MUAAAAHAHAHAHAAA!!! Tremble, foolish fanfickers, before the twisted
might of another MacDougall-Roeder C&C exchange. Admission fee
non-refundable, of course.
Possible lime warning... meaning there might be situations suggested
of sexual acts in this C&C.
(This is a repost of a fic originally titled "Unseen World.")
While the events portrayed in this story are original,
they present,
for the [second] time in a fan fiction, the true, untold
background
stories of Ranma 1/2, as described by Rukimo Tashahaki
herself in an
exclusive interview!
Hmmm, a plea to be canonized? ^_-
"Eerily Plausible" A Ranma
1/2 Fanfic Series
by Douglas MacDougall
For Mature Readers.
Heh.
Part 1: A New Evil Wakes
"Ranma! You've got to help me defeat the panty thief
that's been
plaguing our fair city!"
"Sure thing, old man!"
"Ag... Ack... What... Are you doing to your master, you
ungrateful..."
Ranma lifted his foot off Happosai's flattened head.
"I thought you
wanted me to stop the panty thief?"
"Not ME, you idiot!"
"I dunno, you look like a panty thief to me..."
Ranma dug his heel
back into the elder's head.
"Why you...!" The disgruntled martial arts master
pulled a small
bomb from his gi and tossed into Ranma's hands. "Happo
Fire Burst!"
"Wak!" Ranma was blasted out of the room moments
before the members
of the Tendo household made their way in.
Very conveniently, too, I might add. ^_^
Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "A NEW panty thief?"
"How terrible!" Kasumi noted, sipping some tea.
Nabiki: How does life become terrible just by adding one additional
panty thief, Oneechan?
Kasumi: Why, demand for new wear will exceed the supply! The cost
of lingerie will skyrocket!
Nabiki: ERK!
Kasumi: Why, panties will start going for several thousand yen!
Akane: ERK!!
Kasumi: The cost of a brassiere will increase geometrically with
cup size!
Ranma: ERK!!!
*BOP!*
Akane: What are YOU erking for?! You probably don't even understand
what she meant!
Ranma: HEY! I passed math last year!! And mine boobs are MUCH
bigger than--
*PUNT!*
Ranma: [fading into distance] Kawaiikuneeeeeeeee...
^_^
Happosai straightened out his clothes and sat down
cross-legged on
the mat (with a few pillows added for extra height).
"Indeed. As I was
making my daily patrol last night,
Intentional juxtaposition of conflicting adjective versus noun;
daily:night? I have no problem with it, but you've niggled me about
that sort of thing a few times. ^_-
I noticed the fiend
"Fiend" is such a great word...
skulking about
the balconies of the Twin Towers apartment complex. He
was moving from
porch to porch, snatching ladies' underthings as he went.
RANMA: You old fart!! You were in front of a MIRROR!!
HAPPI: [Tosses Ranma around like a ragdoll with his pipe] Cheeky
Boy! This was AFTER the mirror incident!
"It was horrible! He wore the darkness as if it were
cloak, and
moved like a cat! His feet found purchase anywhere, but
did not make a
sound. I could see his unnaturally large eyes absorbing
the light, no
doubt allowing him to see in the dark."
Akane had since sat down to listen to the story, and
a smoking Ranma
crawled in to join her.
Shall I expound on the dangers of smoking to one's health, not to
mention the Happo Daikarin to same? :P
"Of course, I could not let such a creature threaten
the innocent
maidens of the complex!"
"And their panties," noted Ranma.
"Of course.,"
course,"
nodded Happosai solemnly. "So without
a moment's
hesitation (that is, after I... um... collected my strength)..."
He doesn't even pause, does he? ^_^
Akane rolled her eyes.
"...I attacked the thief. If I thought him catlike
before, now I
knew it. He leapt instantly out of the way, arching his back and
performing a perfect backflip, landing softly on the
ground. His body
bent and twisted with a contortionist's ease. I could
barely keep track
of his silhouette.
"After I put the bra he was about to steal into a...
safer place, I
leapt down and confronted him. 'Who do you think you
are?' I asked.
'Don't you know that you are intruding on the grounds of
Happosai, the
Master of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts?!'
But he didn't say
a word.
"Since it didn't like
"Since it didn't look(?) like
it was going to be a very
interesting fight, I
decided to end it quickly with a Fire Burst.
Unfortunately, he batted
it out of the air like a ball of yarn and back at me! Of
course, I was
completely unharmed. However, I decided to take a few
minutes to...
intensely meditate upon the situation and decide a course
of action.
:)
"While I was uncon-- (er) in my meditative state, the
thief had
started to tie me up. I don't know why. Everyone seems
to want to tie
me up. Why is that? Do they think I'm into bondage? I
mean, just
because I'm a virile old man--"
Soun and Genma pull out a one-thousand page dissertation,
enumerating the various benefits of a bound Happousai...
Kodachi: May I see that?
Ranma: [bigsweats]
Ranma shouted, "We don't care about that, you old freak!"
"No need to be rude, Ranma." Happosai bludgeoned him
with smoking
pipe.
with *his* (or) *the* smoking pipe.
"Anyway, the burglar had started to tie me up when
I woke-- (that
is), when I snapped out of my meditative state. The fool
had fallen
right into my trap!
Clever devil, that Happi!
"As I'm sure you all know, close combat is a specialty of the
Happosai School of Anything Goes Martial Arts. No one
alive can stop
these babies!" Happosai wiggled his wrinkled fingers. Ranma
unconsciously scratched his chest.
