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(Sasami, dressed in a professor=92s robes and hat, comes onto the stage =
carrying a small baton and remote control. She sets these on the podium =
and smiles at her audience.)
SASAMI: Good afternoon, minna-san! (bows) Welcome back to Cuteness =
College, where we teach you how to deal with life in an adorable and =
nondestructive manner. Today, we answer mail. (Picks up letter and =
begins to read aloud.) "Dear Cuteness College, my family and I keep =
getting bugged by those stupid paparazzi. How do we deal with them? =
Signed, Little Freedom in London." (Smiles reassuringly at the camera, =
giving the impression that she=92s looking directly at "Little Freedom =
in London.") Well, Little Freedom, I think we have just the solution for =
you. (Holds up remote control and points at screen behind her.) Here is =
what you need: one giant cabbit. (Picture of a Corolla-sized cabbit =
appears on screen.) We=92ve set up a demonstration video with myself, =
Dai-ohki the giant cabbit, and Kyosuke Kasuga (Picture changes to =
Kyosuke from KOR.), a talented young photographer who graciously =
consented to act as the paparazzi. Let=92s watch.=20
(Lights dim; still picture changes to video at night, around the Masaki =
house. Kyosuke is lurking around, dressed in dark clothing, with a =
camera and night-vision lense--okay, so he=92s an off-world tabloidist =
^^. He is creeping nearer to the Masaki house.)
KYOSUKE: My boss says this place is supposed =91t have some serious =
weirdness goin=92 on. (cackles to self) I snag some shots here, I can =
finally get off this damned planet.... (his eyes dart over to an =
uncurtained and lit window) Perfect. (starts to focus his camera when a =
mi-ya in bass tones is heard behind him. Naturally, Kyosuke jerks and =
turns around. Sitting behind him on its haunches is a Corolla-sized =
brown cabbit.)
CABBIT (in the cabbit equivalent of warning tones): Mi-ya.
(Close up on the cabbit leaning in closer to Kyosuke. Gradually, the =
cabbit=92s face takes up the entire screen, and the camera continues to =
focus on on its ever-opening mouth. Background music during this time is =
the music from Jaws ^^.)
KYOSUKE (off-screen): Aaaaaaagh!
(Cut back to the porch of the Masaki house. Sasami emerges, dressed in =
her typical clothes and a carrot apron. She looks sternly at the giant =
cabbit, who comes waddling up with Kyosuke=92s legs sticking out of its =
mouth. The fact that these legs are struggling and his his muffled voice =
can still be heard indicate that he is still alive.)
SASAMI (in her patented Stern-Sasami=AE voice): Dai-ohki, spit that =
paparazzi out right now! You don=92t know where he=92s been!
(Dai-ohki looks at Sasami for a moment, then bobs its head in =
acknowledgement and spits Kyosuke out. Once Kyosuke is free, his cringes =
in fear while staring at Dai-ohki for a long moment before running off =
screaming.)
(Video ends.)
(Scene shifts back to Sasami o stage.)
SASAMI: If you need one, contact Cuteness College at 1-800-TOO-CUTE, or =
visit our website at http://www.cuteness_college.edu.jri.=20
(End credits begin rolling.)
SASAMI (waving cheerily): Next week, we respond to Totally Desperate in =
Tomobiki and his "how do I get rid of the insane alien girl who won=92t =
leave me house and is convinced that I=92m her husband" problem! See you =
then!
(Fade to black.)
Sasami is the property of AIC, Pioneer, and TV Tokyo.
Kyosuke belongs to Izumi Matsumoto and Animeigo.
Cabbit belong w/ Sasami, but the giant cabbit concept is MINE ^^! =
Contact me if you want to use it.
Thanks for reading!
Keiichi Masaki, High Priest of the Temple
of the Teal-tressed Goddess
http://www.yume-no-kuni.com/kiyone-sama/
(after Xmas)
"A person's own truth is so simple that most=20
ignore it to concentrate on deeper truths."
--Ryouji Kaji
"I may not be as smart as Baloo, or your mom, or even=20
that judge. In fact I'm not. But I -do- know you've got=20
to have imagination."
"Why?"
"Because you can't see it here--" (indicates hands) "--if
you don't see it -here- --" (indicates head) "--first."
--Wildcat and Molly, Talespin
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