Greetings, yet again!
Hi, Morgan! ^_^
Good news! With the return of my old, DECENT computer, I can finally start
attaching these chapters again! Now that my days of pasting are behind me,
I
hope to say farewell to those formatting problems. Also, I can make the
chapters as big as I want again!
Good news, indeed. And there were no formatting problems that I could
notice.
Well, with that over, let me insert my usual requests for C&C here. I
really
do appreciate the stuff (heck, I practically use it for air! ^_^), so by
all
means feel free to send some my way. Even if you just want to say "hi".
No need for requests. The day I don't C&C one of your fics will be the day
I've been postbanned (please, admins, don't get any ideas).
Okay, that's over with. Let the fic begin!
What about...
But first... I feel I should inform you that previous Ronin Summer story
arcs are available at my webpage,
http://dataraven_659.tripod.com/roninsummer.html
and at my mirrorpage,
http://www.geocities.com/Area51Underworld/4709/roninsummer1.html
Ah, here it is! I was worried for a moment there. ^_^
(See? I CAN remember, if you just remind me often enough!)
Heh. I've succeeded!
Now, let's get on with the fic, shall we?
Please!
Before anything else, I want to say that these comments are strictly IMHO,
so you're allowed to cover your ears and sing loudly if I say something you
don't like.
BTW, I forgot to include this in my last C&C, and in doing so I proved that
we ALL can make mistakes. ^_^
<SNIP TO THE BEGINNING>
Chapter Three : Desperate Measures
The sun was just barely beginning its climb over the horizon,
pinkish haze struggling against the grimy, smoke-filled sky and shadowy
clouds. Even dawn was a battle in the Dark Kingdom. The first fingers
of light inched their way along the courtyard of a gutted castle,
smoke still curling seductively from every open window. The light
passed over several armoured forms, lying on the cobblestones and
slowly releasing the last tendrils of black mist from their shattered
bodies. Broken weapons scattered the ground like pine needles in a
forest, and a slight breeze toyed listlessly with the tattered remnants
of a battle standard still clutched in the deathgrip of one yauja.
Beautiful opening, my friend. The aftermath of a battle in all its glory.
But I can't help but wonder whether the Dark Kingdom lost too easily. We
haven't even met all of the 'siblings' yet!
Poor Masho...
A single figure moved through the scene, storming along with
little regard for what - or who - he was stepping in. Muscles rolled
on his massive frame like rubber balls in a nylon bag, and he ground
his teeth together as he pushed the massive drawbridge open with
one hand. He was bald, and his bare torso was covered with scar tissue
earned in centuries of battle.
"Vyne," he snarled to the slim young man standing outside
the gates, "what in the name of Mother are YOU doing here? I am
expecting Erdge back any second now..."
"I'm afraid our dear sister is a bit... delayed... at the
moment, Brother Thraw." Emerald eyes narrowed, as the man turned and
glanced over his shoulder, wings fluttering nervously before settling
back against his shoulders.
"She has been gone for nearly eight hours!" Thraw protested,
"and I cannot be expected to lead this search alone!"
Here you should use either
...hours," Thaw...
or
...protested. "And...
as the exclamation point signals the ending of a sentence.
<MINI-SNIP>
Vyne raised one arched eyebrow, his short black hair ruffling
in the breeze as he stretched his huge wings to their full extension.
"You do realise," he said, "that if the GREAT Pedri should grow
impatient, it will be your turn to report to him. Perhaps he'll take
your other ear, this time, just to complete his collection."
So Pedri chopped off his ear? With brothers like that, who needs enemies?
^_^
<SNIP>
"Is second only to your knowledge of Earth, which is where you
shall be going with Anubis." Kayura shook her head, and reached for
her staff. "I would appreciate it if you two could find Naaza for me.
After all, we don't want him returning to a castle that is no longer
ours, do we?" She gestured, and a large gateway rose from the ground,
framing a swirling maelstrom of shapes and colours.
Why doesn't she ask the Yoroiden for help? Or the Senshi, for that matter.
They've all become sort of friends, right?
"But, we..."
"Your Empress," Kayura said primly, "has spoken. This gate will
reopen in exactly four hours, whether I am here or not." Noticing the
worried look on her fiance's face, the young woman leaned over and
kissed his hand again. "Which I have every intention of being, my love!
I am merely taking precautions. Your yoroi and your Empress shall both
be awaiting your return."
