Hi, Morgan!
Hi, Latin D! Welcome back from your trip! ^_^
> Well, here we are yet again, right?
Well, it seems I arrived right on time. One more day and I'd have missed
the
next chapter of one of my favourite series.
Really? Which series is that? ^_~
So I'll leave my backlog mail
aside (people, go on "vacation" mode when you leave town!) and try
One of many reasons I prefer my Excite Inbox. Being able to check my e-mail
from any computer with an Internet connection has saved me on more than one
occasion. I've even been known to stop over at Internet cafes just to make
sure I haven't missed a new chapter I wanted, or one of Elsa's essays (I
love those things).
to send
some constructive comments. If that fails, witticisms will have to
suffice--but you seem to like the stuff, so I guess it's okay. ^_^
I love witticisms. I may as well chuckle while I'm hearing how badly I
goobered up THIS time, right? ^_^
> far, and such. All you gotta do is just press the "Reply" button and
cross
> your fingers. ^_~
Let it not be said that I do not heed the pleas of a desperate heart.
And I am eternally glad that you do, my friend. Eternally glad.
<SNIP>
> personally, and I'll send you a copy. Or, if that's too much trouble,
go
> to http://www.geocities.com/animecrossovers/ and check it out on
> Joy Lyn's Crossover Corner. ^_^
Went there, and I have to say I found lots of good fanfics there (beside
yours ^_~). Worth a look, people.
There really are some good fics there. For some odd reason, I even make a
point of going there whenever I want to re-read my own older chapters. Which
is triply odd, because they're on both my webpage and my hard drive. Go fig.
> And, with all that stuff aside, let's get on to the story!
Okay, as always, all my comments are IMO, and they come from my
sleep-deprived mind, so feel free to ignore them if I don't make any
sense.
After all, I've just returned from my prom trip, and there _is_ something
called hangover, y'know? ^_~
Y'know, you can get the same effect as a hangover just by drinking a tall
glass of seawater and then holding your breath until you pass out?
You probably don't want to know how I learned that. ^_^
Remember the Matrix...
Of course I remember the Matrix. One day, an Autobot shall rise from our
ranks, and use the power of the Matrix to light our darkest hour! (er, that
WAS the Matrix you meant, wasn't it? ^_^)
<MINI-SNIP!>
I mean, who really wants to read my title three times? Apparently, not even
me. ^_^
> Chapter Eight : Preparations
...For that last, impressive fight that will leave the readers with their
mouths agape and wishing or a new sequel...
Actually, I was just going to have them all sit down and calmly and
reasonably discuss their differences of opinion over tea and biscuits.
Although, now that you mention it, I suppose I COULD do it the other way...
> Erdge stared at her feet as she walked down the corridor. It
> was a habit long enforced by necessity ; the floors of the castle in
Extra space right... ...here! ^
Why so it is. ^_^
Wouldn't a colon work better in this case?
(shrugs) I have absolutely no idea. According to my trusty Webster's Compact
Writers Guide, they're both valid (so much for being trusty - I can't
believe I blew $6.50 for a book that tells me it doesn't know! >_<). Anybody
out there have an idea?
> which she and the rest of Mother's children lived in were as
> conglomerated as everything else in the structure, and there was little
> more embarrassing than stepping from coarse granite flagstone to slick
> glass tile without noticing.
Why would that be embarrassing? Of course, you could slip on that kind of
floor, but stepping on it wouldn't be a problem, right?
Maybe, but people are more careful walking on glass than they are when
walking on granite. Not noticing that one had been replaced with the other
is sort of like not noticing a banana peel under your foot.
BAM! Flat on your ass, pretty much every time.
> Making matters worse, not all floors
> joined evenly, making for convenient gaps exactly large enough to
> swallow a poorly-placed leg and leaving slight ledges just waiting for
> a chance to break the ankle of someone in high heels.
Heh. Not the place for a supermodel to parade, is it?
Well, with a castle as patchwork as Mother's, there were bound to be some
structural errors. It's not like any of these siblings are good at capentry
or masonry.
> It wasn't a concern at the moment, she admitted to herself as
> she paced along the ridged and curving tunnel, holding her torch
> slightly higher in an attempt to shed some more light through the
> omnipresent shadows that lurked and capered a safe distance from her
> flames.
Good description, my friend! I'm there with her.
