Subject: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][Dirty Pair/Zeiram] Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot chapter 2
From: "D.F. Roeder" <dfroeder@flash.net>
Date: 8/9/2000, 7:49 PM
To: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
CC: "FFML" <ffml@fanfic.com>

  Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot
  Chapter 2

Ah, another DB mega-chapter. ^_^

Major snippage throughout...



  taste, something that subtly altered the drink, making it
  taste more exotic
  than its origin would indicate.

  Kei's eyes went from examining the steam doing a circuit
  of the Lovely
  Angel's galley, where they were currently sitting down

down. (missing punc)



  After a moment of
  avoiding the inevitable, the redhead's gaze once again
  settled on the far
  side of the table towards the woman seated directly
  across from her. Iria
  was drinking her coffee just as slowly as Kei, making a
  barely audible
  slurping noise as she did so. Without realizing it, a
  smile creased the
  troubleshooter's features. That sound brought back
  memories; it was the
  exact same one Kei had heard most mornings growing up under Iria's
  tutelage. Every morning they had a chance (when Iria
  wasn't on the job and
  away from civilization)

civilization),


  they would drink coffee in the morning for
  breakfast. At first

first,



  Kei only did it in imitation of her
  mentor, but later
  she had grown to enjoy the taste of the beverage as well.
  Sometime after
  she had left her home for good, she had dropped the
  habit. But now Kei felt
  she would be taking it up again. Iria took another
  identical sip, and Kei
  found that subtle character nuance to be reassuring. It
  was nice to know
  that even after so many years her mentor still remained
  the same, at least
  in some ways.

  Kei opened her mouth to say something, then shut it just
  as quickly. It was
  the fourth time she had repeated the exact same movement.
  Every time she
  thought she had something to say, she'd think about it,
  then judge it as
  too stupid a way to start a conversation. Her actions had
  been mirrored at
  least twice across the table as Iria would look at her,
  move her own lips
  slightly, then return to her apparent contemplation..

Extra period


  Kei
  wasn't sure if
  that was a good thing. The look of seriousness was
  uncharacteristic to
  Iria, and the redhead was halfway convinced it might be
  that the Iria

omit "the"



  was
  trying to figure out how to reprimand her for her actions
  over the years

  "This is ridiculous," a deep male voice from a small,
  watch-shaped computer
  strapped to Iria's wrist complained. A tiny hologram of
  two yellow floating
  cones with a red sphere floating between them activate

activated



  from the computer.
  "Another ten years are going to pass before you two
  really begin talking.
  Why don't I start things off?"

  Kei let out a sigh of relief, and swore she heard one
  escape from Iria as
  well. Leave it to good old Bob to help move things along.
  When Iria had
  first returned, and after they broke off their mutual
  embrace and exchanged
  pleasantries, Bob was quick to greet Kei as well from the
  computer strapped
  to Iria's wrist. Kei herself was relieved to learn Bob
  was still, well

well,


  alive wasn't quite the right term, but perhaps
  functioning would do. Not
  that she failed to think of him in terms other than that
  of her co-guardian
  when growing up, but she had been ashamed to realize that
  all of her
  attention had been riveted upon Iria from the moment she
  had sent the deep
  space communication and that she had not spared a thought
  about Bob in all
  of that time.

  Sometimes Kei wondered what it would have been like to
  have met Bob in
  person, before Zeiram had killed him. Iria had shown her
  pictures of the
  bald man who had been her and Gren's primary employer
  before the Karma
  incident, an event that had changed all of their lives
  dramatically.
  However, the two dimensional photographs failed to convey the true
  character of the man that had given her so much advice
  and assistance over
  the years. But the universe was not made of 'What Ifs'.
  Bob had been
  mortally wounded shortly before Iria had crash-landed on
  Daowajon and she
  had met Kei for the first time. Tedan-Tippendai, the
  corporation that had
  hired Bob, Iria, and her brother Gren to rescue the crew
  of the space-liner
  Karma (while failing to mention that Zeiram was on board

