I hate to sneak this in here, but I need people who know Japanese and can translate the manga, Kotaro Makaritoru, for my webpage. I can't do it cause I don't read Japanese. Respond in private please. The FFML would kill me otherwise.

Thanks

Ryo M.

The Script for Fallout Studios's Baka Yaro!
written by Mark Marquez and Robert Cunningham
(Unedited Verion 1.2)

Welcome to the second installment of Baka Yaro. This one came out pretty quickly compared to some of my other writings. If the story hasn't become apparent yet, then I'll recap it for you. Shin Hideoshi, the overly shy, 16 year old karate master has moved in with legendary martial artist, Kentarou Kyosuke, in order to train. So have Ryo, Tatchi, and Kirin. These idiots want to train too, but the master will accept only one of them so they battle it out. Rivalries are formed and these will remain throughout the rest of the series. That's right, you thought they fought a lot now, just wait. You may also see that I have changed the tense of the verbs for no apparent reason at all. Itries to fix all of it, but some might have slipped by. Oh yeah, both me and Rob switch off writting every once in a while so the style may be different in some places, but I can't tell when I re-read it where I wrote and where he did. Kudos to anyone who can.

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Standard Disclaimer: Baka Yaro is owned by Fallout Studios(tm) That means that we have it copywritten and we can sue those who misuse it. Actually, you can feel free to use the characters in fanfics or what not. Just let us know so we can read it. It would be great to see what other situations these guys can get into. We have a good idea on how all this will play out, so have fun.

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STORY 01: The Cycle Begins

When we last left our hero...no wait, that sounds stupid. How about, Shin is running for his life. No...I know! This sounds real professional too.

LAST TIME: Shin was last seen fleeing in terror from a group of admirers with Azusa in his arms. Tatchi has set out to maim Ryo for the insults about his manhood. As for Kirin, he's probably getting high off of Twinkies and other Hostess products. And Hiroshi can stick an umbrella up his rectum for all I care. We take you now to the second installment of Baka Yaro. There, now that wasn't too bad, was it?

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Chapter 3- Fast Break on Two Fronts

Shin is still running. He isn't scared, mind you. Just getting some exercise, not that he needs it. That is what Shin Hideoshi, the 16 year old Karate master from Hong Kong is telling himself. It isn't helping the current situation one bit.

The high school girls are behind him like a wild mob. Shin had seen them from far off and with his speed, he could easily evade them. However, the added weight of Azusa slowed him down enough to keep him within the girls' sight.

Shin: Why me? I didn't ask for this.
Azusa: Uhh
Shin: Are you okay?
Azusa: Why are you carrying me?

Shin sweatdrops and leaps onto a roof, where he sets the girl down.

Shin: Lost 'em.
Azusa: What was that about?.
Shin: Uh...

In the distance, the school bell rings.

Shin: Shit! Now I'm gonna be late!
Azusa: It's no big deal.
Shin: (whining) But I have two duels. I gotta show up today.
Azusa: You fight enough as it is.
Shin: It's a matter of honor.

Shin clenches his fist and stands in a dramatic pose while babbling about the importance of honor to a man. As he turns back to her, a gust of wind blows up her skirt; revealing a pair of silk panties.

Shin: (turning to face her) So you see why I must...guh guh guh.

Shin shoots blood out of his nose and falls over backwards off the roof. Azusa looks down at Shin, bewildered at his behavior.

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Ryo is running as well. He wished he had women chasing him. Instead, he had a Chinese guy who looked like a girl. That didn't count in his book. He hated cross-dressers.

Tatchi is yelling like a madman with his sword drawn and ready to kill the pervert. That is, as soon as he caught him.

Tatchi: Come back here you! Face your punishment like a man!
Ryo: Catch me if you can Fem-boy!
Girls: Wait up Kotobuki-sama!
Tatchi: Justice cannot wait!

As soon as he hears the girls, Ryo screeches to a halt and backpedals towards the them, totally oblivious to the fact that Tatchi is there.

Ryo: Heh heh heh.
Tatchi: Pervert! Now you die.