Anubis still looked concerned, but slowly began to inch towards
the portal Kayura had opened. Rajura reached into his sleeve and
drew out a handful of what appeared to be eggs. Passing them to Kayura,
he spoke quickly.
Where does he get those eggs from? Spiders may lay eggs, but I can't...
believe...
Eewwww! That's disgusting! ^_~
"These," he said as he handed her two white eggs, "are pepper.
Throw them in the eyes of your opponent. This," he handed her a brown
egg, "is a smokescreen. Be sure to cover your retreat, so they don't
follow you down here! And this," referring to the egg he gave to her,
dyed blue, "is sleeping powder. Hold your breath when you use it. And
be careful! These are my last ones."
"What," Kayura asked, as she pointed at the last egg Rajura
held, "about the red one?"
"The red one," Rajura said as he held it out to her, "goes
boom. Be VERY careful with the red one. Do you understand me?"
"Sure, no problem," said Kayura and grabbed the red egg. Or tried to, as it
slipped through her fingers and began its short descent towards the waiting
floor...
Mother now ruled the Dark Kingdom.
^_^
Not much in the way of plot, but it'd certainly be unexpected, right?
<BIG SNIP... SORRY>
The yoroi had been almost embarassingly easy to locate, Kayura
Finally, a typo: 'embarrassingly'
^_^
reflected as she tucked the three glowing orbs into her rags, not
that she was complaining. Their invaders must not have searched any of
the upper floors yet, or else hadn't realized the importance of three
coloured gems with glowing kanji embedded in them.
You use British English, right? I think you should use 'realised' then.
<ANOTHER TINY SNIP>
Kayura leapt back, and the weight crashed down on the floor.
Lunging forward, Vyne snapped his wrist and sent the second weight
whirring towards her even as he kicked the first back into his hand.
The young woman ducked, and the weight droned past her ear with lethal
efficiency. Though she hated to give up ground, she found herself
slowly inching away from the whirling chain and its deadly ends.
Crouching, she kept her body low and tried to follow the path of her
opponent's weapon with her eyes. The manner in which Vyne spun and
twirled the length of chain was making it all but impossible for her
to tell where his next strike would cone from, but she thought... she
Typo: 'come'.
had seen...
There! As Vyne shifted his stance forward, he telegraphed his
strike ever so slightly. The weight whipped forward once more, and
Kayura intercepted it with her arm. As the chain tangled around her
slime-covered sleeve, she jerked back as hard as she could, hoping to
yank the weapon from his hands.
This, of course, was exactly the move he had been waiting for
her to perform. With a frim tug from his right hand, he threw her off
Typo: firm
That's _three_ in 20 kb!
Nya nya! ^_^
balance and pulled her arm away from her body, even as his left hand
sent the second weight straight for the bridge of her nose. The entire
maneuver had taken him all of ten seconds, and Kayura barely had time
The same here. In British English, it believe it's 'manoeuvre'.
I normally wouldn't point out things these (as I really don't care), but
some of my readers usually advice me to keep consistent in this kind of
thing. Don't worry, I believe it isn't important at all. No person in his
right mind will stop reading because of something like this. ^_^
<REALLY TINY SNIP>
Hoping against hope, she let one hand drift under her, and
faked a hiss of pain, as though she had injured her spine in falling.
Vyne sighed in resignation, and began to stalk towards her, his huge
talons digging chunks of stone from the floor as he clenched his feet
reflexively. The object tumbled free from her rags, and she smiled
behind the cloth that covered her face. That smile fell as she gently
groped the object she held. Not even a yoroi sphere at all, let alone
hers. It was another of Rajura's eggs.
Which makes me ask: why didn't she use her yoroi in the first place? She
would have had a much better chance fighting him with it.
Vyne was nearly on top of her, lifting his massive, scaly foot
above her head. His curved talons gleamed like knives in the torchlight
as he prepared to strike. In desperation, Kayura hurled the egg she
held. At the last second, she gasped as she realised the colour of the
egg she had thrown. She made sure to hold that gasp as Vyne lifted his
wing to shield himself again...
...And the blue shell shattered against his feathered appendage
Have I ever told you I tend to nitpick? Sorry.
I think you ought to write '...and the', as it's a continuing the previous
sentence.
like glass on stone, shrouding his form in a cloud of thick grey mist.