board,


  which was the
  reason a rescue was necessary) had taken his brain
  patterns and secretly
  downloaded them to an individualized 'Brain Bank,' for
  their own private
  use. Bob had circumvented their security programs and
  contacted Iria, who
  rescued him from the fate of being nothing more than an
  eternal tool for
  the mega-corporation. Bob had adjusted to the change in
  form easily and
  always considered himself lucky to even be a computerized
  brain, but it was
  still another potential future that Zeiram was guilty of
  stealing. Bob's
  and thousands of others.

  Bob 'cleared' his throat by buzzing static for the
  others' benefit. "I must
  say

say,


  Kei, you've blossomed into a radiant flower of beauty."

  "Oh stop,"

"Oh, stop."



  Kei squirmed girlishly and felt herself blushing at the
  compliment. Coming from him, the flattery felt like it
  was delivered from a
  favored uncle rather than a possible romantic interest,
  Bob's lack of body
  notwithstanding. But it was nice to hear someone say that
  she was still
  good-looking. Of course

course,


  she WAS still good-looking, but
  it never hurt to
  hear it said out loud.

  Iria gave the small wrist computer a flat stare. "You
  never say that sort
  of thing about me."

  "That's because you told me never to lie to you."

  The wrist computer met the plastic table top several
  times before Iria let
  up.

  Bob mock protested at first, but the complaint
  degenerated into a laugh
  that was joined a moment later by the girls. The laughter
  went on for over
  a minute before Bob managed to give what passed for a
  sincere comment about
  Iria's own attractive features. All present felt the
  tension that had cast
  a pall over the reunion dissolve with the sound of the
  laughter, and the
  trio eased into an almost long-forgotten camaraderie.

  "You do look well, Kei," Iria confirmed. "I'm glad to see
  you're looking
  healthy too.

healthy, too.



  For Kei, it felt as though a tremendous weight had been
  lifted off her
  shoulders. Iria had still cared enough about her to
  follow her career as
  best as she could. Part of Kei, a small but a very real
  part, had been
  fearful that once she had left Iria's sight, she had been quickly
  forgotten. Originally

Originally.



  it had been the fears of a young
  woman mostly alone,
  fearful that not only would she fail to make her mark on
  the universe, but
  that she had also failed to have an effect on the others
  whose lives she
  had already touched. Later, with the onset of maturity
  (an idea Yuri would
  have scoffed at when it applied

Suggest:  when applied (omitting 'it')



  to Kei)

Kei),



  it was more of a
  fear that it was a
  way for Iria to get back at Kei for leaving her care with
  only a short note
  left behind. Eventually, the worries had been pushed to
  the back of Kei's
  mind, newer, more urgent concerns, from how much money
  she had saved up to
  who was trying to kill her today, taking precedent

precedence (... I think.)



  over
  the concerns of the
  past. But once Kei had made her call to Iria, the old
  fears had clawed
  their way back to the present and made their presence
  known, showing that
  they had grown in the dark recesses of her mind rather
  than fading away
  like a memory over the passage of years.



  Kei found herself reflexively flinch at the reprimand.
  That was something
  she never did with anyone, save with Yuri on those few
  occasions when the
  raven-haired member of the duo was right and the mess
  they were in really
  was Kei's fault. "Uh, yeah. I didn't know how else to do
  it. I was afraid
  you'd try to talk me out of it. And," It

it


  took her a
  moment to admit this,
  mostly to herself, "I was more afraid you'd succeed. It
  was the only way I
  could see me successfully getting out of there, even if
  it wasn't exactly
  the best way I could have left."