Tatchi charges at Ryo ready to run him through. Instead, Ryo flips over him, handing the long-haired swordsman a grenade in the process. Tatchi's eye twitches involuntarily.

Tatchi: Shit

That is all he got out when the grenade went off, leaving him unconscious in a crater. Ryo keeps going towards the girls who had just now seen their knight fall at the hands of the pervert. They all draw their large, anime-babe hammers of doom. Ryo is sent on a tour of Saturn courtesy of Hammer Airways.

The girls return their hammers to Sub-dimension H and rush to check on the fallen swordsman who is still blackened like a piece of burnt toast.

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Kirin is standing at the local Quick Stop mini-mart, and he is pissed, they had the nerve to run out of Sno-balls! How such a place stayed in business was quite beyond the wrestler. He was engaged in a heated discussion with the clerk.

Kirin: Kirin thinks that he is going to leave this damned store and go rent a video at the nearby RST video.  Maybe they'll have Kirin's precious Sno-balls.
Clerk: Fine. I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Kirin grabs the clerk's collar and reads off his name tag.

Kirin: Shut thy mouth... Dan--te. By the way, what is it that smells like shoe polish here?
Dante: It's a long story.

Kirin walks outside, past the long-haired blonde guy smoking weed and the quiet guy in the trench coat to the video store.  Just as he walks to the door a lady storms out of the video store.  The clerk pokes his head out of the door.

Clerk2: Hey! You're not allowed to rent here anymore!
Blonde guy: Yeeah!!

Kirin enters the building just as the clerk is placing an order to the video company.  As he is about halfway through the list, Ryo is at the window, listening to the names of the videos and panting.

Kirin: What the hell kind of video store is this?
Clerk2: What do you want?
Kirin: Who are you to speak thusly to the great Kirin?
Clerk2: Name's Randall.  I'm closing in a minute, so make it quick.

Kirin rents a couple of wrestling videos and walks out, with Randall at his heels. Randall locks the door to the video store and immediately heads to the Quick Stop.

Randall: (To the two standing at the building) Hey! What's up Jay and Silent Bob?

Randall disappears into the Quick Stop. Kirin walks off as well. Ryo runs by, followed by Tatchi, swinging his sword.

Jay: Hey! What's up guys! Nice sword! How do you like that, Silent Bob? Those cock smokers didn't even look at us!

Silent Bob: ...

NOTE: If there's one thing we do, with all of our faults, we call a spade a spade, and we give credit where credit's due. The characters in that last scene were straight out of an incredibly funny movie called "Clerks" by Kevin Smith.  We recommend you rent this movie immediately, or Silent Bob will kill you.

    --Kenji M.

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Shin pauses to take a break from his running. After waking up ten minutes earlier with a terrible headache, he began to run to the school.  Now he pauses to reread the letter.

Hideoshi:

This is a formal challenge and threat
to your life.  If you are half the man
that the women think you are, you will
meet me at the west clock tower at
exactly 1:32 PM to face your doom.

Sincerely,

The God Of Judo
Lee Hiryu

Shin rolls his eyes and crumples up the page before leaping off again in search of his foe, leaving the crumpled paper behind.

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It is 1:31 PM at the west clock tower.  A shadowed figure stands on top of the tower, with several other men behind him.  He checks his watch as it changes to 1:32.

Lee: Heh... As I suspected... he's not going to show.
Guy1: Need some help, Varg-- I mean, Lee?
Lee: That won't be necessary.  This will be as fair a fight as the coward deserves.

The shadows part to reveal a young man with a stern face and long hair.  Not too tall, and a little shorter than his men.

Lee checks his watch.  1:33.  As he lowers the watch, he sees Shin, standing in front of him.

Lee: You're late...
Shin: Naw, I've been here for the past ten minutes.  You know, you look like an idiot just standing here trying to look cool.
Lee: You did this... to... mock me.
Shin: Of course! What are old friends for?
Lee: You're no friend of mine. Let's get to business.
Shin: It's about goddamn time, you know, you can talk a lot.  By the way, what's with all of these goons behind you?

