Oh, goodie - a Robotech fic to dissect! :)
(been looking forward to this one)
Morning comes early on an airbase. It comes even earlier
for those in command. Promptly at 0700, Colonel Jeff Stuart
pulled up to an improvised parking space in front of his new
squadron's headquarters. His headlights caught on a pair of
familiar figures waiting patiently in front of the building.
Need ta get out of bed pretty early to get the drop on THESE ladies,
apparently... :)
"Good morning, sir," the two said together, adding sharp,
parade-ground salutes.
Jeff got out of his Land Rover and waved an informal
acknowledgment as he passed them on the steps. He had little
time for formalities. There was too much work to do. He was
still short twenty-three pilots, a whole squadron staff, vital
equipment, and, of course, Veritechs. He was in no mood for
delays.
Sounds like he could use a pot or five of coffee, too. :)
The two females followed him inside and waited patiently for
instructions.
Eh... I'd suggest using 'women', instead of 'females'. 'Females' just
implies that they're not human, which, while partially true in one case, is
still disturbing.
"Captain, you start on the Executive Officer's office," he
said while taking off his jacket. "I want it functional before
noon. Got it?"
Ona Parino looked between her companion and Jeff before
grudgingly nodding and disappearing back towards the small office
in the center of the back wall.
"As for you." Jeff turned to Cindy Wallace. "I guess
you're my new Admin Officer. Set up a filing system, familiarize
yourself with the computers, and get me a list of things we
need." He looked around the room. "Maybe it would be easier to
get me a list of the items we *do* have. We'll work backwards
from there."
Oy. THAT's disturbing... :)
Cindy eagerly launched into her work. Like a kid turned
loose in a toy store, she began digging through boxes and sorting
their contents. Before stepping into his own office, Jeff smiled
at her industriousness. Maybe General Emerson had done him a
favor after all.
*cue Jaws music*
<snip>
An hour of cleaning and sorting and cursing at the mis-marked
boxes, he finally had a room that looked like a functioning commander's
office. He had to open the window to the early morning sun when the
Suggest inserting an 'After' at the start of the paragraph. :)
dust he'd stirred up became too much. A sudden rush of air overhead
caused him to flinch.
"I found the ventilation blowers, sir," came Cindy's voice
from the main room.
"So I see," Jeff muttered as he closed the window again to
allow the blowers to filter out the dust. At least this building
came equipped with the standard maintenance features. If
everything worked, it would reduce the number of personnel he
needed - especially cleaning staff.
Is this something a CO would really have to worry about?
Turning back around, he was surprised to see Cindy standing
in the doorway.
"There's someone here to see you, sir," she said in an
official voice.
"Pilots?" he asked anxiously. The base Personnel Office had
assured him they would put out the word and scour the records to
find him pilots. Perhaps they'd been successful.
Cindy shrugged and tried to look contrite over her mistake
at not inquiring further from their visitors.
He reached for his uniform tunic and followed Cindy back out
to the main room. His pace faltered when he saw what was waiting
for him. Two females, both with the distinctive dark tanned
Agin wit da 'females' bit! Oy!
Seriously, that's ... disturbing. I don't recall that, in canon, women
were so poorly thought of... certainly not in the books, anyway.
skin, almond-shaped eyes and almost coal-black hair that reminded
him of his wife's people, stood expectantly just inside the front
door.
The taller of the two wore on her dress uniform the wings of
an Instructor Pilot, a position in the RDF awarded to only those
who possessed infinite patience and exceptional skills. She
Note this last line - "infinite patience and exceptional skills". We'll
come back to it. :)
<snip>
He didn't really have time for this. They couldn't be the
kind of pilots he was looking for. He figured it was best to
Um... remember that bit I said to note? Well... how do you explain the
180 reversal here, then?
<snip>
The two pilots nodded their agreement and filed past him,
outstretched arm and all. He couldn't be sure but thought he
caught a whiff of perfume from one of them. But that was
impossible. Perfume and other such items of femininity were
prohibited in the RDF. At least, he thought they were.
It's not perfume; it's her natural pheremones. :)
He turned to Cindy. "Subtle, you're not," he groused.
"Just thought you needed a reminder, sir."