  "It's true," Kei insisted. She leaned forward, looking
  around the room,
  then gave Iria a conspiratorial look. Iria's curiosity
  was piqued and she
  leaned forward in her chair as well, her face no more
  than a couple of
  inches away from Kei's. The next words Kei said were
  virtually inaudible,
  and Iria had to strain to hear them. "I don't like to say
  this out loud,
  with Yuri being my partner and all, but the truth is,
  she's really a loose
  cannon."

  Iria's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

  "Oh yes,"

"Oh, yes,"


  Kei assured her in smooth, louder tones. "She's
  a wild, one woman

one-woman



  wrecking crew. Now don't get me wrong, she's nice

she's *a* nice


  person
  most of the time,
  and a heck of an agent. I wouldn't want anyone else for
  my partner, and she
  has cleared all of the charges too. But the main reason
  things get blown up
  around us is because she's recklessness personified. I
  can't begin to
  imagine the untold damage she'd cause if I wasn't there
  to help keep her
  under control."

Yuri:  [face-faulting from around the corner where she'd been
listening]  WHAT?!?!

Kei:  Uh...

Iria:  I just knew there was something wrong with this tale...



  Iria cocked an eyebrow at this so-called 'confession'.
  "That's interesting,
  considering you were always the one that was pretty hard
  to restrain
  growing up, at least as I recall."

  "Meaning the two of you are so alike it's scary," Bob
  added. He received a
  thump into the table top for his expert testimony.


  Outside the room, a portable listening device's component
  parts shattered
  into a dozen pieces as a certain 3WA agent's grip
  tightened reflexively
  upon it.

HAHAHAHA!


  A loose cannon, was she? And after she had been
  thoughtful and
  caring enough to plant a bug in the room beforehand and
  eavesdrop on the
  conversation to make sure everything went smoothly with
  Kei and her old
  friend (And she hadn't done it just to be nosy). And what
  does that
  backstabbing little witch do? She tries to make Yuri into
  the big scapegoat
  when it was actually Kei that was responsible for nearly
  every bad move the
  pair had ever made. Yuri made a mental note to have a
  discussion with Kei
  about taking responsibility for her actions at a later
  time, probably in
  the middle of a hand-to-hand combat training session.
  That way Yuri knew
  she'd have Kei's proper amount of attention. Oh, yes.
  Yuri would see to it
  she received plenty of attention from her partner. Almost
  more than the
  redhead would be able to handle.

Heh.



  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  "How much longer until we get there?" Kei asked Iria as
  the pair headed
  towards the bounty hunter's attached ship, 'Creeper V'.
  It was named in
  honor of her original spacecraft, the four before the
  current version all
  meeting similar, violent fates. Both felt elated at their long
  conversation. Once started, the two had bantered back and
  forth, catching
  up on old times and barely scratching the surface of all
  they had done over
  the years. They would have continued on through the night
  until they
  collapsed it had not been for Bob mentioning that they
  would be dropping
  out of hyperspace and arriving at the station in an hour,
  and that they had
  best make ready to deal with Zeiram.

My, how casually he tosses that idea out... :)



  "Most planetary governments could find something useful
  in there," Bob
  confirmed, his mechanically simulated voice somehow
  conveying an intangible
  smirk.

Oh, dear. The Dirty Pa-- ERR, Lovely Angels with serious
firepower... The universe is doomed.



  The trio of women stepped into the well-lit passageway
  connecting the
  ships. It was a sterile white, reminiscent of the color
  within most medical
  facilities on any planet in the galaxy, no matter how
  vastly different
  cultures might be. The five centimeter thick walls of the
  connection tube
  were all that stood between them and being lost in
  hyperspace forever. None
  of the women thought about this as they made their way
  between the two
  vessels. Iria used her personal code to allow their entry
  into her ship.

  Using the several second interval while the Creeper V
  processed the code,
  Yuri began asking some of the questions on her mind.
  "What exactly is this
  Zeiram creature? Kei didn't really have the time to give me proper
  information on it since it was trying to kill us at the
  time. Since then,"
  she drifted off and pointed at the white bandage around
  her upper leg.

