Dah, dah, dah dah dah, dah, dah, dah dah dah...
If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. And if he COULD
make it here, he could officially make it anywhere. And make it anything he
wanted it to be.
But Kamiversal Jack was not a happy demi-god.
This was his sort of town, and that cheered him up to no end; despite
the bitter New York winter winds, he was surrounded by angry cabbies,
muggers, desperate shoppers and street preachers of every rank, file and
philosophy. The whole city constantly rocked on the bleeding edge, between
madness and productivity, and the aura of controversy here kept his spirits
bright. But even that couldn't help him now.
As Jack walked down a crowded street, making sure to bump directly into
everybody he could and exchange a variety of colorful inserts, a greater
issue nagged at him. Tonight, he would be competing for the godhead, the
prize he had sought for so long. The one thing that would solidify his grip
on this world, and on Ultra. But contrary to his incredible 300 PSI
inflatable ego, he wasn't sure if he would be able to get the job done.
His opponents were a freaky lot. Mostly stereotypical 'Evil Doers'
like Bison and Orochi, or stereotypical 'Do-Gooders' like Dan, Kasumi and
Lina. And Sephiroth, well, the boy likely would carve open ANYONE in his
way regardless of alignment. And there was Jack.
Jack was not a stupid man. He knew his strengths and weaknesses, and
fighting was not his forte, even with the tiny slice of God's power he had.
That's why he had hired Marlo to win the godhead for him in the first place.
But now Marlo was not an option, the rest of his 2 Dope Fly Cru were lamers,
and he'd have to make the grab by his lonesome.
There was the stint as Darth Vader, true, but that was relying largely
on the personification of roles and the talents that came with him. That,
and he had sold the helmet on eBay for a phenominal amount of money already,
AND the whole idea was retarded to begin with. Not an option.
Jack was very much out of options. He couldn't even adjust the rules
of the event to his liking; Xelloss was in charge, Xelloss who probably
would disqualify him so fast his spiky haired head would spin if he pulled a
fast one. That little bastard! This could possibly be Jack's last night at
the helm of Ultra, with the last chance he'd get at the power he wanted, and
he had no stroke left to stroke. It was unnerving. It was unpleasant. It
SUCKED.
He needed a plan. Something Xelloss couldn't turn on him. And that
amounted to biting the bullet and...
Playing Fair.
The very concept filled Jack with the urge to defecate. 'Fair Jack'
was the same as 'Castrated and Lobotomized Jack'. What he needed now was a
miracle AND a plan.
Both turned the corner in front of him.
The only person on Earth with hair as spiky as his was there in a fuzzy
warm winter coat and hefting around two metric tons of shopping bags one-
handed.
"Hey, Jack!" Son Gokuu greeted, all nice guy smiles. "Merry Christmas!
Check out the cool stuff I bought for Chichi, Gohan, and the guys!"
"Eh, piss off," Jack suggested, a little foul cloud of nastiness
symbolically floating over his head. "I am NOT in the mood for your
evergreen cheer, monkey boy."
"Huh? What's wrong?" Gokuu asked, the insults sliding from his brain
like water off a duck's back.
"What do you THINK is wrong?" Jack asked, poking the saiyajin in the
chest. "I'm going up against a bunch of hardasses tonight, and I can't
FIGHT. Smite one of them with the Powers That Be, sure, but all of them?
Probably not. Hell, I might even be able to die; I've only got some of
God's power. Death isn't agreeable with me. While it's nice and
controversial, once it's over, you don't get to have any more fun."
"Oh," Gokuu said, honestly not having thought of that. "Gosh, you'd
better get training, then. That's what I always do when I have to face a
powerful enemy."
"Gee, swell idea, Gokuu! I'll just spend the next two hours lifting
weights so I'll be all pumped up and ready to take on Bison, the Orochi,
Sephiroth and Lina at the same time!" Jack mocked. "That plus a little
Weight Gain 4000 would do just the trick, wouldn't it?"
"You could use the Room of Time and Space," Gokuu suggested, setting
his mountain of purchases down. "That would give you plenty of time to
train. Works for me."
Jack peered at Gokuu. The guy was being suspiciously nice, even for
him. "Aaand how exactly does one train to get up to Omega levels, praytell,
o fearless martial artist?"
Gokuu cocked his head, curious. "I can train you, of course. I've
finished all my shopping, so I've got the next two hours free."
"You? Train me? YOU? ME?!" Jack blurted. "Ha ha, nice joke, Gokuu.
I know for a fact you hate my guts. I stand for everything you don't: cheap
tricks, opportunism, cheating, unruly behavior and chaotic deviancy. So you
can cut to the punchline. I'm not buying it."
"What punchline?" Gokuu asked. "I'm serious."
Jack waved his arms. "Why on earth would YOU, Earth's Most Powerful
Saviour (trademark), want to train ME?! I blew up my whole universe! I'm a
nasty monster!"
"You haven't blown up this one," Gokuu reminded him, voice serious-yet-
casual in a way only he could manage. He started counting off the reasons
on his fingers, point by point, in a straightforward manner. "First, you're
not nearly as evil as folks like Freeza or Cell. They loved to kill people,
but you just act like a jerk. Second, you want to get strong and fight your
enemies by yourself! That's admirable in my book. Third, any bit helps to
keep the godhead away from folks like Orochi. I've refereed enough matches
with him and the others to know that you're less of a problem than they
would be. It's not cheating to help out someone I wouldn't mind winning
tonight. Fourth, I'd prefer Kasumi-san to win, but she can hold her own in
the ring, so I'm not worried for her. But you could get killed, and that's
bad. Now do you understand, Lysias-san?"
"You ARE serious, aren't you?" Jack asked. "You actually don't mind
giving me some pointers? You're not gonna stab me in the back?"
"You know who I am," Gokuu reminded, unoffended.
A smile crept across Jack's face. He gave a mad little laugh, slapped
Gokuu on the back, shook his pained hand away when it hit those hard
muscles, and got happy. "Boy, you may be making a crazy mistake helping me,
but I APPRECIATE crazy mistakes. You've got yourself a deal. Time to make
the doughnuts!"
*
Lord Bison, the criminal overlord of Shadowloo, was in a foul mood.
But not an unhappy one. Go figure.
He had been hoping Gendo would be around for this. Gendo, his trusted
partner. His comrade. An excellent human shield. Unfortunately, Gendo was
in the hospital. It wouldn't matter, but he was rather hoping to
'accidentally' dispose of the irritatingly motionless man and take over
ShadowNERV, as it were, by himself.
Bison had spent the whole day combing over his files of the various
Ultra competitors to find weak links and disadvantages he could exploit.
The new competitor, this Sephiroth... he might be a problem. And Dan,
despite having barely five percent of Ryu's potential, had an incredible
streak of luck Bison was almost concerned about. Jack could be
unpredictable, but ultimately useless, and Kasumi was a mere slip of a
woman. No problems there.
No, the primary concern would be the Orochi. Perhaps he could
encourage a little divide and conquer. After all, nobody else wanted the
Orochi to win, either. He could simply lie in wait, and strike when least
expected.
What could he strike with? That was a problem. Ifurita was long gone.
Terry had proved too resistant for him to use. The loss of Sie and Athena
was an acceptable loss, but an unfortunate one. No, he would have to resort
to his old standbys for this battle. Nothing like the traditional methods.
But maybe afterwards, he could take his latest toy out for a spin.
After all, rumor had it that Terry Bogard was (surprisingly) still alive
somewhere, a state which had to be corrected... and also, the toy would so
enjoy handling Ryu. Yes. Fun, fun days were ahead.
Bison allowed himself a stereotypical echoing evil laugh, because, hey,
he deserved one.
*
Sephiroth sat in silence, in the middle of a New York sidewalk, his
terrible blade draped across his knees in its sheath. His eyes remained
closed, his breathing almost at a near-death standstill. Passers by just
walked around him without potentially fatal interest; this was a learned
skill for most residents of the city.
This continued for a half hour.
Then he stood, and with a single, calm stroke from sheath to
unsheathing and back again, cleaved the Empire State Building up the middle.
It shuddered, and the two halves bent apart from each other with a
great groaning of metal -- and then halted, with an embarrassing middle
split running from top to bottom, like a pair of old jeans. Office workers
peered across the divide in confusion.
Sephiroth walked off silently. He was ready now.
*
The Orochi stood with the void in one hand and more of the void in the
other. His followers knelt in a half circle around him, paying homage to
his magnificence.
"Soon, this will be over," the Orochi stated. "I can vacate this small
human's body and take on my true form with the helm of God on my shoulders.
The Void will [consume] all, and the end of days will approach. Iori has
been sealed from my touch, but I have enough harbingers to complete the
process. Yashiro, Shermie, Sakura... you shall all [taste] the ultimate
finality of the void, and witness the [birth] [of] [your] [true] [God]."
"[Voi]."
"...and yes, you too," Orochi added, fighting the urge to sweatdrop.
'VoiDuck' was strong, true, but definitely not up to par with his
minions in the aesthetics department. He was too... cute. Even enriched in
the Void and the nihilism of the end, VoiDuck was cute. It reminded him far
too much of his stint as the 'OroChibi', a black period in his record he had
no intentions of repeating. Perhaps he would simply annihilate the annoying
thing when he became God. But that was just a given.
After all, when he was God, he would annihilate everything anyway.
*
"More tea?" Kasumi suggested.
"Yes, please!" Dan Hibiki replied.
The tea was poured, and more of the fine Chinatown cuisine was
devoured. Dan relished in the salt and the MSG; perhaps this diet would be
even more powerful than his Mexican regime. And he got neat cookies that
told his future!
"Now is the time for my true destiny to be revealed!" Dan announced,
grasping the cookie firmly in one fist. "OOOSHA!" His taunting grip
shattered the weak, crispy opponent, and he read the slip of paper.
"What does it say?" Kasumi Tendo asked with a gentle smile.
"Hmmmm," Dan hmmed in deep thought. "It says, 'You will save the
world.' What does yours say, Kasumi-san?"
The Tendo woman cracked her cookie carefully and read her message.
"Mine says, 'Your wish will be granted.' Oh, that's quite good to know. I
was rather worried. More noodles, Hibiki-san?"
"Yes, please!"
*
And across town, a robed Mazoku stood in the broadcast booth of
Madison Square Garden, watching the ring be assembled, the Rumblevision
Video Wall installed, and the many, many speakers hooked up. He gazed
across the empty seats, seats soon to be filled completely, and the
television cameras that would witness the historic event on the behalf of
billions of humans across the world.
Xelloss was quite looking forward to the events. Everything was going
extremely well. He fingered the godhead in his hand, testing its weight.
Tonight would be quite a fierce competition, one he was looking forward to.
But he could wait, as patience was a virtue, and he was a beast of many
virtues.
UltraRage Gamma was coming, and he would be waiting to greet it with
open arms...
-=-
{M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G}
{ C R O S S O V E R }
{ F I G H T I N G F E D E R A T I O N }
{ .-----------. }
{ | U-L-T-R-A | }
{ `-----------' }
{ http://www.improfanfic.com/ }
| | | - +-- ---. ._
| | | | | / | \
|__/ ___ | | \ | _\
._
UltraRage | \
GAMMA: | _\ ULTRA TAKES MANHATTAN
+--- ._ . . . . ._
| -. | \ |\/| |\/| | \
\__| | _\ | | | | | _\
+---
| --
+---
Episode 31
Written by Stefan Gagne
With tag team assist from Brian Stricklin
-=-
Money poured like a waterfall in the land of milk and honey into
Ultra's coffers as the first seconds of the event hit the airwaves.
Satellites launched into orbit specifically to handle the worldwide demand
were taxed to limits, streaming media versions crippled the Internet, and
televisions everywhere were tuned into the same thing -- causing a weird
audio echo of similarity that stretched from coast to coast, nation to
nation.
Madison Square Garden, shining jewel of New-York-New-York, was packed
floor to rafters. The ring itself took up a comparatively small amount of
space, the entrance stage and ramp and video wall only slightly more. Signs
sprouted in the forest of humanity, personally responsible for the deaths of
two dozen acres of trees. The volume was rivaled only by aircraft launching
off a carrier, or sixteen clones of Metallica in concert, or the sound made
by Lina's stomach when she was hungry.
The stage was set. The lights were lit. The cameras were rolling.
This was UltraRage Gamma.
"Coming to you LIVE AND DIRECT from New York City -- hey,
fahgettaboutit!" Hiroshi whimsically announced, as the cameras swooped by
various signs, various screaming smarks. "Himitsu Business Consulting
Services (Our motto: the reason why your stock is dropping like the
Hindenberg is a secret) is PROUD to sponsor ULTRA -- RAGE -- GAMMA!!!!"
"I see you are utilizing two more exclamation marks than usual,"
Daisuke muttered. "I'll have you know I'm not very happy at all. The hotel
was awful, my pizza was so covered in this sloppy, cheesy grease that I
couldn't find the corn--"
"That's only on Japanese pizza, Daisuke--"
"And on TOP of all that, I find out Jack won't be paying us because
'the ratings are down in the basement' and he needs to cut costs. LOOK at
this crowd, Hiroshi, and tell me the ratings are really that bad."
Hiroshi looked at the crowd. The crowd looked back at Hiroshi. He
felt remarkably tiny and vulnerable under the gaze of several billion eyes,
and whimpered, and fainted, flopping over sideways.
"Well, that's just great," Daisuke sighed. "Now look what you people
did. I hope you're happy."
Several billion eyes looked away in embarrassment, suddenly finding
anything else more interesting. Signs waved in an apologetic manner.
"Regardless, we've actually got a relatively interesting set of matches
for you tonight," Daisuke continued, playing it up to the cameras in his own
cool, utterly unexcited sort of way. "Including some matchups that didn't
get printed on the fight card, thus making your expensive souvenir programs
obsolete. But I guess a few secret matches are to be expected when Xelloss
is running the show--"
A cheesy, techno rendition of 'Secret Agent Man' played, and the Man
himself made his appearance; wreathed in black fire, he appeared at the
entrance ramp rather than bothering to WALK there. But despite the spooky
entrance, Xelloss was all business and all smiles, waving to the nice fans.
He summoned a mike with similar flames and tapped it a few times to test it,
and to blast everybody's eardrums six feet into their collective skulls.
"Hello, all you nice people!" he greeted. "As the sole sponsor of
UltraRage Gamma, since your-god-and-mine Kamiversal Jack didn't have all his
Mr. Ducks in a row, I'm proud to welcome you to the Garden. Home of such
ancient and honorable events such as Superfly Jimmy Snuka's dive off the top
of the cage, numerous boxing title bouts, and home of all Godzilla's asexual
egg babies before they blew the place up. Home of the SECOND worst murder
rate in the nation, thank you very much Detroit!"
The crowd cheered. This was the York, after all; they wore their
city's problems like a badge of honor.
"Now, if you'll all turn your attentions to the special Himitsu
Business Consulting Services (Our motto : our motto is a secret) Event
Programs, you'll notice we have the tag team belts on the line first! Yes,
it's the least charismatic champions since Mousse and Shampoo, versus...
MYSTERY guests. But let's break from tradition, and introduce the champions
first!"
A black disc of the void appeared at the floor of the ring.. and
shunted upwards, leaving the two Lambda champions standing in the middle of
the ring. Yashiro was vaguely annoyed at the introductions, but Shermie
didn't seem to mind; she too busy blowing kisses to the crowd, and shaking
her... nearly but not entirely concealed assets.
(Hiroshi weakly got back into his chair, and was about to ask if he'd
missed anything but unfortunately caught a glimpse of Shermie first, and
passed out again, this time with a nosebleed.)
"I don't see why you felt the need to dress up," Yashiro stated.
"We're here to crush the enemies of the Void, not fuel the masturbatory
fantasies of the feeble fans."
"Oh, don't be such a pill, Yash-chan," Shermie giggled. "It's fun!"
Xelloss quirked an eyebrow. Bemused, he raised his mike again. "Oh
my, naughty. I'm quite glad I issued a TV-MA box at the top of the hour.
But I'm afraid it won't prove to be much of a distraction against THESE
opponents. Ladies and gentlemen--"
Two furry balls rushed past him, vaulted off the bottom of the ramp and
landed in the ring, ready to fight.
"PIKA!" "AAAOOOOHGAAAAA!!!"
"Not the animals," Yashiro groaned. "Let's get this over with. Lord
Orochi requires our presence for... Shermie?"
Shermie had stars in her eyes (if they could be SEEN from behind her
Fluffy Bangs of the Void) and her hands clasped below her blushing cheeks as
she looked at Blanka's muscular, hairy, ape-manly frame. "Oooooooh!! I
want to fight first, Yashiro-kun!"
"Awoo?" Blanka pondered, scratching a flea out of his hair.
"...whatever," Yashiro agreed, stepping out between the ropes. The
Generic Easily Distractable Referee (another fine product of ShadowNERV
Expert Cloning) signaled for the match to begin, and the bell rang true.
][ ULTRARAGE GAMMA MATCH #1 : LAMBDA TITLE DEFENSE
][ SHERMIE/YASHIRO vs. BLANKA/PIKACHU
][ FIGHT!!
"I guess it's just not sports entertainment until the puppies are
unleashed," Daisuke muttered. "Or the electric mice. Or the... whatever
the hell Blanka is. Hiroshi, are you dead again?"
"I'm fine, thank you, Susan," Hiroshi warbled, weakly pulling himself
back up to his chair. "What's going on?"
"Not much. From the looks of it, Shermie's trying to crush Blanka's
head between her thighs."
"Oh, good. I think I'm going to stay under here," Hiroshi said, easing
himself back below the desk. "If Rei or Lilith spot me freaking out, I'm
going to catch hell."
Back in the ring, Blanka just... stood there. He wasn't quite sure
what the strange human woman was trying to do as she twisted her knees and
generally writhed around on top of his head. At first he mistook it for
some primitive tribal dance as he'd seen often in the jungles, so he started
to hop up and down to some funky native beat.
(This is one of the many disadvantages to being dumped in the jungle
and mutated before you'd properly gone through puberty. The other
disadvantage involved being huge and green and hairy and electric but that
could be handled by any accepting, open minded society.)
"I... oooh! Oof... um, Yashiro-kun, his neck isn't snapping," Shermie
remarked confusedly, twisting like Herbie Hancock. "What do I do?"
"Just clean his clock so we can get out of here! Quit playing around!"
Yashiro shouted.
Shermie moonsaulted off Blanka's head (and the fans are the real
winners!) and landed lightly on one foot. "Okay, Mr. Tall Furry and
Stacked! I'm going to hit you and hit you and kick you until you fall over
now! I--"
"Oogha," Blanka shrugged, and tagged in Pikachu, too bored to deal with
the strange woman.
