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-- File: slayerswild2.txt
Slayers: Wild
By Silentnova
Slayers and its characters are the creations and
properties of Hajime Kanzaka. Ranma 1/2 and its
characters are the creations and property of Rumiko
Takahashi. The author is writing this story with
neither intentions of profit nor designs for
acclaim. Please, do not sue this poor author.
Criticisms & comments are said to be appreciated
and even rumoured to be used. Please, I can be
reached at [Silentnova@go.com] if you have anything
to add to the story.
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Part Two
Splash! Ducks and Insults Don't Mix!
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I
The inn had never seen such...chaos. The innkeeper
never had such a scene in her entire life. The cook
had never wanted to collapse from exhaustion
before.
The poor waiter, Darin was his name, was the only
one working. Unfortunately, for him, the abominable
Lina Inverse considered him too slow.
"Bring me more food!" she screamed.
Lina's formidable bodyguard pounded his fist on the
table. "Food! Food! Food!"
Darin dropped the food tray, which held the very
substances Lina and her bodyguard were screaming
for.
Suddenly Lina's head doubled in size. Her teeth
grew sharp, pointy fangs. "Look at what you've done
to my food! How dare you! Fireball!"
Then the world exploded. Every little piece dropped
into the sea of chaos.
---------------------------------------------------
II
"NOOO!" Darin screamed.
"Ow! My ears!" Suddenly Lina's foot stamped on the
waiter's head, which was lying on the ground.
"Don't ever do that to a lady!"
Darin looked about. "Huh? What's happening? Where
am I?"
"You're lying on the floor! Underneath a pile of my
food!" Lina said.
"Really?"
"Yes, and I expect that you go back into the
kitchen and get me some more! I also expect that I
get free meal for the delay in my meal!"
"Whoa! Whoa!" Gourry commented.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Lina said. Darin
gave a confused look in response. "Well?"
"Huh? Darin asked.
Suddenly there was a loud growling noise in the
restaurant, which frightened the waiter onto his
feet and into the kitchen. Everyone in the inn
looked at Lina, who was blushing. "Jeez, Gourry!
You really ought to eat! Your stomach's really
sounding like a wild animal!"
"Hey, wait a minute..." Gourry had no chance to
defend himself, since he found Lina's fist in his
mouth.
Ranma, standing a safe distance away from the duo,
looked at Zelgadis. "You say they're following you
around? Why?"
"I'm looking for a cure for my curse. They said
they have nothing better to do, so they decided to
help me." Zel frowned. "But so far, all they've
been is trouble."
"Humph, looks like it!" Ranma watched the waiter
rush back with a large tray of food. With little
warning, Lina took the entire tray from the waiter
and began eating the food. Gourry tried to reach
for some food, but Lina suddenly turned on him and
growled. "She eats more than Pop."
Akane, standing beside Ranma, blinked. "Oh my, I
think you're right!"
"It's weird that she's so skinny, yet she can pack
the food away just like that!" A fork landed beside
Ranma's right foot impaling itself into the
floorboard, surprising the pigtail teen. "Whoa!"
"That's the thanks I get for bringing you two
here?" shouted Lina.
Unfortunately, when she turned her attention away
from the food, Lina didn't notice Gourry begin
digging into the pile. "Hey! Get out of there!
That's mine!"
Akane grabbed Ranma's pigtail. "Well, thanks a lot
Zelgadis, but Ranma and I should be going! Um, you
know, we have to start looking for someone to help
us get home!" She glanced nervously at Lina, who
was standing on Gourry's head fighting with the
blonde man over a fried chicken. "Well, goodbye!"
"I envy you two." Zel replied.
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III
"Honestly, you'd think there'd be someone in town
who could help us." Akane moaned. "Are you sure we
looked everywhere Ranma?"
"Yeah, unless you want to check out that spooky
looking tower over there!" said Ranma, pointing to
a spooky looking tower. "But I'm pretty sure some
nutcase lives there anyway."
"I got it!" Akane slammed her fist into her hand,
punctuating her stroke of genius. "If a 'nutcase'
summoned us here, then a 'nutcase' can send us
home!"
"Akane, I'm not sure if that's the best..."
Suddenly a strange man interrupted Ranma, "That
sounds like a great plan!"
Ranma and Akane looked at the man. "Who are you?"
"I'm Xellos, the mysterious priest!" said the
strange man, smiling.
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IV
Lina was full. Many would consider this cause to
celebrate. Among the crowds parading down the
streets would be the innkeepers of the world, front
row centre.
Often, an innkeeper would be content just to find
their inn still intact after Lina had visited
though. After all, she was the one who had
destroyed part of Sairoon.