Thanks! ^_^
> Brother Tytoung made his home in the countless tunnels that
> pockmarked the massive island of rock on which their multifaceted
> palace rested, living happy and forgotten in the depths of the earth.
The reserved, quiet ones are always the worst, they say. Finally we get
to
meet Tytoung!
Yup. Erdge, meet Tytoung. Tytoung, eat Erdge.
<SNIP!>
> "Hello, Erdge. It's been a few centuries." Tytoung's voice was
> a dry, rasping hiss, exactly as she had remembered it. "Why are you
> disturbing my nest like this? You know how my friends and I despise
> visitors." A strange, clapping sound, which Erdge finally managed to
> place as a pair of large jaws snapping shut. "Particularly the 'I'
You missed the verb here. A strange, clapping sound... what? This may be
stylistic, but I hate this kind of sentences.
Actually, I missed part of my sentence. That was supposed to say "A strange,
clapping sound REACHED HER EARS, which Erdge finally managed..." and so on
from there.
I can't believe I lost three whole words. I wonder where they went? O_O
> part of 'my friends and I'."
I think it'd be: ...and I.'"
Actually, it can be either way. This is something my Writer's Guide DID
cover. Since the period isn't actually part of what's being quoted, it
doesn't have to be included in the quote marks. However, it can be. It's one
of those style things.
> Erdge could sense, more than see, the rest of his mammoth,
> muscled form. There was a reason that even Thraw referred to Tytoung
> as their "big" brother, and it had nothing to do with age. She had
> been afraid that she might catch him in a hungry mood.
She should be more afraid of being CAUGHT in a hungry mood, I think.
Good point! :D
Bad joke, I know.
Hey, it worked on me.
> "I think Brother Pedri can assume my answer is 'no'."
Again, I this this would be: ...is 'no.'"
I'm not sure, but you should check.
I did. Like I said, it can be either way. No big deal, I guess.
> "Is it?" Erdge lowered the torch, nearly touching the stone
> floor with the burning brand as she tilted her head to the side.
>
> "Technically," Tytoung clarified, "my answer is for him to go
> fuck himself with a long and pointed stick, but I thought 'no' would
> be a bit easier for you to understand." The shadowy outline of her
> brother turned and began to shuffle away. "Good-bye, Sister Erdge.
Why not "goodbye"? "Good-bye" might be a dated form of it (I don't have a
clue), but is there any reason you used it? He's definitely old, but he
also
seems very casual when speaking (the whole "go fuck" thingie).
Well, "Good-bye" is used as a more formal and dated way of saying goodbye.
Tytoung is being more formal to let Erdge know that their little
conversation is officially over. The line about the long, pointed stick was
more a way of him to vent his disgust at Pedri. He doesn't like Pedri much.
Gee, I wonder why? Old Pedri is just SO friendly and good-natured, right?
> Thank you for dropping by, and be sure to come back when you aren't
> so busy. I'll be more than happy to have you for dinner..."
Such a good host...
I'm sure he would have used the good china and his nicest silverware.
He's nothing if not considerate to his lunch... I mean, guest.
> "Tytoung, you know that Mother needs you." Erdge waited and
> listened as his footsteps scraped more and more softly, receding into
> the distance. "Tytoung, this is no time to be stubborn!" Nothing but
> silence. "Tytoung, I CAN'T go back to Pedri with another failure!"
> Fear clutched the blonde woman's throat. "Th-there's no telling what
> he'd do to me," she muttered to herself, and began walking in the
> direction of her surly brother's footsteps. "Please!" Erdge called
> out desperately. "What do you want? What will it take to get you to
> come with me? I'll give you anything! Even one of my treasures!"
Didn't she/you just said that if he sensed any fear or weakness in her
she'd
be history? What do you call this?
Desperation. She's less afraid of being eaten than she is of whatever Pedri
might do to her for failing him twice.
> "Anything?" A voice hissed in her ear, and Erdge stopped in
> her tracks.
"A" shouldn't be capitalized.
Good point. I'll be sure to fix that.
> "Yes," she said quickly, and thanked her lucky stars that it
> wasn't her sister Tuls placing her in such a position.
>
> "You'll give anything?"
>
> "Yes!"
>
> "Will you DO anything?"
>
> Uh-oh. Erdge blinked. This was starting to sound a lot more
> like talking to Tuls than she preferred.