LOL!!!
"I went into Mr. Bondage with righteous fury, quickly
driving him
back.
Suggest: "I tore into Mr. Bondage... ('Went', in this instance, has
interesting connotations that I don't think are likely to be
accurate. ^_^)
His belated attempts at defense didn't help at
all. 'Give up,
boy!' I cried, poking him in the chest with my pipe.
'You're no match
for me.' But he only hissed. I was about to strike a
final blow with
my pipe when I suddenly became disoriented. He appeared
to be pulling
something out from under his collar. No doubt it was some magical
trinket that was affecting me. In my daze, he was able
to get in a
lucky kick and knock me into the air.
Happosai started to frown. "I landed in the canal,
and by the time
I got back, the pervert and my precious collection were gone!" He
started crying, "Ranma, you've got to help me get my
collection back!
There's no telling what an unscrupulous type like him
might do with
them!" Somehow the ancient master had managed to splash
Ranma and was
now clinging to her bosom.
"Aaaah! Get OFF!!"
HAPPI: Well, if you insist...
[omit scenes of attempted... well, you get the picture. And if you
didn't, get right up to the monitor screen... Yeah, see those
pixels? No? Closer, then. Closer... *POW!*]
Ranma tried peeling him off, but
he was more
tenacious then normal. She started running around the house.
"So there's ANOTHER pervert in Nerima!" Akane made a
fist. "Well
it stops here! We don't have to take this anymore!"
Soun and Genma were now in the room. "A pervert even
worse than the
Master." Genma scratched his chin. "Who would have
thought of it?"
"Indeed, Saotome. And who would want to?"
"Well said, Tendo, well said."
:j The wags have spoken on this matter, so there's nothing more to
be said. :)
Akane stomped as she got up. "I'm going to stop this
new panty
thief!"
"What?" Soun's jaw dropped open. "But Akane..."
"But, Akane..."
"There's enough perverts here already!" Ranma and
Happosai stopped
running around the house and glanced in at Akane. After
they satisfied
themselves that she wasn't talking about them, they
returned to their
business.
"But Akane, what if the pervert comes after you? You
know how you
attract this sort of thing..." He tried to ignore
Akane's sub-vocalized
growl.
LOL!
"Just leave this to Ranma."
"THAT pervert will probably only make him stronger!"
Outside, faint
voices could be heard. "Hotcha!" "Hey! Don't touch
that, you old
goat!"
"Uh... Well then, we'll come protect you!"
"What?" Genma hadn't signed on for this!
"We have to protect my daughters!"
Nabiki looked at him with half-lidded eyes. "And how will you
protect Kasumi and me if you're off with Akane? We're not martial
artists. How will we protect ourselves if the panty
thief finds this
house full of beautiful, young maidens, all alone... Unprotected?"
"Oh, my!"
"I'LL protect you bab-- erk." Nabiki's upraised foot
implanted into
Happosai's descending face.
She's goooood.
Boy-type Ranma came running
around the
corner steaming and dripping wet. He grabbed the dazed master and
started tying him up.
The dazed master spoke in a small voice, "i told you
i'm not into
bondage..."
"Shut UP!!!" Ranma beat the ball of rope holding the Master.
"i'll be good..."
Soun was still upset. "Akane, are you sure you won't
stay here?"
"No way!"
"But I can't just leave your daughters alone, Akane..."
Did you mean 'sisters' instead of 'daughters'? Not sure who's
speaking here, but I assume it's Soun.
"Dad, I care take care of myself..."
"Who're you kidding, Akane?" said Ranma. "Just leave
everything to
me. I'll take care of it. I'm used to dealing with perverts."
"It takes a pervert to catch a pervert?"
Soun nodded,
nodded.
"Yes, leave this to Ranma."
Ranma realized something. "Hey!" He glared as
at
Akane.
"Dad, I'm not leaving this to Ranma. He can't stop
perverts; he
just attracts them. We have to send a message!"
"But..."
"Who're you calling a pervert, tomboy?"
Although taking a beating from a prospective fiancee
is expected as
part of the path of a true martial artist, Genma didn't feel like
watching his son get pummeled again. "Why don't we form a posse?"
Soun and Akane looked at him. "A what?"
"A posse. We'll all get together, even Kasumi and
Nabiki, and go
out on patrol. We'll be able to protect each other, and
when we find
the panty thief, he'll see just how many people are against him."
Soun was ecstatic, "An angry mob! That's a wonderful idea,
Saotome!"
HAHAHAHA!!! Well, so much for a rational response to the crisis. ^_^
"Of course, Tendo," Genma grinned.
Akane was frowning. An angry mob? Then she grinned.
The more the
merrier, right? "I'm going to make some calls!"
"It's settled then," said Soun,
Soun.
"We'll form up in the
dojo and start
our patrol. Make sure all your underwear's locked up!!!"
Nabiki rolled her eyes. Kasumi got up and started
walking towards
her room. "Yes, father."
Ever the dutiful daughter, our Kasumi. She takes locking up her
panties very seriously.
Our fanfic point of view zooms in on Kasumi-chan as she starts to
insert a large, ahem, key into the proper, um, receptacle on her
*cough* chest of drawers. She pauses, then opens the top drawer.
"Brassieres."
She closes the top drawer and opens the second. "Panties."
Opening the third drawer, she looks in and considers the leather,
chains, and other paraphenalia, the purpose for which had escaped
her these long years until she caught Nabiki reading a doujin manga.