Suggest:  Since then..." She drifted off...



  "What we need to do is kill the thing first, then ask
  questions later." Now
  that she was onboard, Kei saw that the design of the
  Creeper V wasn't very
  different from either of the previous incarnations two
  Kei had seen,

I think there's a stray "two" in the sentence, but I'm not sure what
you intended.



  save
  that it was almost twice the size of the other two.
  Despite its size the
  ship was still only one quarter the size of the Lovely
  Angel. For Iria, it




  Yuri drew closer to a familiar type of rifle. "Hey. This
  is a Pogtaltion
  776. These were outlawed by the Uni-Gal Conventions
  Guidelines at the same
  time the Barneyblast 'Love Me,' Firearms were.

ARGH! NOOOOO! Heh.

time the Barneyblast 'Love Me' firearms were.




  Only
  agents of an inner
  world military force, or special trouble shooters of the
  3WA

3WA,



  can use them.
  And even then we have to fill out a GGIL form in
  triplicate for each round
  we use, which is why no 3WA agent has used them in the
  last five years,
  since the 'Good God It's Long' forms take at least a two
  hour minimum to
  fill out and that's if you're a speed writer."

  Kei went up to her partner and grabbed her by the ear,
  hard. "Yuri, how
  many times do I have to tell you that if some nice person
  is going to loan
  us really cool weapons that are going to save our ass
  from some bad guy, we
  turn a blind eye to any illegal weapons charges we might
  be able to bring
  them up on? Besides, this is the woman who raised me. If
  I still had a
  mother, I'd sooner turn her in than Iria."

  "Of course I wouldn't'

Stray apostrophe



  say anything,"

anything."



  Yuri pulled her ear
  out of Kei's
  grasp and turned partially away, giving Kei a defiant
  look over her
  shoulder. "I'm just saying that we should be mindful of
  the rules we bend
  just in case it comes back to bite us in the ass. After
  all, I've certainly
  covered for you and stuck my neck on the line when you
  play fast and loose
  with the rules, which has happened on more than one occasion."





  Iria and Bob shared a chuckle at the exchange. They both
  knew how hard Kei
  could be to get along with after watching her grow up.
  What time they had
  spent reunited with her, despite how brief it had been,
  indicated that she
  was still very much the same type of girl that had left
  them. Mischievous,
  headstrong, lived

living


  mostly in the short-term, a bit
  violent, but a basically
  good person that always tried to do the right thing.




  Kei gave a beatific smile. "I know. Eight rotating
  barrels and a two
  thousand rounds per minute rate of fire. It's great,
  isn't it? For the
  first time since we ran into Zeiram

Zeiram,



  I feel really secure."






  As Yuri watched Iria move around, and steadily got to
  know her during their
  voyage, (mostly when the bounty hunter and Kei were
  together)

Move comma to after the parenthetical passage.



  she began to
  see in her mind's eye the connection between her and Kei.
  The redhead was
  definitely a good bit wilder than the bounty hunter, but
  it was easy to see
  how her usual manic, gun happy

gun-happy



  behavior could have been
  encouraged in her
  formative years with someone like Iria as her mentor. It made Yuri
  appreciate her own upbringing in a much more stable and ordinary
  environment. She had turned out perfectly normal,
  especially when compared
  to her red-haired partner.