Jeff sighed. "Which I appreciate. I just wish --"
"-- they weren't females?" Cindy cut in, finishing for him
AAARRGGH! Now, I can see -him- saying that, even though it sticks in my
craw. But -her-?!?
Well, maybe. -Maybe-. In this situation. But stil....
without taking her eyes off the computer screen.
"Well, yes."
"Females have fought and died in the Zentraedi War along
side of their male counterparts. Some have even been decorated
for bravery."
"Yeah, I know," Jeff said with an exasperated gesture.
"It's just I've--"
"-- never commanded female pilots in combat and don't know
No offense, but this is the first use of 'female' that I find
acceptable. Sorry. :(
"We might just surprise you," Cindy said, a faint flicker of
a smile crossing her face.
I think they already have. :)
Jeff looked at his open office door. "I suppose I shouldn't
be so defensive."
He turned back in time to see Cindy staring at him. "I am
woman, hear me roar," she said without expression.
With another sigh of resignation, he handed the clipboard
back. "Hold all my --"
"-- calls --"
"-- and don't forget --"
"-- about the list of needed supplies. Yes, sir." Cindy
went back to staring at her screen.
Curious at what she was finding so interesting, he leaned
over far enough to see the display. It looked like some sort of
spread sheet with lots and lots of part numbers and quantities.
Figuring it had something to do with her Admin duties, he shook
his head and started for his office.
He took only two steps. "Oh, I almost forgot. I need --"
"Top drawer, file cabinet 'C', look under 'Transfers',"
Cindy finished for him.
"How do you --"
"-- know what you're going to ask?" she said without looking
his way. "It's a girl thing, sir."
Hah! Oh, this is rich. I find it all the more amusing because
that's -exactly- the sort of stuff my girlfriend does to me from time to
time. :)
Jeff tried to match this to his strictly male background but
got the feeling he was fitting a square peg in a round hole -- so
to speak. There simply had to be another explanation. With
Booo. Bad. :)
narrowed eyes he leaned towards his Admin Officer. "What am I
thinking now?"
"They're pink, sir," Cindy replied in an off-hand manner,
still staring at the terminal.
"What?" Jeff's body recoiled like he'd just gotten caught
peeking in the female showers at the gym.
"My panties, sir. They're pink." Cindy regarded him with a
strange expression. "At least, that's what you were wondering."
They blinked at each other for several seconds.
"You want to know the cut?" she asked innocently.
Jeff continued to blink. "Not on a dare."
Aw, but WHY NOT? :)
"Suit yourself, sir," she said, going back to staring at her
screen.
Jeff started towards the row of file cabinets, never taking
his eyes off Cindy. "So, the Transfer Forms are in the pink, I
MEAN, the... uh..." Jeff stopped walking as his mind went blank
trying to avoid thinking of his young Admin Officer's underwear.
Keep chewing; you've almost reached the knee.
"They're in 'C' cabinet, top drawer, sir," she reminded him.
He quickly got the forms and started for his office. This
was all too... strange. The only woman who he ever thought could
read his mind was his wife. How on earth did this girl know what
he was thinking? He paused at his office door and regarded Cindy
with suspicion. For the first time, he seemed to notice how she
was dressed. He especially noticed her crisply laundered uniform
blouse with its sewn-on name tag and shoulder epaulet loops
bearing her rank insignia. His eyes narrowed again. There had
to be some trick to what she was doing.
"No sir. I never wear a bra," she said with a sigh, like it
was a question she'd been asked a thousand times. "Don't need
one."
Eeep! *sploit*
Bow look wat zu made me do! My boze! My boze!
With a tiny, choked groan of distress, he scrambled into his
office and slammed shut the door. THIS he didn't need. Either
she was the most perceptive person in the world or... He took a
deep breath and let it out slowly. He wasn't prepared for this.
Yup. That's a fact.
(nose all better now, thanks. :)
"Oh," he said softly, after turning around and noticing the
two pilots sitting in front of his desk. He'd almost forgotten
about them. Clearing his throat, he tried to regain his command
bearing. It wasn't easy. He first had to clear from his mind
the image of his attractive young Admin Officer clad only in a
pair of skimpy pink panties.
BRIANS EYES: WHERE? WHERE, OH GOD, WHERE?!?
BRIANS BRAIN: Oh, god, here we go again.