Pikachu bounced between the low and middle ropes, faced down against
Shermie, and made a traditional 'Slow stroke across the neck with your hand,
you are going down for good, pal' motion. "Pi... KA," he spoke, with
implied adorable fuzzy lovin' malice.
"Eww, a mouse!" Shermie balked, tagging Yashiro in. "I don't like
dirty animals. You fight it."
The pokemon stood his ground as the human who was at least five times
his size vaulted over the top rope, landing firmly on two feet. He cracked
his shoulders, then his arms, then his knuckles... and smiled.
"If only you knew the POWER of the Void," Yashiro declared. "Allow me
to introduce you to it--"
"PIKA!" Pikachu shrieked, his cheeks lighting like a Christmas tree,
and electricity zapping out towards his opponent. Small children in the
crowd immediately had seizures, as 1.21 Gigawatts shunted through Yashiro's
body...
...leaving him smoldering, but otherwise fine; the thin black aura
around him protected him from serious harm. "FOOL!" he shouted. "The
Orochi is all! Tonight, he will win your godhead and tear down the walls of
space and time! Do you think an animal can beat that kind of power? Huh?
Huh? Do you? Huh? Huh?"
"Oooh, you're so menacing, Yashiro-kun!" Shermie declared, bouncing up
and down. (And the fans are STILL the real winners!)
Undaunted, Pikachu scampered along the mat of the ring -- zig left, zag
right, fakeout, jump, TACKLE -- and got caught, face first, in Yashiro's
palm.
The master of the Void went for the extra point. "Kick the Pokemon!"
he musically declared, and punted Pikachu through the air...
Blanka caught his little buddy(tm). It counted as a tag. And that was
all he needed.
The green beast ROARED into the ring, handspringing off the ringpost
and rolling like a Baron Munchausen cannonball of rage -- impacting solidly
against Yashiro's chest. The void aura may have helped with electrocution,
but in the fighting art of poker, nothing beats a full roundhouse body
splash.
Blanka didn't bother with the electricity. He wasn't a dumb beast,
just a large, misunderstood one, like the kind you see in revisionist
monster movie remakes. No, he knew how to handle Yashiro, and the basic
strategy involved ripping him apart at high speed. Claws flashed, teeth
bit, kicks and punches snapped out in combination -- everything a good boy
needs to stop growing up for good.
"Waaah, you're being mean to Yashiro-kun! Oooh, but your muscles are
rippling and you're so intense," Shermie whined/praised. "Wai!"
"..a little.. OW... help would DAMMIT! Be appreciated!" Yashiro shouted
back to his partner, starting to get a few moves blocked, still pushed back.
"Get a chair or something!"
Shermie bounced off the apron (Gainax Gainax!) and went for a chair --
which promptly melted into a little puddle of metal slag courtesy of a
lightning bolt. She looked back and waved apologetically to Pikachu,
backing slowly away from the smoking puddle. "Um, Yashiro, I think you're
on your own. Gomen nasai!"
The Void Warrior grimaced. He wasn't getting a strike in edgewise.
Blanka was just too damn fast, too mad... if this kept up, he'd lose.
They'd lose the belts. And Orochi would be PISSED...
"ANO! Am I interrupting?"
The voice came from all the speakers in the house as the entrance video
screen popped to life. The battle actually stopped, Blanka distracted and
Yashiro trying to back off and rest a second.
Xelloss was on the screen, goading a cameraman along... towards what
sounded like Motley Crue trashing yet another hotel room. "It seems
something's going on back here, and being the truth loving information
dispersing junkie I am, I just CAN'T let it go unnoticed..."
He opened a dressing room door -- just in time for Ash Ketchum to be
hurled out of it with several blue fires in his clothing. The boy dropped
and rolled, involuntarily, into a water fountain. He made a sizeable dent
in it.
Misty was tossed out right after, landing on top of Ash in an awkward
pile. And there, framed in the doorway and sheathed in a flickering aura of
blue power, stood MewTwo.
"Pp-PIKA!?!" Pikachu blurted in horror, ignoring his fight in progress
as MewTwo glared at the cameraman.
{The time for Pokemon abuse is at an end,} MewTwo declared, into the
minds of all Ultra viewers across the globe -- no easy task. {Would you
believe this 'Ash' attempted to catch me in a Pokeball? Ridiculous. So-
called Pokemon Trainers, enslaving and forcing us to pit-fight as their
playthings, will meet the fate that the unrestrained scientific madwoman
Washuu shall meet in short time. I call for all Pokemon to rally to me.
And get this camera out of my face, foolish human.}
The view went screwy, as the cameraman apparently was tossed thirty
feet down the hall. Then it was just static.
Electricity sparked at the Pokemon's cheeks angrily. "PIKAAA!!!" he
screamed, and leapt from the ring, running back up the ramp... leaving his
partner alone.
NOW Shermie could clock Blanka with a chair. And just in time, before
the ref had turned away from the video screen. Blanka went down like a
Planet of the Apes extra.
The bell rang.
"Yahoo! We win, we win!" Shermie cheered, hopping back into the ring.
But she passed her Lambda belt to Yashiro to carry; she was too occupied
hauling Blanka over one shoulder. "And I get a new playmate for the
evening!"
Yashiro sighed and hefted both belts, following his partner out of the
ring. "Don't bring him to see the boss, Shermie. I think he's had his fill
of furry things today."
"Mine!" Shermie yelped, possessively. "Orochi-sama can get his own
men!"
"...an unexpected win for the Lambda Champions and a successful belt
defense at UltraRage Gamma," Daisuke summarized. "Hiroshi, it's safe to
come out now. They're gone."
"WHAT A FIGHT!" Hiroshi declared. "Folks, it just doesn't get better
than this! And we'll be right back with the craziest match you've ever
seen, in a special Hardcore title defense! Stay tuned!"
*
Backstage, other things were being broken that weren't trainer-shaped.
Ranma finished trashing the last standing bit of furniture in his
dressing room: the chair he was sitting on. That felt good. He needed to
work up enough anger to do this, tonight; to win that belt he'd been after
for so long. The frustration alone was enough to get him going, but a
little dressing room damage helped add the little somethin' special.
His fight was still a long way off, but if he could keep this level of
intensity up, it'd be easy. He spotted the last unbroken bit of wood in the
room -- the door -- and PUNCHED his fist through it.
The door splintered, cracked, and fell into pieces... revealing Shingo,
who was about to knock, but wisely jumped back in time.
"...what do you want?" Ranma asked, seething over with RAGE! (The cool
kind you can find in lots of angry music that Wal-mart won't carry.)
Shingo swallowed once. "I was.. just checking to see how you were
doing, sensei--"
"Don't call me that. You didn't exactly take my teachings to heart,
did you?"
"Er... I saw the interview last week," Shingo explained. "So, I guess
that explains why you beat me up..."
"Good to know," Ranma responded, stretching his arms out. "So you know
I'm going to have to beat you nine ways to Sunday again tonight, right?
Nothing personal, of course. Wanna give up the goods now and save yourself
a schooling in front of the whole world?"
"I'm not going to just hand over the belt," Shingo said. "You're the
one who taught me what it means to be a champion. I was lucky to have it,
even if I didn't like how Sakura lost it, and I'm going to prove I deserve
to have it--"
"You don't," Ranma supplied. "I tried to show you the way, Shingo.
And I got MOCKED for it by the others... Marlo showing that video and
calling me a pussycat in front of the world! To add to that, you messed up.
You're right; you didn't earn that belt. All you're going to be is a style
Xerox machine. Tonight I'll--"
"You aren't having any fun here, are you?" Shingo asked, springing a
revelation on Ranma from left field.
"What?"
"Fun!" Shingo proclaimed, adding a smile for emphasis. "I mean, you
went on in that interview about how you liked the crowds and learned to like
the belt, and so on, but... you aren't having fun anymore since you decided
to get aggressive. You're just being mean, and you're not even enjoying
being mean, either."
"The hell are you talking about, Shingo?"
"I'm talking about ENJOYING being in Ultra! Come on, Ranma! I respect
this belt as much as you do, but I don't think you have to be dead serious
and single-minded all the time to deserve it. Let's go out there tonight,
put on a good show for the folks and may the best man win. I don't mind
your challenge -- it'll help me train more! Whaddya say? I'll forgive you
jumping me last time..."
Ranma's left fist curled. And twitched.
"..fun?" he asked, quietly. "You think this is about fun? I've NEVER
had fun in Ultra. It's as fun as being in a tug of war with fiancees or
being pounced by rivals at every turn. I didn't want to be here in the
first place, and I didn't want my fiancees to follow me, and the only
enjoyment I GOT out of being here -- that belt -- I lost. I'm not here to
have fun anymore. I'm here to win. Now get out of here. I don't want to
see you again until we're in the ring, Shingo. I'm going to defeat you.
COUNT on it."
Shingo slowly backed out of the room... but remained defiant. "I'll
show you, Ranma. I've thought about this for the last two weeks, and I know
what I'm going to have to do. I've FOUND my style. You'll see in the ring,
and maybe then you'll understand what I mean--"
He ducked flying furniture shrapnel, and scrambled away. But he was
smiling. He knew he could save his friend. His friend, so angry at his
life, would see.
But if Karin didn't have things ready in time, he might have to enjoy
eating his food through a straw for a few weeks...
*
Daisuke looked at the menacing structure in awe. "I can't believe the
New York City Fire Department is approving this match, Hiro. It's got to be
in violation of at least six city ordinances, if not some of the lesser
clauses on the Geneva War Crimes Treaty..."
"In other words, it's GREAT ENTERTAINMENT!" Hiroshi cheered. "Ultra is
proud to present to you... the HARDCORE DUAL FLAMING LADDER CAGED STRAP
MATCH ALPHA 5 PLUS GOLD DASH! Let's get a good shot of the cage..."
A looming cube of wire mesh was latched onto the ropes of the ring,
completely enclosing it. There was a door to get on, insulated with rubber
tubing, but the only real escape would be an empty hatch in the ceiling...
accessible via two ladders set up in the center of the ring.
"Behold!" Hiroshi declared. "The nastiest, most contrived experiment
into the wild realm of Hardcore ever made! An ELECTRIFIED cage sits around
the ring, complete with C4 contact explosives on each turnbuckle and barbed
wire ropes! The winner is the first one onto the roof of the cage via the
ladders... but the ladders will be ON FIRE!"
Two techs immediately lit the ladders. The unmeltable, top-of-the-line
Home Depot ladders ignited nicely via a flammable contact jelly, making
scaling them impossible without receiving some nasty burns.
"And into the cage shall go three competitors, but only ONE will be
coming out! Paramedics are on standby! I feel... I feel very, very proud
to be here, Daisuke. This is a moment that will go down in history."
"So where's the strap?" Daisuke asked, scanning the deathtrap.
"Uh... Morrigan took it back," Hiroshi said. "She didn't want her
sister playing with her toys anymore. It's so sad when sibling rivalry
tears a family apart."
"You wouldn't be getting soft on Lilith, would you, Hiro?"
"I take the fifth," Hiroshi replied. "I can do that, you know. We're
in America. And here come our first challengers!"
From the entrance, a mutant and a succubus entered.
Lilith bounced her way along, waving her Hardcore belt in the air,
winking at the fans and generally playing up to the crowd. Wolverine was a
bit more serious than that, just strolling his bad ass on down the ramp,
claws going snikt snikt, in and out, to warm up.
"Oooh, this looks fun!" Lilith said, clasping her hands together in
delight at the sight of the cage. "I can't ask for a better place to defend
my beloved belt."
"Kinda reminds me of the Danger Room back home," Wolverine said. He
held the insulated cage door open, waiting for Lilith to sneak in through
the barbed wire ropes. "Only on the 'Wuss' mode. This'll be a cakewalk.
Now, you know what we agreed to."
"Hai; get rid of the naughty sofa boy, and then we'll have ourselves a
good match," Lilith said, bouncing in the ring, doing some quick jumping
jacks and shaking her booty when it was still pocket change. "Don't worry!
I'm a good girl--"
The lights went out. The crowd popped immediately, cheering, since
whenever the lights go out something violent and cool happens, and since
they weren't the ones being whacked around and pummeled and mauled, that was
a very entertaining thing indeed!
When normal illumination had resumed.. someone had set up a large
Chesterfield sofa at the top of the ramp. Two hand puppets popped up from
behind it -- an adorable little superdeformed Wolverine, complete with
toothpick claws, and a painfully adorable little Lilith.
"Wai! Wai! I'm Hardcore!" the Lilith puppet chirped in a fake falsetto,
while waving its stubby hands. "I'm also a preteen piece of jailbait who
has no business disgracing our television screens and scaring our
advertisers away! I'm the reason why Jack-sama has such low ratings!"
"Yeah, you are!" the Wolverine puppet growled in an extremely fake
bass-baritone. "But even though I'm a psychotic mutant with an adamantium
skeleton I got in Canada of all places and a bad ass wanna be in spandex
tights, I'm not going to hurt you because I'm a nice guy, like that other
Beast in the movie where they sang about Being Our Guest! Oh, the tragedy
of how mutants are so misunderstood by humans is very dramatic and
philosophical. Buy my T-Shirts!"
"...looks like Marlo's up to his usual stunts," Daisuke asked. "He's
just lucky those two are already in the cage, or they'd be after him by
now..."
Marlo popped up between the puppets. "Now, now!" he said, in his
normal voice. "Let's not bicker and argue. We all know who the TRUE king
of Hardcore is around here. It's the guy who screwed Kasumi out of the
godhead! The guy who stomped a mudhole in the great Ranma Saotome! The guy
who's proven week in and week out just how merchandisable, charismatic, and
above all POPULAR--"
Of course, the crowd booed him.
"--a true champion can be! So, Wolfy, Lilly, when you're in there
being fried and blown up and shredded, think back to--"
Wolverine scraped his claws together, kicking up sparks. "Get on with
it, monkey boy. I don't got all day."
The monkey boy in question held up the Wolverine-hand. "Say it to the
puppet, 'cause the face don't wanna hear it!" He tossed both puppets aside,
vaulted over the sofa with one arm, and charged to the ring. "Watch out
world, HERE COMES MARLO!"
][ ULTRARAGE GAMMA MATCH #2 : HARDCORE DUAL FLAMING LADDER CAGED
STRAP MATCH ALPHA 5 PLUS GOLD DASH
][ LILITH vs. MARLO vs. WOLVERINE
][ FIGHT!!
The world did in fact watch, as Marlo climbed into the cage -- and
promptly got doubleteamed.
Lilith's wings whipped around into various nasty sharp angles, while
Wolverine went to town with the claws. It didn't take long to reduce him
from a windbag to a popped balloon. Both competitors grabbed Marlo, one on
each arm, and wound up...
"Heave..." Wolverine grunted.
"HO!" Lilith chirped... as the two threw him across the ring into one
of the turnbuckles.
*BOOM*. It wasn't much of an explosion, but it was enough to knock
Marlo to the roof -- which, nicely electrified, zotted him and dumped him
back on the mat.
"I can't believe he didn't realize that climbing into the cage after
two people who hate your guts are already in and waiting for you is Bad,"
Daisuke said, astonished. "But hey, you get what's coming to you.
Remember, folks, knockouts mean nothing here; whoever gets to the hatch at
the top first wins."
Lilith skipped from foot to foot, sizing up Wolverine. She grinned.
"Okay, Wolvy-chan, NOW we can have that Hardcore matchup I promised. And I
swear I won't fly. I'm a good girl."
"Hey, fly or not," Wolverine said, extending his claws, "I can handle
it. Let's dance, Lil."
"A little show of mutual respect from the Hardcore contenders," Hiroshi
said. "Man, Lilith's improved a LOT in recent weeks. It's like she's
turned over a new leaf. She's nice, and doesn't backstab people and she's
so cu..."
He froze, as he noticed a camera zooming in on him. "Uh, I mean...
she's not as cute as Rei is. Right."
"I think you just signed your death warrant, Hiroshi," Daisuke said.
"And I don't intend to be a human shield to protect you from EVA-00. Let's
just hope she wasn't watching."
The two tangled it up, out and around the flaming ladders -- carefully
avoiding the sides of the arena, making sure their various tentacular
winglet weapons or claws didn't touch anything. It was an impressive show
of technical fighting mastery between two very non-traditional martial
artists, blow for blow, punch for punch, kick for kick. But Lilith had
something Wolverine didn't: heavy fire support.
Lilith mixed up her attacks with adorable little psychokinetic bats,
which flapped cheerfully at Wolverine -- and exploded on impact. He barely
dodged two of them, but the third hit him head on after he mis-timed a claw
swipe... and the mutant was knocked back into the first flaming ladder.
The ladder went down, and hit the cage wall, electrifying it; Wolverine
thankfully had rolled away before that happened, and put out the fires in
his costume in the process. But not before burning off a lot of it,
revealing muscular, hairy, comic book style hunka hunka mutant love
underneath.
(The crowd cheered, high pitched squeals of joy. Women appreciated fan
service just as much as men, after all.)
"Not bad..." Wolverine admitted. "MY turn."
And he exploded into a berzerker rage, a whirling wall of claws, kicks,
and Pure Adrenaline.
"Things are really heating up!" Hiroshi shouted. "Look at the X-Man
go! If this keeps up, Lilith's gonna end up being an X-Demon!"
"Do you stay awake all night thinking these one-liners up?" Daisuke
asked... and swallowed hard. "Don't look now, Hiroshi, but your Signifigant
Other is making her way to ringside."
"What?" Hiroshi asked, turning to look. By that point, he was red eye
to red eye with Rei. And Rei........ almost looked displeased.
"...hello," Rei said. "i was watching in the back. excuse me."
"Oh. Uh... you're excused?" he said, staring blankly as Rei walked
right on by the announcer's table. "What's she up to, Daisuke?"
While the surviving fighters were busy putting on a helluva show, Rei
was busy walking to the corner where Marlo had been dumped... and holding
something she had concealed in her hand out, between the narrow bars of the
cage.
Marlo woozily looked up at the red eyes of his would-be savior. He
stared at the pill she held to him, confused... so Rei just jammed it in his
mouth and rubbed his neck, to make him swallow.
Within 4.8 seconds, Marlo was on his feet. And looking PISSED.
Rei stepped back, clenching a fist. "we shall have fun eating ice
cream," she coldly stated. "Wai."
A six-piece dining set interrupted Lilith and Wolverine's match;
chairs, tables, and a complete place setting crashed on top of them. Marlo
punted a coffee table at the mix, knocking the whole arrangement into a wall
of the cage; silverware melted, wood caught on fire, and both fighters
scrambled to get away.
"I'm BACK IN BLACK, baby!" Marlo declared, getting a desk lamp in hand,
ready to rock. "Bring it on! I'm not gonna lie down and let you two freaks
take my championship away from me!"
