Subject: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][Ranma] The Togetherness Factor, teaser for part 3
From: AlphSailor@aol.com
Date: 2/7/2000, 9:55 AM
To: dje@progress.com, ffml@fanfic.com


In a message dated 02.06.00 10:36:14 PM, dje@progress.com writes:

Just to put to bed rumours of my death, a little teaser....

Could it be...? *hopeful expression*

The Togetherness Factor
Part 3:  Fuurinkan ni Modotteru
by David Eddy  (dje@progress.com)

YES! My wish came true! *does tiny cartweels and jumps with joy*
Togetherness Factor is among one of the most eagerly awaited fanfics on my 
list. Yay!

Last Updated:  Monday, 7 February 2000

Too bad it wasn't '99. ^_-


    The low rumble of a door sliding stealthily to one side
woke Ranma.  His 'danger sense' jangled, triggered by the
focus of unfriendly attention upon him, and he schooled
himself to remain quiet.  Better to lie possum, he reasoned,
and avoid whomever it was at the last moment.
    
    After a long moment there was the sound of a stealthy
step, the foot landing almost by his head.  A whiff of...
female.  Not Shampoo or Kodachi, or Ukyou.

So Ranma can identify girls by their scent alone now, like 
cats can? Hmm... ;)

    A sudden dribble of water into his hair almost made
Ranma jump, but he held himself still.  Nabiki, it had to be
Nabiki.  For a moment the water drizzled onto his head,
until suddenly the Change passed through him, and he was a
she.
    
    Suddenly snapping open her eyes, Ranma quickly verified
that it was indeed Nabiki who was standing over her and made
a grab for the camera.  Surprise was frozen on her face but
Ranma missed the camera, instead catching the front of
Nabiki's pyjamas.  Nabiki jumped back as Ranma surged to her
feet, retreating to the safety of the room's doorway.

    For a long moment the pair stood frozen before Nabiki
slowly looked down at herself.  Ranma followed her gaze and
saw that her grab had torn the cloth of Nabiki's pyjama top,
and the bulk of her left breast was now visible to the
world.  Calmly Nabiki moved her camera in front of her
breast.  Returning her gaze to Ranma, Nabiki gave her a

*chuckles*

stone-faced look which quickly became a seductive smile.
"Well well, Ranma-*kun*," she drawled in a tone that made
shivers run up and down onna-Ranma's spine, "and here I was
thinking that you really preferred Akane."  The smile became
wider as she continued, "Was I wrong to return the
engagement to my younger sister?  If you had wanted to *see*
me, you had only to ask, you know."  She lowered the camera
a little, and Ranma found his gaze fixed on her flesh
despite his mental protests.  "After all, unlike my sister,
*I* know how to take care of my fiancee."
    
    This last was in a low, seductive bedroom voice, and
Ranma's brain - and limbs - locked up in stupefaction as
images came to her of the time Nabiki *had* been her
fiancee... the towels, the hugs, the.... Nabiki smiled an
honest smile at Ranma's predicament and quickly whipped up
her camera to take a single photograph and then, trailing a

And didn't she just inadvertently flash Ranma as well? ;)

laugh that lingered smoke-like in the air, she retreated to
her room once more.
    
    The sound of Nabiki's door closing broke the spell, and
Ranma blinked as she returned to himself.  'How does she
*do* that?' she asked herself.  Briefly she glanced at the
still-open door but wrote it off as too far away to close
without waking Akane.  Flicking her eyes to the clock by
Akane's bed she saw that it was still only half past five:
The sun was up, but it was really a little early to get up,
and she didn't have the heart to wake Akane just because she
had been woken by the mischievous Nabiki.  She sank down
onto her futon, falling into a tailor's seat, and propped
her chin in the palm of one hand.
    
    She tried to ignore the feel of her breasts against her
arms.

You're switching between genders here for Ranma. Earlier, you 
mentioned him as 'him,' and you're now calling him 'her' in this 
statement. Then you switch back to 'he/him' in the next 
paragraph.
Actually, the gender agreement isn't consistent throughout this 
teaser.