"Mother's bedroom things. No wonder Father misses her so much."
*sigh* "Someday, I can share these with MY husband!"
Kasumi wanders off into gingham-and-check housewife dreams of a
perfect life. Let's peak in on her thoughts...
<"DOWN, boy!" *CRACK!* "DOWN, I SAY!!!" /cue best Inoue Kikuko
dominatrix laugh...>
Uh, let's not and say we did...
Oh, yeah. This is Doug's fic... Where were we?
;p
* * * * *
"I feel stupid."
"This hurts!"
"How do you wear these things?"
"Would you all just SHUT UP!!!" Ukyo yelled at the top of her
lungs. What a useless, whiney bunch of girls...
"Maybe you're used to have
having
your breasts crushed flat
by bindings,
Ukyo, but the rest of us aren't." Akane itched at
wrappings under her
shirt. Yuka and Sayuri nodded emphatically.
"You'll get used to it."
"I don't WANT to get used to having by
my
chest flattened!"
"Gee, Akane, with YOUR chest, who'd not--" Ranma withered at
Akane's glance.
"Well, you all wanted to come after the panty thief.
If you don't
want him stealing your bra or groping you, this is the
best solution..."
"I still say I could
coulda -or- could've
taken care of the freak by my--"
No sooner had
he said the words them
then
Ranma was stared down by ALL the
women in the
group. "Nevermind."
"Never mind."
Akane grinned. Maybe he could learn, after all.
Don't count your panties before the thief is caught... Yeah.
The party
While 'party' works okay, I think re-using 'posse' would be more
effective.
consisted of about twenty people. Everyone
Suggest: consisted of about twenty people: everyone
in the Tendo household
(except Happosai, who was left tied up), Ukyo, Miss
Hinomiya,
Ninomiya,
and a
bunch of Akane's girl friends from school. Kuno, Hiroshi
and Daisuke
had tagged along when they saw the huge group of cute
girls, but were
upset when they all "wrapped up" and wore shirts and
pants instead of
more feminine clothing.
Oh, I can't leave this one alone.
Daisuke: So much for the Kawaii Brigade.
Hiroshi: Yeah, man. This sucks.
Kunou: Verily, thou hast the full measure of mine unfulfilled
expectations this 'eve.
Hi & Dai: ... That actually made sense.
*BOP! BOP!*
Kunou: [Laying his bokken against his shoulder] Philistines...
"Oh, how the heavens weep to see the beauty of such
fair maidens
hidden so! I must protect you from the ravages of the
creature that
stalks the night, and put an end to his unholy reign of
terror." Kuno
looked with distaste at his travelling companions. "And,
of course,
protect you from the predations of the lecherous Saotome."
"Hey!"
"When this night is done, you shall all be safe and free." He
spread his arms wide,
wide.
"And then I shall DATE you!"
"Delinquent." Miss Hinomiya
Miss Ninomiya (although I would suggest going through and changing
all of them to Miss Hinako.)
drained him dry, leaving
a withered
husk of Kuno, and filling out her own adult form.
Hiroshi and Daisuke
wisely kept quiet, enjoying the show.
"Whose stupid idea was this mob, anyway?" muttered
Ukyo. They were
just fighting each other.
Genma bigsweated. "Look!" He pointed into the
darkness. "The
pervert!"
Nodoka: [Stepping out of the darkness.] So... My secret is out.
Ranma: MOMMA?!?!?!
*SPLASH!* *GLOMP!*
Nodoka: RANMA-CHAN!!!
Don't ask... Just don't ask... ^_-
"Where?!?" As everyone in the mob turned to look, Genma made
himself scarce. Only Ranma and Akane weren't tricked.
Ranma: So you CAN learn, huh, tomboy?
Akane: HEY! That's MY line!!
Ranma: Biiii-dah! Beat ya to it.
Akane: [steaming] ...
Akane narrowed her eyes. "Hey, wait, I do see
something!"
Ranma: ACK!!! Is my slip showing?!
Minna-san: ...
Ranma: Uh... [scratches back of head] I don't REALLY like wearing
girl's clothing... REALLY!
Akane: You really do?
Ranma: Really... HEY!
Akane: Gotcha, pervert!
A dark
form was weaving an uneven path along rooftops
along *the* rooftops
behind
them. Ranma saw
the figure too.
figure, too.
"Get him!!!" they cried.
The two bolted off, leaving the rest of the party
confused. Ukyo
was berating herself for falling for one of Genma's
stupid tricks, and
everyone else was wondering whom Ranma and Akane were
talking about.
The only 'him' the girls could see were two schoolboys
and the hapless
Mr. Tendo...
Where are the Amazons in all this?
"Uh, ladies...?" asked the mustachioed man.
Meanwhile, Ranma had vaulted directly to the rooftop
to intercept
the stranger. Unfortunately, as we
he
went up, the other
person dropped
down into the adjacent alleyway that Akane had walked into.
A solid crack of knuckle against bone could be heard below.
"Akane?!" Ranma immediately jumped back down to where he
had heard the
noise. He landed at the other end of the alleyway, which
was lit by a
streetlight, above. Stark shadows were everywhere.
Akane appeared to be in tears, kneeling on the ground. Ranma
grabbed her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "Are
you okay? Did
the pervert get you?!?"
Much to his dismay, Akane shoved him out of the way
and crawled over
to a body crumpled by the wall of the building he had
just leapt down
from. A spiderweb of cracks covered the concrete siding.