"...technically, that's exactly what he was doing," Daisuke said,
"Until your jealous girlfriend messed with the fight. Great going,
Hiroshi."
"Ehheh.. what can I say? That Rei, what a card," Hiroshi laughed
nervously.
Lilith fumed... literally. Her cute little lavendar hair was smoking
in a few places, freshly ignited by the explosion of joinery. "You bad man!
You have messed my hair in front of my dear Hiroshi-chan and now you must
PAY!" She snapped costumes, into a magician bunny suit, and hurled a top
hat towards Marlo... "GLOOMY PUPPET SHOW!"
"ALPHA COUNTER!" Marlo shouted, whacking the hat away with his lamp.
It arced perfectly through the air on a reverse course, landing squarely on
Lilith's head.
Lilith twitched, then did a little dance. "On the goood ship,
Lollipop, it's a sweeeet trip to a candyshop, where bon-bons play, on the
sunny beach of the Peppermint Baaay!!"
The dance routine completed, she was engulfed in an explosion when the
hat went "BOOM." The young succubus flopped face first to the mat, out cold
with little superdeformed Marlos circling her head.
Wolverine stepped in front of Lilith, shielding her while she was down.
He scraped his claws again, three times as pissed as he was any time
previously. "You're dead meat, kid!" he declared, and RUSHED at Marlo,
whirling like a non-cartoony Tazmanian Devil.
The boy quickly rolled left and tossed a metal paperweight on a chain
of coat hangers into the flurry of mutant mayhem -- when Wolverine snapped
to his feet, his adamantium claws were tangled up hopelessly in the hangers.
Before he could do anything about it, Marlo had tossed the other end of the
chain through the bars of the cage... and made Wolverine into the first
living lightning rod.
Electricity shot through his claws and down his skeleton, cooking him
inside out, like a chalupa in a microwave. He spasmed, twitched, snapped
the weak line of metal, but it was too late -- he was knocked silly, back
into an exploding turnbuckle, and DOWN.
"I don't believe it!" Hiroshi shouted, getting to his feet, along with
the rest of Madison Square garden. "Marlo's made an scintillating come-
from-behind victory! I said it before, and I'll say it again; he may be a
weakling, but don't underestimate Marlo's cunning skill!!"
"You never said that before," Daisuke pointed out.
Thanks to the revitalized burst of energy, Marlo could stay focused
enough on getting the hell out of there before Wolverine or Lilith woke up.
He spotted the remaining ladder, whipped out an office water cooler, and
emptied it over the flaming metal -- with a PSSSSSS, it went out. He
quickly scaled to the top--
The ladder under him rattled. He looked down, to see Lilith, still
partially fried and with a VERY pissed-off look in her eye, trying to yank
the ladder out from under him. Or rather, succeeding.
"Get down here!" Lilith shouted, tossing the ladder aside, while Marlo
dangled by his fingertips from the escape to freedom and victory. "You're a
bad bad boy, and I'm going to punish you--"
Lilith ate a steel chair heading down at her at nine point eight meters
per second per second. (Yes, per second per second; the traditional unit of
acceleration, m/(s^2).) She collapsed to the ground -- while Marlo was
hauled out of the cage by a waiting helper. The bell rang.
"Your winner, and new Hardcore Champion! MARLO SEMAJ!!" Hiroshi
announced. "A surprise victory, and... HEY! What's she doing up there?!"
Marlo sat on the unelectrified roof of the cage, dazed, and looking up
at his benefactor. "YOU threw that chair down to help me??"
"hai," Rei said. "that will teach that bitch to mess with my man."
The Furnityre Savior grinned ear to ear. "Damn right! You're my kinda
girl. Let's blow this pop stand!"
He whipped out a bedsheet, took Rei under one arm, and hopped off the
cage, floating down like Mary Poppins on a 100% cotton parachute. Then it
was a quick stroll up the ramp and to the safety of the backstage area.
"Ah, I recognize this," Daisuke said. "I believe she's trying to make
you jealous, Hiroshi... err. Hiroshi?"
"..." was Hiroshi's witty reply.
"We'll be right back," Daisuke said dryly for the camera's sake, as the
emergency medical techs rolled out to help the fallen fighters.
*
Back in Tokyo, medical drama of a different sort was going on.
Andy Bogard had been pacing around the waiting area so long that there
was a definite loop of scuffmarks on the cheap tile. It had been a week
since they had his brother Terry moved here to recover from Bison's
tortures, and it was a week spent in figurative hell.
Terry's condition wasn't improving. It was worsening.
Mai made sure Andy stayed fed and watered, leaving to get food and
coffee and other niceties, but Andy barely noticed. He just waited for the
hours between doctor's reports, which were never good -- something new was
going wrong, something they just patched had broken something else down,
Terry was sinking. Nothing would improve Andy's mood after hearing those
words, not even visits from Sie and Athena, who repeatedly swore vengeance
on Bison, hoping it would get Andy riled up to leave and do something else.
Not happening.
But for a change, he didn't want to be here at Terry's side tonight.
He actually did want to be somewhere else.
"I should be there in New York," he said for the umpteenth time today.
"I should be there to annihilate that bastard Bison. I might not live, but
I at could least try keep him from the godhead, and I could pay him back for
what he's done..."
"Andyyy, that's stupid," Mai said, sighing. "We've gone over this.
You're not ready to face Bison, especially not in this state. You almost
hurt that poor boy in your last fight! That's how upset you were! Right
now, you need to be here, for your brother."
"What good is it doing him?" Andy asked. "Bison only gave him back to
us so we could watch him slowly kick off. Someone needs to lay it on Bison,
NOW before it's too late. Sie and Athena agree with me -- forget the
Orochi, and forget the tag team belts. There's more serious problems to
face right now. We waited too long to actively try to help Sie and Athena,
and it's come back to haunt us. We should be banding together with them,
and with Ryu and his friends. Don't forget that Bison's kidnapped Ken, too.
In Terry's name, we've got to DO something!"
Mai leaned forward. "Andy... Terry's strong. He's going to get
through this. Then we can do something. For now, cheer up! We've gone
through worse and you know it. HE'S gone through worse. Let's play a game!
I spy with my little eye, something that's... pink? Ah, hello."
The Bogard warrior stopped in his pacing, turning to see who had walked
into the waiting room. It wasn't a doctor; they didn't wear pink, and they
didn't carry flower baskets.
"I've come with a proposition," Aerith said. But she didn't look happy
to be making it.
*
"Hiroshi, don't you think you're taking this a bit far?" Daisuke asked,
trying not to look embarassed by his partner's antics. "I mean, I know
you're upset and all, but--"
"Woke up this mornin', and WEEELLL my woman, she done left me! Ah gone
be fixin' to die, yeahhh..." Hiroshi sand, strumming his guitar, looking
from behind cool sunglasses and a sharp black hat. "Ah be singin' the blues
all day, gonna go out walkin' on the ole French quarter, get me a pint ah
that ol' Wild Turkey and drink mah blues away..."
"You can't carry a tune in a bucket, Hiro," Daisuke grumbled. "And you
can't sing the blues, your parents have a trust fund for you -- and you're
not old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
It's one of the rules."
"Leave me to my pain," Hiroshi muttered, strummin' that old geetar,
makin' it sing. "And I'd prefer if you refer to me as Old Blind Lemon Alarm
Clock Hiroshi until I get over this loss and declare my determination to
reclaim my woman's heart once more."
"And when will that be?"
"Hmmm. With the excitement of this crowd, and the distractions offered
by a live extravaganza... about now," Hiroshi decided, setting the guitar
aside and ditching the shades. "Rei, I'll see you after the show! WELL
FOLKS, we've got even more great fighting action for you tonight! I've just
been informed that Xelloss is about to make a big announcement while we wait
for the upcoming Mecha Invitational Brawl. WHAT secrets could he reveal?!"
"Smart money is on 'none'," Daisuke sighed. "I ought to be getting
extra pay for having such an erratic co-host..."
Xelloss stepped out of a transdimensional rift in the center of the
ring, because walking was for pansies. In one hand he held the obligatory
microphone, but in the other he held a clipboard with a thick sheaf of paper
attached.
"Okay, folks, I've just got some business to take care of, then we can
get on with having big robots disassemble each other for your viewing
pleasure!" Xelloss explained, holding up his clipboard. "Himitsu Business
Consulting Services has been going over the Ultra records, the facts, the
figures, the ratings... and we've come to a conclusion. For the better of
the company, we're going to have to downsize Ultra a bit. Will the
following people please come to the ring...? Bart, Rico, Ataru, and
Happosai? Come come, we have a business to run here and we operate on
Internet Time."
"We do?" Hiroshi asked, as the four fated ones slowly gathered in the
ring, entrances so uninteresting as to go completely without mention.
"We DO have a website," Daisuke reminded. "The URL's at the opening of
every show."
"Yeah, but each time I go there, I just see all these stories written
by a bunch of crazy gaijins. Where's the streaming vector graphic
packetized audio multimedia fighting extravaganza? And you can't even place
an order for my cool 'Clone Lust' T-shirts."
Team Hentai seemed unnerved. After all, Xelloss was about to seperate
them from the many lovely women they came to Ultra to grope. Next to them,
Bart and Rico glanced at each other, a little peeved. "This is YOUR fault!"
they each decided simultaneously, and were about to brawl when Xelloss
interrupted.
"Boys, boys, settle down," Xelloss said. "Now, let it never be said
that I'm not a fair Mazoku. I have your pink slips drawn up and ready to
go, as well as portals to ship your butts back home... but why not make a
sport of it? We're going to have a LOSER LEAVES ULTRA TAG TEAM MATCH.
Whoever gets knocked out is put on a transdimensional Greyhound and shuffled
off to Buffalo. Does that sound fair to you four nice people?"
"Bah! These freaks will learn to respect their elders!" Happosai
declared, twirling a Combat Pipe at the ready. "We'll see who gets the boot
and who just gets booted! Or something."
"I'm can't go back to Lum! She'll fry me for all the things I've done
in Ultra!" Ataru yelped, horrified. "Sensei, we HAVE to win!"
"Then it's settled!" Xelloss said -- teleporting from the ring to
ringside. "May I have a bell? The game is ON!"
DING!
][ ULTRARAGE GAMMA MATCH #3 : LOSER LEAVES ULTRA TAG MATCH
][ ATARU/HAPPOSAI vs. BART/RICO
][ FIGHT!!
A lighting grid high above the ring snapped and fell, crushing all four
competitors like cheap soda cans and knocking them out instantly.
DING!
"Oh my," Xelloss spoke, with a grin. He plucked all four pink slips
off his clipboard, and tossed them into the ring on top of the wreckage.
"It seems all four of them have been eliminated! Hey, they had a chance.
Now, the show must go on! Cleanup crews and medical teams to ringside,
please?"
"...ouch," Daisuke said with a wince. "Ah... we'll be right back with
the Mecha Invitational Brawl, folks. Don't go anywhere."
*
Naga and Darshu wandered the streets of New York, following Dragon
Radar.
The Radar wasn't helping. Neither was familiar with this city, and the
towering buildings didn't help pathfinding. They'd also been mugged three
times -- or rather, almost mugged, if not for the gratuitous application of
high energy magic.
"Aren't you COLD in that outfit?" Dark Schneider asked, glancing back
at Naga, who naturally was still wearing her Naga Wear(tm). "Your nipples
are standing up like doorknobs."
"Bah! A small price to pay for good fashion sense," Naga replied
(while fantasizing about having a thick, furry, luxorious winter coat right
about now). "So where is the blasted Dragonball? We've got to find this
last one before the main event, or Lina won't be able to come back in time
to punish the Orochi."
"It's got to be SOMEWHERE around here," Schneider said, "The radar
says we're practically on top of it. Of course, all the buildings are
screwing with the signal..." he bapped the device a few times. "Ah, okay.
Right around the corner."
The two turned the corner and looked up, to see the large 'Madison
Square Garden' sign.
"...correct me if I'm wrong," Naga said, quietly. "Didn't we START
here? I suspect someone is playing games with us."
Darshu pocketed the radar. "We'll make them pay later. For now, we
gotta hurry. It should be RIGHT in the lobby!"
The two pushed through the doors, marched across the busy lobby of
snack food stands, souvenier stands and bubblegum machines... and found the
Dragonball!...
...sitting in a stack of assorted toys, dollies, and beanie babies,
inside a UFO catcher claw game. It gleamed in the cheap florescent lighting
of the game, just waiting to be won. Which it was about to be, by some kid
operating the buttons.
Dark Schneider calmly lifted the kid up, and set him down elsewhere.
"Beat it," he ordered. The claw descended, gripped the Dragonball... and
slipped off.
"Oh, forget the silly game," Naga said, charging up a fist-sized wad of
electricity. "Let's just get it out of there. DAM BRASU!"
The magic shot into the machine, the surface sparkling... and absorbing
the energy completely, emerging unscathed. The golden framework of the UFO
catcher glowed briefly before the spectacle was over.
Dark Schneider tapped the metal with a fingernail. "Whaddya know.
Orihalcon. What kind of weirdo would make a kid's game with such a rare,
magic absorbing metal?"
"'Himitsu Toys and Games'," Naga read, squinting to see the
manufacturer's label in the dim lighting. "'Our motto : The reason why your
child bursts into flame within five minutes of playing with our toys is a
secret.'"
A five dollar bill was stuffed down her bikini front.
"Go make change, babes," Darshu said, rolling up his sleeves. "Time
for the master of ancient thievery skills to manipulate this device into
getting us our prize--"
Naga clubbed him with a souvenir hockey stick, and walked off to get
quarters.
*
][ ULTRARAGE GAMMA MATCH #4 : 3-ON-3 MECHA INVITATIONAL MADNESS
][ CYBERGRRLZ vs. DEVILOT vs. B-KO vs. DR. WILEY
][ (With guest booker Brian Stricklin)
The giant underground hangar was filled with the sounds of metal being
hammered, welded, riveted, and hermetically sealed within an inch of its
life. Doctor Wiley's construction drones, the Hardhat Macks, were working
day and night to get his latest creation ready in time for its debut. Wiley
himself wasn't terribly sure how the little devices managed to do any work,
since they consisted entirely of a hardhat, eyes, and toeless feet, but when
he wasn't looking bits of his new robot were assembled and fastened into
place, so they had to be managing it somehow.
Anyway, a scientist never let the unimportant details bother him.
"Zis vill be my grrreatest triumph ever!" he chortled in a ridiculously
accented voice. "My robot vill CRRRUSH zose feebleminded girls like ze
little bugs zat zey are! WAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
Standing nearby, Gutsman (or maybe Cutman, Protoman, Elbowman, or
something. He wasn't able to keep track of them any more) shifted uneasily.
"But, boss... I thought *I* was your best creation."
"HA! And HA again! Don't make me laugh, you pitiful reject from a
scrapyard! If you vere any good, you vould have destroyed Megaman and
allowed me to CONQUER ZE VORLD!"
"The vorld?"
"Ze vorld, ze vorld, *you* know."
"Oh. Well, it wasn't my fault! He-"
"Zilence! I know you are jealous of my new creation, but I have no more
time for you now! Be off with you!"
The robot - who really was Cutman - scowled and slouched off. As usual,
Wiley blamed his creations, and even the poorly- programmed android could
spot the error in *that* logic. And now here Cutman was, dropped to the
bottom of the totem pole and having to pay for his own spare parts and stuck
with a bad Peter Lorre-ish voice...
Wiley paid him no heed as he surveyed the titanic machine before him.
"Yes. Zey vill rue ze day zey encountered Doctor Viley's... MechaDestructo
Plasma Atomizer Mark Seven! WAAAHAHAHAHAA-"
"Excuse me."
"-AHAHAHAHAHuh?"
Wiley turned around to see five men in immaculate business suits.
Though at first glance they seemed to be identical to each other, a moment's
inspection proved otherwise. Still, it was kinda eerie.
The lead not-clone smiled winningly. "I wonder if we could possibly
persuade you to choose a different name, Doctor?"
"Who are YOU? How did you get in here? Zis is a zecret, zecured
installation!"
The not-clones chuckled lightly. In unison. Their leader smiled again.
"Oh, let's not worry about trivial things like that. I'm Akira Yakimitsu,
with the Megaman Robot Naming Committee."
"Ze... vhat?"
Akira produced a manilla folder and opened it - Wiley could only make
out the letters "CAP" on the title page before the younger man started
flipping the pages. "You see, your earlier creations, though of course
rather feeble - no offense - turned out to be quite marketable. Flashman,
Snakeman, Woodman, Lemurman of course... all of them have proved to be rather
popular. I'm afraid your..." He waved his hand at the giant robot.
"...MechaDestructo Plasma Atomizer Mark Seven..." Wiley provided, rather
mesmerized.
"Yes, that... well, it looks all right, but the name just doesn't work
with those of your previous robots, does it? And it's also harder to fit on
a label, of course."
"Vhat does ZAT have to do vith anything? Give me one good reason vhy I
shouldn't have Gutsman over zere..."
"I'm Mulchman, sir."
"...thrash you all vithin an inch of your lives and throw you outside?"
One of the not-clones moved forward and opened a briefcase, showing
Wiley its contents. He immediately got an idea for his next robot - Yenman.
"...zen again," he decided, "my creativity has alvays been flexible."
*
They were long adversaries, having faced each other on countless
occasions. But this time, it was for keeps. This was the big one.
They watched each other, gauging their opponent's strengths and
weaknesses while preparing their own attacks. Finally, one spoke.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NO!"
"YEEEEEEES!"
Father and daughter glared at each other.
Finally, Hikaru Daitokuji crossed his arms. "Biko, dear... I'm *trying*
to be supportive. But this mecha you want to build... I mean, *really*!"
Her eyes narrowed. "Father, DEAR. I'm building this mecha and I'm
entering that fight! What part of this are you unable to comprehend?"
"Do you think I'm made of money?!"
"Yes."
"Well, I'm not! The Daitokuji Financial Group can't afford to pay for
this... this ungainly behemoth!"
B-ko smiled sweetly and tossed her hair back. "Oh, don't worry, father.
You'll get the plans for it after I'm done - the company can only gain money
from this deal."
He scowled. "Maybe with your other designs, yes, but nobody would buy
this one! Especially since you've used-"
Daitokuji's sentence was cut off as his daughter slammed her palms down
onto the table. The two locked gazes again, but the businessman refused to
back down. Finally tears welled up in B- ko's eyes. "I... see. So that's
how it's going to be."
Her father hardened his heart. "I'm afraid so."
"That's... unfortunate..."
"Biko, please try to understand-"
"...since I've already finished building my design."
"You WHAT?!"
"Well, the fight is TODAY, father. You didn't think I'd try to finish
it from scratch in time to do battle, do you?"