Lee snaps and they scatter.

Shin: Pretty cool.

Both drop into stances, a light wind stirs the combatants.

Shin: By the way, I have another appointment in a few minutes, so let's make this quick, okay?
Lee: Why you--... My pleasure.

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Chapter 4- Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire

Let's not waste any time recapping, let's get right into this.  We're hot at the beginning of a battle between that arrogant bastard Shin and the equally arrogant God of Judo, Lee.  There, I still recapped.  Happy now? Who will win? Read on to find out, you dolt! Why the hell are you still reading this? Move on, scroll down! Go!






Shin leads with a punch, then begins raining punches at Lee, none of which are connecting with anything but the side of Lee's arm.  Lee catches a fist and flips Shin over his shoulder.  Shin manages to land on his feet. Shin charges again, but Lee grabs him by the belt and collar and flips him again. Shin lands, rolls and stands again.  This continues for some time, each time Shin lands on his feet.

Shin: My grandfather trained me better than this! Fortunately, He trained me to land correctly. *Got to use speed to take him out*

Shin attacks with a flying kick, which is obviously caught.  Shin is thrown at a wall.

Shin: Hah!

Shin spins around and springs off the wall, adding to the momentum.  His fist begins glowing as he attacks.

Shin: BURNING--
Lee: I don't think so.

Lee sidesteps and catches Shin by the arm. An evil smile plays across Lee's face as Shin's eyes widen.

Lee: IPPON SEOI!!

Lee grabs Shin by the collar and spins around once.  A huge spiral aura of fire kicks up and Lee releases Shin, directly at the ground.  Shin skids for about 20 feet, through the cement, and into a wall.  Shin is left, out cold, in a crater.

Lee: All too easy.

Lee wipes some sweat off his brow and snaps his fingers. The two men reappear. Lee motions to Shin's body and the two goons pick up the boy's battered, inert body and take it away. Lee steps to the edge of the tower and looks out over the school, he grins sadistically.

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Tatchi is still following Ryo, in a rage.  Ryo has a huge burlap sack. He glances back and sees Tatchi on his trail.

Ryo: Shit, man! And I use the term loosely.  Are you on my trail again?
Tatchi: It isn't difficult to follow a trail of screaming women that you practically raped.
Ryo: Come on, Fem-boy! Where's your sense of humor?
Tatchi: In the same place as your sense of decency.
Ryo: Touch�.

A pair of panties falls out of the sack and falls behind both fighters.

Ryo: Shit!

Ryo stops and launches himself into a backflip, landing behind the panties.  He sprints ahead, picking up the panties.

Ryo: Hey Fem-boy! Aren't I supposed to be the one in front?

Tatchi looks behind him.

Tatchi: Why you--

Ryo jumps onto the roof of a bus and onto a building, and Tatchi is quick to follow.

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Kirin is about to tee off at a golf course, wearing the really goofy looking golf clothes, right down to the hat and the fat-ass pants.  Ryo lands on Kirin's head and rebounds off again.

Ryo: 'Sup, Kirin!
Kirin: How dare you interru--

Tatchi runs by, knocking Kirin off balance.

Tatchi: Sorry!
Kirin: Grrrr...

Kirin puts down two golf balls and launches them after the two.  One hits Ryo in the head and the other is deftly cut in half by Tatchi.

Ryo: Shit! That hurt!

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Finally the chase is ended by Ryo taking a wrong turn down a dead-end alley.

Tatchi: Now we end these games.  For that stunt with the grenade, you will feel the wrath of a Triple Strike!!
Ryo: Ohhh... a triple strike!! Here why don't you "Feel the wrath" of another grenade!!

Ryo casually tosses a grenade at Tatchi, who just as casually slices it in half cleanly.  Within the next split second, Tatchi realizes the error of his ways as both pieces explode, sending both combatants into dreamland.

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Later on....

Ryo is sitting in the back of a classroom. As usual, he looks totally bored.

