Howdy,
All comments are imo only and should be taken cum grano salis.
I'm coming out of lurking with what might be considered a spam if it
wasn't so damn dark. Expect more of the same (Eva, dark, with mirth
Spam can be dark. It can also be bright pink. Spam knows no bounds.
thrown in) of varing lenght.
varying length.
*********************************************************
Author: Jonathan K. Gaters
Title: Asuka's Got a Gun
I'll admit, I thought this was going to be a FILK at first. Aerosmith's
Janie Got A Gun.
Cause: I was talking to Strike Fiss while listening to Kittie's
"Brackish" after eating a bowl of ice cream.
Effect: I successfully combined my two favorite genre of fanfics, dark
fic and humor, with my insanely sick sense of humor.
Are you sure this is something you want to admit to? ;>
Date/Time: April 4, 2000, 23:24
Public Service Anouncement #1: Linux, because rebooting is for
installing new hardware.
Public Service Anouncement #2: Join the PSDF. Kill a monkey. Save the
world. Party all night.
Did that the other night, it's boring. I wanna be the bad guy this time.
*********************************************************
SCENE: Living room in the Katsuragi residence. Shinji and Misato are on
the couch, Asuka is nowhere to be found.
Prose, while harder to write, is considered by many to be better than
script...
Asuka: (Bursting out of the hallway with Misato's gun in hand, leveling
the weapon at the pair on the couch) Okay! Time to _die_ assholes!
Shinji/Misato: (Shinji and Misato, startled by Asuka suddenly pointing
a gun and shouting at them, stumble ungracefully off the couch in an
attempt to move out of Asuka's line-of-fire) !!!
Do you need the parens here? It does signify movement I suppose.
Misato trips on a fold in the rug and falls on her back, while Shinji
manages to backpedal to the far wall.
Misato: Asuka! What are you doing?!
"What does it look like? I'm declaring my undying love for mankind!"
Asuka: Giving you what you deserve! You! Always treating me like a
little child! Forcing me to go to school when I already have a degree!
Always trying to replace my mother! I don't _want_ you to be my mother!
I don't _need_ you to be my mother! _You_ _are_ _not_ _my_ _mother_!!
"Are you? mommy?"
With that Asuka squeezes the trigger letting a round explode out of the
muzzle of the gun and sink into Misato's chest.
Misato: AH!!!
"That really hurt! Who shoots a gun, honestly?"
Misato gets thrown to the floor, visiously by the shot. The bullet
lodges itself inside of the Major's left ventrical, stopping her heart
with the shock, tearing through the vital mussle tissue. As Katsuragi's
head hits the floor, she blinks one last time, unable to scream, as she
dies, her eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.
viciously. That last sentence is a wee bit long. Plus you repeat the
use of "as." Major Katsuragi falls back hitting her head on the floor. She
is unable to scream but can only blink once as she dies. Her body lay
there, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.
Shinji: Misato!!! Asukaa!! Noooo!
Asuka. Shouldn't use more than two punctuation points... and even then,
one should do.
Shinji: (Sinking to his knees) (quietly) No. No.
Shinji: (Slumping back against the wall) Why? Why Asuka?
"Try Bud Dry?"
Asuka: Don't you start! You spineless, subservient, stupid, weak,
pathetic excuse for a human being! Always appologizing, always trying
to get people to like like you! To have pity on you! It's sickening!
like like you? Oh, that bastard!
Asuka closes the distance between herself and Shinji. When she reaches
him, she shoves the gun under his chin, forcing him against the wall
roughly.
Asuka: (Quietly, but no less intense) You always want something from
someone else! Always want to be loved yet not willing to do anything
for anyone else! I hate you! I wish that you were dead! And you know
what? I'm going to get that wish.
As an angel, in the form of the Dojo Destroyer, falls on Asuka's head.
Needless to say, she didn't complain.
Asuka presses her lips to Shinji's. Shinji's eyes go wide, expecting an
intense pain from just below his chin, where the cold, black, steel of
the gun was wedged against his chin, not the soft sensation of Asuka's
lips upon his, her body pressing against his.
cold, black steel. wedged under. Guns can be considered sexy and
arousing I suppose. This could lead to kink...
Asuka squezzes the trigger and feels Shinji jerk under her. She taste
the thick, tart, coppery taste of Shinji's blood on her tounge, still
warm from his now sagging body.
... or not. squeezes. She could taste. "Damnit, Shinji, I thought
you had more control than that!"
"sorry."
Asuka wipes her mouth as she steps away from Shinji's body, which has
left a streak of blood ending in a large splatter at the top of the of
the streak with blood covered, fleshy particles.
That... is one long sentence.
Asuka: Now. For that fucking doll Rei!
"NEW! From the designers who brought you TICKLE-ME ELMO and
OOH-THAT-FEELS-GOOD-SAILOR-MOON! It's the brand new EVA
doll!"
Seriously though, you need a comma before Rei.
-----------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Asuka's room in the Katsuragi residence. Asuka's alarm clock is
buzzing.
Asuka: ...
-----------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Dining room in the Katsuragi residence. Shinji is at the table
eating rice, while Misato is next to him drinking beer.
Asuka walks out of the hallway, fully dressed, and sits down at the
table.
Asuka: (Crossing her arms on the table and putting her head on them) I
had the best dream last night.
Misato: (Not really paying attention) That's nice.
"There were roses and unicorns and people were happy, gosh darn it."
Meanwhile, Shinji was looking a little tired and worn out. "What's
wrong with you, Shinji?"
"Uh, nothing I suppose. Just had this dream where you loved and left
me."
I wasn't really expecting the dream sequence but I had just read
Mayhem's Ambiguous, which I knew to be misleading. Just wasn't
expecting THAT.
Was an okay one-shot, just needs a little work.
Good luck to you, sir.
Warr
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Behind every good woman lies a trail of men.
Tracy Bonham - Behind Every Good Woman