BRIANS NOSE: *whimper* Not AGAIN!
"Is there something wrong, sir?" Samantha Fox asked with a
concerned look.
"No, why do you ask?" Jeff fought to hide his befuddlement
with a neutral expression. It obviously didn't work. The two
females exchanged worried looks before turning back around to
Ahem.
(yes, I'm gonna nag about this one.)
face his desk.
Thankful for the chance to compose himself, Jeff adjusted
his tunic before moving to his side of the desk. He kept telling
himself he was a thirty-year veteran who has served with dozens
of females in his office staff without this sort of... anomaly.
...
He shouldn't let Lieutenant Wallace get to him like that.
Besides, such thoughts were unprofessional and not appropriate in
a military environment.
It almost worked. That is, until he sat down and caught a
glimpse of two pairs of shapely legs clad in RDF-approved nylons,
crossed in a delightfully relaxed manner. More images flashed
through his mind, causing him to close his eyes and tug at his
BRIANS NOSE: NOT AGAIN, DAMN YOU!!! Oh, man...
collar. "Does it seem warm in here to you?" he asked. "Maybe I
should open a window or something."
The two women exchanged looks again. "It's just fine, sir,"
Katherine said with a concerned frown. "Are you okay? I mean,
we could come back later if you're not feeling well."
"Nonono, that's fine," he said nervously before being able
to clear his mind and concentrating on the task at hand. "As I
said out there, I need Veritech pilots."
Katherine smiled. She had a smile that could melt steel.
"Then you're in luck. We're Veritech pilots."
Stunned, his eyes darted between the two women. Veritech
pilots? Female Veritech pilots? Of course. Why didn't he think
of this before? All he needed was twenty-three female Veritech
pilots and he had a full squadron. Then all he had to do was
hand them off to another commander who would lead them into...
All expression drained from his face. He'd already been
where this squadron was headed. Under another commander, they
were going into a brutal combat environment where it was kill or
be killed. Casualties were expected; real body-bag, forensic ID,
when you could recover the body, writing those damn letters
casualties. This time, they would be *female* bodies.
... Ok, from a personal standpoint, I can agree - that's not something
I'd like to be responsible for. But I have a hard time swallowing the
premise that the RDF is THIS prejudiced against women. Hell, after the
Zentraedi, I'd think they'd want every pilot they could get.
If this is book continuity, too, what about (for example) Dana Sterling?
No, he couldn't allow that. He couldn't take young ladies,
just starting to enjoy the benefits of their gender, and subject
... Not sure what's supposed to be meant by THAT...
them to the brutality of peace-keeping along the borders of
several notably un-peaceful groups of people. It didn't matter
how good they were, they'd still be women. He began to shake his
head.
"I'm sorry, ladies. I just can't do this to you." He
rocked back in his chair, sighed and stared at the ceiling.
"This squadron is scheduled for assignment in the Ozarks. It's
expected to be a pretty rough tour."
Jeff hardly noticed the silence that followed. His mind was
far away, twenty-seven years in the past on what was left of a
smoking airfield in Hawaii, littered with the dead and dying.
No, he couldn't go through that again.
Ok, now here you start to hint at something that MAY explain his
attitude. If I'm right, then great. But still...
"Are you sure his wife said he was desperate?" Samantha
asked, her voice tinged with bitterness.
WHAT?!?
Oh, okay, sorry, sorry... not DESPERATE, but desperate. Gotcha. :)
<snip>
to get in the RDF. He stayed with the squadrons too long, flew
too many missions, and failed to cultivate the right friends to
assure his promotion. After thirty years, all he was certain of
was NO ONE would ever call him: 'General Stuart'.
Hmm... a little bit of not-so-subtle foreshadowing? :)
After dinner, she excused herself, saying something about
making a few phone calls. Her father needed to be told they
weren't coming home as expected. He just assumed the other calls
she made were to relatives and such.
"This may sound strange, but why would she call you?" he
asked.
"We're kind of related, your wife and I."
"You're Lakota?" Of course they were, he admonished
himself. He had suspected it all along. It was the result of
that damned RDF policy of stationing people close to their homes.
RDF Yellowstone was the nearest base to the Black Hills and the
Pine Ridge Reservation. Their appearance now made complete
sense.