Ryo: *God, I hate English Class. This guy has such a boring voice. He's talked for 20 minutes about conspiracy theory. Why do I even need to know this stuff? It's not like I'm going to America or anything. At least this is my last class. After this I can leave.*

Teacher: Does anyone know any..................(looks down)...................Eng--lish?

Ryo lazily raises his hand.

Teacher: Mr. Muhoshin.......if that is your real name..............can you..............(looks down)............demon--strate on the board?
Ryo: Uh, yeah.
Teacher: Ah ha ha ha!
Ryo: Okay...

Ryo steps up to the board and a look of total concentration crosses his face. He begins to slowly write. The class stares in wonder. The teacher shows no emotions what so ever.

Ryo steps back from the board and looks to the class with pride, then admires his handiwork.
The board clearly reads: "FEM-BOY." Ryo turns around and takes a step away from the board... just as a sword jabs through the "O"... right where Ryo's head was two seconds earlier.

Ryo: Holy shit!

The board is cut in half as Tatchi busts into the room.  Ryo promptly hides behind a desk, which is just as promptly sliced in half.... with the person still in it. (No, you sick fucks, the kid wasn't killed, he managed to get to one side.)  Ryo picks up an empty desk and throws it at Tatchi, it is also cut in half.  Tatchi does the same with the teacher's desk. Ryo dodges the desk, which goes through the wall into the next classroom.

Ryo: What the hell is your problem?

Ryo backs up as Tatchi takes a horizontal swing, cutting a student's mohawk off cleanly at the scalp.  Tatchi knocks a bunch of other desks over, both occupied and not.  Finally Ryo busts out through the wall, not bothering to open the door.  Tatchi looks around, sheathes his sword and bows to the class.

Tatchi: Sorry for the inconvenience.  (Hands a wad of bills to the teacher, who is still in shock) For your troubles.  (Walks to the hole in the wall, bows again) Carry on.

Tatchi turns around and sprints out, yelling "MUHOSHIN! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"

The students and teacher haven't moved, and by the look on their faces, they're too shocked to move any time soon.

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Kirin is walking home later that day.  He has two grocery bags in his arms, one filled to overflowing with Hostess foods, the other nearly empty.  Kirin pulls out a pack of Twinkies from the latter bag and tosses the bag aside.  He promptly begins eating the Twinkies mumbling something about Dante getting his act together.  He tosses away the empty Twinkie box and pulls out a package of powdered donettes.  Ryo is sprinting by again and Kirin tosses a donette into his path.  Ryo obviously stops and eats it, buying Tatchi just enough time to slice the pervert in half and give him what he deserved... that is, if Tatchi hadn't fallen to his knees, panting and coughing and clutching his chest.  Ryo turns his head.

Ryo: What? Done already?
Kirin: You fool.  Kirin provides you with the perfect opportunity to rid the world of this womanizer by wasting one of his precious, God-given donettes, you idiot.
Ryo: I'm surprised that you made it this far, I thought I had you lost in the financial district.
Tatchi: I'm not so easy to lose.  I'll kill you as soon as I can move.
Kirin: Kirin does not think that you two ingrates appreciate the gravity of this occurrence.  One of my donettes has been wasted on this... this...
Tatchi: Shut the hell up.
Kirin: Why you--

Kirin grabs Tatchi's inert body and throws it into a dumpster.  He the picks up Ryo into a perfect suplex, following it with a beautiful DDT.  Ryo joins the long-haired wonder in the dumpster.  Kirin dusts his hands off.

Kirin: Feh.  Puny mortals.  Thinking they could compete with the likes of the mighty Kirin.

Hiroshi sneaks up behind Kirin and wordlessly kicks him in the nuts.

Hiroshi: Shut... the hell... up.

Hiroshi then proceeds to beat Kirin's clutching-manhood-and-moaning-about-the-future-of-the-Oda-Clan-punk-ass all over the street.  Leaving him, also, in the dumpster.  Hiroshi steps into the house like nothing happened.

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That Evening,

The whole gang is sitting at the table, eating.  Everyone is bickering and fighting, but at less than their normal intensity.  Shin is noticeably missing, as is Kenzan.