Vyne fell backwards, landing solidly and coughing as he swatted at the
cloud engulfing him with both arms and wings. Rolling over, he rose
to his hands and knees, hacking violently into one fist and blinking
his watering eyes.
"What have you..." Vyne stopped in mid-word and shook his head
like a wet dog, sinking down to his elbows. "Have," he tried again,
"you... done... y-you... littl..."
Poor Vyne. He's just lost an ear... or maybe a wing. An eye? Your choice,
Morgan--or actually, Pedri's choice. ^_^
Kayura quickly backed out of the room as Vyne flopped fast
first onto the floor. His eyes had shut, and his wings were splayed
out to their full extension, nearly brushing each wall. One down, she
told herself. She wasn't exactly certain how many more there were to
go, but she wasn't worried. After all, there were three eggs left...
and she still had her stick.
Not to say anything about that little yoroi she seems to have forgotten all
about...
<SNIP>
"Sound the alarm!" He bellowed at the soldiers waiting for him
in the hallway. Reaching out, he grabbed one and pulled its face close
to his. "Inform Pedri that we have intruders," he snarled, "and tell
him that their heads will be on his desk by dawn."
Pedri has a desk? Wow, he isn't a villan, he's a bureaucrat! ^_^
**********
Kayura stuck her head out of the door, glancing up and down the
deserted corridor. Stepping out, she turned back and motioned with one
hand. The Storm Senshi moved past her, quietly tip-toeing towards the
curving marble staircase.
"Just a little bit farther," Kayura whispered to them. "Head
down the stairs and take a left. We're leaving through the kitchens!"
"The kitchens?" Thunderstorm looked over her shoulder at the
black-garbed woman. "There's no way out of the kitchens! It's a dead
end!"
"Yeah," Icestorm said absently. "I mean, unless you, you know,
count that secret tunnel that Spidey dug in there. And he never tells
anybody about those!" Noticing the stares she was getting from her
sisters, the blue-haired girl shrugged. "What? I was stealing some
cookies from the cookie jar, and I, like, saw him hooking up the door.
People tune me out. Sometimes they forget I'm there."
When one remembers that Icestorm is Amy's counterpart, one can't help but
wonder what the heck went wrong during the cloning... Because something went
REALLY wrong.
<SSSSNIP>
"Oh, wonderful." Kayura quickly began to pat the tattered rags
covering her body, smiling as she pulled free an orb. A purple orb,
with the kanji of 'Endurance' embedded in it. "Shit!" Without looking,
she tossed the yoroi crystal to Sailor Lightstorm. "Hold this," she
said irritably, and continued her search. Seconds later, a chocolate
brown orb marked with the kanji for 'Piety' hurtled over her shoulder.
"This too," Kayura said, and Lightstorm had to lunge forward to catch
the yoroi before it hit the floor.
Finally, she found the items she had been looking for. "Shien,
take Shouen and Kokuen and scout ahead of us. Make sure these bastards
haven't found the tunnels!" If they had, she thought to herself, then
Rajura, Anubis, and Naaza were all as good as dead.
And if she kept throwing their yoroi around the room like that, they would
be in great danger.
Lifting her left hand, she threw the brown egg against the
floor. As the thick purple smokescreen began to fill the corridor, she
lifted the second item she held into the air. The kanji of 'Loyalty'
shone briefly from both the golden orb in her hand and from her own
forehead as she spoke.
"BUSSO, ONI!"
Ah, here it is. Now we get to see Kayura kick some asses!
<AND THE GUY KEEPS SNIPPING>
Baien forced himself to his feet, and used his halbred to
behead a passing creature. Spinning the weapon, he used the butt of
the polearm to crush another's skull. A swift kick smashed one's
ribcage and knocked it into several of its fellows. Yoen had advanced
from the head of the stairs, his bisento sweeping in broad arcs as
crimson goo splattered over his pristine silver armour. The thick,
heavy blade of his weapon was cleaving through the enemy like an axe
through firewood, yet their opponents kept coming.
"Allow me the privelege of silencing this fool, good Baien."
Typo: privilege
Yoen shook his bisento, knocking off a dollop of the rancid red slime
that now coated the blade.
"No." Baien leaned slightly on his halbred, and turned to the
silver yauja that was ostensibly his captain. "Go to Kayura. I shall
guard her from this fiend. We protect HER, remember?"