The elder Daitokuji was aghast and agog. "But... but you don't have
access to the company funds!"
"Oh, I didn't use them." As her father sighed in relief, B- ko tossed
his wallet onto the table. "I used your personal credit account. You really
should be more careful, you know."
"But... but..." He seemed to recover a bit. "If you'd already built
it, WHY DID YOU ASK PERMISSION?!"
"Really, father. One must always follow the dictates of protocol and
etiquette, you know. It's hardly my fault that you are too short-sighted to
accept my brilliance." She straightened up and, grabbing the lapels of her
school uniform, pulled it off in one swift motion, revealing her purple,
shiny, and very revealing Akagiyama 23 Power BioSuit beneath. "Now, if
you'll excuse me, I have a battle to win."
As his daughter leapt out the nearby window and flew off into the sky,
Hikaru Daitokuji feverishly grabbed a handy pair of scissors and cut his
credit cards to pieces.
*
It was a very nice island, when all was said and done - your average
tropical paradise. Though few tropical paradises have huge mecha
construction facilities in them.
The island was the most recent acquisition of the cute yet evil Devilot
de Deathsatan IXX, who had stubbed her toe that day and had needed something
to console her.
Because she was a hands-on kinda girl, she was expertly spot welding the
last few armor plates onto her latest creation, though was careful to prevent
any stray sparks from igniting the beautiful evening gown she wore. When the
last piece of metal was securely fastened, she lifted the welder's visor and
surveyed her work. "Magnificent!" she crowed. "I'll be able to mangle and
eviscerate them in no time!"
"A wonderful job if I may say so, Miss Devilot," a large man with an axe
said in a deep booming voice.
"Indeed, indeed," said his green-skinned counterpart, not to be outdone.
"Truly a shining jewel in the crown of your brilliance!"
"Thank you, Jigoku; thank you, Dr. Stein." She ran her white-gloved
hand over the mecha's surface. "And *this* time," she added, her eyes
glinting maliciously, "NOBODY's going to get in the way of my TOTAL
DOMINATION! Blood *will* run in the streets, and my throne will rest on the
skulls of my enemies!" She giggled, thinking of the carnage she would cause.
"But first," she decided, "I want some ice cream."
"Yes, Miss Devilot," her henchthings said in unison.
*
"And we're back!" Hiroshi was, despite his recent trauma, several
notches above 'hyper', say about four-fifths of a Lumi-chan. "And boy, do WE
have a FIGHT for YOU!"
"I would assume so," Daisuke drawled. "That's why we're here."
"You can never just let it rest, can you? Anyway, folks, prepare
yourselves for... the MECHA BRAWL!"
His partner shrugged. "That's right, Hiroshi. We have three new
prospective Omega-class fighters who all want to join our ranks. But to do
that..."
"...one of them has to be the LAST ONE STANDING in a no- holds-barred
titanic fight to the finish with the CyberGrrlz!" Hiroshi gushed. "I can't
wait!"
"I can," Daisuke commented. "But since we don't want to be here all
night, let's just go straight to the site of the match - a city right here in
America, called Angel Grove."
*
Normally, Omega-style battles don't take place in populated locations.
However, this particular town had several useful traits - long experience
with giant robots, unusually high senses of self-preservation among the
populace, and a booming construction industry - that made it ideal for the
task. Even after countless mecha battles among the very streets, there had
never been a reported death, so it was probably okay.
B-ko's mecha, the Yarikomitsu-37, was already in place. Painted in a
stylish green and black motif, it was the perfect weapon for this little
display - she'd taken her opponents strengths and weaknesses into account as
much as she could, and though there were still far too many variables in her
equations for her liking, she was confident that her innate genius would be
enough to carry the field.
And when she won here, she would be walking amongst the very gods!
*Let's see A-ko take THAT away from me,* she thought with a smirk.
B-ko herself stood on the mecha's shoulder, waiting impatiently for her
opponents. Fortunately, it wasn't long before a small hovering drone floated
gently but purposefully toward her. As it neared her location it came to a
halt, small camera lens focusing, and a tiny speaker crackled to like.
"Vell, vell, vell. Vhat have we here? It's a little girl, who vants to play
vith me! WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"
The younger Daitokuji was far too sophisticated to be lured out by such
taunts from one such as him. "Ah. Doctor Wiley, I presume? I'm sure I will
find our battle interesting... though, given your track record, I rather
doubt it shall last very long."
"Hah! You are vone to talk, little girl. Ze radium calling ze uranium
radioactive, eh?"
B-ko ignored that. "But surely *this* is not your warrior?" She reached
out an arm and casually flicked the drone, which floated back a few inches.
"Hardly a weapon of mass destruction, I would think."
There was no response from the drone, and she was about to destroy it
out of boredom when a loud rumbling caught her attention. Several blocks
over, an all-night yak-and-tofu restaraunt split in half, the two parts
sliding apart to reveal a giant robot as it rose from below.
It was somewhat bigger than Yarikomitsu-37, formed of white and blue
armor plates, but the interesting thing about it was the head. It was a
bright yellow, with two black dots for eyes and a curved line for a mouth,
though the face was partially concealed by a huge leather mask. *Simulated*
leather - there were only so many cows Wiley was willing to sacrifice in the
name of style. The bad Doctor himself was barely visible in one of the
eyedots, manning a complicated set of controls.
The drone's speaker activated again. "Foolish girl! You are as nothing
against my genius! Prepare to face the unbridled fury of... KINDMAN!" The
robot posed impressively.
*
Back in New York, staring at the screen, even Hiroshi had no words to
convey his feelings about this.
Finally Daisuke put his head in his hands. "We're gonna get sued again,
aren't we? First Ranma's music, and now this. Oy vey."
"Funny," Hiroshi mused, "he doesn't *look* very kind."
"..."
*
Meanwhile, halfway across town at Repulsive Rita's Bar and Grill, two
men in single-colored bodysuits were enjoying their patty melts. Or trying
to - their masks didn't have functioning mouths.
Business had seriously dropped off for them. Sure, they'd done their
share of fighting evil at first, and life had been pretty good. (And the
marketing had been AMAZING.) But lately nobody really cared about them any
more, what with the whole pokemon craze and all, so they were content to
spend their time cruising around Angel Grove, collecting whatever free food
their fifteen minutes of fame entitled them to. Which wasn't much these days
- even the restaurant they were in was only willing to give them a half-price
deal.
Anyway, since the blue one had gone off to college and the girls had
turned out to be lesbians and entered the adult movie industry, they didn't
have many people to talk to.
And then... the call came in!
They poked at their trademarked wrist communication things. "What's up,
blurry-faced dude?" the black one asked.
"There is a disturbance in Angel Grove," the distorted voice said. "Two
giant robots have appeared, and they may be looking for a fight."
"We're on it!" the red one said. "I'll take care of the tab - you warm
up the Zords."
"Right!"
As the red one was getting his change, a loud "Awww, MAN!" caught his
attention. "What's wrong?"
The black one gestured outside to where the color- coordinated robots
were stripped to their frames and supported by large cinder blocks. "We've
been jacked!"
*
Yarikomitsu-37 and Kindman watched each other warily, or rather their
pilots did - Wiley standing behind the brightly- colored buttons of his
control panel, and B-ko plugged directly into her mecha's system via the
BioSuit. Before too long, however, they were joined by a third. Which
blotted out the sun.
The fleet of helicopter-like drones was carrying a truly gargantuan
mecha, fully three-times taller than its opponents. Colored a ghastly shade
of pinkish-purple, the robot - which bore a striking resemblance to a penguin
- was carefully settled in the middle of a park.
The small blond girl behind the wheel, as it were, of the mecha casually
flicked on her external loudspeakers. "I'm here," she announced, "to eat ice
cream, and grind you into bloody pulps. And I'm alllllll out of ice cream.
It was good, too! Cower, brief mortals, for I, Devilot de Deathsatan, have
arrived!"
Her two opponents seemed to exchange glances. "Who?" they asked in
unison.
"What do you mean, 'who?'" Devilot raged. "I'm a genius! My mecha are
unparalleled for their destructive capacity! I was in Beta! I could have
been GOD!"
B-ko hmphed, and Yarikomitsu-37 crossed its arms. "But, apparently, you
lost. And, if I recall correctly, your final attempt at victory was thwarted
by a girl with a broom."
Wiley chortled. "Zen we are all in ze same boat, ja?"
"You're both gonna bleed for that, you realize. Once Deathrazor
Uki-chan gets hold of you..."
"We shall see. Now, if only our other competitors would arrive..."
Suddenly the air flickered, and a giant rectangle in the sky seemed to
open, with no visible means of support. After a three- second countdown, a
la old motion pictures, an image of Xelloss appeared. "Oh," he began, his
voice carrying to all of the mecha below, "I'm afraid that the Cybergrrlz
won't be able to make it. So sorry!"
"WHAT?!" "WHAT?!" "VHAT?!"
"Well, Washuu-chan decided that it would be a big waste of time,
especially since they'd be fighting each other, so she took them into the
future a little ways to watch the premiere of the next Star Wars movie."
"Well, what are we supposed to do, then?" Devilot demanded. "I want
BLOOD, and I want it NOW!"
"Oh, don't worry. You can still fight each other, and the winner may
join the ranks of Ultra. And Washuu-chan said to include this extra offer -
whoever wins may audition to join the ranks of the Cybergrrlz, if they want."
Doctor Wiley chortled. "Hah! I have no desire to be called a
'Zyber-grrrrrl', but I will zertainly destroy these two zo I may take my
rightful place!"
"I think you may be in for a disappointment, ancient one!"
Yarikomitsu-37's engines revved to life. "Shall we begin, then?"
"Yeah! It's time for dismemberment!"
Xelloss grinned. "I'm so glad that worked out well. Good luck!"
*
There was a short pause before the action began. "All right," Devilot
shouted, "let's start the mayhem! Activate the tacnuke-loaded chaingun!"
As the other mecha backed toward cover, the penguin's massive arm
rose... and stopped halfway up with a loud *THUNK*.
"What?! What's happening?" Devilot manipulated the controls
frantically, with no effect. "Darn it! Why won't you kill anyone?!"
Suddenly she noticed a small screen, with a grey box displayed on it
that hadn't been there before. "'Uki-chan has encountered a general
protection fault,'" she read aloud, "'close window to proceed?' What is
this? Okay, closed. I said, closed. CLOSE, DAMMIT, CLOSE! Fine, we'll
just turn that off and... huh? 'You must reboot Uki-chan to continue?' Wait
a minute... oh, no... WHO LOADED WINDOWS ON THE MAIN PROCESSOR?!"
Devilot's henchthings exchanged glances.
"Well," Dr. Stein finally admitted, "I... more or less... did. But...
but it was supposed to solve any problems you might have had! Since
Microsoft is so successful, it stands to reason that they wouldn't publish an
*inferior* product, would they?"
The young girl sloooooowly turned around, and her smile was not
something that her henchthings wanted to see. "Of course you realize," she
announced, "that you are already dead."
Outside, oblivious to the panicked screams occuring in Uki- chan's
control room, the other mecha pilots realized that nothing much was going to
happen, so they cheerfully unloaded thousands of energy blasts and heavy
missiles into the huge penguin until it finally detonated in an
SFX-budget-devouring explosion.
Then they got down to business.
While Devilot and her minions fled the scene in an emergency pod,
Yarikomitsu-37 and Kindman assaulted each other with an impressive array of
weapons, from traditional Rocket Punches to vastly-improved Akagiyama
Missiles to uranium-depleted buckshot to the old "Look! Behind you! A
three-headed robeast!" trick. (It never works, but it's traditional.)
It quickly became clear to B-ko that Kindman, while not particularly
fast or agile, could absorb quite a lot of punishment. Knowing Washuu and
Ifurita's standard tactics, she'd heavily invested in energy shielding,
preferring that over standard armor. The crazed robot facing her, however,
was pure power, and indulged in hand-to-hand attacks above all others.
Yarikomitsu-37 was becoming badly damaged - it was mostly cosmetic, but a few
backup systems were down, and it was only a matter of time before B-ko would
go down for the count.
Desperately, she grabbed the top few stories of a (miraculously
uninhabited) office building and hurled it at her opponent. When the smoke
cleared, however, Kindman reappeared - shaken, but not stirred... er,
damaged.
"WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Wiley's voice was beginning to grate on B-ko's
nerves. "You fool! Your weapons are useless against me! Now you shall
taste the zting of Kindman's ultimate veapon: ze TOXIC ZHOCK!"
(Back in Manhattan, Hiroshi asked, "Did he say Toxic Shock or Toxic
Sock?"
Daisuke just slumped down further. "Oh, yeah. We're gonna be majorly
sued.")
Large hatches opened in Kindman's chest, and a multicolored wave of
bioenergy flowed out from them and enveloped Yarikomitsu- 37. B-ko hadn't
counted on this form of attack, and since her BioSuit connected her fairly
closely with her mecha, the toxic blast played havoc with her nervous system.
She screamed in pain, groping for the controls that would temporarily sever
the link between pilot and machine.
As her pained cries faded, B-ko noticed a shadow being cast on her
now-kneeling mecha. "I am not an unrrreasonable man," Wiley said in amused
pity. "If you choose to leave, little girl, I von't hurt you any more."
B-ko managed a weak chuckle, a thin trickle of blood trailing from the
side of her mouth, Shatner-style. "Well, I must admit, old man," she said,
slowly recovering from the attack, "you do have some life in you after all."
"Zen you admit your inferiority?"
This, of course, was the wrong thing to say. "Never!" She grabbed a
handy Buick and tossed it at Kindman's head - it did no damage, but it was
enough to make the robot stagger back a few steps. B-ko took that
opportunity to stand up and put some space between the two mecha. "Oh, I'll
admit that you have some small degree of skill... but you really should have
finished me when you had the chance!"
"And vhy is zat?"
An antenna rose from Yarikomitsu-37's shoulder and began to flash pretty
colors. "Because now you've given me time to initiate my OWN ultimate attack
plan, fool!"
*
"If they have these ultimate attacks," Daisuke wondered, "why didn't
they just use them first instead of waiting until they've used everything
else in the book."
"That's the *point* of ultimate attacks, Dai!" Hiroshi insisted.
"There's no dramatic tension if they use their special attacks right off the
bat."
"...Whatever."
*
It is a little known fact that Angel Grove is the zamboni capital of
North America. Sounds strange, but there it is. Even their city motto
reflects this: "Angel Grove - We Are Zamboni".
And, in response to the signal transmitted by Yarikomitsu- 37, every
zamboni in the city was turning on of their own volition and driving
themselves out of their ice rinks and into the streets. Once there, they
activated their hoverjets and flew to the site of the battle, floating next
to Yarikomitsu-37 in a protective formation.
Kindman surveyed the machines warily. "Vhat is zis?"
Now mostly recovered from the toxic attack, B-ko laughed maniacally.
"One should always prepare for a battle well in advance, ancient one! Over
the past two weeks, my loyal flunkies have replaced every single zamboni in
Angel Grove with one of my highly-advanced copies. Now, it is time to put my
plan into action!"
As she and the zamboni took to the air, Kindman rushed forward to stop
her, but was just a moment too late - its grasping hand missed
Yarikomitsu-37's trailing foot by a mere seven meters.
Once airborne, B-ko wasted no time and activated the manual controls.
"Interspatial linkage initiated! Multiphasic tri- axial drive engaged!
Psuedoscientific technobabble at maximum!" She activated the antenna again.
"Zambonicons! Merge to form... SUPER YARIKOMITSU!" She grabbed a huge lever
installed for this very purpose. "Switch... ON!"
As the background became needlessly speed-line filled, the zamboni moved
closer to the parent mecha, shifting their forms and linking together into
various body parts. We will dispense with the "Form shins and ankles!",
"Form radius and ulna!" descriptions - suffice to say that when the last
machine slotted into place, there stood a robot much, much taller than the
original. It landed next to Kindman, looming over Wiley's robot.
"Hah!" Wiley shouted, but with rather less confidence than normal. "You
still cannot defeat me!"
Kindman charged forward, arms thrown wide, but B-ko merely smirked.
"Form blazing stick!" A huge, blue-glowing hockey stick appeared in Super
Yarikomitsu's outstreched hand, which the composite robot used to slapshot
Kindman high into the air. A few moments later, Wiley's 'greatest triumph'
landed on Angel Grove's local thumbtack factory - it didn't get up again.
The dust settled, and B-ko's adrenaline level slowly faded. "I won? I
won!" Super Yarikomitsu raised a victorious fist. "Yes! I, B-ko Daitokuji,
have single-handedly fought my way to the winner's circle! I am magnificent!
I-"
Her victory speech was cut short as a temporal vortex opened up near
Super Yarikomitsu's feet. A slender dark-haired girl stepped out, looking
around at the destruction with vague interest. She glanced up at the robot.
"So... is it over already?"
B-ko blinked. "You're... Gally, yes? I thought you were watching Star
Wars."
The Battle Angel shrugged. "I didn't get it. Anyway, if you won, then
I guess I can interview you for that Cybergrrlz position."
"Wha- oh, yes. Well, certainly. I suppose I could graciously accept
your invitation."
"Fine." Gally cracked her knuckles. "This'll just take a moment."
"First," B-ko began, "I should give you my credentials. My father owns
the Daitokuji Financial Group and... um, where are you going? Hey! Stop
that! This is an *interview* not a... HEY! Look, that's MY arm, you
little... KNOCK IT OFF! No, not LITERALLY! If you don't stop ripping off my
limbs there is going to be *trouble!* Hey, wait, don't do THAT, you'll make
the whole thing-"
The explosion was impressive, even by Angel Grove standards.
Shortly thereafter, B-ko pulled herself from the wreckage, coughing
painfully. Only her BioSuit had protected her from the blast, but even so
she felt like warmed-over roadkill.
A figure stepped out of the smoke and peered at the demolished robot
with a faintly apologetic expression. "Sorry. But I guess it wasn't that
great a robot after all, huh? You'll probably do better next time."
B-ko was outraged. "W-what?!"
"Anyway, Washuu wanted me to pick her up some more popcorn and Jujubes,
so I've gotta get back." Gally walked away, waving over her shoulder. "See
you next time."
To B-ko's furious, slightly deranged brain, the Battle Angel's black
hair was, just for a moment, tinted a bright red.
She pulled herself to her feet. "Damn you, Gally," she announced, fist
clenched in determination. "I swear on everything I hold dear that we WILL
meet again, and on that day you will die, die, DIE! I WILL destroy you, and
win C-ko! I mean, the title!"
Her maddened, obsessed laughter echoed throught the streets as B-ko
devised a new plan to defeat the horrible girl that brought her so much
anguish.
The transfer of her hatred was complete.
*
Elsewhere...