As Tuls sounded sort of... highly sexed, this doesn't sound good for
Erdge.
No, it doesn't, does it. Let's just say that Erdge has had a bad experience
of two with Sister Tuls, over the past few centuries. And whatever Tuls did,
it apparently involved an audience of some kind. ^_~
Though Tytoung may also ask for one of her arms--for a snack, I mean.
Well, he DID ask for one of her arms, so you're half right. ;b
> Tytoung snorted, and Erdge's long braid swayed in the breeze
> he had created. "I said," he repeated, "will you DO anything? To get
> me to come with you, and help Brother Pedri?"
>
> "Yes," Erdge breathed, so quietly that even she could barely
> hear herself saying it. "Anything." What the hell. It couldn't be any
> worse than what Tuls had put her through, and at least there wouldn't
> be an audience this time.
>
> "Fine. Scratch my nose."
>
> "What?"
>
> "My nose." Tytoung snorted again. "It itches, and my arms are
> too short to reach it. I want you to scratch my nose."
LOL! And here I though this would go Dark...
Gee, ME being misleading? No, that couldn't ever happen!
Besides, I'm still getting warmed up. ~_~
<SNIP>
> "You'll send out your troops?"
>
> "If it's safe," Tytoung cautioned, "if it's safe. You know I
> always prefer to get the lay of the land before I go rushing into
> things, unlike my flighty brothers Vyne and Pedri. I may even come
> along for the hunt, I think : it's high time I saw some sunlight
> again."
Let's recap. He said he would only send out his troop if it was safe.
Then
he said he only _might_ come along for the hunt. Now, if he doesn't come
out, and doesn't send his troops, how the heck is he going to know wheter
it's safe or not?
He could always stick his head out a window. ^_^
Seriously, Tytoung only said he wouldn't send out his troops, meaning ALL of
his troops, until he had checked things out, first. A few scouts can handle
that for him.
<SNIP, YET AGAIN!>
> "Jun," she said quietly, "if you touch me with that thing
> ONE more time, I swear I will cram it somewhere very uncomfortable."
JUN: My nose? One of my ears? My mouth?
HARUKA: Nope, but it may come out one of those if I try hard enough...
Hehehe. If he's not careful, old Jun will be coughing up toothpicks for a
month...
> "Sorry," the dark-haired boy said with an apologetic smile.
> "Michiru mentioned you were a heavy sleeper, and I already tried
> every other trick I've got, except a bucket of cold water. I never
> thought I'd say this to anybody, but you're harder to wake up than
> Touma!"
He says that because he hasn't met Ranma Saotome. The guy doesn't even
realize you're attacking him!
Maybe not, but Touma really is notorious for sleeping soundly in YST.
<LET'S SNIP>
> "Oh." Haruka shrugged. "Whatever. Just make sure nothing eats
> her while I'm gone, okay?" Picking up the jacket she had used as a
> pillow, the tall blonde woman folded it over one arm and walked off
> into the underbrush in search of her friends.
Nitpick: How did she know where the girls were? No one told her: "Kayura
and
your fellow Senshi went in that direction," right?
Well, I never meant to imply they were THAT far away from the camp. Haruka
just went searching for them. It did take her a while to find them, too, so
it's not like she knew exactly where they were from the start.
Basically, I couldn't see either of the Masho caring enough to give her
directions. ^_^
> **********
>
> "This is it," Rajura said proudly, as he swept his arms wide
> in a gesture that enveloped a large body of water nearly the size of
> a swimming pool on Earth. Steam rose from the placid surface of the
> water, and it bubbled softly to itself. The spring was shaped like a
> large letter "O", with a small island of rock in the very middle and
I don't think you need the quotes, especially if you already say it's a
letter. In fact, I don't think "letter" is needed.
Well, I think I do need EITHER the "letter" or the quote marks. Otherwise,
readers might think I had begun a word and cut off after the first letter.
Which one do you think I should cut?
> "Wonderful!" The raven-haired girl enthused, as her grey
"Wonderful!" the... (I think)
Yes, that would be right. Will fix.
> undergear melted from her body in a flash of light and left her clad
> in what appeared to be a haphazard collection of tattered rags and
> black bandages, covered in an odd-smelling red slime. "I've been hoping
> for a chance to wash this gunk off of me!" She stepped towards the
> spring, and Rajura stopped her with an outstretched hand.
