Donald Mc wrote:
Sorry about the formatting error. This time it should be right.
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
By Donald McElreath
The Sound of Silence
Chapter 1: Meeting
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. She
created them, not me. I don't have even a fraction of her genius.
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Imagine if you will the city of Tokyo as seen from the air. The
sprawling metropolis, the magnificent skyline. Now imagine
descending, zooming in if you will, on a part of that great city known
as Nerima. Nothing special so far you might think. Just another of
several towns swallowed by Tokyo's expansion. But wait, zoom in
some more on a dojo near Furinkan High School. It's built along more
classic lines than the houses that stand around it, with a high wall
surrounding a spacious yard. There is even a koi pond ringed by
stones in the garden and a cherry tree in one corner. Nice, you may
think, but so what? Look closer and you will see a middle-aged man
with a mustache and long black hair sitting on the porch with
something clutched in his hand, tears streaming down his face. He
stands and walks into the house calling for his three daughters. Again
you might think, so what? Ah, my friend, but this is where the fun
begins.
Uh...yeah.
I'd suggest you snip the part I have snipped and start the fic right
about...
"They should be here any minute. Ranma and his father have been on
a training mission and recently crossed over into China."
"Wow! China!" <This might not be so bad after all,> thought Nabiki.
"What's so great about China?" Akane was less than enthused.
"How old is he? Younger men are so... young." This from Kasumi.
"What kind of guy is this Ranma?"
Moving on...
__________________________________
"Oh, poor Father. He's so disappointed," Kasumi said as she removed
the damp cloth from her father's forehead where he lay in the living
room.
"He's disappointed!" Nabiki wasn't happy. "Some fiance this is!"
Akane noticed as the redhead seemed to shrink even more into herself.
<Can't they see what this is doing to hi... her?> "Stop it, you two!
He... SHE... is our guest!"
"This is all your fault Daddy!" Nabiki continued to make her
displeasure known. "You should have made sure!"
"Saotome said he had a son!"
"Do you see a son here? Hmmm? Do you?" Ranma seemed to cringe
as Nabiki grabbed one of her breasts.
Akane stood up. <I've got to get her away from them.> "Hey. Would
you like to see the dojo?"
Ranma looked up, obviously confused.
"I'm Akane. Want to be friends?"
Ranma's face seemed to almost light up as she repeated the hand
gesture from before and gave a happy nod.
Snippety-snip. I'd suggest switching directly to the bathroom from
Akane's offer of frienship and recapping the fight in a line in Ranma's
introspection.
Akane became concerned when she saw the other girl start to shake
and her eyes fill with tears as she shook her head. Suddenly Ranma
sobbed and collapsed, or would have if Akane hadn't caught her.
Silent, wracking sobs tore through Ranma's body and Akane put her
arms around the redhead trying to give her what comfort she could.
Well...I can buy that.
'Kamisama! What happened to her?'
__________________________________
Akane was truly worried about Ranma. Every time she thought the
smaller girl had calmed down, and Akane started to release her,
Ranma would curl back in on herself and start sobbing again. After a
That's a bit too much, I think given that Ranma shows his typical spunk
later on.
Ranma needed her right now she would have run out to teach the man
a _very_ painful lesson. Akane Tendo made a vow then and there; she
would never let that bastard hurt Ranma again. She would see to that.
Oddly enough, I don't think this is a particularly good basis for a
romantic relationship.
*Who are you to talk, bamboo for brains?* Ranma signed.
You need to be clearer that Ranma is using sign language and not
just...well...signs.
"Stop that!" Kasumi wasn't pleased, the man's treatment of Ranma
was horrible and she couldn't stand to see more of it. She grabbed onto
the panda's arm as it got ready to swing at the girl it was fighting.
"You just went TOO FAR, Mr. Saotome!"
Genma-bashing fic. Definitely. Why is Kasumi being so assertive? Why
is Nabiki so outraged? At this point they don't even realise that Ranma
is mute. How is grabbing onto Genma going to restrain him?
"I'M NOT GOING TO MARRY HIM!"
Darn. Back to the old grind.
"I doubt that, little sister. I think Ranma is a very sensitive and
caring
person.
Ranmaaaa's a wIIIiimp! Raaaanmaaa's a wIIIiimp!