----- Original Message -----
From: "Miller, Bert" <bert.miller@unisys.com>
To: "'Jason Bates'" <jbates3@bayou.uh.edu>; <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 11, 2000 10:03 AM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][TM!] No title yet.
Interesting.
<Snip>
It reads like a bit of a cheat, though. Something
has occurred to make all the girls leave, and something
else mysterious has occurred on Jurai, and the reader
doesn't know anything. One of my reactions is a bit
of irritation: I don't know if I want to read more,
because I can't tell how well you're handling the
characters: you've given us a _possibly_
OOC situation (one where 9 out of 10 attributable
causes would have the characters OOC) without enough
information to tell if the characters are OOC or not.
I agree with Mr. Miller here. The whole time I was reading this story,
the same question kept entering my mind, 'Why?'. Why did the girls
leave? Why did Washu listen to an order from Jurai to leave (she
certainly isn't afraid of Jurai)? Why did Washu let Ryoko go off with
out her? Why did Ryoko attack(goto) Jurai? Why does Yosho want to goto
Jurai (personally, I think they would have to drag him kicking and
screaming)? I have trouble visualizing a situation where all this would
come about and still be in line of what we know of the character's
personality. You gotta give us a little clue.
Damien