<SNIP!>
From now on, I'll try to keep my hentai jokes at a minimun, but know it's
a
really, really hard task.
Sorry. ^_^
> "I have to admit," Nasuti said, eyes narrowed thoughtfully as
> she set down her simple white shoulder bag, "he seems to hate you with
> more passion than I've ever seen Rajura demonstrate for anything!"
> Reaching behind her, she pulled her long auburn hair out of the collar
> of her denim jacket, unbuttoning the heavy garmet and sliding it off
Typo: garment
Gotcha. Consider it taken care of!
<SNIP>
> Setsuna reached out and gingerly accepted the filthy rag,
> pinching it between her thumb and index finger as she continued to
> unbutton her white silk blouse with her free hand. Pulling off her
> shoes, Michiru noticed the strange pin that Sailor Pluto had been
> wearing earlier. On her hands and knees, the young woman stretched
> out one hand and picked up the piece of jewelry from where it sat
Typo: jewellery (AmE --> BrE)
Curses! Foiled again, by that cursed American - British english thing! I
always do that at least once a chapter, don't I? Blast it all, anyway.
> innocently on top of Setsuna's discarded jacket.
>
> "This is a lovely piece," the Senshi of Neptune said enviously,
> running her fingers over the raised cameo carved in ivory and set
> against a black backdrop of what appeared to be opal. The gold wire
> that writhed around the stone had been twisted and formed to look like
> a wreath, with no beginning or end. "When did you get this? I don't
> remember you ever wearing it before..."
I bet it has something to do with Shutendoji.
It MIGHT not! Just because she started wearing it after being reunited with
him, and just because she's had it for years, and just because a long-haired
demon skull wearing a samurai helmet is the personal symbol of the Oni
Masho, it doesn't have to mean anything! It could all be a coincidence!
And when Hotaru mysteriously starts wearing the same kind of pin, that could
be a coincidence, too! ^_~
> There was a loud splash as Kayura finally reached the end of
> her bandages and tumbled into the spring. Spluttering, the beautiful
> young woman popped her head above the surface of the water, long
> raven hair hanging around her like a thick veil.
And the crowd yelled: "We want more description! MORE DESCRIPTION!" ^_~
Oh, I'm sorry. Next time, I'll be sure to use more description when I'm
talking about Kayura's hair. ^_^
<SNIP-SNIP!>
> "You carry shampoo in your purse?"
>
> "Oh," Nasuti's muffled voice answered, as several more items
> began to spill out of the bag, "not just shampoo. I also have soap,
> toothpaste, towels, a canteen full of Calpis water, a change of
> clothes, a map of New York City, some granola bars, a box of matches,
> a Swiss Army knife, and some iodine." Sitting up, the woman smiled
> cheerfully, revealing the objects in her hand. "And," she added, "a lot
> of other things, including hairpins."
...and whips, and handcuffs, and some XXX movies, the last Playboy and
Latin_D's phone number.
No, those things would be in Tuls' purse. Nasuti Yagyu is a good girl. She
lived with five teenaged boys for years, and never once even held hands with
any of them.
Yeah, right. Talk about fan service.
> Michiru blinked. "And you always carry all of that stuff in
> your purse? No matter where you go?"
>
> "Just because I don't WANT to be dragged into an alien
> dimension," Nasuti said sensibly, "does not mean I am unprepared for
> the eventuality."
>
> "Which one of my kingdoms do you want?" Kayura asked
> gratefully as she took the pins offered her.
NASUTI: Well, the Dark Kingdom is nice and all, but the scenery is
beautiful
in the Dinasty.
KAYURA: ...
NASUTI: Oh, it was a joke? Drat!
KAYURA : Oh, it wasn't a joke. I was just stunned that you like the scenery
better in the Dynasty. Which Masho do you want?
NAAZA : May I make a suggestion?
> "I'll even throw in a
> Masho if you let me borrow some clothes."
>
> "No need," Nasuti said generously. Balling up her socks, she
> stuffed them in her purse and stood back up. "Although," she added
> thoughtfully, "I think a few of my clothes might be a bit big on you."
BTW, isn't Kayura very, very old (hundreds of years old, like the rest of
the Masho)? When is she going to grow up?