"I'm SO sorry, Ryoga!" wailed Akane. "I didn't know
it was you! I
thought you were the panty thief!"
"Just what we need," frowned Ranma.
It's... It's okay, Akane," mumbled Ryoga. He was
rubbing the back
of his head, still a little confused about what was going
on. "Wait a
minute. hat's
What's
this about a panty thief?" He turned to
glare at Ranma.
"What has your perverted master been up to while I was gone?!?"
"He AIN'T my master!"
Akane was helping Ryoga up. "It isn't Master
Happosai. There's a
new panty thief who's even better them
than
him."
Ryoga shuddered. "How could you let this happen, Ranma?!"
"Huh?"
"This new underwear thief might try to steal Ak-
Akane's... p- p-"
"P-Chan?" Ranma supplied.
"Shut up!"
HAHAHAHA!!! Nice one, Doug.
[snip]
"Miss Hinako!?" yelled Akane.
"No way!!" added Ranma.
"What's going on, teacher?" asked Akane.
You know, not to throw mud in your eye, ahem, but I found it mildly
jarring that she didn't say: "What's going on, Sensei?". ^_-
Ranma's mind was going about as fast as it ever did,
and he had
realized something horrible. "Of course! It all makes
sense now!"
Akane turned to look at him.
"You've always been able to beat the Master. And
after training
under him for so long you've picked up his perver--" his
His
commentary was
cut off by a quick blow to the head from his teacher.
The student has... BECOME THE MASTER!! HIYOIIIII!!! [imagine weird
Bruce Lee kung fu sounds here]
"Don't be disgusting, Saotome! I'M not the pervert here."
Miss Hinako exclaimed, looking pointedly at Akane.
"WHAT?!" Akane shouted. "I'M not the pervert; RANMA IS!!"
"Oh, really, Tendou-kun? I read your entire record the other day."
"EEP!"
"Drilling a hole between the bathrooms in 5th grade. Staging fake
fire drills in the boy's gym while they were changing in 6th grade."
Ranma's jaw was dragging the ground by this point. "Shall I go on,
Tendou-kun? How about last year, the principal's daughter, and why
the middle school was so happy to see you go, hmmm? My, Tendou-kun,
you have a broad palette of tastes. Saotome-kun should fit you to a
tee."
"A... AKANE?!?!" Eyes bugging out of his head, Ranma gaped at Akane,
who had slumped over.
*SPLASH!*
"ARGH!!" Ranma looked up to see a resident blinking as he leaned out
of his window with a washtub in hand.
"Sumimasen! Just washing the dog!" The resident leaned back, out of
sight.
"Oh, yuck!" Ranma said, then stared at Akane, who was staring at her
with a weird light in her eyes. "Uh..."
*ZOOM!*
Before anyone could react, Akane had tossed Ranma-chan over her
shoulder and was now headed for parts better left unsaid.
Hinako-sensei giggled, and Soun, having woken up in time to catch
the grilling his youngest daughter had undergone, said, "Finally!
Something, errr, someone to keep Akane occupied and out of trouble!
We'll have the wedding tomorrow."
"Speaking of getting into trouble, Tendou-sama..." Hinako stalked
over to wear, er, where Soun was sitting on the ground.
"EEP!"
(Ya know, there's a fic in there just crying to be written. ^_^)
Miss Hinako stepped forward, making a point of giving the
unconscious Ryoga a wide berth. As she had moved fully
into the light,
they could now see the shape slung over her shoulder.
Akane rushed forward. "Dad?!"
Miss Hinako carefully slid the unconscious, beaten
form of the elder
Tendo off her shoulder and onto the ground.
"Oh, Dad! The panty thief got him!"
Ranma recovered from the blow to his head and looked
at the taller
man. He noted that most of the bruises were on his arms,
indicating
that he had blocked most of the attacks. "He must have
put up a good
fight. I didn't think he had it in him."
Akane held her father's hand and looked at Miss
Hinako. "Was he
able to stop the panty thief? Or slow him down... Are my friends
okay!?"
Just then Nabiki and Kasumi peered came
Make a choice: 'peered' or, ahem, 'came'.
into the
alleyway. Nabiki
glanced at the recovering Ryoga, and Akane and Ranma.
"You guys finish
your 'martial artist duty' and get the panty thief?" She
looked at
Ryoga as she stepped over him and joined Akane. "Who would have
guessed?"
Akane glanced back at her bruised father. "Didn't
the thief come
after you...?"
Nabiki smirked. "Friendly fire, I'm afraid."
Confusion painted Akane's face.
All the bleeding colors dripped all over her outfit...
"Oh, my! I don't think I can get that stain out!" Kasumi clucked at
Akane's state.
"... It's a FIGURE OF SPEECH!"
"Oh, well, that'll come right out, then." Kasumi beamed at her
sister.
"..."
(Is that a simile? I can never keep that straight.)
"Those... delinquents started attacking poor Mr.
Tendo," explained
Miss Hinako. "Well, after they trashed the boys. For
some reason, they
thought he was the panty thief.
"He tried his best, but they all ganged up on him.
He never had a
chance against a mob of angry schoolgirls. So I drained
the lot of
them." She held up a fifty-yen coin meaningfully.
HINAKO: Which gives us PLENTY of time to get to know one another,
Tendou-sama!
SOUN: EEP! I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE!!
HINAKO: DADDY!!!
SOUN: ERRRK!!!
"Fortunately
"Fortunately,
father protected us from the drain,"
supplied Kasumi.
Kasumi supplied.