In a distant dressing room, a warrior was preparing to meet the new
day's challenge. With spirit and with power, he built his focus, worked
towards the everwinding road of the fighter's path, which at this point was
starting with having the right costume.
Shingo set the empty Kanzaki Industries suitcase away, and tugged on
the sleeves of his new costume. "I don't know. It feels kind of loose.
Karin said this needed to be a good fit to work properly. What do you
think?"
"OOSHA! It is stunning in its cut, form and function!" Dan Hibiki
declared. "Never before have I seen such a wonderful garment! It will be
ideal to defeat the dishonorable Ranma Saotome in! Soon, your rising star
of glory will illuminate the night sky, and--"
"Ranma's not dishonorable," Shingo said, adjusting the cuffs a little
more. "He's just... he's just confused. I'm going to show him what I've
learned today. And I've really got to give thanks to you for showing me...
Dan-sensei."
Dan's mighty forearm shook with pride.
*
It's not often that one sees inside the mind of someone else, unless
they're in a zombie slasher flick, in which case the mind often gets exposed
by shotgun blasts or axes. Which isn't the same thing, and should probably
not have been used for comparison purposes. But nevertheless, this is
Ranma's perspective, from arriving at the entrance stage :
He was being booed, and he didn't like it.
This was the same crowd that cheered him as a champion. The one thing
he actually LIKED in his tenure at Ultra, and the one thing that has long
since been gone. But tonight, he'd show them all. He scowled at the crowd,
a little backlash for how they'd turned on him, and got to the ring, climbed
in, all business.
He tried to reach his ki, to get ready for the fight.
And couldn't.
Ranma gritted his teeth. It was getting harder and harder to access
his inner power lately, and no amount of exhaustive training, no amount of
fighting was helping. Ever since that ridiculous restaurant fight with
Marlo, he'd been slowly getting weaker in the powerhouse department, and he
didn't like it. What was the problem? It couldn't be focus; he was
focused, focused on the belt. On winning. That's what fighting was about,
right?
Of course not, part of him thought. You hate being here right now.
He silenced that part and stood his ground, trying to calm himself.
The anger was working against him -- half his techniques relied on having a
cool head. As long as Shingo didn't deliberately try to piss him off, this
would go easy as pie.
Then Shingo walked out in a Chinese shirt with wooden ties, black
pants, and little black shoes. 'Lai Lai Boy' was playing over the Garden's
sound system.
Ranma got pissed.
][ ULTRARAGE GAMMA MATCH #5 : GAMMA TITLE DEFENSE
][ RANMA vs. SHINGO
][ FIGHT!!
"I hope Shingo's got his medical insurance paid up, because he just bit
the proverbial thumb at Ranma," Daisuke said. "And folks, take it from an
old friend of his, that's not a good thing to do if you like your vital
organs at their current locations."
Shingo vaulted over the ropes, and assumed a Kempo offensive stance...
with his little black FAQ book in his hands. "Okay! Anything Goes Martial
Arts style, commence!" He pocketed the book. "Ranma! Billions of people
are expecting a good match. Let's give them one!"
"You... YOU..." Ranma growled, his blood boiling. He assumed an
identical stance. "You think you can copy ME?! What are you, an idiot? I
told you I'd trash you if you come out here with someone else's moves, and
now I'm going to SHOW you -- there can BE only one!"
Shingo ran towards Ranma, snapping his wrist, getting his hand loose
for what would come. "Then prepare for your own move! TENSHIN AMAGURKIEN!"
Saotome got his hands up, to block the hundreds of blows he knew were
coming -- and completely missed the Judo style kick to his midsection. He
stumbled backwards, in shock.
"Yosh! HIRYUU SHOTEN HA!" Shingo declared -- but instead backflipped
away from Ranma, sprang off the ropes and came out with a roaring elbow.
Ranma barely got away in time, his mind having reflexively tried to block
what he thought was coming. The crowd cheered and laughed, enjoying the
spectacle -- Ranma threw them a dirty look, not appreciating being the butt
of the joke.
"Shingo's using a little in-ring psychology on Ranma," Daisuke
narrated. "He's not copying Ranma's moves at all, just the costume, to
throw him off base. And the crowd's coming alive for the young champion.
Go figure."
"SHUT UP!" Ranma barked at the crowd. "Shingo, you putz, THIS is how
it's done! AMAGURIKEN!"
Shingo Yabuki assumed a defensive pose, the one he knew would work
against Amaguriken.. and it almost did. But Ranma was so enraged and
unfocused that his blows strayed all over the place, outside of Shingo's
blocking range. Many of the fists found their mark, and Shingo skidded
across the mat on his back, knocked flat from the move.
Ranma didn't wait for Shingo to get up -- he just pounced on the boy,
and started to pound him. He ignored martial arts. He ignored his ki. He
just brawled away. Shingo tried to shake loose, to roll away; without
success. But at a time like this, he knew what to do. He fumbled out his
little black book.. and spoke the words.
"Shingo power, change! Form of... Mr. Satan!"
A flash of red light blinded Ranma temporarily; he flipped away, and
onto his feet to avoid the moment of weakness being exploited. But when the
spots cleared...
His opponent had a VERY big afro and a very snazzy looking cape. The
crowd laughed themselves silly, three patrons requiring immediate medical
assistance for hyperventilation.
"Yosh!" Shingo said, posing. "This changing costume Karin made for me
works great! Okay, Ranma, time for round two!"
Shingo charged in.. and then kicked up one foot, and slid foot-first
into Ranma's chest, knocking him backwards. Patented JohnnyShadows(tm)
trailed behind him.
"...Shingo is.. dressed like Mr. Satan and using JOHNNY CAGE'S moves?!"
Hiroshi shouted. "Whoa. Just goes to show, anything can happen in Ultra!"
The angry young man got back to his feet.. trying not to see red. He
couldn't approach Shingo like this, without knowing what the hell Shingo
might throw at him, and his instincts kept jumping the wrong way. It was
actually harder than approaching a fighter with one original style since it
kept VARYING on him... so he'd just have to not approach it.
This was about to end. He summoned all his power, circling around
Shingo, who was fumbling through his little black book to find a new style
he could use. Not that Ranma would give him a chance.
He focused, his mind lukewarm at best, and launched. It would have to
be enough...
"HIRYUU... SHOTEN... HA!"
And a whirlwind engulfed Shingo. And Ranma.
The move backfired; Ranma was too heated up, too angry, to keep his
cool and draw the attack to his enemy. Fortunately, he couldn't tap enough
power to really do a hell of a lot of damage with it, and it just
disoriented him for a moment... by the time both fighters were back on their
feet, though, something was missing.
Shingo's little black book. It had gotten knocked into the stands,
where a fan was waving it around excitedly, like he had caught a pop fly at
the World Series.
"Shimatta!" Shingo cursed. "My FAQ! I can't change my fighting style
now!"
I've got him, Ranma thought. Shing had lost his edge. Ranma charged,
intent on settling this with one punch. A simple, hard as hell, shatter
your jaw and end your career punch...
At met a kick to the face. Then a punch, a kick, a flurry of
attacks... Shingo was just waiting for it, and countered the entirely too
blatant move with something wholly new.
From the wild blur, his voice cried out. "SHINGO CERTAIN VICTORY
RELYING ON NOBODY BUT MYSELF FLURRY!!"
With a single, finishing uppercut, Shingo knocked Ranma backwards into
a turnbuckle. Saotome's lights went out, and he didn't get up for the ten
count.
"Your winner, and still Gamma Champion, SHINGO YABUKI!" Hiroshi
announced, as the crowd did a full force standing ovation. Shingo just
grinned sheepishly, changed back to his normal costume, and waved to the
fans. "Daisuke, I don't get it. Didn't he just say he couldn't change his
style without his book? That was... a mix of Shingo original and Dan
Hibiki!"
"I guess he lied," Daisuke said. "Pretty smart, if you think about
it."
Ranma shook his head, consciousness slowly flowing back in. When his
vision focused, there was a hand reaching out to him, to help him back to
his feet. He took it without question. Then he saw who was offering the
help.
"See, Ranma?" Shingo asked, sweeping an arm, to gesture to the crowd.
"I did it. I did it by entertaining the fans, having fun, AND trying to
expand my fighting technique with new methods and new strategies. Just like
you taught me to. Isn't that what you wanted?"
But Ranma's mind was too jumbled to think about it. Here was the
crowd, cheering SHINGO on, and all for that.. that stuntshow. And...
"You used Dan's finisher on me," Ranma realized.
"Yeah, he taught it to me today!" Shingo admitted, smiling away. "It
was his idea to really go for broke on this fight and entertain the fans
too, and I agree! Wasn't that great? I can't wait to spar with you again,
Ranma! Maybe you can find a way to counter my technique, and we can learn
from each other! Doesn't it sound great?"
"...yeah. Great, Shingo," Ranma said.. gripping the turnbuckle. "In
fact..."
He tore the turnbuckle out of the ring supports with sheer adrenaline,
swung, and knocked Shingo into Row 5, Section B.
"I think it sounds GREAT!!" Ranma shouted after him, ignoring the crowd
booing him. "Let's do just that! Once I get the number one contendership,
I'm coming after you again! Dan's pathetic moves aren't gonna help you next
time! I WANT MY BELT! And I don't care what any of these people think!
I'm not here to have fun! I'm here to WIN! TO WIN!"
"...and the feud continues," Daisuke said. "But Ranma's going to have
to work to get another title shot after blowing this one. He... uh, he's
coming this way--"
Ranma tore the top off the announcer's desk, and yanked one of the
spare mikes out from the box underneath while Hiroshi scrambled to the
safety of the front row. He turned to address the crowd.
"I'm here to win! I always win! Nobody beats me!" Ranma shouted, in a
crazed frenzy. "SHUT UP! Stop booing me! What's wrong with you people?!
I've rescued fiancees from princes and stomped villains and demons and I've
been a champion and I'm going to win! SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!! I don't care
what you think! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
He hurled the microphone into the crowd, and sprinted to the backstage
area, kicking up a dustrail as he went.
"...I think Ranma's finally cracked," Daisuke said. "You can come out
now, Hiroshi. The bad man is gone bye bye."
"Jeez!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "I knew Ranma had a stressful life, but
I've never seen him like THIS. I guess Dan's finisher beating him was the
straw that broke the panda's back or something."
"Speaking of breaking backs," Daisuke stated, "We'll be right back with
the Omega title defense. Stay tuned."
*
Meanwhile...
Actually, no, it wasn't meanwhile. Because when you're in the Room of
Space and Time, things can get a little wonky with the flow of time, and
events don't always coincide very well. But for purposes of metaphor, it
will be said.
Meanwhile...
Jack had been in this room for what seemed like weeks. It was boring
here. There was no cable TV, and thus no Cinemax after midnight adult
features. There was no spray cheese in lovely PCB producing aerosol cans.
And above all, there was no fun.
But even a wild and crazy guy like him knew when it was time to wait to
be wild and crazy so you could do something important here and now. Or
something. Which is why he put up with it.
"Your technique is improving," Gokuu said, hesitantly, breathing hard
after the workout. "But I still think you should stick to the techniques
and methods I'm showing you--"
"Nope, nada, nyet, can't do it," Controversial Jack said. "Trust me on
this, Sonny Boy. If I don't do things my way, I won't be ABLE to do them.
And this way I don't have to pump iron or steroids to get to the level I
need. ...but do you think I'm ready? You're the fightin' guy here, not me,
so I can't exactly tell."
"I'm not sure, Jack-san," Gokuu said. "Another few weeks would put you
on an even level, but that's minutes more than you have. I think the best
you can hope for is to be able to defend yourself if pushed to it. "
"That works for me. I'm planning to wait until those idiots pound each
other silly, then I'll stomp the leftovers," Jack said, with a grin.
"Jack, that's not very honorable--"
"Look, Gokuu, you KNOW me. I'm not purely honorable, I'm not utterly
dishonorable, I'm simply Controversial Jack. If I took this contest nice
and honorable I wouldn't win, and above all, I'm gonna win. So if we can
only take 'minutes', it'll be enough for me. Besides, there's something
innately controversial about dry-humping the laws of physics like this, and
that appeals to me," Jack said, grinning. He smacked a fist into palm.
"Okay, 'sensei', we'll continue. Time to bend the nonexistent spoon!"
*
Backstage, an object was stolen from Gambit's locker.
Naturally, this will prove to be immensely important, but right now
it's merely a footnote in the encyclopedia of Ultra, somewhere between "Lost
plot threads: see also 'Cousin Ryo-kun" and "Magical Girl Hunters, cameo
appearances of."
*
"We're back... and it seems we've got a small problem," Daisuke said,
listening to his hidden earpiece. "Our Omega referee is missing. We may
not be able to HAVE an Omega title defense at this rate, since nobody would
be there to keep the universe from being destroyed -- and with our two
competitors, that would be a problem."
"Nevertheless, we go LIVE AND DIRECT to the red planet of Mars for our
Omega match waiting to happen! Hey, do you think there's really water there
in the ice caps? I bet they'll get thirsty waiting."
*
][ ULTRARAGE GAMMA MATCH #6 : OMEGA TITLE DEFENSE
][ OROCHI vs. SEPHIROTH
The Orochi kicked a crashed NASA probe away in frustration. Not only
was he being forced to defend his belt right before the most important
moment in his existence, but the [foolish] mortals were making him WAIT for
a 'referee'.
This couldn't have come at a worse time. The Void was prepared,
boiling like cold fire inside this stolen mortal body. It wanted to be
unleashed, to return the world to nothing. All it needed was a conduit, a
pathway known as the godhead. But if he was forced to expend some of his
[hate] in a measly fight beforehand, it would be farther from his grasp.
Orochi couldn't comprehend the peaceful state his opponent was in.
This Sephiroth, the other would-be god of [darkness], was unnaturally calm
and unworried. Perhaps he was so overconfident of victory that he assumed
this farce would not drain his own resources?
"No, I simply lack your mortal frustration," Sephiroth explained,
almost as if he could read the Orochi's thoughts. "You can feel it in the
bones you have stolen from the one known as David. Internal weakness. I,
however, have no such weakness."
"Be [silent]," the Orochi warned.
Sephiroth stood, hand resting on the handle of his sheathed sword. "It
seems they are delaying because they are unable to find someone to determine
a winner," he stated. "Whereas I don't see a need for such a person. After
all, like you, I have no real interest in this fight at this time. Am I
correct?"
"Of course," the Orochi replied, coldly.
"Far be it for me to waste your time. A proposal. How about if I
simply forfeit, and allow you the win officially?" Sephiroth asked, smiling
as he slipped the cursed blade out of its resting place by a single inch...
"Yes, whatever," the Orochi said, distracted. Then realized. "No,
wait--"
*
The crowd at Madison Square Garden was nervous. Impatient. Irritated.
As far as they knew, the Omega match hadn't started yet, and the show was
starting to slow down. Beach balls were being passed around, and the
bathrooms were overflowing, but no red hot fighting action was taking
place... at least, in view.
"We're still waiting for confirmation of the Omega match, folks, but if
this keeps up we may be skipping right to the main event," Daisuke informed.
"We--"
A hole in reality shredded itself into antiexistence, right in the
middle of the ring. A black void, like a vacuum, kicking up a foul wind
inside the Garden...
And the Orochi was tossed out. A pale, drained, wiped out Orochi.
Unmoving, not even to breathe.
"...crap," Daisuke exclaimed, the height of his usual emotional peak
ability.
Sephiroth stepped out of the tear, calm as can be, and kicked the
Orochi out of the way so he could seal the rift without a fallen opponent
invading his personal space. Then he addressed the crowd. "It seems the
Orochi has successfully defended his coveted Omega belt," he said, gesturing
with his drawn sword to the tarnished gold belt still around the Orochi's
waist. "I'm afraid he got the best of me, and I was beaten fair and square.
Such a shame. But I am the 'designated jobber' of the Omega division, so I
suppose it makes sense. Now. Can we please get on to the main event?
Xelloss? I know you are watching this. I am ready."
Sure enough, Xelloss appeared behind Sephiroth, via a similar evil
entrance method.
"What, already?" Xelloss asked. "You robbed all these nice people of a
good, entertaining high powered slugfest and you want me to come when
summoned? Now now, Sephiroth, you know me better."
"Begin the Supreme Being Brawl," Sephiroth requested.
A purple flare appeared near a turnbuckle... warping around in an alien
wind, to deposit ShadowNERV Crime Lord M. "Don't Call Me Mickey" Bison in
midair. He floated, arms crossed, over to join the others.
"The time is now," he said. "I have prepared, and have grown sick of
waiting. We will begin this contest NOW."
"Well, that's a bit of a problem," Xelloss said, waving a no-no finger.
"You see, Lina still isn't with us in the land of the living, Orochi is
taking a little nap--"
The Orochi rotated to an upright position. A neat trick, like someone
laying flat swivelling on a pivot to be standing in only a few seconds. He
still looked weak and unhealthy, but threw his bid in... with a [hateful]
glare at Sephiroth. "...I will not be left out. I may be drained, but I
will [reign] supreme. Begin the fight."
Xelloss smiled, clapping lightly for the Orochi's benefit. "SO glad
you could join us, Orochi-san. Unfortunately, Controversial Jack--"
"Is HERE, baby!"
Jack power-posed at the top of the ramp, wearing a freshly pressed
dress shirt and red power tie, sharp and pointy like his hair. He also
stood with a towel slung over one shoulder after the great workout he'd just
had.
"Let's get ready to rummmmblee!!" Jack intoned. "C'mon, Xelloss, don't
be a wuss! Anybody who's late to the party can just join after the fact.
I'm pumped! I'm primed! I'm ready to rock this world down to its
foundations!-- hey, watch it!"
Jack jumped a foot to the side, as Dan, curled up into a neat ball,
rolled out between his legs and sprang up, to steal the spotlight, with a
taunt. And the crowd goes wild. Yaay.
"OOSHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dan taunted, whipping out the mad
exclamation mark skillz for such an occasion. "THE TIME HAS COME for the
mighty DAN to reclaim the godhead so that Kasumi may reign supreme again! I
lost it at the last pay per view, and I will redeem myself TONIGHT! Foul
dark demons, I am power made spiffy! I am groovy! I am STONE COLD DAN
HIBIKI, and HIBIKI 3:16 says you just whooped my ass!!! ...err, I mean..."
Kasumi stepped out around the crowd forming at the stage. "I'm ready
too," she simply said, smiling and waving to the crowd. "And I think the
crowd would like the big fight to start. They've waited so long, and it'd
be the nice thing to do, yes?"
"*YESS!!!!!*" the crowd responded with, stamping feet and waving signs
and gettin' rowdy.