Kayura was born in Nara, on December 12, 1559, so that would make her about
four hundred and forty-one years old (I believe that also makes her a
Saggitarius). And she'll never grow up, because she's immortal. Nasuti,
being nineteen, is both taller and... er... more talented... than Kayura,
and always will be. Kayura is as old as she'll ever get. Physically, she's
supposed to be twelve, but she looks more like she's fourteen or fifteen to
me. Maybe she was an early bloomer, or something (shrugs).
> "Anything is better than nothing, dear," Kayura reminded the
> other woman gently. "If you think I'm wrapping myself in those grimy,
> disgusting old rags again, you're sorely mistaken."
What does she need those for? Can't she use that undergear of hers?
Would YOU want to wear a skintight metal suit with nothing underneath? On a
hot day, during a long march?
Neither does Kayura. ^_^
<SNIP, YET AGAIN!>
> "You laugh," Nasuti said, "but you've never been trying to
> take a bath while Seiji is using the mirror to brush his hair, Shuu and
> Shin are both at the sink brushing their teeth, Ryo is sticking his
> head in the door and wanting to know why you're taking so long, and
> Touma is still so half-asleep he's about to get in the furo with you.
> It rapidly loses its charm, believe me."
Not for the Samurai Troopers, I'm sure. ^_~
They may be immortal heroes, they may be noble warriors, they may even be
superpowered samurai trying to save humanity from an evil army of demons,
but hey are also fifteen-year-old guys. That means that there are some
things more important than saving humanity.
Seiji : And those things tend to have long hair and wear skirts!
> "I suppose it would," Michiru said with a sympathetic look in
> her eyes. "Boys can be quite dull and inconsiderate, at times. That's
> one of the reasons I gave up on the creatures, myself." Unbuttoning
> her skirt, she let the fabric slide down her legs and kicked it into
> the air.
>
> "Gee," Haruka said with a smirk as she caught the skirt in
> mid-air, "and here I thought I was just so irresistable that you
Typo: irresistible
Yes, it is. Sorry about that, will fix. ^_~
> couldn't help throwing yourself at me."
>
> "Well," Michiru laughed, "there was that, too. But why bore
> Nasuti with all the tawdry details of our torrid little affair?"
> Rushing over to where Haruka stood, Michiru threw her arms around
> the taller blonde woman and kissed her briefly on the lips. "I'm glad
> you finally woke up," the Senshi of Netune said with a wink. "You're
Typo: Neptune
Ah, geez. Of all the bloody words to goof up, too... my own ruling planet.
_<
> less fun when you're just lying there. Did you come to scrub my back?"
HARUKA: Not exactly, but you're close...
MICHRU : What do you mean?
HARUKA : I'm here to scrub Nasuti's back! OW! (ducks) HEY! STOP THROWING
ROCKS, MICHI! IT WAS A JOKE! OW!
> Nasuti lowered herself into the water with Setsuna and Kayura,
> who were huddled together on one side of the hot spring, whispering
> back and forth. The two made a strange pair, one tall and stately, with
> long green hair and piercing red eyes, the other barely reaching her
> shoulder and still possessing the wide eyes and softer curves of youth.
> Guess which is the ruler of two whole dimensions, Nasuti thought, and
Well, I'm not sure, but I always was of the idea that both her Kingdoms
were
in the same dimension. Didn't Kayura said the Masho were fighting at the
border with the Dark Kingdom (Inner Battles, IIRC)?
Yeah, I used the wrong word there. I suppose I should just say "empires", or
"kingdoms", or the like.
> smiled. Anybody who didn't know better would lay odds on the dusky
> skinned, enigmatic Setsuna Meioh before even considering the shorter,
> paler, and somewhat frail girl floating next to her.
Yes, but Setsuna controls time. Kingdoms come and go, time is, obviously,
eternal.
Obviously, but the point was that Setsuna looks much more regal than Kayura
does. Sailor Pluto LOOKS like an empress. Kayura looks like a schoolgirl.
<TINY SNIP - IT WON'T HURT A BIT!>
> "Oh," Kayura said with a wide smile, "I was just saying how
> nice it is to be able to bathe with some women again, instead of my
> Masho."
O_O
Wow. The hidden story behind the Masho, ne?
Nope. The hidden story behind the Masho isn't for a few more chapters, yet.
^_^
> Nasuti laughed before she could stop herself. "You mean those
> three even go to the bath with you?" And she had thought she was the
> only one who had to put up with Samurai Troopers butting in on her.