Ranma had had enough of explanations. "Geez, this
was all a stupid
idea. You girls should never have come along. Just let
me take care of
this myself."
"Ranma's right," agreed Ryoga grudgingly. He had
just gotten up and
had wiped away his nosebleed. He could only hope that
Akane hadn't
seen. "The thief could strike anywhere while we talk,
and you girls are
in danger as long as he is about."
"Oh, no!" said Akane.
"Oh dear..." said Nabiki.
"Oh, my!" said Kasumi.
You need to switch around your 'said's and persons speaking. It
reads like a children's story structured this way.
Ryoga and Ranma looked at each other dumbly.
Akane glared at them. Well, at Ranma, anyway. "My
friends are all
unconscious out there!" She pointed to the other end of
the alleyway,
back from where she had come.
"They're sitting ducks!" realized Ranma. He ran out
to the sidewalk
and found all of the girls with their houses opened
HAPPI: YESSIREE!!! It's the semi-annual (that is, whenever it
happens) Nerima Open Bosoms... I mean, Nerima Open House! Come one
perv, come all... in a manner of speaking.
corr: their blouses opened
and
chest wrappings
missing. He quickly turned around and found himself facing Akane.
"I didn't look!"
"Ranma, what are you doing? We can't leave them like
that! We've
got to cover them up and get them inside."
"Wh- what!?" Ranma stammered. Ryoga looked even more
uncomfortable. Kasumi and Nabiki had started taking care
of the girls,
while Miss Hinako carried back Soun's unconscious body.
Ranma could
believe
couldn't believe
what his green-eyed finacee was expecting him to
do. "Y- You
want me to touch their--"
Does Akane have green eyes?! I thought they were brown.
Akane quickly realized where her stupid fiance's thought
thoughts
were.
"What are you thinking?!? You PERVERT!" She pulled her
arm back to
slap him when her world started spinning at a fantastic rate.
"Akane!" Ranma rushed forward to stop Akane's
blurring top-like
movement. What had happened? He spread his arms wide
and let Akane
grind to a halt spinning against him. His eyes nearly
popped out of his
head when he saw her shirt was open and her bindings had
been removed.
The strip of cloth must have been yanked off, spinning her like a
gyroscope.
Her eyes were rapidly moving right to left, and her
head was rolling
around.
Suggest: lolling around.
[snip]
Hinako's eyes went wide as she stared into the eyes of her
assailant.
Ryoga ran to help her, but the thief leapt up and
hopped off of the
teacher's head and onto the rooftops. Hinako crumpled,
but Ryoga caught
her before he she landed against the hard pavement.
HINAKO: [blinking awake] Ryouga-san?
RYOUGA: Uh... yeah?!
HINAKO: WO AI NI!!!
RYOUGA: URK!!!
Aye, the dreaded Amazonian Falling Dagger syndrome, declaring a mate
when kept from landing on the ground... hard.
The thief, in addition to knocking her out somehow,
had completely
unbuttoned her one-piece. He hadn't found anything, though. Miss
Hinako's little-girl form hardly needed to wear a bra.
Then again, as
Ryoga looked down, he realized this big-girl body most
certainly did.
Soon his entire body was beet-red from a full-body blush.
Poor Ryouga. He's get to see more cleavage than any single pervert
in the city.
Daisuke: MASTER RYOUGA!!!
Hiroshi: TEACH US!!!
Ryouga: [running for Hokkaido, but actually ending up in Akane's
bedroom] AAAAAAAHHHHH-- Akane?
Akane: [holding her bedsheet over her chest] PERVERT!! [rains
assorted objects on him]
Daisuke: Beuuutiful technique, Sensei!!!
Hiroshi: A true master of his art!
Ryouga: AAAAAAHHHH!!! [Jumps through Akane's window, the average
pair following closely.]
Ranma-chan: [Pokes her head up from behind the sheet.] Is he
gone?!
Akane: Yes.
Ranma-chan: Now, you pervert, where were we?
Akane: [giggle] You smell like soapy dog... RUFF!
Don't you just love a running gag? ^_^
"Look after Akane!" yelled Ranma. He didn't wait for
the older
sisters to respond before grabbing the twitching Ryoga
away from Hinako
and leaping onto the rooftop after the thief. As long as
he was on his
tail,
...in a manner of speaking...
the other girls should be alright.
all right.
"C'mon, idiot!"
"Who're you
calling an idiot, you jerk!" Ryoga snapped out of his
daze and started
struggling, so Ranma let go of him and he landed on the
next rooftop.
"I've got to go back and help Akane!"
Need a paragraph break after Ranma speaks. "WOOF!" :)
Ranma scowled at him. "Idiot! We have to get the
thief NOW or
he'll just come and get Akane again later!" Ryoga seemed torn by
indecision, but Ranma couldn't wait for a response and
let the thief get
away, so he bounded off again.
Reluctantly, Ryoga found himself agreeing with Ranma (again!).
"Hey! Wait up!" He ran hard to catch up with Ranma, who
was himself
pushing hard to catch up with the thief. The two mostly
moved forward,
but due to the layout of the houses, occasionally jumped
from side to
side.
He watched as the pig-tailed boy managed to
outmaneuver his quarry.
While the thief jumped left and then forward, Ranma made
a bigger leap
to the house forward, and then jumped to the roof on the left. He
dropped low and spun his leg where the thief would land,
but the thief
managed to avoid the blow, flipping backwards, and
landing neatly in a
low crouch. A bag of booty slung undisturbed over his shoulder.