Xelloss perked an eyebrow. "Well well! Then let's get to it." He
snapped his fingers -- and transformed from his priestly robes to a sharp
white and black referee's shirt. "Everybody into the ring! The portals to
the fight location will be opening shortly. The white zone is for loading
and unloading only..."
*
Whirrrrr.... clack!.... thunk. BZZT!
"Dammit!"
Whirrrrr.... clack!.... thunk. BZZT!
Dark Schneider banged a fist on the infernal machine, cursing its very
existence. Not that it helped. "Stupid game! If you weren't shielded from
magic, I'd damn you to the nine hells at least sixteen times!! Here's
another toy, Naga."
Naga took the squeaky toy from Dark Schneider and added it to the
growing pile of unsuccessful Dragonball snatching attempts. "The fight is
STARTING, Schneider. If you cannot beat this simple game, move over, and
allow Naga the White Serpent to test her mettle! OOOHHOOHHOOHOHO!"
"I can DO this. It's a kid's game," Darshu said between teeth that
ground together hard enough to turn coal into diamond. He slammed a button,
moved the lever, waited... and fetched the new toy in disgust. "We just
have to get Lina summoned before the last person's down. Not a problem.
Here's another."
The tiny green alien blinked three eyes at Naga, and chirped. "The
claw! It has chosen me! You must be the savior! OooOOOOoooo."
Making a face, Naga just dropped the toy onto the pile.
*
"All fighters present and accounted for?" Xelloss asked. "Aside from
poor, poor Lina-chan, of course, who will just have to drop by when she can
make it..."
"Where is the godhead?" Jack asked. "Fess it up, Xel. You promised me
an aeon ago I'd get to see it when the time came. I wanna make sure we've
GOT a prize to win here."
"Ah... that is a--"
"And if you say that and I DO end up winning, I'll string you up by
your toenails over a pit of rabid Backstreet Boys clones," Jack warned.
"It's inside Mr. Duck," Xelloss quickly stated. "I snuck it to him the
first time you confronted me about this. Surprise!"
New York shook with a small earth tremor from all the facefaults.
Jack was aghast, staring at the water resistant companion on his
shoulder. "Mr. DUCK! You treasonous little bitch! Why didn't you tell
me?!"
"Squeak," Mr. Duck said, before Xelloss plucked him off Jack's
shoulder, to keep the prize in safekeeping.
"This is ridiculous," Bison scoffed.
"No, dear Bison, this is Ultra," Xelloss said, with an evil grin. "And
more specifically, this is the Supreme Being Brawl. And it's just begun.
Good luck to all... you're going to need it. Portals opening now!"
A separate black portal opened for each of the six competitors present.
They walked/floated/strutted/rolling taunted into each in turn, and an
uneasy silence hung over the crowd, after they closed.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Xelloss announced. "Your main event! The
brawl for all! The time is now! You paid good money to see these seven
competitors beat each other up for the right of being Lord and Creator over
all your pathetic little mortal souls, and you're about to get your money's
worth! The venue for this earth-shattering, power fighting wild slugfest
that will undoubtedly result in property damage hitherto unheard of
is.......... NEW YORK CITY!"
The portals RE-opened, dumping the six fighters right back where they
started, in the ring at Madison Square Garden. The bell of doom rang.
The silence that hung over the Garden made the previous uneasy silence
look like a mere trifle. And then the panicked running and screaming began,
to get to the nearest exit, to save their own lives from the horror of
sports entertainment, spectator and Ultra fighter alike....
][ ULTRARAGE GAMMA MATCH #7 : THE SUPREME BEING BRAWL
][ DAN vs. KASUMI vs. CONTROVERSIAL JACK vs. LINA vs.
BISON vs. SEPHIROTH vs. OROCHI
][ FIGHT!!
"Oh my," Kasumi said. And meant it.
"Are you cracked?!" Jack shouted at the Mazoku, waving his arms madly.
"You're gonna unleash these freaks on New York?! ...normally, I would
approve. But you are messing with my RATINGS, man! They're down enough
without adding a seven figure body count to this show's problems!!"
"Gee, the Lord of the Controversy complaining about something people
will get angry about?" Xelloss wondered, curious. "We're not getting a
little soft, are we, Jack-san? You may want to duck, by the way."
"What?" Jack asked, turning JUST in time to see Lord M. Bison heading
right at him with the cheesepedo-- err, Super Psycho Crusher. He yelped in
shock and dove to the side, the attack setting his tie on fire, but nothing
else.
Bison twirled out of midair, and landed on his feet, the sickly purple
aura of Psycho Power flickering around his body. "I've killed more than
seven figures in MY lifetime," he boasted. He picked his targets quickly...
and in true little bastard form, centered on the (assumed) weakest of the
bunch. "Let the battle commence! First, the Tendo woman!"
A whirling ball of pink fury bounced between the two. Dan emerged,
taunting Bison relentlessly. "Blackhearted criminal scum! I have emerged
victorious against greater odds than you -- I am ULTRA'S NUMBER ONE FUN HERO
OF THE DAY! It is my destiny to save the world, as the cookie told, and I
DO IT ALL FOR THE COOKIE! Today you will be crushed by the--"
The meaty fist of Bison sent Dan soaring through the air, and into the
entrance video screen -- he tore through the silk material easily, and a
cacophony of crashes echoed from backstage, Dan going through every solid
object available. Then silence.
"Oh dear," Xelloss pouted. "I think Dan just got eliminated. Fight
on, noble warriors!"
When the Orochi, Bison, and Sephiroth simultaneously juiced up their
evil powers of various origins, flooding the Garden with light and darkness,
Jack made up his mind. Time to stick to the original plan; run away, let
them clean each other's clocks and then he could stop their clocks for good
when they were weak enough. Very 'him'.
So Jack grabbed Kasumi's wrist and made a run for it, towing her to
safety, which was not very 'him' at all, but he didn't question it.
Questioning it meant hanging around to think about it, which meant getting
slaughtered.
*
"I've got it!" Dark Schneider shouted, tears of joy flowing down his
cheeks as the last Dragonball slowly ascended in the grip of the UFO
catcher's claw. "I've got it! I've--"
Like a pink comet, Dan crashed through the ceiling and into the side of
the game. The entire car wreck tumbled end over end before coming to a halt
behind the refreshment stand, popcorn tossing in the air like butter
flavored snow.
"NOOO!" Darshu yelled, clawing at his hair. "Dammit, I will not be
defeated by that infernal kid's game machine! The great Dark Schneider has
conquered nations!" He whirled his hands into the air, readying one of the
most potent, city destroying spells ready. "DEEP DOOMSD--"
Naga kicked him once in the ass. "It won't bust the thing open, baka!
It's magic-proof! And apparently Dan-proof. Hmph. Now it is time for
Naga's superior intellect and her beauty to save the day!" She posed.
Darshu tapped his foot, waiting.
"...I'm thinking of a plan," Naga announced. "One will occur to me any
second from no--"
A tiny green rubber alien toy with three eyes popped out of her
cleavage, dazed. "The mystic orbs yield the power of the ancients!
OoooOOoOOOOooo."
Darshu shook his head in disgust. WHY, oh why, did he have to be
teamed up with this ridiculous woman? Week after week on this quest for
these damn orange balls, and she'd been next to useless. But he pushed that
aside, for now -- he wasn't going to give up on the goal. He hauled the
machine off Dan's crippled form, set it upright, and tried to jam his thick
arm up the toy disposal chute. "Maybe I can reach the blasted thing..."
The alien toy hopped down, and waddled over. "The tunnel of light!
The holy one reaches for the heavens to select as the claw does! OoooOO--"
Naga snapped her fingers. She knelt down to address her four inch high
knight in shining armor. Her best cute smile, learned off her sister,
played across her face. "Neeeee, little one, can you get that nice orange
ball for us?"
The world-conquering all powerful dark mage who can overcome any
challenge stood back, mystified, as the tiny thing promptly hopped up the
chute and returned with a shiny #7 Dragonball.
Naga picked up her minion and tucked him back into her cleavage,
spinning the Dragonball on one finger like the Harlem Globetrotters would a
basketball. "So, shall we summon the Great Dragon now? Or would Dark
Schneider like to try to get that adorable Usagi-chan dolly first?"
"C'mon," Darshu grumbled, grabbing the ball away. "Let's get out in
the open and get on with this."
*
Backstage, Gokuu tried to ignore the rumblings of the building. He
really should be out there, he thought. But Xelloss-san was the referee for
this fight, not him, and if he interfered, it would be illegal. And Gokuu
wasn't that sort of fighter.
Instead, he was in his dressing room, enjoying a nice cup of tea that
the Sakura girl had prepared for him, watching the main event on a closed
circuit monitor. He couldn't shake this feeling that something was amiss,
though. Maybe it was the...
Five seconds later he was asleep. Even the Earth's greatest hero can't
argue with a Thorazine Big Gulp slipped into his drink.
*
The three warlords looked at each other without mutual respect. You
reserve mutual respect for something you think will actually be a problem,
and even Madison Square Garden was not large enough to contain these three
egos. So they'd have to expand it a bit.
The conflicting energy being pulsed out of their bodies mixed, mingled,
fought and whirled around, ripping up chairs, tossing souvenir 'I'm a Dan
Fan!' t-shirts around like so much pink leaves. Eventually, the pressure
was too great -- and the roof blew.
Chunks of the ceiling sprayed out for two city blocks. Some of it fell
back in the ring, bouncing off the auras the three held, landing harmlessly.
Some of it crushed the Spanish announcer's table, because this was an Ultra
show and some traditions must be upheld.
Bison, Sephiroth and the Orochi took to the air -- what kind of idiot
fought on the ground when they could have an awesome in-air battle?
Floating high above the garden, they each got ready: Bison charging Psycho
Power into his fists, freshly refilled at the Psycho Drive (soon to be
featured at a 7-11 near you). Orochi's hands in his David-body blurred, and
drew his corrupted Sword of Light, the black blade shining in the midnight
sky.
But Sephiroth beat them both. He slowly drew his sword, the blade
scraping out of the sheathe in a shower of sparks -- and when he held it
over his head, it glinted in the moonlight with a perfect TING.
"Cute," Bison asked. "But can you use it?"
"Yes," Sephiroth said.
And to prove it, he cut the Orochi in half.
Both halves of his host body hung in the air a moment, dazed at the
speed of the attack... his arms neatly split, his body neatly split, the
whole thing hanging together on pure [hate] to avoid becoming 50% of an evil
god. But the impact he'd taken from his earlier brush with Sephiroth was
too much, and bits of Orochi dropped back to the wreckage of the Garden, out
of sight.
"Not very difficult," Sephiroth said, almost disappointed as he watched
his opponent fall. "In that human body, the dark god inside was quite weak
to the spell I applied at the Omega match earlier tonight. Nevertheless, it
was prudent to finish the job so you and I can get to the true fight,
Bison."
Bison grinned his evil grin. His evil grin was very impressive, in
that he had teeth the size of a small child's fist, and he liked to show all
of them at once. "True, true. You just eliminated what would have been an
annoying pain in my side, Sephiroth. I commend you. Now, I'll get rid of
the annoying pain in my other side."
Sephiroth wiped the blood off his blade with a hankerchief; he didn't
like keeping it messy. He adjusted the angle, ready to charge Bison and
replicate his simple act of death. "You--"
Lord Bison of ShadowNERV took out what looked like a garage door
opener, and simply pressed the button.
A piercing light from the heavens shot DOWNWARD, not a jagged arc or a
huge fireball... just a one foot thick shaft of the purest, most painfully
bright light ever seen. Sephiroth tried to shift out of the way, but you
just don't argue with the speed of light as Einstein had proven...
When the light faded, he was missing his sword arm. And his sword.
Thin wisps of smoke curled up from the nicely cauterized wound, as his face
was a grimace of pain...
"Rats," Bison said, with a sigh. "I was hoping I could take you out
with one shot from my orbital laser platform. I suppose I'm just going to
have to use a larger beam this time."
He pressed the button again.
*
The Garden rocked with an explosion, as the laser ignited an
underground gas tank. A fireball roared fifty feet into the air, causing
Jack to wince and look away from the bright flash.
"I think I'm officially in over my head," Jack growled. He turned to
Kasumi. "This is all your fault, Tendo. You couldn't leave well enough
alone, could you? You HAD to give the godhead to that whack job. You
couldn't just hand it over to me like a good girl and let bygones be
bygones! Now that I've only got a scrap of that power, we're both probably
going to die. Thanks a bundle, toots."
"Oh, I'm sure everything will work out in the end," Kasumi said, quite
relaxed despite being hidden under the stands which were probably going to
collapse at any second.
Jack poked her, accusingly. "You! You and your ineffable plan! You
and your scheming goddish ways. It's all backfired! I'd be rejoicing and
doing my best Lord of the Dance impersonation if you hadn't sucked me into
the jet intakes on this crazy plane in the process!! What, are you
expecting Dan to save your ass?"
"No, I'm afraid this is beyond Dan's range," Kasumi explained. "But
nevertheless, everything will work out."
"Care to tell me HOW?!"
Kasumi just smiled.
"You're having post traumatic stress syndrome, aren't you?" Jack asked,
peering at her in disgust. "Kasumi's cracked. You picked a fine time to
snap like a bungee cord, Tendo. I can't believe it, but I'm actually going
to have to save your ass this time. I'm going to have to save you, and I'm
going to have to save MY show from a bunch of a-typical bad guy clones--
JESUS!"
Jack hauled on Kasumi's arm, pulling her away as the bleachers
collapsed in a flaming pile of tinderwood. The flames flickered in silence,
after that.
*
Naga watched, as the cars -- too gridlocked to move -- became a sort of
urban obstacle course. New York was emptying, or trying to, at least; the
entire population moving with purpose for the few exits that Manhattan
provided off the island. It took her magic to make a shielded ring large
enough for them to summon the great dragon, on this city sidewalk.
"Okay... I've got it," Dark Schneider said, arranging the seven balls
in a small pile. "This is how Gokuu said they had to go. Now... 'ARISE,
GREAT DRAGON!!'"
The passersby completely ignored a five hundred foot tall dragon
appearing over the street. After all, when you've got a few warring deity
hopefuls, what's an added paranormal phenomenon to worry about?
The Great Dragon, Sheng Long (who you must defeat to stand a chance, if
Ryu is to be believed) coiled around the remains of Madison Square Garden,
scales rippling and flickering in the light. His red eyes turned to the
pair, but his mouth did not move as he spoke -- telepathy works with
considerably more efficiency.
STATE YOUR THREE WISHES, AND I WILL GRANT THEM, the Dragon instructed.
"Three?" Dark Schneider asked, briefly entertaining the notion of
ruling the world.
"We only need two," Naga reminded him. "O Great Dragon! Return the
one known as Lina Inverse to life, and bring her to this location!"
.......DO I HAVE TO?
Both members of Unlimited Desire fell over.
"Of COURSE you have to, you idiot!!" Naga shouted at the dragon,
jumping back to her feet. "It's our bloody wish!"
BUT... SHE'S SCARY!
Naga smacked her forehead. "Yes, yes, I know... she's the 'Dragon
Spooker'. But it's our wish and we're sticking to it. Fufill it or we'll
Dragon Slave you into ancient history!"
OKAY, BUT THOSE TWO WISHES WILL TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO COMPLETE. WHAT
IS YOUR THIRD WISH?
"I wish Gokuu had told us we got three wishes," Dark Schneider
grumbled. "I could have planned better, maybe asked to rule over the world
or have a harem of six thousand women for my--"
YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED.
With absolute clarity, Dark Schneider remembered that Gokuu actually
did tell them they got three wishes. Then he wished he hadn't made that
wish. But by then, it was too late.
"OOooOOOooo, the holy one sure fucked up," a voice from between Naga's
breasts commented.
Darshu snatched the toy out of Naga's top and pitched it into the East
River.
*
M. Bison was engaging in a hearty evil laugh. It ranked somewhere
between 'Sinister Chuckle' to 'Full Out Hysterical Evil Joy'. He was saving
the latter for when he claimed the godhead.
The white laser beam engulfed Sephiroth so perfectly that he decided
not to let go of the button. Sure, it'd eventually burrow to the center of
the earth, but it would ensure Sephiroth was melted into organic slag as
well and the less actual fighting Bison had to do, the better.
When the beam faded... Sephiroth was no more. Not a single trace of
him could be found, except for a brief whiff of ozone and carbon.
"Not too hard," Bison commented... the floated back to the ground, his
DictatorWear(tm) cape flapping in the breeze and heat haze. He touched down
(still floating an inch or so) at the sidewalk in front of the decimated
arena, and considered things. Dan was flattened, Orochi was chop suey,
Sephiroth was a cloud of subatomic particles, so the only ones left were
Jack and Kasumi.
Jack he'd just kill. Kasumi he might keep. She could be fun to play
with. He took three steps towards the building and then his perfect evil
teeth were shattered into jagged white chunks from the force of the blow.
"BURN KNUCKLE!!!"
Bison lost control of his cool floating powers, and careened to crash
into the asphalt. He shook his head, clearing the spots... and gazed on the
face of his attacker. And gaped.
"No... that's impossible!" he shouted. "You can't still be alive!!
Not even your Hakkyoku-seiken can withstand--"
"POWER GYSER!!"
Three explosions rocked the street, as the ground split wide, angled
blasts of elemental power juggling Bison through the air. He desperately
tried to control his tumble, to ignore what was obviously a severe
concussion despite the might of his Pscyho Power, to rally back some
offense...
EVA-01 stepped on him, and that was the end of that.
Terry Bogard looked up at the burning building. He would have liked to
stay and fight, but... the rest wasn't his fight, and he had an agreement to
uphold. With a sigh of regret, he shook the loss off his shoulders, and
climbed into EVA-01's awaiting hand. He would keep his promise.
"Let's go," he said, giving this world a final look.
The two blinked from sight, a white cross where they once stood, which
faded after a few seconds. Only a red cap reading 'FATAL FURY' was left
behind.
Twenty seconds of silence passed.
Then the orbital laser satellite crashed to earth, taking out a few
nearby buildings with it, as the various neatly carved chunks span and
twisted in flaming metal death while plunging through the atmosphere.
Sephiroth landed on his feet, right in front of the doors to the Garden,
completely ignoring the explosions rocking the city block behind him.
He glanced at the cap, but disregarded it. He noticed the crumpled,
unconscious form of Bison embossed in the street and disregarded that as
well. He had bigger fish to fry. Sephiroth kicked open the doors to the
arena, and walked directly through the flames.
*
Controversial Jack kicked open a blocked door. The lobby had to be
around here SOMEWHERE, and if he could get out of the building, maybe he
could get some serious fun going. The National Guard had to be en route,
and something appealed about being America's Hero and using them to solve
his problems -- and to get his godhead. Once he was out of this madhouse,
he'd be fine.