Azusa: Hey! Where's Shin?!
Ryo: Don't know, don't care.
Tatchi: Who?
Kirin: It matters not.  More food for the mighty Kirin.
Ryo: Not if I get it first.

Ryo starts stealing food off of Kirin's plate until Kirin's fist is embedded into Ryo's face and Ryo's body is embedded in the wall.

Ryo: That's it!

Ryo and Kirin start brawling right then and there.

Azusa: You guys! We still don't know where Shin is!
Kenzan: (Entering the room) I believe I have the answer.
Azusa: Really?

The two stop fighting as Kenzan produces a piece of paper.  As he reads off of it, Ryo begins inching closer to Azusa's breasts.  He is brutally stopped as she punches him in the face without looking up.

Kenzan: "In case you're wondering where that sap Hideoshi is, I HAVE HIM!!! BWAAAAA HAA HA!! He was so easy to beat that I still laugh just thinking about it!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!!!! Anyway, if you want to see that idiot again, who was SOOOOOOOOOO easy to beat--"
Ryo: Are you serious? It REALLY says ALL of that? It looks like the handwriting is far too big to fit all of that.
Kenzan: Will you listen? "If you want to see that weakling (Hehehe) again, bring 100,000,000 yen in unmarked bills (And I KNOW you have it Sotoyome) to the Northeast clock tower--"
Ryo: Which one is that? Is that the one by the main library?
Kenzan: No, I think it's the one by the cafeteria.
Kirin: Kirin thinks it is by the... Northeast section of the school.

(Sweat drops all around)

Kenzan: I'm sure I can find it, let me finish.  "-- the Northeast clock tower by 7:43 PM exactly.  And don't be late like that pathetic fool Hideoshi was.  ..... DAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAHA! I'm drowning in waves of laughter over how simple his defeat was!! It was all too easy! Hey! You're not still writing, are you?  I don't care if I told you to write everything I say, you dolt! Fine. Sincerely, the God of Judo, Master of the Diamondbacks, Martial artist supreme and all-around nice guy, Lee Hiryu.  P.S. In case you're wondering, yes, this IS a trap."
Ryo: Gimme that! Well I'll be damned! It really DOES say all that! What the hell is wrong with this guy?
Kenzan: I believe that this stems from his childhood, he was teased a lot.  So, I'd better go, it's about 7:30 now.
Hiroshi: Are you ACTUALLY going to pay him?
Kenzan: Hell no! I'm not blowing my allowance on that bastard Lee, bailing out Shin.  But I'm going anyway, don't follow me unless I'm gone for more than 24 hours.
Ryo: Don't worry about us following you.
Tatchi: Following who?
Kenzan: Never mind. I'm outta here. Like I said, it's already 7:30.
Kyo: Very well.
Azusa: Good luck.
Ryo: Whatever.

With that, Kenzan takes his leave. Ryo and Kirin begin brawling over a drumstick when Kenzan stalks back in to the house and grabs it. He smirks and rushes off to face the sadistic Judo master. Ryo and Kirin have yet to notice what has transpired.

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10 minutes later, Kenzan Sotoyome has arrives at Murasami High School. He looks at the large school map for where Lee said to meet him. To his dismay, there are over 100 clocktowers, 4 to a building, and 25 in the Northeast section alone. Kenzan curses his rotten luck.

Kenzan: Why did the archetect have a fettish with clocktowers?

Kenzan opts to head in a random direction not caring if he is late for his duel. After a good 15 minutes, Kenzan spots a figure over the same clocktower that Shin was suposed to have battled Lee on. The figure is dressed in loose fitting jeans, a white tank top and a red belt. His long hair blows in the wind and his stern features allow a small twisted grin.

Lee looks down upon the totally lost Kenzan. He was in his clutches now. All was going according to plan, as long as HE didn't show up, things would work out perfectly. Lee could not contain his pleasure at the current situation.

Lee: Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Kenzan looks up at the figure who is laughing in a most disturbing manner. Kenzan cringes as he recognizes it as Lee Hiryu.