> Maybe, she thought, they all lost their respect for people's privacy
> when they got their yoroi...
Or, maybe, they all became perverts and try to see nude women all the
time.
Think about it.
Or maybe they're all a bunch of guys, which is a lot like what you just
said, now that I think about it... ^_~
> Kayura nodded. "Rajura puts his patch on the other eye, and
> Anubis insists on constantly staring at the ceiling, and Naaza...
> well, Naaza squeezes his eyes shut and swears that we're all just
Well, Naaza...
Whoops! I will take care of that right away!
> Nasuti was shocked. It had taken weeks before she stopped
> throwing things at her Troopers, and that had been because everything
> left was too heavy for her to lift! "How can you be so okay with it?
> Don't you ever want any time to yourself?"
I think "some" sounds better than "any" here...
Y'know, it does. I think I'll change it! Thanks for the tip, pal! ^_^
<YET ANOTHER SNIP>
> "Pedri?" Nasuti looked thoughtful for a moment. "Hmm. That
> name rings a bell for some reason..." Brow knitted thoughtfully, she
> swam over to where her purse lay on the rocky ledge that ringed their
> bathing spot. Ah well, she thought, certainly it would come to her
> eventually. She passed around some
....whips and handcuffs, which were quickly put to good use?
No. Once again, you are confusing Nasuti with Tuls. ^_~
> soap and shampoo, which was quickly
> put to good use.
Awwww. ^_~
<THE SNIPS NEVER STOP!>
> Hotaru pointed at him. "You winced when you shrugged, just now.
> Are you hurt, or something?"
>
> "Uh, no." Jun rubbed his left shoulder self-consciously. "I'm
> just fine, Hotaru. It's, uhm, just a little twinge from carrying Naaza,
Incredibly annoying nitpick: you're going to kill me, but I've never seen
"uhm." "Uh," maybe, or "um."
Well, I've seen "uhm" used here and there, but if you insist, I'll change it
to "uh". Never let it be said I don't listen to C&C!
> "Hotaru, I came because I wanted to help. I want to do
> everything I can to make sure we ALL come out of this alive!" Jun
> patted his chest clutching the dark fabric of his sweater. "Hey, that
> includes me too, Hotaru. It's not like I'm dumb enough to jump in
> front of a gun for no good reason."
JUN: Now, jump in front of a magical blast is another matter entirely.
JUN : See? Latin D understands me! He's on MY side!
HOTARU : And if Latin D got a Death Reborn Revolution, would you want one,
too?
Seriously, I always wanted to know what would happen if someone shot a
Masho, or a Trooper, or even a Senshi.
I think that a Senshi might get upset that someone was attacking them, even
if it didn't hurt. A Trooper would just fall over laughing at the idea that
someone thought a GUN would hurt them. A Masho would get seriously pissed
off and do various nasty things to the person who shot at them.
Being a Masho means not having to put up with that kind of crap.
> "But still... You don't have any powers, Jun." Hotaru made eye
> contact with him, and Jun immediately began fighting the urge to
> apolgise to her for no apparent reason. "I'm worried about you, Jun.
> If one of those things, those dead men, got ahold of you, there'd be
I think you meant "a hold".
Sorry about that. Sometimes my space bar jams on me, especially when I'm
typing quickly.
> nothing you could do..."
>
> "Hey! I'm not a child, Hotaru!" Jun spread his arms wide, and
> hissed between his teeth. "I've been dealing with youja and Masho ever
> since I was nine, and I think the fact I'm still here says a little
> something about my ability to take care of myself."
...Or it could also say something about the ability of his friends ta
take
care of him, which is something Hotaru might say.
Oh, sure. Because THAT wouldn't make him any angrier. @_@
<BLINK, AND YOU'LL MISS IT!>
> "And, uhm..." Jun's voice softened until it was barely audible.
> "When I tackled him, I might have kinda maybe heard a sort of popping
> sound in my shoulder." Looking up, he saw the angriest Hotaru he had
> ever laid eyes on. "Hey," he said, in an attempt to placate her, "it's
> no big deal!"
Every little thing that angers a person capable of destroying the world
is a
big deal, Jun. Remember that, please
Fat chance. That guy has a head like a steel sieve. It's just in one ear and
out the other with him. ^_^
> "What happened to you not jumping in front of any guns, Jun?
> Didn't you just tell me that you weren't going to do that."
Missing question mark at the end of this sentence.