Fragment. Suggest: ...low crouch, a bag of booty (ahem) slung...
Ranma cursed the fact that he had missed, but he
figured that if
this pervert was able to beat the old goat, he was bound
to have a FEW
tricks. The crouched form had purposefully landed on the
side of the
roof slanted away from the nearby streetlights so as to
stay in the
shadows. Crouched closely against the surface, Ranma
couldn't gauge his
height or reach.
And the eyes. Happosai had been right. About the
only thing he
could see were the thief's eyes, which were big and
round. Not cat-like
at all, he assured himself. The pupils were large and
dark, not slits.
As he was staring at the thief's eyes, they opened even wider in
surprise.
If the thief was surprised, he'd best press his
offensive advantage.
"Let go of that sack, you freak!" He leapt up and
launched a flying at
the prone body, but it rolled aside and starting leaping away even
faster then
than
before. After smashing some roof tiles from
his strike, he
turned around.
Oh, yeah. NOW I remember who the new panty thief is... ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
^_^
"He's scared of something..." Ranma got a cocky
grin. No doubt the
new freak had heard of his fighting skills and knew he
was no match for
him. He started to turn around and continue the pursuit
when his legs
were clipped from behind him.
"Gotcha!" Vice-like arms held his legs fast. Lying down and
fumbling for leverage, Ranma turned and half-rolled onto
his side,
twisting his torso around so he could strike the person
holding him.
"Ryoga, you IDIOT!!" He knuckled the boy in the
head. Causing him
to blink.
head, causing him to blink.
"Where'd he go?"
"Let me go, you idiot, he's getting away!"
Suggest: "Let me go, you idiot! He's getting away!"
He kicked
his legs free
and Got
got
up. He paused a moment to find the thief again,
and started
running, redoubled
redoubling
his speed. He moved so fast that it
really seemed
like he was running along the rooftops instead of leaping
from one to
the next. Ryoga quickly followed, so they were running
neck and neck.
Ever so slowly they closed the distance, following the
curving trail
across the rooftops of Nerima. When they were only one
house behind,
Ranma decided he was close enough to try to make another strike.
Just as he had the thought, however, a shout from the side
distracted him. "I must save Shampoo!"
Yup!
A barrage of
chains, knives,
and training potties shot through the air. Several of
them wrapped
around the thief, but more importantly, iron claws pulled
the bag off
his back. Lingerie and chest-bindings rained from the
sky to the ground
below.
HAPPI: ~o/ "I'm siiiiiinging in the rain..." /o~
Ranma grinned. He might be stuck fighting with two
idiots, but
there was no way a pervert was going to run away from his
"haul". They
had him, now.
Mousse landed next to the now-fallen thief and
grabbed him. "What
have you done to my--" The thief kicked his leg over his head and
solidly hit Mousse's jaw. The robed boy traced a perfect
parabolic arc
as he fell to the ground, whimpering, "--Shampoo?"
Girls are typically more limber that way. Nice bit of detail.
Twisting his legs, the thief first spun on his back
and them
then
up onto
his feet, causing the ropes and chains to unwind,
spinning out and off
his body. Ranma and Ryoga ducked the flying items and
prepared for a
head-on assault.
[snip]
at her. She screwed her eyes shut awaiting a blow when
water splashed
on her instead. She opened her eyes to see the a rudely
awakened duck
next to her, and the pervert in front.
He was about her height, wearing a loose outfit and
slippers of
coarse cloth that covered his entire body.
Suggest: wearing a loose outfit that covered his entire body and
slippers of coarse cloth.
Only his
hands were bare. A
kerchief was wrapped around his head and under his nose,
and he was
wearing (of all things) a cold mask. His big, dark eyes
seemed to take
her in hungrily, and she could imagine a smirk under the mask.
Glancing at Mousse and the bucket in the thief's
hands, Akane made a
quick deduction. "He must know our weaknesses..." Being a
fair-tempered person herself, she rarely got into fights,
so she hoped
the thief would not know her style.
She quickly went into a back stance. Her left arm
and leg were
forward, her right leg below her and right hand held to
her chest, she
only presented her side as a target to the thief.
her chest, and she only presented...
Unfortunately
Unfortunately,
her
foot stepped in something round and squishy, throwing off
her balance.
[snip]
Were her pressure points being hit?! That didn't make sense,
though. The areas being hit were mostly fatty tissue...
After a moment
she realized the thief was poking her almost exclusively
in the chest
and rear. Her battle aura soared with her coiled right
hand, performed
a full uppercut on the thief, who was solidly knocked back.
"PERVERT!"
HAHAHA!!! Akane's a demon if you just know how to bring it out of
her. ^_^
A small form made a squeaking noise as it fell it
front of Akane.
"Oh, NO!!! P-Chan!" She tenderly picked up the KO'ed
piglet. Glancing
at her right hand, she realized it wasn't holding her pet
anymore. She
had hurt him again! Tears filled her eyes. "I'm SO sorry!"
"Stupid Ryoga." Ranma finally got up, rubbing his face.
"Ranma?" Akane exclaimed. "Where did Ryoga go?"
"Watch out!" Ranma tackled into Akane, moving her
out of the way as
the thief descended with raking hands. Ranma's backside
caught the
attack, shedding his shirt. "Geez, Akane, just get out of here!"
He turned back to face the opponent, who was in a
familiar stance.
One knee in the air, arms up, but hands curled down.
Where had he seen
that stance?
"Nya!" The thief purred happily.