"Yes, sir. You see, your wife's step-brother was our aunt's
half-cousin."
*trying to trace that on paper* But... but... um...
...
...
... HUH?!
Frowning, Jeff tried to piece together such a crooked family
tree. For some reason, he kept coming up with Captain Fox being
his wife's niece - or something like that. It just didn't add up
until he remembered something his wife had said about tribal
relations. "Big deal. Everyone on a reservation is somebody's
cousin. They've been intermarrying for generations."
*tosses paper away* Oh, well, if THAT's how it is, then.... :)
"Just one big happy family," Samantha said with a blank
expression.
Err... yeah....
Jeff hesitated before shaking his head again. "Be that as
it may, it'll never work. I can't send a bunch of females into
*the Look*
an obvious war zone. I can't have that on my conscience."
Katherine leaned forward, holding out her service record.
"Sir, I've been waiting ten years for a chance to prove myself.
I've done everything asked of me, endured countless rejections of
my transfer requests, and trained hard for this opportunity. All
I'm asking for is the chance to prove what I can do. I deserve
this." Her burning eyes confronted Jeff's with a firm resolve.
"I don't fear dying, if that's what's bothering you," she said
flatly. "You should know by now that none of our people fear the
afterlife."
Not going to question this, since I do NOT know, but a word of warning:
make SURE you've got your facts straight on this sort of stuff. :)
(of course, I may be preaching to the choir, here, but oh well. :)
Jeff bristled. "I'm not concerned with your courage OR your
fatalistic view of life and death. Where this squadron is going
is no place for inexperienced female pilots." He snatched
Remember that note from above? And yet he uses 'inexperienced'...
*confused*
<snip>
He might have done exactly that except for something Cindy
had said earlier - before the bit about the pink underwear. RDF
women had served honorably alongside their male counterparts,
fighting, and often dying, just as bravely as the men. True,
their numbers were few, only a relative few can muster the
aggressiveness necessary to fly fighters, but that doesn't mean
Uh, whoa, hold up there, hoss. You haven't been around too many women,
have you? :)
Seriously, this line right here comes across as VERY sexist, and the bad
part is, coupled with the stuff from above, it's hard to tell if it's you,
the author, that holds these views, or the character.
Now, if you hold these views, then there's nothing I can say that'll
change it. More power to ya. But if it's the character, then I'd suggest
cleaning the previous part up top up a bit, so this doesn't look like an
author bias. More notes on that at the end.
Plus, I'd imagine that this'll torque off some of your female readers
right quick. :)
female fighter pilots don't exist. Besides, these were Lakota
females, descendants of the finest light cavalry in the world.
Their heritage gave them an edge. An edge that just might give
them a chance to survive.
Now THAT's more like it! :)
(yes, folks, he can lecture one moment and joke the next! :)
<snip>
He idly fingered the two folders while trying to make up his
mind. Would he turn them down and go back to square one or
accept their eager offers and risk another nightmare.
Wups. Need a question mark on the end of that line. :)
A knock at the door delayed his decision. Actually, it made
the decision for him. When he called out for the person to
enter, Cindy came in with two clipboards. Attached to them were
RDF transfer requests with the names of Katherine and Samantha
neatly typed in the proper spaces.
"Just sign them both, sir. I'll take care of the details,"
she said.
Ah, the perfect secretary. Sign when she says, stay out of her way, and
don't EVER piss her off. Your office will function smoothly as long as you
obey those rules. :)
Still uncomfortable about their earlier discussion, Jeff
avoided making eye contact with his Admin Officer. His palms
were sweating as he signed both forms. Handing the clipboards to
Cindy he said: "Get these processed --"
"-- immediately and schedule the appropriate notifications.
Yes, sir," Cindy said duplicating his every word before
disappearing back out to her desk.
"... I really wish she'd quit that..."
:)
<snip>
"Fine. Then it's settled." He leaned over to look out the
door. "Cindy!"
"I'll tell her, sir," came the young Admin Officer's voice.
Jeff frowned towards the sound of Cindy's voice before
shaking his head. It definitely something he was going to have
to accept. Besides, he couldn't explain it if he had to.
LOL.
Heh... these interactions are GREAT!
<snip>
Cindy softly knocked on the door to Executive Officer's
Need a 'the' in between 'to' and 'Executive'.