Kenzan: Next time, be more specific.
Lee: I told you the Northeast clocktower.
Kenzan: That's a little VAGUE!!! This place has hundreds of towers!
Lee: Come on up so we can do battle, Sotoyome.
Kenzan: With pleasure.

In less than a minute, Kenzan is facing Lee atop the tower, the damage from the previous fight still apparent.

Lee: So, you finally decide to show up, Kenzan Sotoyome.
Kenzan: Obviously.
Lee: This battle will be a great pleasure for me, but sadly, it won't be for you.
Kenzan: What book did you get that line from?

Lee's face darkens for a moment. He then grins sadistically again. He pulls a book out of his shirt.  The book is entitled "Badass Remarks and Malicious Sayings." He throws it to the side.

Lee: Let us begin.
Kenzan: Yeah, let's make this quick, I got homework to do.
Lee: Hideoshi begged for a swift end as well.
Kenzan: Can you talk like a normal person for once, you weirdo?

Kenzan punctuates his statment with a series of punches which are all blocked. Kenzan sends a kick at Lee's head, but his foot is caught and he is thrown. As with Shin, Kenzan flips to land on his feet.

Lee: How is that you and Hidoshi can do that, might I inquire?
Kenzan: The Old Man's "Cliff Kitty Training." Master Hideoshi tossed us off a cliff until we learned to land safely on our feet. It took a lot of broken bones to learn. You've seen the result.
Lee: I'll show you a throw that you'll never be able to escape.
Kenzan: I'd like to see that.

Lee grins again, sending a chill down Kenzan's spine. He motions for Kenzan to attack. The blue-haired teen obliges and is thrown at the wall. Kenzan repeats Shin's move by springboarding off the wall. This time, he uses his hands and aims a powerful kick at Lee.

Kenzan: Shooting Star Kick!
Lee: Interesting, but not very good.

Lee sidesteps and as Kenzan passes, he grabs his arm and shirt.

Lee: IPPON SEOI!!!
Kenzan: Wha...?

Lee spins, the fire tornado envelops the two and Kenzan is violently thrown over Lee's shoulder and directly into the wall. The force of the impact knocks him out cold and sends him through the wall.

Lee wipes the sweat from his brow. Once again he steps to the edge of the tower and surveys the school. This time, he breaks into maniacal laughter, not noticing the mysterious figure observing him from atop another tower.

To be continued...

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Sorry! It was really short huh? That's why it is done in bi-chaper format. Some chapters are short, others are really long. What did you think of this. Real action is brought into play with the first real storyline. Just who is the mysterious guy watching Lee? Just why does Lee have a thing against Shin and Kenzan? Why is Kirin addicted to Hostess? Was the cliffhanger ending necessary?

For the answer to those questions, read on my friend. Chapter 5- Sibling Rivalry, and
Chapter 6- I Hate Flashbacks

As for the last question. If you hated the cliffhanger, then we have something for you. The secret ending as an added bonus! Aren't we nice? Here it is in all it's glory, and no, it won't give the next part away at all.

+++++++++++BONUS LEVEL+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

After Kenzan's exit. Ryo and Kirin stop their duel and realize the food is gone. Tatchi and Azusa have already left for their respective rooms as well as Hiroshi. Ryo and Kirin follow in their wake and retire themselves, leaving Kyosuke alone in the dining room. He quietly lights his pipe. He is relaxed when the phone rings.

Kyo: Hello? Oh, the Mishimata Banking Corp? Ryo Muhoshin? No...never heard of him. Says he lives here. Sorry...no...no...destroyed a city block? That's insane. Swordsman with braided hair? No...nope. Well, thank you too. Don't worry about that. Alright, good bye.

He calmly hangs up the phone and inhales fron his pipe as if in deep thought. He puts the pipe on the table and stands. Takes a deep breath and...

Kyo: MUHOSHIN!!!!! KOTOBUKI!!!!! GET OUT HERE! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

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Stay tuned loyal readers.


" A broad? I didn't know they made Cobras in automatic!"
- Bean Bandit

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