Don't worry : I've put out an APB on that escaped question mark, and I'm
sure one of my men will bring it back to stand trial for abandonment.
<OH, FLURKING SNIP!>
> "That's the problem, Jun. You're too brave. I think maybe you
A colon after "Jun", maybe? That he's too brave is exactly the problem
she's
talking about...
That's not a bad idea. Thanks for the tip, buddy : I'll have to go back and
change that. ^_^
> need to learn to be more afraid, sometimes."
>
> "If I weren't so brave," Jun argued, "I never would have had
> the guts to ask you out in the first place! If I were more afraid, I
> might have thought twice about THAT!" Sitting next to her, he gently
> brushed back some of her hair and ran the back of his fingers along
> the side of her jaw. "How can I stop being brave," he asked, "when
> that's the only reason I got to know you better? I'd say it's working
> pretty well for me."
Heheheh. Flattery will get you wherever you want to go. ^_^
Jun 1 - Hotaru 0
Don't worry. She's still going to win. The second he gets so much as a
scratch, he proves she was right all along. ^_~
> Hotaru blushed. "I'm still not happy about this," she said
> softly, and closed her eyes.
<THE USUAL>
> Setsuna was wringing the shampoo suds
> from her long emerald hair, and when Kayura muttered some joking
> comment about her cousin Shutendoji, Sailor Pluto whirled her head
> and let the thick tail of wet hair slap the empress in the back of
> head. With a loud squeal, Kayura fell forward and plunged under the
> water.
Heheh. I bet she said something about Shuten having longer hair than
Setsuna.
KAYURA : No, I'd never say that! Shuten's hair isn't NEARLY as long as
Setsuna's!
SETSUNA : Why, thank you...
KAYURA : It's just so much fuller, and richer, and softer, and more vibrant,
and luxurious...
SETSUNA : You can stop, now.
> Her eyes snapped open in shock. Oh, dear. Sitting bolt upright,
> Nasuti turned to Kayura, her jaw hanging open. "You don't mean to
> tell me," she blurted, "that somebody is actually worshipping Pedri
> again, do you?"
Nope, but there seems to be lots of people worshipping Mother, whoever
she
is.
Yeah, that's true. But on the other hand, maybe Pedri is being a bit more
literal then you think when he compares himself to Zeus and Odin in the next
scene. Or not.
<DO I NEED TO SAY IT?>
> Her tall and lean brother examined her leather-clad form as
> though it were something in a petri dish. "Your back," he said after
What's a "petri dish"?
A petri dish is a small, shallow, and flat bottomed circular dish that
scientists use for growing bacterial cultures and such in. Needless to say,
something in a petri dish is not likely to be recieving a warm and loving
gaze anytime soon. Especially not from Pedri. ^_^
> a moment. "Has it been troubling you?" It was as close as etiquette
> would allow either of them to come to the subject of her punishment.
> "I only ask," Pedri said in the same cool tone he always used,
> "because I had heard from Sister Holts that your back was giving you
> difficulties, this morning. Mother wants her children in full health,
> you know."
Mother wants that, but Pedri doesn't seem to care that much. Besides,
Thraw
is missing one ear, right?
Pedri never said once that HE gave a damn whether or not his siblings are
feeling okay. In fact, a bit further on in this very scene, he admits that
Holts is the only one he has any affection for at all.
And I wouldn't say Thraw's ear is missing. He knows exactly where it IS,
it's just not attached to his head anymore. Pedri lets him see it on
weekends. ^_^
<AGAIN, A SNIP?>
> "It won't be long, you know," Pedri said to Erdge, who looked
> up at him in surprise. It wasn't common for her brother to become
> introspective, and even less common for him to confide in one of his
> siblings. After all, why did he need their company? He was blessed to
> hear the voice of Mother herself!
As in, he's crazy, and he hears voices. Nutcase!
Maybe he's nuts, and maybe he actually is communicating with Mother. Or
maybe both. Aren't enigmatic, villainous characters fun? ^_~
> "What do you mean, Leader?" Erge asked carefully.
>
> "This is the peak, Sister Erdge. With the pacification of the
> Dark Kingdom and the Dynasty, we will officially have brought eternal
> peace and happiness to half of the universe." Pedri smiled slightly.
They killed half the universe? Wow.
They've been very busy little children. Plus, they've been at this for a
very long time, and Pedri is a bit of an overachiever.
