Subject: [FFML] Re: (Gundam Wing)(Poem) The Angel of Death Deterred
From: "Megan" <kunitori@licensedtokill.com>
Date: 3/17/2000, 8:13 PM
To: j.torres@mailcity.com, ffml@fanfic.com

Hi!

On Wed, 15 Mar 2000 18:46:06   Jennifer Torres wrote:
This is a poem about Heero and Relena, from Relena's point of view. 

Y'know, from the title, I almost thought your poem was going to be about Duo.... 

It basically describes her thoughts during episode 6: Party Night. (Note: I haven't seen much of this series, just on the episodes airing on Cartoon Network) 

Well then, welcome to GW fandom! ^_^

I'm not sure how poems are supposed to be structured, I like to write whatever comes to mind... 

*envy* Whenever I try to write a poem I *have* to make it rhyme somehow... ^_^;; I can't write a free-form poem to save my soul, not if I don't want it to sound goofy.... 

Well enjoy and of course C&C is welcome.


The Angel of Death Deterred 

He descends like a dark shadow
Cold and deadly, fearless Angel
Death and destruction 
Is wrought with your hands
They are covered in blood

Should some of these lines end with periods?  You use periods a lot later on in the poem.  (Bah, I'm all nit-picky today. Ignore me if you want to ^_^)

Will mine join the rest?

The cold metal Goliath
Obliterating those who stand against you.
You believe me to be one of them.
Gave a promise of my death
When will you claim me?
I will stay here trembling
Stock still I will stand unwavering.

I like your interpretation of Relena -- her bravery, tenacity. (Some would say foolishness ^_^;;)

The feet of that machine pounds the ground
Shaking it, breaking it, the world trembles
Yet I will stay here.
Even if the world shall fall apart.

Something strikes me as a bit off about that last line.... how about

Even if the world begins to fall apart.
or
Even if the world falls apart.

The sword in that gundam's hand 
Could destroy this fragile girl in seconds
Even the shield used for defense
Could crush this body into oblivion 
Kill me now! 
Will it make you happy?
If that's what you want!
Bring a smile to your melancholy face?
Of the human that lurks somewhere
Within the monster of a machine

Something a bit scanny about the last three lines. How about

Bring a smile to the melancholy face
Of the human (etc)

or

If it will bring a smile to the melancholy face
Of the human (etc)

The Earth shakes and screams in agony
A tower collapses, crumbling above
It will strike me dead
Give your promise life

My savior steps down
His knightly shield covering
Protecting me from harm 
Saving my life

Why?
Why did you save me?
Why didn't you kill me?
Why?

Although your face is hidden
The rage is clear
Along with a confusion
That mirrors my own
Heero is that you in there?

Did you intend an ellipsis there?  Not all emailers can read/display funky characters like that... I'd simply type three periods in a row.

The boy
The human heart that beats within the machine

Some neat imagery there.  Heero sure can be robotic at times....

Unheeding my words
Heero lashes out at those around him
Until there is no one 
Except the girl whose life he saved

Once and again
The Angel descends 
The world trembles
I cannot

Your shield flies past
Missing its target by inches
No! How could you make a mistake?
But you did purposely

Another intended ellipsis?

Silence passes between us
Time is frozen
Without a word
The Angel flies away

Finally my frozen lips move.
Heero!
Don't run away from me!
Why do you fear me?
What don't you want to see?

I really liked this poem... I like your interpretations of Heero and Relena.  And I hope to see more of your work! Keep it up!

Megan Jones
A Midsummer Night's WebSite: http://i.am/midsummer


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