<snip>
"I know," Cindy said softly, pushing herself away from the
door. "You're kinda out of your element here, aren't you?"
Ona nodded like admitting such was the hardest thing she's
Tense problem. Suggest: she's -> she'd
ever had to do.
"Why don't I help." Cindy opened a box on the desk. "We'll
Suggest: ... help." -> ... help?"
<snip>
tall Zentraedi's shoulder. "It's not always like that. You can
be friends with people without being in love with them." A slow
Thank god! :)
smile grew as she noticed Ona's nervous reaction. "Besides, I
like guys."
Aww... and I thought this would be a Chris Davies-style fic, too... :)
There was an awkward pause as Ona frowned and appeared to be
trying to figure something out. "What's so special about...
males?" she finally asked like she was embarrassed to ask such a
Ack. Ok, the flip side of the coin. :)
Seriously, though, here it's ok. She's not entirely human, and we know
she has little to no *cough* experience *cough* with that sort of thing.
:)
basic question.
"Most of the time, nothing. They're lazy, self-absorbed,
and usually have too high opinion of themselves. But with the
Hey! I resemble that remark!
*sweatdrop*
Um...
right guy..." Cindy hugged herself, her knees rubbing together.
"It can be... magic," she said dreamily.
"You've experienced this?" Ona's expression was more that
of a curious child than a mature woman. That could probably be
explained by her only close relationships being with other
Zentraedi females. Males were as mysterious to her as an alien
species.
That's ok - we don't understand them, either. :) Fair trade, IMO.
"Well... not yet," Cindy finally admitted with an
embarrassed little smile. "But there have been times I've gotten
close enough to know what it feels like."
NOT gonna touch that statement...
"Can you show me..." Ona's voice departed her in a swirl of
confusing thoughts. It was clear she didn't know exactly how to
phrase her feelings.
Hey, hey, hey! We may have a Chris Davies contender here after all! :)
<snip>
"It doesn't matter anyway," Ona mused. "He's not going to
be in command when we go active. I heard it from some guys at
the... place we were staying last night. He's only supposed to
"... place we were staying last night" ?
Hmm...
Since I'm sure she would know what a barracks was...
Am I reading too much into it?
<snip>
"But... I thought he wanted this job, cared for us." Cindy
stopped digging altogether and actually took on the look of an
abandoned puppy.
Must... resist... aaahh... can't... fight it... too... cute...
"I'm just telling you what I heard," Ona insisted. "This is
his last assignment before retirement - whatever that is."
"It's where you get old and they tell you to go away," Cindy
*snarf*!
Great, G.L., great. You made me spray Diet Coke all over my monitor.
Thanks.
said absently as she tried to figure a way of keeping him in the
squadron. "Don't Zentraedi ever retire?"
Yes. But they call it a 'funeral'.
<snip>
"I know, I know. We're descendants of Pony-That-Walks, a
great war-chief of our people," Katherine grumbled, waving a hand
in front of her face. "So what? We're only women."
"Only...!" Samantha gasped indignantly. "What the hell are
you saying? You sound like the Colonel. I don't know about you
but I'm as good in a Veritech as ANY man and don't you forget
it!"
Rah rah rah! Go, Samantha! Yaaaaayyy!
:)
(ok, ok, subtly sarcastic I am not. :)
<snip>
Samantha fingered with the electric window control. There
Ok, this sentence struck me as wrong. The first thing that popped into
my mind was, remove the 'with'.
Oh, no. Oh HELL no. That would be... wrong. :)
So I'd suggest replacing 'fingered' with 'toyed'.
had to be some way they could assure the squadron got enough
Uh... not positive on this one, but I'd replace 'assure' with 'insure'.
---------
All in all, a very enjoyable read, although as mentioned, the sexism
that ran rampant throughout this chapter really set my teeth on edge.
Again, I can understand it if it's the character, which it sort of seems to
be, but you need to make it clearer somehow. Maybe some scenes that
clarify - a bit - the events in Hawaii (if those were, as hinted, what
caused his attitude), or move it into his thoughts instead of narrative
dialogue?
REALLY looking forward to more.
(heh - she said 'panties'. Heh heh.)
Brian Payne
sofaspud@sofaspud.org
http://www.sofaspud.org