This is part two of "The B*tch Sessions." It has nothing to do with part
one.
Warning: spoiler for ep and some bad language (i think, it's hard to remember
at 4 am..)
Again, C&C/flames/whatnot welcome.
Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Watase Yuu
~CHICHIRI~
Today, I almost laughed.
I mean, the type of laugh where your stomach hurts and you're crying. Not
the type where you smile a little and blow some air out of your nose. Or a
little giggle that *everyone* mistakes for a girlish laugh and then they
wonder about me…Those types of laughter are what I usually do. I never laugh
like I mean it.
But I almost did.
I almost lost it, almost forgot my pain.
I have pain, lots of it. Along with an unhealthy dose of guilt and
self-loathing. I know this. I've accepted it. They're quite the
punishment. But how could I not hate myself? I make myself sick to my
stomach. I'm not supposed to let this pain go, I can't laugh like that, and
damn Tasuki for trying to make me.
Hikou's laughter was always *so* unbelievably irritating. He never laughed
so much as snorted like his father's herd of pigs. Plus, it was a full-body
laugh which would usually send him rolling to the ground or plowing into me.
It was the most annoying thing I can think of.
I would sell my soul if I could hear it again.
But I don't have his laugh. I have his scream. The last thing that ever
came from him was a panicked, childlike cry for me to help him. Help him?
It was me that put him in the river in the first place.
I have his pain, his fear right before dying. It's my pain. I need it; I
deserve it.
I can't talk about this pain to anyone. If I did, they would want me to get
rid of it. They wouldn't understand at all. My pain is solitary, fit just
for me.
Death is a wonderful tailor.
---------------------------------------------------------
~Haruka Kaoru
"Once again I'll become Shinigami... but first I need a nap."