Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma][Alt]Will You Be My Fiance? chapter 5
From: Dennis Horte
Date: 4/11/2000, 4:11 AM
To: "Ammadeau" <roy.fokker@unspacy.org>, ffml@fanfic.com

Another fun installment of a fun series.  I enjoyed this just as much
as the last.

On the C&C side, there were a whole host of grammar errors, far
more than in previous chapters.  I suggest going over it again and
cleaning it up.  Particularly the verb tenses.

Aside from that, there was a rather glaring and irksome plot hole.
Ranma visited the Tendo Dojo, a rather memorable place, during
Kasumi's flashback.  Considering the circumstances, I don't think
there is any way he would have forgotten the place.  And yet, in
a previous chapter, on his date with Nabiki, he didn't recognize it
at all when they stopped out front.  (The big Tendo Dojo sign
should have given it away if nothing else did.)  Also, having been
to the "Tendo" dojo, there is no way he could have missed the
fact that Akane's last name is Tendo, particularly since they are
in Japan, where last names would be brought up everyday when
attendance was being taken.

There are a whole host of other things that should have tipped
Ranma off on this score.  Maybe he just doesn't remember a lot
of the things he saw while he was there (although I doubt he
would forget the name of the school which was surely on the
Dojo sign), but some of it must stick in his mind.

In summary, I'd have to say that the whole flashback creates a
hole a million miles deep, and it's going to be hard to climb out.

Dennis Horte
winddance@direct.ca



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