
*better*, as opposed to merely *more familiar*.
_Conflict_ makes the story better. This isn't a male versus female perspective
issue. I read romance novels and do you know what they are filled with?
Conflict. Not violence as such (necessarily), but a lack of harmony. Significant
obstacles to happiness. People resisting what comes naturally. People trying
to force their wills on other people. Misunderstandings that cause tension and must
be resolved. And what I've read of your story is virtually devoid of
conflict. Yes, Ranma is apprehensive about her new life, but just
being nervous doesn't create conflict anymore than crying easily does.
She isn't torn between her training to be male and the urge to be
female, because being female is easy for her, and being male is repellent.
She doesn't have to fight the opposition of everyone around her because everyone
around her is being supportive or ignoring the change. She's a little antsy
about getting into a relationship with a boy, but not significantly more than
the next girl entering her first relationship.
Who was it who said that the basic plots are Man against Man, Man against Nature,
and Man against himself? You haven't given us any of those to any significant
extent. Instead, she is just getting used to acting naturally instead of
being a phony, in short to a general lack of conflict.
Happosai, who no longer has a worthy heir to the
school. (That Ranma's a girl isn't necessarily a problem. That Ranma's
a girl who doesn't care about martial arts and wants to become a concert
violinist says that the school of Anything Goes Martial Arts dies with
Happosai and the dads.)
Too bad for Happousai. Who cares but him?
You are missing the point. That Happosai might care matters a lot if only
because he's enormously powerful and unscrupulous. I'm not acting as the
spokesman for poor little old Happosai, just pointing out that you made
it too easy for Ranko for my taste by watering down the potential problems
that could crop up.
Do you think the fathers care
enough to push Ranko to stay a boy?
Maybe, maybe not. More importantly they would want to do _something_ to
ensure that the art which has been their life will not die.
If you think that Ryouga, Shampoo, Ukyou, and the others should react as
mindless automatons ("Please insert 50 yen coin for canned response"), why
do you think that makes for a better story?
Mindless automatons is a little harsh. You asked who would object, and I gave
you a list of people who would plausibly object to a major change in someone
near them. Their responses don't necessarily have to be predictable, but why
would everyone be so reasonable in unison except as a plot contrivance to avoid
conflict?
I guess I see more problems for her than you do: she's terrified of her own
sexuality and femaleness and the implications of that, she's terrified of
meeting people and socializing as a girl, she's terrified everyone will
despise her and think she's a pervert, she has no idea who she is supposed
to be anymore, she's realized she doesn't really want to pursue the thing
that was her entire life before, she believes she's going to fail as a
violinist, and her parents are ready to kill each other and her family has
fallen apart.
But I'll admit that I stopped reading it three
chapters
or so ago. (I think. I've lost track.)
I think your tone here speaks for itself. What was your purpose in writing
your e-mail?
To give feedback on why I stopped reading it. And of course in response
to the conflict. Conflict interests people. It attracts attention.
"That was Saotome Ranma, not Saotome Ranko."
Does that sound like someone who thinks Ranma was a monster, or had no
worth?
Absolutely. It sounds like someone ashamed of who they were to the point
where they are pretending it was someone else to me.
When Akane praises Ranko, Ranko says "That was Ranma, not me." So this
"absolutely" means she's ashamed of *Ranma*. Would you mind explaining your
logic here? To me, it sounds like someone who doesn't believe she's capable
of excelling the way she used to.
My logic:
She isn't saying "I can't do that kind of thing anymore".
What she's saying sounds like "That's a different person...a person I don't
want to be. I so strongly don't want to be him that I don't even want to
keep any of his good points."
That's what I'm hearing. It may not be what you are saying but it's what
came across to me and others, a blanket rejection of all her "masculine"
attributes. And of course the claim you meant is absurd. She can do that
sort of thing. She has the aptitude, training and experience. If she isn't
going to do it anymore, it's because she doesn't _want_ to do it anymore.
Why is it that given the freedom to be who she really is, that she feels
disempowered rather than empowered?
Again, I've made it more than clear what my intentions were. Since the
characters feel and do what I tell them to, I would appreciate some concrete
C&C on how to make my intentions more clear, rather than being told I'm
wrong about my own characters' motivations.
All I can say, is that if you wish the audience to regard Ranko as a
strong person making a new life for herself, resist the
temptation to make things easy for her. Make them difficult in every way you
can think of. Protagonists are judged by the difficulties they face and
overcome. The longer your story, the more problems you should throw at
them.