Kasumi walked along behind him, absently smiling at anything and
everything. Jack considered leaving her behind a few times... but he kept
deciding against it. Why? He hated Kasumi, the little devil on his
shoulder reminded him. She was his rival, the little devil on his OTHER
shoulder reminded him. (The little angel was evicted years ago.)
But somehow, he couldn't leave her to die here. It just wasn't
fitting, not for a rival of her class. It wasn't just style. It lacked
pinache. And he didn't really want her dead. Humiliated and mocked, yes,
but--
Jack skidded to a halt, his cheap blue suede shoes sliding on the tile
floor.
"Oh, hello!" Xelloss waved, from his beach chair, portable stereo
playing reggae music and umbrella laiden drink combination relaxation
station. He sipped the mixed drink, careful not to spill any on his striped
ref's shirt. "Having a fun time? The Garden is just lovely this time of
year."
"Oh, yeah, the hundred and ninety degree weather is PEACHY. Now where
are the others?" Jack asked. Any leg up on the competition as a good leg
up, after all...
Until one of the others decided to bust in through the blazing inferno
near the exit, obscenely long sword drawn.
Sephiroth smiled. He angled his blade in a traditional kendo stance.
"Controversial Jack and Kasumi Tendo. Will you surrender the match to me,
or will I cut your mortal lives out from under you? All the others are
gone. No one will distract me from you now."
"He's quite right," Xelloss said, whipping out a HBCS clipboard (with
secret contents). "Bison's a pancake, Lina might not make it in time, and
Orochi seems to be over here and over there and some of him is over there.
It's just you three, in my book."
"In other words, the game is over," Sephiroth decided. He advanced on
the two, blade ready to slice them into fractions that fifth graders would
have definite trouble trying to wrap their minds around. "Do you submit?"
"No," Kasumi supplied, with a tiny smile.
Sephiroth swung the blade of justification back. "Then die, foolish
Tendo, in your own stupidity!"
The dark warrior's sword sang true, cleaving the air, cleaving the very
heat haze that surrounded it -- and CLANGED painfully against another metal
object. Which was patently impossible, as Sephiroth knew his sword could
easily cleave any common metal.
The steel folding chair that Jack held like a shield was common metal.
But he was doing something very uncommon with it, as it glowed a strange
yellow color, an aura Sephiroth felt vaguely familiar with...
"Forgetting someone?" Jack asked politely, grinning through a grimace,
maintaining the flow of his ki across the chair's surface. "Don't you
forget, you messy, overhyped amalgamation of a fanboy loved antihero and a
psychotic war god, I've got a slice of the godhead and you don't! I was
hoping to hang back and pick you off after the others worked you down, but
when all else fails, fresh tactics... because this is MY show, I happen to
LIKE it, and you are not gonna take it away and turn it into the All Jenova,
All the Time Variety Hour!"
"How can you possibly hope to defeat me, when I am forever and you are
just a man?" Sephiroth referenced. He relented on his press of the blade,
to see what other silly tricks Jack would play.
Controversial Jack twirled the chair in his hands better than Balls
Mahoney, stepping in front of Kasumi. He dropped his voice to a cheesy,
overblown mocking tone; which he knew would actually help him, given the
kind of training he planned to tap. "Ha! How foolish you are! I have been
masking my true fighting power! Now you will witness my transformation into
my ultimate form! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
It's true; the longer you hold the vowel, the cooler you are. Because
as he echoed his voice around the collapsing lobby, the earth shook, and the
yellow aura flowed from his weapon of choice across his body... and into his
hair.
Jack's hair grew even SPIKIER, and started to glow yellow and get
really long, and soon...
"BEHOLD!" Jack declared. "I am now at SUPER CONTRAJIN LEVEL 3! I'm
gonna take this here chair, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and
beat you over the head with it!"
"My, you really have trained well!" Kasumi commended, clapping lightly.
"Son Gokuu did a very good job, Jack-san."
"Pathetic," Sephiroth commented, utterly unimpressed. "Die."
Jack dove forward, taking a wild swing with the chair, which completely
missed... and Sephiroth went down like the descent of man, against all
logic.
"Go, Jack-san!" Kasumi cheered, waving to him to help encourage the
Controversial One.
"Interesting trick," Xelloss admitted.
The fight brawled wildly around the room, Jack screwing up each and
every attack he could, and Sephiroth inexplicably taking damage from each
miss. Sephiroth tried to get a strike in edgewise, but Jack's wobbling and
screwball offense let him slip JUST out of reach each time. Something was
not adding up in Seph's genetically superior brain.
"HOW are you doing this?!" Sephiroth demanded, his Eternal Cool
starting to slip when he felt the 10th ki-charged chairshot of the night
bonk him upside the head without actually doing so. His feet swept out from
under him, and he fell flat on his back, the wind knocked out of his
perfectly healthy lungs...
"Simple!" Super Contrajin Jack grinned down at the fallen son of
Genova. "Sports entertainment and fake violence is very controversial! I'm
just making you 'sell' my moves whether you like it or not! Now, the
finishing move I have been practicing for weeks with my sensei--"
At that point, Sephiroth gave up and simply cast Bolt 3 on Jack's spiky
haired butt.
*
In a cleared circle of the flaming wreck inside the arena, a small
group congregated. And tried not to be nervous, since their god of hate was
currently in a couple squished pieces at ringside, rather than up and
kicking some unholy ass.
"Where the hell is she?" Yashiro asked, looking around. "How hard was
that mission? The Orochi has poor taste in brainwashed minions, I swear..."
"[Voi]," VoiDuck spoke with the cold fury of the Void. Then he rubbed
his head, feeling a large headache coming on.
Shermie entertained herself by using her powers to make the flames
dance and form cute shapes in the air. "Neee, Yashiro-kun, what happens
when the Orochi becomes God?"
"He destroys the world, of course, returning all to the Void."
"And what happens after that?"
"Everything that is ceases to be."
"And after that?"
"NOTHING happens after that," Yashiro said, through gritted teeth.
"That's the whole point of returning to the Void. The Void is nothing.
Ergo, nothing happens."
"Oh. But I can still get my nails done, right?"
A handy dandy disc of the Void formed, and Riot of the Blood Sakura
Kusanago stepped out, clutching something in her hand.
A black stone, recently given to Gambit, and now fully charged with the
secretly tapped energies from his kinetic-energy driven mutant body. Along
with portions of energy from everybody he had come into contact with.
Yashiro allowed himself a nice, evil smile. He rubbed his hands
together, to begin the transference technique. "That's more like it! Okay,
Disciples, let's get Discipling..."
*
The fight raged on, in the lobby. Sephiroth had given up on physical
attacks, and was going for blast after blast from his material -- Earth,
Wind and Fire, and maybe a little of the Commodores if he could manage it.
Jack had trouble handling that, since he had trained mostly for physical
offense, but the chair made a handy shield.
Jack's shirt was already shredded, but he ignored it; after all, he
still had his snappy power tie, and that was all he felt he truly needed,
especially if you consider where ties point. But until he could land his
Finishing Move(tm) there was no way he could win this fight.
That was the trick he had developed, while learning Gokuu's fighting
techniques. He couldn't fight, not really, but he could distort and warp
Gokuu's style with his own controversy -- if he could keep that controversy
on his side, keeping Sephiroth off his toes. All he needed was one
opening... something controversial to distract Sephiroth, to toss a
monkeywrench into Seph's unending stream of cool attacks. Something busting
the drama of the moment wide open.
Something like a crazy fan in bikini battle armor breaking through a
wall with a bouquet of blue roses, and blocking the black leather badass
from blasting Jack to Baghdad.
"Sephiroth-sama!" B-ko called, actually blushing behind the battle
helmet at the sight of the brawling bishounen. She pushed her roses in
Sephiroth's face, confusing him momentarily. "I know I'm a bit late, but I
wanted to wish you luck in the fight, and let you know that B-ko Daitokuji's
heart goes with you!"
THAT would do it.
Shoving a girl out of the way to get at his opponent only helped the
controversy flare in him like a raging pillar of protesters outside a
showing of the Last Temptation of Christ. He advanced, twirling his chair
to run parallel with the floor, and executed the finishing move...
"MANIDBLE CHAIR!"
In one swift thrust, the entire metal chair was jammed down the gullet
of Jenova's chosen son.
It doesn't matter how cool you are, or how much Materia you can throw
around. Some things are just too painful to endure. Sephiroth wobbled
once, dropped his sword, and collapsed on the ground, looking like one of
those weird claymation effects where you swallow an object far too big for
your actual anatomy to handle.
"Woohah!" Jack cheered, doing a small touchdown dance. "In your FACE,
Spehiroth!" He cavorted and jumped and jived and wailed until B-ko knocked
him through a nearby wall with a full round of Tachibana Missiles.
"Insolent one! How dare you strike down Sephiroth like that?!" B-ko
scowled. She launched a few more rounds at Jack's fallen body just in
spite, then picked Sephiroth up and hauled him over a shoulder, and took off
for the wild blue yonder and romantic entanglements at least until he woke
up.
Xelloss simply sat in puzzled silence. "Oh dear," he said. "Outside
interference. Hmm. Ah, heck! I'll allow it. Let's see, that leaves...
you, Kasumi, doesn't it?"
The young girl nodded. "Yes, it does. Just as I thought it would.
Thank you for helping me set this situation up, Xelloss-san. The godhead
now returns to where it belongs."
"So it seems! But I was expecting this outcome, naturally. You ARE
Kasumi Tendo, after all, planner and plotter and excellently benevolent god
to the last. In fact--"
Two things happened simultaneously. Or rather, so close to each other
that they seemed simultaneous, but one definitely followed the other.
First, a black disc of the Void appeared in pure silence, the healed
and revived Orochi stepping out in calm fury, corrupted Sword of Light
ready.
Second, Xelloss stabbed Kasumi in the back. Literally.
She actually lost her smile, surprised at the large knife sticking out
from between her shoulderblades. Kasumi sank to her knees, staring blankly
at Xelloss and the Orochi... who now were standing together. Chuckling.
"Oh, come come now, what were you expecting?" Xelloss asked, voice not
shifting in the slightest from his typical tone of playfulness. "I *AM* a
Mazoku tried and true, after all. I was just playing a nice guy to get
things moving in my favorite direction, which of course, is straight to
nothingness. It's your own fault for being such a mark. Orochi? I believe
this is rightfully yours, so that you may fulfil Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo's
goal of complete annihilation..."
Kasumi tried to protest, as the glowing Mr. Duck / Godhead was grasped
in the cold fist of the Orochi, but she had blacked out by that point.
*
YOUR WISH IS GRANTED.
In a thunderclap and a flash of white light, the Great Dragon went
away, back into the seven Dragonballs. They rose high into the smoke-filled
skies of New York, and split, careening off in seven directions, to
redisperse across the world.
Naga looked left, looked right. "So where's Lina??"
She should have looked up. The resulting Lina/Naga pile wasn't pretty,
but it served a purpose -- it showed Lina was alive and well, if slightly
bruised from re-entry.
Lina snapped to her feet in an instant... and felt around on top of her
head. "No halo! NO HALO! I'm alive! YAHOO! I'M--"
The earth was covered by a dark shadow. The entire earth.
A black whirling ball of energy shunted out of what remained of the
Garden, hovering over New York, expanding in size every second. At the
core, the center of this void, stood the Orochi, human sized but crackling
with the purest of powers in the darkest of shells. His voice spoke, and it
echoed across the globe, cutting into the ears of every man, woman and child
in existence.
[THE TIME HAS COME,] the Orochi declared. [FOR ALL TO RETURN TO
NOTHING. NEW YORK CITY, YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO CEASE YOUR PATHETIC MORTAL
EXISTENCE, AS MY [[[HATE]]] CONSUMES YOU!]
"...I'm too late, aren't I?" Lina decided. "I was getting so used to
the halo, too, I guess it only makes sense..."
If panick wasn't gripping the streets of the Big Apple by then, it was
squishing it into a pulpy goo by this point. People ran here, ran there,
ran back and forth, going nowhere when there was nowhere to go.
But in particular, the Ultra fighters who had evacuated when the whole
mess began slowly returned, seeing Lina out in the open, wanting to know
what the hell was going on. Lambda, Omega and Gamma alike were gathered in
murmurs, some pondering the merits of skipping dimensions to avoid a very
nasty day, some like Ryu trying to rally up the troops to go stop the Orochi
-- not that anybody was giving more than lip service to the idea.
Orochi casually destroyed building after building. The twin towers
ignited, first one, then both of them, in a roaring black pillar of flame.
Lina could smell the strong odor of black magic in the air, or at least an
influence very much like Shaburanigdo; it was the same style.
Dark Schneider shook a fist at the sky. "HEY! This is MY world to
conquer, not yours, you punk! HALLO--"
"DON'T!" Lina shouted, shoving Dark Schneider's upraised hand down.
"He's like Shabby! Destructive magic will just make him stronger, you
idiot! Hold up. We've got to THINK here. What would Brian Boitano do?"
"He'd die horribly, Lina, he's just an ice skater," Naga commented.
A fireball emerged from the wreckage of Madison... or rather, a small
spherical aura trying to beat the fire away. When it got clear of the
building, flames passing, the aura clicked off, and Controversial Jack
dumped the near-lifeless bodies of Kasumi Tendo and Dan Hibiki on the
ground, panting himself. He looked up at the crowd.
"Okay, which one of you jokers can do a wave wave poof heal job on
these two?" Jack asked. "I know Ultra's history, and I'm no idiot. I know
when I'm licked, and odds are these two are the only things standing between
us and a very uncontroversial static voidlike state! Help them!"
One of the benefits of being in a crazy crew like Ultra means you've
got people around all the time who can do this sort of thing. It was almost
a shoving match between Aerith (angelic powers), Naga (magic), Yohko (spirit
wards of healing), Tifa (materia), Shampoo (ancient chinese secrets), Athena
(psychic power), and Washuu (technology and medicene) to see who got to heal
them first. In 2.6 seconds Kasumi was up and blinking and looking confused
rather than looking mortally wounded, and Dan was taunting the world in
general.
"We all lost, and Orochi's tear-assing around Manhattan torching city
block after city block as a warm up act to the apocalypse," Jack reviewed.
"My controversy's no good, Son Gokuu is nowhere to be found, Mr. Duck turned
his back on my like the Benedict Arnold he is and we're all about to die.
Suggestions?"
Dan's jaw sagged. "Uh.... uh... oosha?" he suggested, shaking his
forewarm weakly.
"I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions," Kasumi said. "I'm just as
surprised as you were. I guess Xelloss was masking his true nature to me
all along, I honestly thought he was in on the plan."
"Oh, TYPICAL for Xelloss to be the backstabbing little twink," Lina
Inverse scowled. "I could've told you that much, Kasumi!"
"But he seemed like such a nice young man..."
Jack slumped. "Great. So much for the usual world saving living plot
devices. Well... it's not like I haven't been through a world or two going
splat, but usually I didn't go with them, and the actual process of going
splat was a lot more fun than this. Go figure. And things seemed to be
going so well when I got up this morning."
(Off to the side, Daisuke rifled through his schoolbag. "I know I have
my insurance papers in here somewhere. I hope I paid extra for the 'end of
days' clause..."
"You know, for a change, I'm not very excited," Hiroshi added, in a
shocked voice. "You got any candy in there, Dai? I want to go out happy,
weak clone constitution or not.")
Dan scratched his chin, appraising the midnight apocalypse high above
him. "Orochi seems to be a lot stronger than he was when this fight
started! He was all sickly and gray and nasty when Sephiroth dumped him in
the ring. Perhaps he has learned the true power of Saikyo style, and it
rejuvinated him!"
"More like his followers probably forcefed him a bunch of [hate]," Naga
said. "That's how he fed. I remember it from the time I was one of his
minions. He grows stronger on hatred and negative energy, like a Mazoku.
If only the Giga Slave was safe to use..."
"Lord knows *I* hate his guts right now," Darshu frowned. "Of course,
he is the lord, so I guess he does know--"
Lina snapped her fingers.
"That's it!" she realized, everything nice and clear. "Guys! You say
he was sickly and crippled after fighting with Sephiroth? Sephiroth must
have weakened him. And what weakens a Mazoku that feeds on black energy
better than white energy? All the hatred in the world is fueling him right
now, so we need to starve him out of the human body he's in! I've got it!
We're gonna HEAL the Orochi with white magic powers!"
Jack gaped. "You're out of your gourd, Lina. This isn't Barney the
Dinosaur we're dealing with! We don't love him and he doesn't love us!
What, are you expecting some cheesy happy ending where the human spirit of
love and compassion triumphs... er.... no, wait, actually, that always
works, doesn't it? Yeah! It always works!! It's pretty pedestrian and
mainstream and I can't say I approve, but hell, ME helping with that sort of
thing is damn controversial, so let's go for it! Anything to save my ass
and my show!"
"One problem," Lina said. "I don't think a single person here has
enough white magic power to take on something like THAT. It was just a
theory, you know."
Brooklyn went up in a wisp of ozone and carbon.
"I'm all for practical application of theory, myself!!" Jack shouted,
over the rising din of the end of the world. He looked around... and found
what he wanted. A single TV camera, red 'ON AIR' light still active. He
set the thing up. "Okay! We're broadcasting to the whole world, right? So
the entire human race funnels their collective desire not to get whacked and
to embrace life and all that crap into Lina, and she goes up there and LAYS
THE RIGHTEOUS SMACK DOWN on the Orochi on behalf of all mankind!"
("Mick? Where?" Hiroshi asked.)
Jack turned to address the gathered crowd, cupping his hands to scream
louder. "All you Ultra pinheads, listen up! If you drop your rivalries and
feuds and you lend your Good Vibrations to the cause too, it can't fail!! I
don't care if you think you're a super cool badass or a nice little
honorable fighter, each and every one of you bastards is going to help us
here if you don't want to be roadkill! Okay, Lina, let 'er rip!"
Lina backed off. "Whoa, whoa! I'm no good at white magic! Why me?!
Why not Aerith or Kasumi something?"
"Aerith's dead, baby, you're not. Kasumi doesn't know magic. But you
know magic AND were also in heaven, weren't you?" Controversial Jack asked.
"So you've got that nice holy blessed power thing going on until you commit
a few sins like you usually do. Let's take advantage of it! I'm flying by
the seat of my pants putting together half-assed plans like Fox Mulder and I
LIKE it! I'm primed! I'm excited! I'm going to wet my fucking pants!
LET'S DO IT!"
"I agree," Kasumi added. "A very good plan, Jack-san. Good work!"
"Lina, you're doing this or I'll throttle you until the world ends!"
Naga threatened. Then remembered how hate was very, very bad and she should
love instead. "...and I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course."
