Firstly and foremostly, I shall name the things of which I
shall commend the author upon, Since there are certain things which
I would like to praise about the overall story.
Looking carefully through this first part, I notice that the
author has a good grasp of the english language, and has a talent at
using words in the correct manner, as well as an impeccable sense of
grammar. These things I admire in a work, and these things are to
be highly commended for their rarity.
The potential of storyline is great, and sadly it shall have
to remain only POTENTIAL.
Now I get into the dirty part of this sort of business. The
things which irked me.
Characterization: There are so many things wrong I cannot
begin to name them. Despite the premise of Ranma being heavily
emotionally scarred due to this revelation, I sincerely cannot
believe he would break down in this short amount of time. Ranma
would not start off with heady crying and instant feminine feelings
due to residual femininity from Childhood. The only thing that I
must find commendable in the portrayal of Ranma is that throughout
this first part, he stays fairly loyal to Genma despite finding out
(As should be, since GENMA is the person he grew up with, and
despite a person's flaws, our parents are people we tend to love
despite them).
Akane. Akane is far too sappy, her mode of speech more
reminiscent of Kasumi with a slight dose of personality.
Downplaying her anger is commendable, but it hampers the overall
portrayal of Akane, and I find it difficult to believe (Simply by
telling me) that she must have treated Ranma so badly because her
(Subconcious) friend was taken away from her.
Akane is prone to emotional and compassionate behavior.
Granted. However, the strangeness that just rubs me the wrong way
has to do with how lovey dovey she acts with Ranma halfway through
the story. I am not so sure people, in real life, work this way,
considering there are a thousand and one things Akane can hold
against Ranma.
There's also the speculation that Akane has not, nor has
ever, had lesbian tenencies. Granted, this is your interpretation
of Akane, and everyone perceives this particular situation
differently, so I shall leave it alone.
Nodoka: I cannot say an awful lot about Nodoka. She seems
accurately portrayed, when correlating to the Manga and Anime.
Flighty, emotional, but generally a very sweet and caring person.
At least in this, I can say Nodoka was portrayed well. *HOWEVER*, I
do not see Nodoka as being so instantly accepting that Ranma is a
guy. Yes, the author did mention that she wasn't REALLY prepared
for it, but even pretending to tolerate it takes a great deal of
time and emotional soul searching on a parents behalf.
Genma: I should shoot the author for developing an
unhealthy bias against Genma. The only person who seems to harbor
any emotional liking of Genma is his son, which is debateable,
considering she doesn't know whether to kill him or hug him and not
let go (As quoted from the story). Bad form, *BAD FORM!* I say. A
writer should be neutral and caring of each character on a somewhat
level measurement, creating bias's and dislikes tend to cause bad
portrayal not JUST of the character being disliked, but in the
others as well (One relationship effects all).
Nabiki: I had an identical problem with Akane. Since when
does AKANE or NABIKI say "ICKY" or other such cutesy and rather
girlish phrases?? I don't see their speech patterns being anywhere
near some of the things that happened in the story. Also, Nabiki
seems rather non important to the overall story, and she seems
downplayed. Oh, and there is more Genma hating from Nabiki (I am
not at all surprised at this point, though I've only read Numero
Uno.)
Kasumi: Just one peeve i have to mention. Why is it
everything is so damn convenient in this story??? Forgive my
language, but I get to twitching when everything just seems to work
in the authors best interest. Why I bring this up in the Kasumi
section is the doll... that was basically the driving point for this
minor annoyance of convenient happenstances.
Okay, now that I'm done Rambling about individual
characters, for other things.
Speech Patterns: There are several "CLONE" Sort of scenes,
where people talk the same as other people. Nabiki and Akane for
one example... Nodoka and Kasumi.. lalala. Oh, and I personally
was wanting to tear my hair out, considering the author tried way
too hard to make Ranma's speech bad. It became so bad it became
annoying to read.