> Erdge was clearly reverent in the face of Mother, but time
> and again she had demonstrated a willingness to forget all about the
> devine plan in exchange for something bright and shiny. Holts was
> brilliant, and the only sibling Pedri had any real affection for,
> but she was so lazy she refused to use any of her powers to aid in
> their quest.
So she's got powers, ne? I bet you're saving that for the end.
Sure, Holts has powers. All of the siblings have some kind of powers. She's
just too lazy to actually use them for anything. She'd rather be taking a
nap.
> Tuls tried hard, but frankly she had a bad habit of
> thinking with the wrong parts of her anatomy.
Which is a wonderful and oh-so-polite way of saying she's a slut. Gee, I
can't wait to meet her... :-p-- - - - -
Come to think of it, if you spell "Tuls" backwards, it spells "slut"!
And if you jumble the letters a bit, it spells "lust"! I wonder if that was
on purpose? I wonder if any of the OTHER sibling's names spell anything
interesting? ^_~
> "And yet," he said, "they are as Mother made them. And I am as
> She made me. Still..." Pedri cast his blue eyes once again towards the
> giant brystal tube that contained the body of Mother. "Is it this hard
Typo: crystal
Will fix.
> for them all, Mother? Is Zeus surrounded by such incompetence? Does
> Odin have to deal with such treachery? How, I wonder, do they keep
> the control that is so difficult for me?" Running his fingers through
> his soft black hair, the man who looked too young to even carry a
> sword, let alone lead a crusade, sat despondently in his chair, truly
> alone.
>
> Except, of course, for the reassuring voice in his head.
This was the best scene of the chapter, I have to say. Pedri is still an
enigma, but it was great to see inside his head for a moment. I love
internal dialogues, and this was beautifully done. Good work!
I'm rather fond of Pedri, myself. Since he is technically the leader of this
wildly dysfunctional little family, it's kind of nice to examine what goes
on in his head from time to time. Of course, the real trick is to keep him
mysterious enough that he stays interesting.
> **********
>
> To Be Continued...
...or Latin_D will do the Hangman's Hundred Handed Horrifier to me.
^_^
Another day, another C&C. I think you know how I feel about this series.
And
though things are a bit slow at the moment, I'm sure that will change
soon.
Hopefully, it will start to change with the next chapter. No real fights
planned, but a few of the mysteries I'm bugging my readers with will get
cleared up a little more. In addition to Nasuti's little revelation about
Pedri, I plan to reveal a bit more of what happened to Rajura in 1569 that
shook him up so much when Setsuna mentioned it.
I liked the interaction between Hotaru and Jun, and I hope there you'll
put
their relationship on the spotlight again soon. Many things can go wrong
in
the future, and Jun won't be able to sweet talk his way out of a
discussion
twice.
I all but guarantee you a few of those things. Jun and Hotaru aren't quite
out of the woods yet, and I mean that figuratively as well as literally.
Actually, I'd like to see what Shutendoji, who seems to be a wise
person (you called him the Obi-wan Kenobi o the Masho) and apparently
wants
to take a more active part in Hotaru's life, has to say about the
situation.
Given who it is, he will no doubt have a number of opinions about it.
Whether Hotaru is willing to listen to him will be another matter.
Maybe the boy will get some power after all, who knows?
Or, Shutendoji having the temper that he does, he may just decide to kill
Jun himself and save everybody else the trouble. He's a rather mercurial
fellow. ^_^
I'm most curious about Brother Tytoung, you know? To be so feared by one
of
the siblings, he must be a sight. And my hentai twin wants to know more
about Tuls... ^_^
Well, Tytoung will definitely be showing up again, and he certainly is a
sight, I assure you. As for your hentai twin, well, Tuls will be making her
first appearance in the next chapter! And that will be all seven siblings
introduced.
As I told you, Pedri is the character that interests me the most. I can't
wait what the heck it was that Nasuti remembered.
I think it will drop a few jaws. And the best part is that there's no
telling how much she's forgotten, or isn't remembering clearly...
Well, this is it for me, Morgan. I'll go read some of my backlog mail,
and
wait for the next chapter of Dark Crusade.
Then I guess I should go start working on it.
Farewell!
-Morgan Hudson
_______________________________________________________
Say Bye to Slow Internet!
http://www.home.com/xinbox/signup.html