Yoen reluctantly began to back away. "Beware, Baien. It was he
who killed Hakuen. And our fellows, the night before." That said, the
yauja captain leapt off of the balcony and never looked back.
Thraw shook his head sadly. "You seem to be an honourable
opponent, monster. I shall treasure these moments we have spent
together for all eternity. Farewell." Mace held low, he glided in and
dodged the head of Baien's halbred, shattering the shaft of the weapon
with his elbow as the heavy mace swung up and smashed against the side
of Baien's helmet. The yauja fell to his knees, and the mace smashed
against his head again. Thraw laughed pleasantly as he swung back and
let the studded metal club drop onto his opponent's head once more.
Baien landed on the floor. His helmet had cracked wide open,
and he looked down at himself as Thraw continued to pound on the empty
shell. A thick cloud of black writhed around the two forms, and Baien
felt a slight twinge of regret.
After that, he felt nothing at all.
That you've made me feel sorry for a youja shows how good this scene was.
Good work!
<SNIP>
A swift kick to the leg of one creature drove its knee back the
wrong way with a satisfying splintering sound, and the fiend dropped.
The five of its allies that tried to take advantage of her ditraction
Typo: distraction
were quickly introduced to the clawed weight that hung on the end of
her kusari-gama. Tugging on the chain, Kayura retrieved the weight
and plunged her scythe through the torn fabric that covered one
creature's ribcage. The weight flew through the air again, and a
skull cracked like an egg.
"My Empress!" Yoen raced towards her, spinning his bisento like
a giant propeller and hacking a path through the swarm of black bodies
that seperated him from his ruler. "This enemy seems endless! Baien
Typo: separated
and Hakuen have already been taken! I must request we flee this place,
before we are overwhelmed!"
Kayura smiled grimly. "Head for the kitchen, Yoen! Takenoko and
I are right behind you!" She lifted her weight above head and hurled
it into the floor. "QUAKE WITH FEAR!" An intricate web of chains
burst from the ground and tore through the foes before her. Yoen
raced for the kitchen, and Kayura peered through the forest of metal
links until she saw the giant form of Takenoko picking his way
towards her. Other than a gentle rain of crimson slime, they seemed
to be alone in the halway. She guessed that these creatures were a
Who needs a spell-checker when Latin_D is reading? ^_^
Typo: hallway
little less hardy than the average Trooper she had used these chains
on before.
<SNIPY>
Kayura leapt forward, bringing her scythe blade up for a lethal
blow. Thraw suddenly whipped his arm in front of her, and the blade
dug deeply into his flesh. With a laugh, Thraw pulled the weapon from
her hands, reaching up and grabbing a fistfull of her overcoat.
I think it's 'fistful'.
He hurled her down the hall, and then tossed Takenoko over his
shoulder. The minotaur landed with a soid thud, and Thraw quickly
Typo: solid
straddled the youma's arm, twisting Takenoko's wrist with both hands
until the bones snapped. The minotaur screamed, and Thraw laughed as
he dropped the heel of his boot onto the creature's exposed throat.
Takenoko's yell turned into a hoarse gasp, and the scarred man
planted his other foot in the youma's left kidney.
Thraw grinned and beckoned for Kayura to come closer. Behind
him, the smokescreen was beginning to dissipate. The young empress
glanced down at her empty hands, then over at the kusari-gama, which
lay by Thraw's feet. Takenoko was definitely down, his head lolling
from side to side as he lay on the floor. Thraw smirked and beckoned
again.
Kayura threw the red egg.
...and everything went boom.
Well, this is it for a new chapter of this wonderful series. I want more,
Morgan!
If anyone still hasn't read Ronin Summer, please, reflect in the error of
your ways! IMO, Ronin Summer is one of the best SM crossovers out there.
Even more, it got me interested in YST, a series I knew nothing about. This
story has it all: more action than 'Die Hard', lots of WAFFy moments, great
description, and the most interesting plots I've ever read.
Another great chapter, Morgan. For a moment I wondered about Kayura's
sanity, seeing her apparent reluctance to use her yoroi, but other than
that, I loved it, as always. I can't wait to meet the rest of Mother's
children (Tuls and Tytoung, if I remember correctly), or to see what
happened with Naaza. Has he gotten the girl to like him? Has he eaten her?
^_^
Please, my friend, keep writing. And keep the chapter coming!
Bye and good luck,
Latin_D