Conveniences: I find it convenient that Genma happened to
disappear, that the Amazons were not upset (Instead directing their
anger at Genma), That Nabiki hates Genma for what he did (Ooooh..
she's done worse), That Happosai is the excuse for Ranma being Male
(Who didn't see that coming?), that... ah, hell. I could go on and
on. I became utterly annoyed after starting to read this story.
Gender Dysphoria: Now then. Speaking as someone who scores
a pretty damn high score on the tests for determining
transsexualism, I will say this much. This isn't as easy as the
author makes it out to be. This is a hard, tough decision that,
despite Ranma's curse (Which makes things easier) is NOT anywhere
easy to make. There is also no amount of *EASY* coping involved
with ANYONE who is involved in the situation.
I find it demeaning and trivializing that Akane, Kasumi,
Nabiki, and everyone else just ACCEPTS Ranma as female and rally
against genma (Which I am beginning to *GAG* over by now), and
despite how everyone says "Oh, it's Ranko's choice, don't force it,"
in the story, they *ARE* Forcing it. ESPECIALLY AKANE.
Ranma being who Ranma is, I cannot believe in any sense of
the word BELIEVE that he would just drop everything he is in favor
of being a girl. Doesn't work.
SUMMARY: Overall, I have to say that the story, in and of itself was
well *WRITTEN*. That means it had good grammar, spelling, and
general organization of paragraphs. The storyline, in general, is
straightforward. I suggest renaming this to "Nodoka's Daughter" or
"10 Things I Hate About Genma". Maybe "Death of a Genma" or some
other such thing, since the author obviously has a hate for...
GENMA. Although the story was very well written, it left a bad
taste in my mouth and my stomach wanted to abandon through my throat
it's resting place.
A NOTE FOR ALL THOSE HOSERS WHO LIKE THIS FIC: All the power to you.
Obviously you haven't read much fanfiction out there. Leifker, Zen,
Lawson, Perry all put this fic to shame in the general keep-ability
of most readers. I don't much care for pandering to the popular,
and I never have. I read what I like, and if I don't like it, then
I either leave it alone (My usual reaction) or I write about what i
didn't like and found obnoxious (Which is what happens when everyone
gloats, raves, and oozes about how good a fic is, and I read it and
become disappointed).
To clear this up, let me make a point that I am not the end
all and be all of opinions in the universe. I simply have my own,
which should be accounted for by people with brains when making
decisions (I believe). We should listen to the opinions of others
and weigh them with our own opinions of things, hence why I go to
movies people tell me that SUCK, and I end up liking them.
Over the time I have known some authors, some have suggested
stories to me, telling me they were above par and very good.
Quantum Destinies, Ranma & Akane: A Love Story, The Bitter End,
Hearts of Ice. Until now, I haven't disagreed with anyone about
what is good and what is bad.
However, THIS was BAD.
*Throws the fic to the Trollocs, they tear it to shreds then
die of poisoning*
Doesn't mean the author can't improve... we shall see. Oh,
and if the Author reads this, don't take this personally, and don't
get discouraged. My first Ranma fic was utter horse crap, and I'll
admit it freely to the public. It was HORSE CRAP! That's why nobody
knows the name of that first fic. If I gave up when I had made
that... piece of @!%@^ Fic, I wouldn't be where I am today. Which
is pretty much NOWHERE (Whoo.... Hoo...).
Ah well. I am finished ranting... that's the end, you can
put down the guns now.
--
Sincerely....
Shimitsu Kaori.
Lost "Dragon-Gal"
of Shimitsu-Ryuu.
Princess of Chaos.
"What makes a curse is simply the view, a blessing to some is a
curse unto you, But
acceptance can conquer that fear you hold high, through acceptance
comes peace.....
are you willing to try?"
-Quote from Kaori Shimitsu.
My Homepage at!
http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/Shimitsu/chaos.htm
The FRAGILE CLAY WEBRING is at
http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/Shimitsu/ring.htm
ICQ UIN: 28514115
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