    Ranma heard movement from Nabiki's room next door and
she frowned, a little irritated, at the wall dividing the
two rooms.  After last night, Ranma mused, Nabiki had some
gall trying for another shot - or shots - of her.  Ranma
wondered what Nabiki planned to do with the shot taken last
night in the bathroom.  In retrospect it was obvious how
Nabiki had caught them:  Overhearing Akane's request to
Kasumi, she must have quickly prepared two blindfolds and,
knowing that he and Akane would use them, Nabiki would have
simply stood in the bathroom, bold as brass, waiting for
them to arrive.

I'm glad to see that Nabiki is having a piece of action here. More 
often than not, the spotlight is usually reserved for Ranma and 
Akane, with Nabiki and Kasumi being pushed into sidelines with 
barely a cursory glance.
I do hope that both of the Tendo sisters will have their share of 
attention in TF, and from the looks of things, I'm sure that they 
will.

    With a frown, Ranma thought once more about what could
be done to prevent Nabiki from selling the photograph to the
slavering mounds of hormones on two legs that made up much
of the male population of Fuurinkan High School.  She railed
against the restrictions of her current circumstance,
effectively handcuffed to Akane for the foreseeable future,
as he tried to think of a way to dissuade Nabiki that would
not involve actual violence.  That would be just *too* much.
    
    Akane's alarm went off... no cute tweeting or other
kawaii alarm for Akane, she noted; just a plain - if loud -
alarm.  An arm crept out and slapped down the button on top

I really liked how you're portraying Akane as a 'normal' as she 
can be, yet while maintaining her personality.

of the clock.  Ranma turned away from Akane as a
precaution... he could easily imagine her getting upset if
the first thing she saw was him staring at her.
    
    Rustling sounds as Akane sat up, pushing the covers
back, and...
    
    "Good morning, Ranma," she said calmly.  He looked
around to see her wearing a neutral expression.  He smiled,
seeing that she hadn't woken up bad tempered, and he was
rewarded with a small return smile.

That's Akane for you; quick to anger, quick to forgive... :)

    "Good morning, Akane," he replied.
    
    Akane's smile changed, becoming slightly puzzled
expression.  "What happened to you?  Weren't you male
when...?"

Spontantenous transformation. :)

    Ranma grimaced.  "Nabiki."
    
    Akane looked dismayed, then her brow furrowed.  "That
sister of mine.  She'd better not sell that picture she took
last night; that'd be going too far!"

...except when her sister is concerned, it appears so now.

    Silently Ranma nodded, then stood up.  "We have to draw
the line, that's for sure..."  He flipped his pigtail and
bounced on his feet.  "Anyway, it's time for training.  You
usually run in the mornings, don't you?"
    
    Akane nodded.
    
    "Okay, you want to run or spar?  I've gotta do
somethin', the old man's gone home 'til next weekend and
I've gotta keep in shape!"
    
    Looking at Ranma with a Nabiki-esque smile, Akane said,
"Run *first*."

You know, I can't help but wonder if Nabiki has some hidden 
adgenda behind her actions. Could it be possible that she's 
helping Ranma and Akane by providing them the incentive 
to work together and compensate for each other, using her 
as the central focus? Extra profits generated by this scheme 
would certainly off-set the risks posed by this plan, which is 
definitely a plus for her. ^_^


I'm glad to see that you haven't completly given up on TF. 
Didn't I mention that it's among the most eagerly awaited 
fanfics on my list? I did? Well, I'll tell you that again. ;)

It's been a year since last part, and the shocking cliff-hanger, 
came out. Frequently, I was worried as to whether you would 
ever resume work on it, or not. But with this teaser, consider 
my fears allievated. For time being, that is. :)

So, now that the teaser's here, how long'll it be 'till the real 
thing comes out?

--

David Eddy - Senior Consultant, Progress Software Melbourne
dje@progress.com

Screening Coordinator and Subbing Bunny, Melbourne Anime Society
My home page is at http://nabiki.newberry.edu/DEddy


DA/R
Dark Alpha
AlphSailor@aol.com


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