"For the last time, it was an accident! How was I
supposed to know these amplifiers would strengthen
my Dragon Slave so much?" she said, pointing to the
amplifiers she had bartered off of a priest.
"Maybe the word 'amplify' could've clued you in?"
Zel retorted.
"I just think Lina should've just taken her own
advice: 'if you have it, flaunt it. If don't have,
then don't flaunt it'." added Gourry. "But does
Lina even have it?"
"Gourry, that's 'Power doesn't mean a thing if you
don't know when and where to use it'!"
"Oh."
"And what's this crack about me not having it!?"
"Um, I don't know?"
"Right answer!"
A minute, familiar tremor caught Zel's attention.
"Humph! I think we'd better start running right
now."
A second passed and no one moved. "Oh well, on
second thought, duck!"
"A duck? Where?"
"Gourry, just cover your head!"
The inn roof then collapsed from the pressure of a
giant beak pressing against it. "Oh, there's the
duck!"
"You've got to be kidding me." Lina said. "That is
the biggest duck I've ever seen!"
The strange thing about the situation was Ranma
clinging onto the duck's giant beak with both his
hands and feet. "Get lost! I don't have time to
play around with you, you stupid bird!"
No duck likes to be called stupid. The one Ranma
was grappling wasn't an exception. It raised its
head up in the air, puffed its chest out,
and...quacked really loudly.
"Shut up! Or else you're gonna be Peking Duck!" The
duck shook its head no. "I hate..." screamed Ranma
as he lost his grip on the beak falling towards a
small fountain, "this!" he said as he fell in.
"Is it just me, or did Ranma's voice raise a few
decibels?" Lina asked.
"Does he look different to you?" Zel asked.
"Who is that?" Gourry asked, drawing Lina and Zel's
ire. "What? I only asked a question!"
"Ranma!" Akane ran into the broken inn. "Are you
alright?"
"Yes, but that duck is really making me mad!"
"Stupid jerk! If you only listened to the wizard in
the tower, we wouldn't be in this situation!"
"If we didn't go into the tower, we wouldn't have
to worry about this duck!" Ranma stood up. "Now out
of my way Akane, I'm going to send this duck back
to where it belongs!"
"The tower?"
"No, south." Taking her attention away from the
duck, Ranma looked at Akane. Apparently Akane
didn't understand the 'south' reference. "It's fall
time remember?"
"Excuse me Akane...Ranma, but what exactly is going
on here?" asked Lina, who had just made her way
slowly to the misplaced teens. "Before, you were a
guy and now..."
"It's a curse, but you could wait a few moments?"
Ranma sprang into the air and landed back onto the
ducks beak.
"Ranma, you dope! Be careful!" called Akane. "Don't
hurt it!"
Suddenly the duck noticed something in the air. It
began to flap its wings. People who were outside of
the inn were blown backwards by the strong winds
stirred by the flapping wings.
Ranma looked up and saw many ducks flying. Sudden
movements of the duck's head caused her to lose her
balance on the beak. She fell over and barely
escaped falling off by clinging to the duck's
nostrils. "Ack! Stop it!"
The duck didn't stop though. It instead took to the
air.
"Ranma!" Akane shouted, who then began running
after the duck.
"You know..." began Lina.
Gourry finished Lina's unspoken thought, "That
would be a gigantic roast duck..."
His entire body sighing, Zel gave into the
situation. "The only thing which would make this
worse, is if Xellos or Amelia showed up."
Hearing something snap behind him, Zelgadis turned
about. "Oh no! Not you!"
"Hi Lina!" said a cheerful Xellos, waving at the
red hair sorceress. "I see you've already met Ranma
and Akane!"
"Yeah..." Lina said absently, thoughts of duck over
open fire teasing her taste buds. "Um, excuse me,
but I'm going to fire...find it...them." With no
warning for those around her, she took to the air.
"Hey Lina, wait for me!" Gourry shouted, grabbing
hold of Lina's legs, dragging her down.
"Let go!" Before she could shake Gourry off though,
Akane burst back into the inn looking up. "Huh?"
Lina said, missing something Akane had said. "Did
you say, 'Heads up'?"
"Ahh!" screamed Ranma, falling like a rock. It was
Lina's cue to look up, only to see she didn't have
any time to move out of the way of Ranma, who was
about to fall on her. She did have time to let out
a curse word though (one much too dirty to re-
mention), then be flattened.
Xellos meandered over to the stunned pile of Ranma,
Lina, and Gourry. "My, what an interesting curse!"
he said.
End Part Two
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