"No way!" yelled Ranma.
"The Cat-Fist!" added Akane.
A loud clack announced the arrival of Cologne,
landing perched atop
her walking stick. "Stay back, Son-in-Law. This one is
too powerful
for you."
Ah, Here Comes Granny! Cologne knows how to make the perfect
entrance.
[snip]
"Hey, get back here!" yelled Akane. She handed P-Chan off to
Cologne and started attacking the thief. Cologne just
blinked, trying
to decide if she was more startled that Akane was trying
to fight, or
that she was now holding a cute little black pig.
Oh, the pig... definitely! :)
Dropping the pig on his head,
LOL!
Cologne hopped forward
to dissuade
Akane from her actions. "You must not fight this one!
Let the thief
go."
"Death to Perverts!!!" was Akane's reply. Actually,
she was putting
up a pretty good fight. The again,
Then again,
the thief wasn't
exactly fighting
back; he was just looking for an exit, which Akane
repeatedly moved (or
leapt) to block.
[snip]
"Tee-hee! Oh dear! My blouse seems to be falling
apart!" A girl's
giggling caught everybody's attention.
"..." said the thief.
"Oh, god," said Akane.
"Son-in-Law," sighed Cologne.
P-Chan flailed.
Yes, Girl-type Ranma was skipping down the street
wearing a lacy
black bra, with the ties of her shirt undone.
Very nice original-flavor Ranma stunt. Cheers!
Akane
failed to suppress
the jealousy she felt at the contrast of the black
brassiere against
Ranma's pure, milky-white skin, or how certain parts of
her fiance's
anatomy jiggled as she hopped around.
DFR: WAAAH!!! I'm so PROUD of you, Doug!! You have SEEN THE
LIGHT!!! RANMA-CHAN... *FOREVER*!!!!!!
Doug: ... Get away from me, you pervert!
A spot of drool was rapidly making the thief's mask wet.
"And this bra is soOOOoo tight! She started fiddling
with the catch
in the back, arching backwards and giving everyone a better view.
O_O Damn! I wanna see!! WAAAH!!!
:P
[snip]
started to cry. "Is true! Shampoo no want to be
pervert, but can't
stop!"
She hugged Ranma about the waist and started bawling.
"Airen, you
forgive Shampoo, yes?" Then she started rubbing her
cheek into Ranma's
chest, still crying.
O_O Damn! There are times when I simply despise the written word...
;p
"Aaaaahhh!" Ranma freaked at the weird sensations
LOL!!!
and tried to push
Shampoo away, but she was too persistent. Realizing how
useless Ranma
was, Akane decided to help, and tried to pry the Amazon
off her fiance.
Cologne finally spoke up. "I had hoped this day
would never come.
I worked so hard to prevent it, but it seems it is
impossible to escape
fate."
Cherry: That's what *I* always say!
*PUNT!*
Cherry: [voice fading] IT'S FAAAAAteee....
Soun walked forward. "What's going on here?" He
rubbed at the
bruises and scratches all over his body. Miss Hinako
stood by his side
and tended him.
But, of course. ^_^
"What's wrong with Shampoo?" He pointed
at the scene
between Akane, Shampoo, and Ranma. Akane had gotten
Shampoo off of
Ranma, but now she was rubbing her head in Akane's lap.
Akane yelled at
Ranma to do something, but she was too busy trying to
stop a bloody
nose.
Ranma: But... But, AKANE!! You'll just pound me if I do what I
hafta to get her off on-- UHHH, off of you!
Akane: ...
Mu-Mu Chan was paralyzed with fear and dismay.
And assorted sensations a duck shouldn't be capable of
experiencing...
P-Chan put a
reassuring hoof
trotter
on his back. He had been there many
times, himself.
"The story begins over eighty years ago..." The
girls (and two
boys) formed a circle around the centenarian. Only
Hiroshi and Daisuke
paid attention to Akane, Ranma, and Shampoo.
^_^
P-Chan wanted to help Akane, he really did, but he
was scared about
being punched, stepped on, or being used as another
punching glove. And
that kettle of hot water was still too close for his liking.
So he settled for being picked up by Sayuri, who
scratched behind
the ears. "Look, it's Akane's pet piggie. He's so
CUTE!" He stretched
and bwee'd contentedly.
Oh, piglet, thy name is fickle!
Looking at Sayuri and the poor dumb bird, Yuka
decided she wanted a
pet, too. She picked the duck up and sat next to Sayuri,
listening to
Cologne's story. Mu-Mu Chan decided that he liked his "nest" and
blissfully rubbed his head against Yuka's chest as she
stroked his neck.
This story is just crawling with perverts, isn't it? In a way, it
makes Shampoo less of a "villain" and more of just an extreme case.
^_^ Happi, too, for that matter.
"As you know, when he was young, Happosai came to our
village. He
stole our ancient treasures and ran off. A young, proud
Amazon, I took
it upon myself to stop him, but I was unsuccessful."
Cologne sighed. "Rather, he beat me. In single
combat. According
to Amazon law, I had to give him the Kiss of Marriage, and we were
married the very next day..."
Ranma boggled. "No way! The old goat is your
great-grandfather,
Shampoo?!?"
"Is too, too tragic!"
*GLOMP!*
Shampoo: But is TOO, TOO MUCH FUN!!!
Ranma: AIEEE!!!
Shampoo: Oh, stop it. You know you love it.
Ranma: Well...
Akane: RANMA?!?!