  Iria gave a soft smile at the duo before heading off on
  her own, allowing
  their voices to drift off to a dull clamor until there
  was nothing left but
  the gentle hum of the inner mechanisms of the station to
  listen to. It was
  times like these Iria regretted not having a partner. A
  physical one, in
  any case. She had tried to find one, but it never seemed
  to work out.
  Occasionally, when going after bigger bounties, she would
  work with someone
  else, but during those times she also discovered that a
  partner tended to
  cramp her style, especially if there was no real
  chemistry between the two.
  Chemistry was important to a partnership. Even in a semi-permanent
  alliance, the members involved had to add to one
  another's abilities, not
  detract from them. The sum of the parts becoming greater
  than the whole, to
  use the age old expression. The few fellow bounty hunters
  that she had
  teamed up with, where that saying proved to be true, had
  never lasted long.
  Usually it was a conflict in philosophies, such as which
  bounties to go
  after and how far they would go in obtaining the target.
  Other times it was
  a conflict in personality, even if they were professional
  enough to work
  together during the length of the mission. Over time

Over time,



  Iria
  had quickly
  learned that both individuals needed to want to be in the
  other's presence
  in order to make anything that lasted more than a couple
  of missions work
  out. Shehad

She had (unless you're implying a female holy war... :P)



  yet to find someone like that.

  There was that one time in her life where she did have a
  partner in what
  she had hoped would be a permanent union, but that had
  turned into a real
  bust, perhaps the biggest of her life. It made her wish
  her brother, Gren,
  had still been alive. That had been the perfect
  partnership, and she
  thought he had felt that way too. Combined, they had been
  far more than the
  mere sum of their parts. And they had gotten along better
  than even most
  normal families did. There was never any doubt they would
  have always been
  there to back each other up. A brother and sister team,
  taking every vow
  they could, save 'till death do they part.' Iria had had
  dreams of that
  when she was younger and on the verge of obtaining her
  own license. But it
  was never meant to be. Her lifelong dream had died aboard
  the Karma, the
  same way so many had died here on this station.

  The monster she was hunting now was the one that had
  taken Gren away. A
  cold rage settled in the pit of her stomach. That
  abomination had forced
  her to kill all that remained of her brother by her own
  hand. That was a
  crime for which Zeiram could never be forgiven. Killing
  him once should
  have been enough, his festering corpse left to melt under
  the bright sun of
  the Stardust Desert. Putting Gren's spirit to rest and
  nearly dying at
  Zeiram's hands in the middle of that barren wasteland had
  been enough to
  purge that rage once. That and the knowledge that she had
  find

to find



  a way to go
  on and take care of Kei had helped her bury that past.
  But now it had come
  back with a nasty vengeance, like the bile that came up
  when one had the
  dry heaves. It was taking a great deal of Iria's
  self-control not to shout
  towards the heavens at how unfair it all was that Zeiram had the
  opportunity to come back and her brother did not.

  Rage was clouding her judgment, and Iria knew it. She
  took a moment to turn
  her mind towards more pleasant thoughts, things that were
  more important
  than mere vengeance (which she would still achieve, to be
  certain). Kei. It
  was all about her. It was amazing how much her young ward
  had grown, both
  physically and emotionally. Certainly, the fiery redhead
  still seemed a bit
  immature in some ways, but Iria figured at least part of
  it was an act for
  her benefit. Or maybe Kei really was still that
  irresponsible, but still
  the bounty hunter felt the satisfaction that could only
  be experienced when
  a parent felt moved by their child's accomplishments.
  That Kei was not of
  Iria's blood made no difference to the older woman.
  Whether it was in the
  role of sister, mother, or friend, she had always been
  proud of Kei and
  felt a profound sense of accomplishment in helping the
  young girl change
  from a rowdy, thieving orphan to become an upstanding
  honest, young woman.

Leave out the 'become'. Just:  ...young girl change from X to Y. (If
you follow me...)



