Subject: [FFML] Re: [C&C] Silent Battles - Chapter 5
From: "Latin_D" <latin_d@uol.com.ar>
Date: 7/21/2000, 1:53 AM
To: "Brian Payne" <sofaspud@sofaspud.org>, "FFML" <ffml@fanfic.com>

Hi, Brian!

[snip]

You too? Gee, what's with this people? ^_^

        The sphere of light disappeared then, and its contents were
exposed to the harshness of deep space. In an instant, the near absolute
zero temperature froze the chunk of sea water the starship had brought
along, and the air soon followed the same destiny.

Destiny? I guess it's allowable, but I would have said "fate", instead.
Although that's just me : it could be a style thing.

    Fate has a darker 'feel' to it, whereas destiny is a bit more neutral.
I have to agree, here; fate seems more appropriate.

Yep. Both of you're right. Seems the same, but it isn't. Will change.

Translucent flakes of
frozen air commenced falling over the ruins of Macross city, soon
covering
the scars of the recent battle in a thick mantle of inscrutable
whiteness.

    Technical nit-pick: I seriously doubt that Macross City has a strong
enough gravitational attraction to affect anything, even things with as
little mass as frozen air flakes. ;)

Y'know, I could be lazy and tell you to read the explanation I gave Morgan.
But, no, I have lotsa free time today. ^_^

I don't remember the anime as well as I wanted, so, for things like this
one, I rely in McKinney's books. There he explains that some unknowns forces
genered by the spacefold were still acting after that globe of energy (which
was holding everything together) disappeared. And so the flakes fell to the
island, even when the instruments of the ship indicated almost no gravity
coming from the chunck of earth that was the island. And the water shouldn't
have frozen, and this, and the other.

Truth be told, I believe the whole island would have come apart in the
"real" world, but... Give me some poetic license here guys, okay? ^_^

[snip]

"Fire the retro rockets, Claudia!"

Is retro rockets really two different words? I always thought it was one
word, like afterburners.

    It can be either.  Not that it really matters in this case, since the
SDF doesn't HAVE retro-rockets. :)  To move something THAT big, a simple
chemical reaction (ie, rockets) would require WAAAAAY too much mass to be
effective... and then there's the little problem of regulating it.  You
turn a rocket on, it stays on until it runs out of fuel, and it's going
full-bore the whole time.

Oookay. This part I took from ol' Jackie, who DID say the SDF-1 had retro
rockets.

    In all likelihood, Gloval would've said, "Helm, full reverse!", or,
"Full reverse, Claudia!".  Or something along those lines.

I'll change this bit, all right.

    Just FYI, the SDF has thrusters or engines, not rockets. :)

This I knew, but I imagined they had rockets for emergency cases. *shrug*

        The SDF-1 collided with the frozen island with devastating
force,
pulling down the last standing buildings that had miraculously survived
the successive disasters.

Unless the ship attached some tow cables to those buildings, I think you
want to say it "knocked" down the last standing buildings...

    ... and rather than say 'down', I'd suggest using 'through', as in:

    The SDF-1 collided with the frozen island with devastating force,
punching through the last standing buildings that had miraculously
survived the successive disasters.

Um, I'll think about it. I believe you may be right in this, but 'punching'
doesn't convince me.

peeled off, and a big part of the fuselage had been damaged during their
chaotic reentry into the SDF-1.

I believe "re-entry" is hyphenated, but I'm not sure.

    Generally, yes... but I've seen it both ways. :)

Hey, me too. Besides, my spell-checker doesn't like 're-entry', so I think
I'll just go for 'reentry'.

[snip]

        He had thought thing couldn't get any worse... He should have
known better: bad news always come in pairs.

Actually, bad news always comes in threes. This might make for some good
foreshadowing : have Gloval worrying about what the third piece of bad
news
would be. (I'm guessing that huge alien armada heading in his general
direction. Anyone feel like taking bets?)^_^

    Yo!  Put me down for ten - I'm good for it. :)

Heh. Y'know, I COULD bet, but I don't think it'd be fair. Ater all, I'm the
writer...

[snip]

        Slight of build and of average height, Lang's most distinctive
feature were his eyes: pupilless, irisless, all black eyes that seemed
to look in every direction at the same time--and then beyond.

Nitpick #2 : McKinney is never sure about Lang's eyes. Sometimes he says
they're all pupil, and at others claims they're blank, with neither pupil
nor iris. If you say all-pupil, try to do McKinney one better, and stick
to it.

    You noticed that too, eh?  Ol' Jack was never the best at
consistency...

I'm beginning to notice that same thing...

It always amused me how *often* the Third Generation team kept running out
of 'culture towards the latter part of the trilogy. :)

Shhh. Haven't reached so far yet. No spoilers, please. ^_^

[snip da rest]

Awwww. ^_^

    As Morgan said, very good work.  My biggest issue is with scientific
accuracy (as if that can really be applied to a Ranma/Robotech
crossover!).

Thanks. About scientific accuracy, well, I'm doing my best, but sometimes
(or a lot of times, maybe) I make a mistake. Robotech is complex, very much
so, but I think that with the help of people like you I'll be able to stay
in canon.

You might benefit from some research outside of the McKinney books - full
deckplans for the SDF-1, for example, are available all over the net and
in various books.

I have looked for info outside McKinney's books, but, when in doubt, I take
McKinney's choice. I even have some Macross info, but I try not to use it
that much so to avoid confusion. You wouldn't (or probably you would)
imagine how many differences there are. And I'm not talking only about Proto
culture--though that's one of the biggest differences.

    Looking forward to more,

Thanks for the comments, Brian!

Now, what happened with that 'Anything-Goes Archeologists' you got me so
excited about? ^_~

Bye and good luck,

Latin_D



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