Shampoo: Pervert Gi-- Um, Akane-chan join in, too! More is merrier,
no?
Akane: Well...
Akane strained at the Amazon, "Get OFF!"
Shampoo: Is what TRYING TO DO, but AKANE NOT HELP!!!
Akane: ARGH!!! That's NOT what I MEANT!!
Shampoo: But is what Shampoo meant, right?
Akane: Well, yeah, but-- QUIT CHANGING THE FOCUS OF THIS
ARGUMENT!!!!
Shampoo: Tee-hee!
Ranma-chan: Tee-hee! ... Uh, why did I just do that?
Akane: ...
Cologne continued her story. "As is the way of
things, we had a
child but nine months later." The group shuddered.
Better to leave
thoughts of the wrinkled mummy unspoken! "Happosai left
during his
girl's childhood, and the village was glad that his
influence was gone.
My daughter was a powerful martial artist, who soon grew
up, married,
and bore Shampoo's mother. She died in childbirth.
"As for Shampoo's departed mother... Well, it wasn't
until she had
grown up and had a child of her own that her symptoms
become apparent.
She started to have an unnatural fascination with
undergarments, and an
overpowering desire to... feel... other women."
Cologne's face wrinkled
it
in
distaste, scaring not a few of the observers.
:)
[snip]
"Damn." Shampoo had crawled out from under Akane.
O_O
Ranma and Akane
struggled to contain the Amazon once again.
"So my grand-daughter, Shampoo's mother, had grabbed
another warrior
during a fight it
in
a... compromising position. No one
thought much of
it, other then
than
to think she was being a little cruel to use such a
distracting tactic. Still, all it
is
fair in the art of
war. But she
knew. She knew she could not hold it off anymore.
Having tasted the
forbidden fruit, she had to have more.
[snip]
"Hey!" shouted Akane. "Excuse me?" added Ukyo.
"--And she has not been able to have... close contact with his
girl-type body. As such, she had no outlet for the urges
she had been
feeling the past few months. She still has enough
resistance not to
grab a real girl," Cologne made a point of not looking at the
menage-a-trois occurring nearby, "But
"but
she couldn't stop
herself from..."
Cologne started to break down, sniffling, "...from
collecting women's
underwear! Oh, the horror! The horror!"
"An amazing story," noted Soun. "But it explains so much."
"Indeed, Tendo."
"Indeed, Tendo,"
nodded Genma. Ukyo blinked. Where
had he come
from?
Akane had finally managed to pour some water on
Shampoo and dump her
in a wicker basket. Ranma eyed the shifting basket
warily as sounds of
a cat yowling and sharpening her claws could be heard from within.
"Well, that's one less 'fiancee' Ranma has to deal with,"
Akane smiled.
"Yeah!" chimed in Ukyo. "My Ranchan's not going to marry a
pervert!"
"Yes," confirmed Akane, staring meaningfully at the
crossdresser.
Touche.
Ranma was too busy watching the basket to comment.
Cologne chuckled. "Ah, but girls, Son-in-law is the
only one for
Shampoo."
"And just why is THAT?" asked Ukyo.
"Why, Ranma is the only one who can satisfy Shampoo's
perverted
nature without really being perverted. No one can blame
Shampoo for
grabbing her husband's breasts, or making a collection of
his panties
and bras, right? This way, we don't have to worry about
her terrorizing
innocent girls."
"..."
"..."
Oops! The fly in the ointment.
Akane: Well... that sorta makes sense...
Ukyou: Yeah... I guess...
Soun and Genma just gape.
"What?!?" Ranma didn't like the sound of that. "No
WAY am I going
to stay a girl! I'm gonna find a cure, you old ghoul.
And I'm SURE as
hell not gonna wear a bra or panties for no one!"
"I think not, Son-in-Law." Cologne swung her stick,
and poked it
rapid-fire into various points along Ranma's chest.
"Wha...?" Dread filled Ranma. "What did you do to
me THIS time?!?"
"That was the Cracked Leather Shiatsu Technique.
From now on, your
chest is supersensitive to being pulled or stretched. If
you turn into
a girl, the weight of your own breasts will bring you
unbearable pain!"
"N- No way..." But she could tell. Already the top
of her chest
was getting mighty uncomfortable.
"Ranma..."
"Ranma-honey..."
"Why couldn't this have happened to Akane? She's so
flat-che--
URK!"
HAHAHAHA!
[snip]
"I must have instinctually known you were my
descendent during our
fight last night. That is why I suddenly lost my fighting spirit.
Plus, I could never hurt a cutie like you! Come, let us
practice the
family art together!"
"Ranma belong Shampoo!"
"Akane!" A lone red-head struggled against multiple groping,
pulling attackers.
I'll remind you later, in future chapters of this fic, that Ranma is
a redhead. ^_^
"I bet you LIKE them doing that to you, you pervert!"
"Akane?"
The others had long since walked away, but Hiroshi
and Daisuke stood
by the side crying.
"This is the happiest day of my life!"
"I TOLD you she didn't dye her hair."
"help?" whimpered a battered red-head.
Heh.
[snip]
The same stupid laws that made her marry a STRONG
man, to get bring
STRONG genes into the village. The laws that made her a
mother of six.
A grandmother of 45. A great-grandmother of 311. And all of them
beautiful young women with STRONG genes...
Heh.
Very good. A fun story, Doug. Chapter 2 to be flayed, ERRR, C&C'ed
at a later date. ;p
- Dave
*******************************************
D.F. Roeder
FanFiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html