  True, Kei had departed at the age of sixteen to start
  living a life of her
  own making, and there had been an emptiness within Iria
  that had plagued
  her for nearly a year afterwards, leading her to make
  some awful mistakes
  with her life. But with time

time,



  she learned to deal with the
  feelings that
  were related to matters that had been outside of her
  ability to change or
  even control. With time, she accepted the way things had





  Iria was about to make her way to another section of the
  station when her
  hunter's instinct made her turn towards another
  direction. There was
  something there, she was certain of it. More cautiously
  than ever, she
  moved into a long metal corridor that would lead to the
  air processing
  plant. As she stalked through the passageway, she spotted
  an unmoving,
  amorphous blob laying in the middle of the corridor.
  After observing it for
  several moments, and determining it wasn't moving in the
  slightest, she
  walked forward. Cautiously, she approached the lump,
  rifle ready to pump a
  few explosive rounds at anything that tried to rush her.
  The situation was
  the classic misdirection trap, the blob meaning to
  attract her complete
  attention. She made certain there was nothing hiding in a
  cubby hole or
  vent nearby that might try to attack. There appeared to
  be nothing as she
  drew near the thing in the corridor, getting close enough
  to clearly make
  out its form. When it had been alive, the thing certainly
  could have been
  one of the monstrosities produced by Zeiram. It appeared
  to have once been
  humanoid, but just barely, with long ropy tentacle

tentacles



  where
  arms should have
  been and black skin the color of deep space. There was a
  luminescent ooze
  that was slowly dripping from its mouth, a pool of the
  substance already
  congealing underneath it.





  "Maybe Zeiram killed it?" Kei offered, though her voice
  lacked true
  conviction.

  Iria shook her head. "You remember what it was like fighting those
  monsters. Every one of those creatures was fanatically
  loyal. They'd never
  turn on him. Also

Also,


  I can't see him going through all the
  hassle of creating
  them just to kill them. No. I'm almost certain something
  else took out the
  one I saw."

  "Survivors?" Yuri asked.

  This time it was Kei's turn to ruin her partner's theory.
  "Not on this
  station. Not with Zeiram moving around for three days. Of that I'm
  positive."

  "Yeah," Yuri admitted. The idea was far-fetched. So who
  did that leave? Not
  the authorities; they would still be here conducting an
  investigation. The
  question continued plaguing Yuri until the trio arrived
  at the command
  center. They entered cautiously, finding a good portion
  of the chamber
  damaged from the earlier firefight that had ensued within
  its confines.

  "That where you exited the room?" Iria pointed to the
  rubble filled

rubble-filled



  far
  side of the command center.

  Kei nodded her head, examining what was left of the
  interior. No Zeiram.
  That was too bad, but she hadn't believed for a moment
  that he had died in
  the explosion. As to the computers, that was a different
  story. Nearly all
  of them near where she had tossed her overloaded laser
  rifle had been
  completely destroyed; all that was left was twisted metal
  and exposed
  wires. Another quarter appeared to have been damaged by
  shrapnel and
  assorted debris. That left only the master computers near
  the commander's
  portion of the room intact. They were located on a raised
  portion of the
  room, toward the back where the commander could see
  everyone in the room at
  once. Also

Also,



  the computers up there had additional plating,
  since they were
  the most important.

  Iria made her way over to them. Turning one of the
  machines on, she was
  immediately asked a password for entry into the system.
  "Okay, Bob. It's
  showtime." She pulled a data plug from her wrist computer
  and inserted it
  into the command terminal.

  "How long do you think it'll take for him to get into the
  system?" Yuri
  asked.

  "With all of the numerous and expensive encryption and
  protection programs
  they have in this multi-trillion credit corporate
  juggernaut that took
  nearly three years to build?"

  The soothing tones of a feminine voice came from the
  computer and said,
  "Password accepted, Mr. Cool Guy Bob."

  "About ten seconds," Iria finished.

  "You're losing your touch," Kei chided to the devise

device


  on
  Iria's wrist.





  That caught Muhgi's attention. He looked suspiciously at
  both women, who
  were manning the flight controls, then slowly backed out
  of the cockpit of
  the Lovely Angel. He really didn't like the direction the
  conversation had
  suddenly taken. Best to let something else distract them
  so the discussion
  turned away from him. He liked his partners well enough,
  but they really
  scared  the

extra space



  hell out of him with how weird they would get
  every now and
  then.

