In a message dated 8/13/100 0:02:44 AM EST, crazyfic@hotmail.com writes:
THE BATTER END
by CrazyFic
crazyfic@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and its characters were created by Rumiko
Takahashi.
Any other disclaimer used in other fics applies to this one.
Anything else?... Oh yeah! If you are wondering, Akane does not get
turned
into chicken (roast or living) or gets eaten up in this fic.
Oh, good. After finally "getting" the point behind "Ukoyu Can Cook," I don't
think I could take another "cannibalize X character" fic.
C&C and MST definitely welcome
Just C&C today. I'm going to bed afterwards.
*****
As she tightened her grip on the handle, Akane's voice was like thunder in
Ukyou's ears. "I warned you... I warned you both! DIE, RANMA!"
Ranma, though, was paying attention to something else.
"Akane, watch out!" Ranma screamed. "There's an okonomiyaki yattai behind
you!"
Akane: [blink] What? There's an okonomiyaki yattai behind me?
Akane was confused after hearing this. "And what is that supposed to
mean?
This is probably just another one of your plans to stay with your secret
lover." Having said this, her rage became even greater as she was about
to
do what she had promised.
Of course, her temper flared up so much, the water in her brain began to boil
and--oh, wait, _I'm_ turning this into a "cannibalize X character" fic. I'll
shut up now.
"Akane, Ranchan's right!" screamed Ukyou, hoping to stop Akane from
killing
Ranma. "There is an okonomiyaki yattai behind you! In fact, it's rolling
towards you!"
Akane turned towards Ukyou. "SHUT UP!!" she screamed.
While this happened, Ranma was able to move away from Akane.
A la Xellos in Slayers Next just before Line served a Dragon Slave Serve
(which had just as much kick as the original, meaning it wiped out the
colliseum she and Martina were playing in). Very funny ep. indeed.
"This is just some plan to get Ranma away from me. At least come up with
a
better idea than saying that an okonom...."
Ranma: Okay, Ukyou's carrying my baby!
Ukyou: [blinks] I am? [falls over]
Akane: [blinks] She is? [falling over] I didn't think that I would have been
right... [completes falling over]
Ranma: Err... well, you did come up with something better than that runaway
okonomiyaki yattai...
Akane couldn't say anything else as she saw what was behind her. What she
saw was something so unbelievable that it caused her face to change from
an
expression of rage to that of complete shock.
Soun and Genma in "The Full Monty." ^_^
"It... it's an oko... okonomiyaki yattai! There's no one controlling it!
Yet it has the smell of fresh okonomiyaki along with the smell of hot,
steaming okonomiyaki batter as well as other, assorted things that can go
with okonomiyaki. And it's heading right towards..."
I'm sorry, every time I read this part, I keep thinking Will Shattner's
saying these lines.
That was all Akane could say before the okonomiyaki yattai rammed into
her,
knocking her down. After which it rolled over her body. It then reversed
its direction before disappearing to where it came from, leaving behind a
very confused Ranma, Ukyou, and Kasumi (who came in midway through the
situation).
It's Soba Nori, Goddess of Okonomiyaki! "I protect all my children," Nori
says before disappearing into an okonomiyaki.
Soon after the yattai disappeared, Kunou ran into the Tendou dojo and saw
Akane's body.
"Akane... NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Kunou, rushing forward. He dropped to his
knees besides Akane's body and held her in his arms.
But he had to use a spatula to get some of her up. Ironic, isn't it?
"YOU KILLED HER!!!!" he screamed to no one in particular.
Which then caused No One In Particular cried and ran home.
"YOU!" He points towards Ranma.
Ranma: [sighs] It's always my fault, ne?
"YOU!" He points towards Ukyou.
Ukyou: [whacks Kuno over the head with her BAS] Look, Sugar, I wouldn't have
used a yattai to run her down.
Kuno: [recovering] You wouldn't have?
Ukyou: Nope. That's what assassins are for!
"YOU!" He points towards Kasumi.
Kasumi: Oh, my! I hope Father doesn't have me arrested.
Ranma: Um, Kasumi, you didn't run Akane over with a yattai.
Kasumi: Oh, dear. I guess I didn't tell every one about my telekinetic
abilities that I sometimes have difficulty in controlling.
Ranma: Er, Kasumi, this isn't the Marvel Universe we're in, either.
Kasumi: Oh. In that case, I'll be making dinner.
"YOU!". He points towards the sky.
Which prompted Soba Nori, Goddess of Okonomiyaki, to drop a _HUGE_
okonomiyaki on Kuno just to shut him up for a few hours.
"AND ESPECIALLY YOU!" He points towards the screen.
Zen: What did Zen do wrong? Zen only wrote "The Bitter End."
With a final anguished cry, he takes Akane's body and runs off into the
night. And they lived happily ever after.
That reminds me of a particularly disturbing story about an old southern lady
died, and the local find a forty plus year old corpse in the bed of the dead
woman's house, along with a strand of iron gray hair (anyone remembers the
name of the story, email me privately).
*****
As for what was happening back in the dojo:
"Ranchan." said Ukyou.
"Yes Ucchan?" replied Ranma.
Ukyou: Will you sleep with me?
Ranma: It's too soon. Give me some time to grieve, okay?
One second later...
Ranma: Okay, I'm done. Let's have a go at it, babe!
For a while she was thinking of something to say. "That... was weird."
"Yes. Yes it was." said Ranma, still stunned by what he saw.
Kasumi wasn't wearing a bra! Or clothes for the matter.
Kasumi suddenly realized something. "Oh my! I wonder what I should tell
father and Nabiki." She left the dojo still thinking of what she should
say.
Now, how do you explain that Soba Nori, Goddess of Okonomiyaki, was acting
out of self-defense in protecting her children?
For a few minutes after this, none of the remaining two people could say a
thing.
Finally Ranma spoke up. "I... cannot stay her tonight. Too many
depressing
her=here
memories. Ucchan, do you mind if I stay with you tonight."
"...with you tonight?"
"Sure thing Ranchan." replied Ukyou, who still couldn't get over what had
happened.
Ukyou: There's a Goddess of Okonomiyaki? Who would have thought it?
Finally, Ranma and Ukyou left the dojo for whatever the future held for
them.
Which included being grilled for several hours by police for "suspicion
circumstances."
THE END
[snip Akane defense cliff notes and stuff]
The road to madness is the easiest road to take.
Certainly, you seem to have made a home on one of its off roads with this
fic. It was humorous in a weird, unexpectant way, though some would disagree
on this.