Whoa....
That was... a lot of fun.
Hmmm....
Comments: The 'keeping us in suspense about how the Sisters Tendo have been
switched' bit was good, but two things: First, could you give us clues so
that we can figure things out for ourselves? And second, the revelation
could have been handled a little more smoothly, I think. Just switching from
'concealment mode' to just saying their names strikes me as being just a
little abrupt.
The fight scene... Is it just me, or is Akane a little bit better here than
in canon? Or is it just that she saw some of Ranma's tricks when he was
fighting Nabiki, and was able to counter them? If she's better, then I
suppose that that could be written off as this version trying harder, but
still, she doesn't have any formal training, right?
I like this... I like it a LOT. You've made me really get into the story and
start rooting for Akane... And made me want to try and hurt Soun...
Well done.
Be well.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Nathan Baxter, Grand High Emperor of the Lobsters.
Author, Bubblegum^5, El Hazard: The Continuing World
(Now, if you've heard of both of these, THEN I'll be
impressed.)
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"Das ist ein Geheimnis!"
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