Smart Muhgi. Good Muhgi. :)




  "I guess we ought to." Yuri's eyes were drawn to where
  the DX-11000 station
  had been a moment before. Complete eradication. It would
  take a miracle to
  find any evidence in that debris. If it hadn't been for
  the her

stray "the"



  and Kei
  happening on the station when they did, and escaping with
  their lives, no
  one would ever have known what had really happened there.

  It made one wonder what was really going on.

  xxxxxxxxxxxx

  "Most of the information on the mainframe was completely
  erased. Whoever
  did it was a professional too.

professional, too.



  What they got to was
  totally wiped out
  without any chance of recovery."

  "I sense a 'but' in there," Iria said.

  Iria had returned the

Iria had returned *to* the



  Lovely Angel again, the trio
  gathering in the
  conference room on board.

onboard.



  All of the women stared at him. "How do you know?" Iria asked.

  "I processed all of the data I could. Most of it was
  garbage, but there was
  at least one gem. This is some footage I managed to
  salvage from one of the
  docking bay security cameras. The picture is absolutely
  miserable, but he's

here's (?)



  what I recovered. It's the best I could do."

  A hologram projector built into the center of the table
  activated and
  showed the footage Bob had managed to recover. In the
  beginning seconds,
  nothing but static filled the screen. Then there was a
  change as the
  picture cleared just enough to make out the unmistakable
  form of Zeiram
  getting on board

onboard


  a ship. Several moments later, the ship
  took off, and the
  bay became as quiet as the tomb it had become.





  "You think someone else came on board after Zeiram left
  and set the station
  to explode?" Kei asked, hoping anyone would be able to answer.

  "I'm not sure, although it does seem make sense," Iria

seem *to* make



  admitted. Yuri
  nodded her head in agreement. Bob remained silent,
  unwilling to come to any
  conclusions without more information.

  No one spoke for the next few moments, each left in the
  privacy of their
  own thoughts as they considered their situation. Bob was
  the first to break
  the silence. "So what do we do now? Alert the 3WA?"

  "No." Iria's answer was quick, almost like a gunshot. It
  had much the same
  effect as one since everyone paid attention solely to
  her. "We still don't
  know what's going on, other than it appears there might
  be a third party
  involved. I want more information before we announce that
  we know what's
  happened here and that Zeiram still exists. I don't want
  to wonder if the
  people I'm spilling my guts to are somehow involved in
  all of this. No
  sense in putting a bull's eye on our backs if we can help
  it. Besides,
  Zeiram's mine and Kei's personal demon. We should be the
  ones to kill him.
  At this point other people would just get in the way."

  She watched Kei and Yuri nod in agreement. Apparently
  they were content to
  defer to her, at least for the moment. Iria accepted that
  they might try to
  take charge after some time had passed, given the fact
  they were legal
  representatives of the most powerful law enforcement
  agency in the galaxy
  and quite capable of handling themselves. She made
  certain return

certain *to* return



  the favor
  by keeping her mind open to any proposals they might have
  in the future.




  Not sure if the mix I have of the initial emotional
  material at the
  beginning and the new information to the plot provided in
  the second half
  was a balanced mix. The Iria-Kei relationship needed to
  be explored, and
  will continue to deepen as the chapters progress, but at
  the same time I
  didn't want to bog the reader down with a lot of mostly
  emotional passages
  to take up the majority of the fic. Hopefully it worked.

The Iria-Kei section seemed a tad long, but that could probably be
taken care of by just tightening your prose up, if you even want to
bother. I didn't find it to be a problem, necessarily.

Sorry about the dryness of this, but my allergies have left me
barely functional today.

Very good, DB. Look forward to seeing all those firefights I seem to
recall you mentioning in Chapter 1. ^_^

Dave

*******************************************
D.F. Roeder
FanFiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html



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