This is crazy, Lina Inverse thought, looking up at the sky. There's no
way I can contain that kind of power, even if they could get it to me. It
might not even be enough to take out the Orochi.
...but that WAS the little punk who killed her in the first place...
and she owed him a serious beating. She wasn't going to die without at
least trying. That wasn't how Lina Inverse did things.
Lina cracked her knuckles.
"Let's rock," Lina agreed. "Guys, I'll need a distraction -- something
to keep him from noticing us building up the healing spell. Otherwise, this
whole thing is gonna collapse. Jack, you willing to hand over your tiny
share of the godhead to protect the diversion long enough to be effective?"
Jack slugged back an ounce of Wild Turkey he'd gotten off Gambit, who
was already drinking steadily. "Oh, hell, why not?" Jack agreed. "If I'm
going to be this wacky and crazy, let's go all the way. Who wants to play
god for the last five minutes of their life? Whoever volunteers would have
to be insanely brave, or totally stupid or both. Anyone, anyone? Bueller?"
*
The Void was consuming New York quite effectively.
It felt good, having this much [power] at his fingertips. The Orochi
was in the driver's seat, a lord above all creation, getting ready to tear
it all down. He could simply erase this world on whim, once his full power
was reached, but that isn't what he desired.
First he wanted to torment the Ultra brigade.
Ultra. Bane of his nonexistence, thorn in his side. From the first
episode of the ridiculous show onward it had constantly distracted him from
his true purpose. Ultra was an annoyance, a pissant little problem. But he
felt a particular need to terrify Ultra, to shake it to the core, before
exterminating every single one of the so-called fighters and moving on to
wiping out God's original handiwork. Call it revenge, call it poetic
justice, call it [hate] of [sports entertainment].
One by one, parts of the city went up. Empty parts, as the silly
humans had evacuated, but they could not run forever. He left the area
around Madison Square Garden for last, however. So they could watch the
city torn down around them and quake with [FEAR]...
And he was about to finish the job. He floated over the devestated
arena, and prepared the Void...
A pink comet shot from the ground, arcing right past him. Orochi span
like a top, his human body disoriented... but he quickly faced the fool who
dared to challenge him. The reading was strong. Gokuu, perhaps? Gokuu had
just as many muscles on his forearm as this one. But the outfit was
different. It was entirely too.... pink.
"OOOOS[HAAAAAA]!!!!!!" Dan Hibiki of the Saikyo School of Self Taught
Shotokan Karate taunted, waves of ego flowing off his forearm. "Orochi! I
cannot let you destroy the world! I the name of the earth, I will punish
you!!"
Orochi quickly sized up his opponent... and found a mere percentage of
the power he himself held. Uninteresting. He turned to continue his plan
of purging Ultra from reality forever -- and Dan got up in his face,
taunting him again.
"Chicken! Wuss! Pansy! Jellyfish head!!" Dan taunted. "Defeating
you will be a mere milk run -- how appropriate, you fight like a COW! Face
me, Orochi, and know what it means to be crushed at the mighty iron fists of
SUPER TAUNTING LEGEND GODHEAD DAN!!!"
*
"Well, he's dead," Jack decided, looking back to the on-ground scene.
"How's the spell building?"
Lina stood very still. It was taking every fiber of her concentration
to keep this spell, this glowing ball of white power, from snapping out of
control and piffling out. White magic was never her strong suit, but she
was a quick learner...
"It could be better," Naga decided, monitoring the spell. "We've still
got some resistance out there."
Jack scowled, and grabbed the camera, stuffing his face in front of it
so his entire head occupied billions of television screens across the
country. "What is the MATTER with you people? Start thinking happy
thoughts, goddammit, or we're all gonna DIE! YOU--"
Kasumi put a hand on his shoulder.
"Jack-san, you've done very well, but I believe this is more in my
area, thank you," she said, as Jack eased off. She addressed the Viewing
Audience. "Please... it is very important that you help us. Try to ignore
the problem at hand, and just think back... think to the moment when you
were happiest in life. When you had a wonderful thought, or a realization,
that changed your life forever. Think of your loved ones, of your family
and friends... and those closest to you. Then, imagine transfering that to
Lina. You know Lina; you see her on television every week. Listen... I'd
like to tell you a story..."
"...we don't have TIME for this..." Jack mumbled. But he stayed out of
it; everybody had their own skills, and his was not the 'I'm Okay, You're
Okay' sort of skills.
"My moment, when I felt happiest, was a small while ago," Kasumi spoke,
words soothing like cotton on silk. "Everybody was tuned into Ultra, a show
I hold very close to my heart, while Ranma and his nice friends were
visiting. And it was a very good show, but the fights weren't what grabbed
my heart. It was a moment, near the end... when a young man named Tofu Ono
stood up, and declared in a voice I had never heard from him before, that he
was in love with me."
("He what?" Hiroshi asked.
"Happened last season," Daisuke reminded.)
"I knew then, friends, what love was. But I couldn't be with him...
not then. Because I was god, and I had a show to run, and to leave it
behind in uncapable hands would hurt all of you. I was patient. I waited.
But I held that moment close in my heart, quietly, until the time was right.
The time is right. I'm letting that love flow across this camera, to you.
Please share your feelings with us, with Lina. Let's not let moments like
that fade. Thank you."
Naga dabbed at her cheeks with a hankerchief. "That's SO SWEEET!
OOHOHOHHOOHOHOHHOOHO!"
"Jeez, Naga, don't laugh, the poor girl just tore her heart out on
national television," Darshu mumbled.
"I'm not laughing. This is how I cry. OOOHOHOHOHHOO!"
The effect was instantaneous.
White light flowed, from the cracks between buildings, from the very
earth itself. From orbit, you could see the gathering of power, of the
light of the heart like a lifestream across the globe -- it touched down in
New York, it slowly twirled around the sphere Lina held in her hand, it
enlarged and empowered the spell. Lina felt awash in good tidings, so much
so that her muscles went limp, and she almost lost control of the spell --
but held it with fiercely gentle hands, letting it grow, to build until she
felt the time was right...
*
Orochi scowled in [ANGER]. He attacked relentlessly, the void pursuing
this insignificant [FLY], but each time he came close to [KILLING] the
[PEST] the [PEST] just [TAUNTED] and flew away. Never before had he
encountered someone so determined to dodge and taunt, without trying to
fight him in the slightest. The power he had was small, but was enough to
be purely defensive if he never tried to absorb a blow...
"Fool! You weak willed, non-ratings drawing, uninteresting excuse for
a villain! I have encountered breakfast cereals more threatening than you!"
Dan taunted, his forearm radiating with godlike power of trash-talking.
"Your Void fails to impress the great Taunting Legend! It is nothing more
than a great big amount of nothing, which is really nothing special indeed,
you poo-poo head!!"
In one final explosion of [RAGE AGAINST THE TAUNTING], Orochi flared
out in all directions with the crushing power of the Void. He did not give
up, did not change tactics, he simply sent wave after wave off his body of
his power, using the Sword of Light as a focus. It drained him slightly,
but he did not care -- anything to [SHUT DAN UP]...
Dan braced himself, for the attack that he couldn't dodge. It washed
over his body, hurt him intensely, caused some nice internal bleeding -- but
like Orochi, he didn't give up as well. He just endured, until...
There.
"One final.. *cough* taunt!" Dan declared, getting right up in Orochi's
face. "I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU... to look down."
Orochi looked down.
A ball of white power the size of Des Moines looked back at him.
Dan quickly snatched the Sword of Light away from the Orochi's limp and
terrified hands.
"BAKA!" he taunted once, flashing a middle finger and rolling the hell
out of the way.
All the Orochi could think was...
[Damn.]
*
Lilith quickly passed out sunglasses from her everlasting costume
change space(tm). "Okay, Lina-san! We're ready! Blast him to Mars!"
With a sigh of relief, Lina released the spell. The ball floated from
her hands, not a heavy attack spell, but an irresistible force of all
humanity's faith in one lightly packed wad... it sped up exponentially from
her hands, still connected by a beam of light as she guided it, chasing the
Orochi.
Son Gokuu walked out of the flaming wreckage, yawning. "Boy, that was
a terrific nap! I..... oh, did something happen while I was gone?"
Lina resisted the urge to wobble in surprise. It was too critical, too
quick a fight to be distracted from. Orochi tried to flee, the tiny black
dot in the sky really going for broke, but Lina was prepared. She arced the
ball, twisted it, and with a flick of the wrist... sent it after him at the
speed of light. Something pulsed back along the cable connecting her to the
spell once it connected with the Orochi, something powerful, but she had no
time to pay attention to it...
The whole world went from night to day in an instant. No explosion, no
sonic thunderclap, just a soft sound like a feather on a pillow. And that
was it.
The Orochi dropped out of the sky like a Led Zepplin, coming down on a
trajectory to have him be embedded six feet on the concrete near the Garden.
But while falling, something distinctly odd happened.
A dark shadow jumped off the Orochi's form -- leaving only David, his
human host, behind as an unconscious air to ground missile. The shadow, the
true form of the Orochi, shredded and impure, desperately sought a new body.
It was going to die, if unable to locate a suitable host. He scanned the
ground, his Disciples gathered near the rear of the crowd, so helpful in
resurrecting him...
But then he saw Son Gokuu. A far more attractive option. The shadow
sped to the ground faster than the falling body, making a beeline for the
Saiyajin...
Lina snapped her attention to the here and now. "GOKUU! GET DOWN!"
she screamed, hoping it wasn't too late...
"Huh?" Gokuu asked, ever observant.
Jack looked around desperately... and found the answer. He picked up
all thirty pounds of it, and HURLED it into the sky, to intercept the
Orochi.
"VOIDUCK, I CHOOSE YOU!" he shouted, as the surprised Riot of the Blood
Pokemon impacted with the dark specter of his master...
THERE was the thunderclap. And VoiDuck fell to the ground, landing
nicely on his head. He got up, shaking his head and experiencing the mother
of all headaches. But when the eyes opened, they were Orochi's eyes.
And they were trapped in a Pokemon. Sealed away on account of the weak
little body he had, unable to escape.
"[Voi?]" the Orochi asked. "[Voi.. VOI! VOIDUCKVOIDCUKVOOOOOOI!!!!]"
He waddled around with the fury of an Elder God.
Xelloss appeared, wreathed in black fire. Disappointed. "I suppose it
was a good first try," he decided, plucking VoiDuck off the ground, and
snapping his fingers; Shermie and Yashiro came running.
Lina warmed up a fireball. "XEL, you cretin! You're not getting away
with--"
"Sorry, no time to play, Lina. Next time, I promise, we'll recover
what you stole," Xelloss said.. almost frowning. "Ta-ta!"
The Disciples of the Void Plus Mazoku escaped through the flames,
vanishing from sight entirely.
Naturally, nobody paid attention to the falling young boy. Except for
one person. With a squeak of sneaker on asphalt, she vaulted over the
crowd, and landed at a full on sprint... then twisted, jumped, and fired a
blast of blue light behind her for propulsion.
"SHINKUUU HADOOKEN!" Sakura screamed, the energy attack shooting her in
an intercept arc... which worked. She grabbed David's plunging body, arced
back down, rolled head over heels a few times and suffered some real
ouchies, but survived. And so did he.
Ryu quickly dashed over, from the crowd, to check on her... and found
her sighing in relief, and holding the unconscious boy.
"It's over," she said. "I'm free from Orochi. And so is he."
"...WE WIN!" Controversial Jack declared, strong and true. He actually
jumped for joy. "WE WIN WE WIN WE WIIIIN! YAHOOIE! DAMN I feel good!
It's... hey, wait, I gave my part of the godhead to Dan? What was I
THINKING?! NOOOOooo..."
Naga mostly ignored the wailing man. "Lina, what did Xelloss mean,
that you had stolen something from him?"
Lina shrugged, the unseen rubber duck on her head bobbing up and down.
"I dunno. I...." she paused. And snatched the duck... a duck that was no
longer glowing or anything. "Oh... Ohhhhh... crap. I'm GOD! It must have
flowed down the link to the Orochi, since I was Blessed..."
"God?" Jack asked, hearing the magic word. "What? Who's God?"
Lina quickly walked over to Kasumi, and handed the rubber duck to her.
"Kasumi, I can't take this. It's your job! I'd make a terrible god. I'd
just keep miracling up food all day!"
"The deed is done, Lina," Kasumi reminded. "The godhead is yours. I
believe you've earned it. Indeed, without you, the day would have been
lost. Don't worry... the role grows on you. It did on me. And now it's
time for me to go."
"Go? Whoa, wait, what? You can't go!" Lina protested.
Kasumi smiled. "Lina... I made up my mind a long time ago. I've done
what I can for the world. A lot of things are set in motion that needed to
be, a lot of good things have been done. But I can only support the weight
of creation for so long... and Tofu needs me. I realized that long ago.
I'm happy to leave things in your hands--"
"HOLD the phone! No, no, nada, nyet NO!" Jack protested. "I've worked
too long and too hard for--"
"I'm going to leave Ultra in your hands, Jack," Kasumi said. "I'm glad
this 'training period' I set up for you worked so wonderfully. You've done
a wonderful job and should be proud!"
"...................WHAT!?!!!!?" Jack screamed. "Training!?! What?
Who? Huh?! You've got to be kidding me -- you HATE me! I'm your nemesis!
I'm dragging Ultra's ratings through the septic tank!"
"No, actually, I lied to you each time I told you the ratings," Kasumi
said simply. "They've been phenomenal, even better than when I was booking
the show. I'm glad the lie encouraged you to do better and better,
however."
Jack sat in speechless horror. Every conceived notion of his role in
things mocked and pointed at him and threw spitballs.
"Uh... Kasumi, Jack's been an arrogant, self centered, dangerous little
bastard in charge of Ultra," Lina reminded. "He ran Ultra like it was his
own personal carnival of fun..."
"Yes, I know. What great entertainment it's made for!" Kasumi smiled.
"Jack-san? Keep doing the best that you know how to do! Don't change a
thing. Be who you are, and everything will work itself out. I'll be
cheering for you in Nerima, I promise. Taxi?"
A cab instantly pulled into view and rode up six inches onto the curb,
despite the utter devastation New York had suffered. (After all, it still
WAS New York.)
The entire cast of Ultra stood, absolutely speechless, as Kasumi rode
off towards the airport, humming a merry tune, intent on getting a ticket
back to Japan and the man she loved. Leaving the show in as much shambles
as the city was.
"I think my head's going to explode!" Hiroshi declared. "Lina as God!
Jack as head booker of Ultra! Kasumi retired! It just goes to show you...
ANYTHING can happen in ULTRA! This is Hiroshi saying, good fight, good
night!! And I'm going to pass out now."
Then he took a nice nap.
*
The Void was not a fun place to be. Xelloss hung up some tasteful
curtains and a painting of dogs playing poker before addressing the two
point five Disciples of the Void.
"A setback," he admitted. " But since I hooked up with you guys weeks
ago, I promised you one thing and one thing only; Apocalypse Now. And after
we watched that movie I guaranteed you a return to the Void, and that's what
you'll get. For Orochi and Shaburanigdo--"
"[VOIVOIVOIVOIVOOOOOIII!!!]" Orochi nee VoiDuckwailed, waving his
stubby little arms.
...and Xelloss glared at him. "Silence, poultry," he ordered, zapping
the Orochi with a bolt of power. "I GAVE you the ball. Instead of running
with it, you dropped it. Things change now. I'm taking over the Disciples
of the Void. Anybody have a problem with this?"
"Nope," Yashiro VERY quickly agreed. "Sounds fine here, boss. Orochi
was a jerk anyway."
"Voi!?!"
"Now, that is team spirit!" Xelloss declared, resuming a smile. "Okay.
We'll relax a bit, regroup, and find a new way to get what we want. Lina
has the godhead. It'll take quite a bit to wrest that away from her... take
it from one of her friends. It'll be a very, very enjoyable fight. I've SO
wanted to tangle directly with Lina... and now is our chance. We're taking
over, boys and girls. But for now, will someone PLEASE fetch me a lemonade?
I'm parched."
"There's no lemonade in the Void, sir," Shermie bubbled.
"Hmmm. Definitely going to have to make some changes around here,"
Xelloss said, looking around. "Most definitely."
The Orochi clenched a tiny fist. This was not going to stand. This
was most definitely not going to stand...
*
Dan was finding that taunting was even more fun when you did it at the
speed of sound.
As he bounced around the Alps, enjoying the nice echo his various
taunts made throughout the mountains (causing many avalanches), an idea
occurred to him. A very, very good idea! It was time for Dan to take on
new challenges, new foes, new goals to reach for. To make his daddy even
prouder than he already hopefully was!
On returning to Tokyo, he would enter the Omega division.
The idea excited him so much that he forgot to land from his last mega
taunting jump and plowed into the side of a mountain at an upwards of five
hundred miles an hour.
][ ULTRARAGE GAMMA (EPISODE 31) RESULTS RECAP :
][ SHERMIE/YASHIRO def. BLANKA/PIKACHU, now 3W/1L and remain L. champs.
][ MARLO def. LILITH and WOLVERINE, now 4W/2L, and is the
NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION.
][ ATARU/HAPPOSAI and BART/RICO retired from Ultra.
][ B-KO def. DR. WILEY and DEVILOT, now 1W/0L, and entered OMEGA DIVISION.
][ SHINGO def. RANMA, now 7W/3L, and remain G. champion.
][ SEPHIROTH forfeited to OROCHI, who is now 4W/3L. But he regrets it.
][ LINA won the SUPREME BEING BRAWL and is now GOD.
][ OROCHI now sealed in VOIDUCK.
][ DAN enters the OMEGA DIVISION.
][ KASUMI retires?...
][ Next Author : Shiela Matthews
AUTHOR'S NOTES :
I said it last time, and it bears repeating: Please don't kill me. ^_^;
We'll see where folks go with this. I hope I managed to wrap a lot of
outstanding plots that probably were forgotten/disused, like the brief stint
with Tofu, and Sakura's minionship and David's capture and so on. Plus,
we've got new feuds for B-ko and Gally, along with Jack having a ?face?
status (albeit a face as only Controversial Jack can do, which isn't that
much of a change from him as a heel ^_^) and all sorts of good stuff.
I'm not totally happy with how Ranma's fight ended up. I had this idea for
Ranma finding a way to express himself and relax via his female side but
never got it in. Future author? I think he can still work as a heel, but
now he's got a chance to go either way, and has had a good run so far. Take
it wherever works best for Ultra.
The main event didn't go by any pre-readers, so sorry for any sloppiness. I
also apologize for how generally plain and unfunny it was until later on, I
was rushing.
I didn't get a chance to work with the NERV end of ShadowNERV, or with
Tifa/Bean's problems and other stuff. Future authors take note, don't let
anything fall by the wayside. You too can dig up supergroovy angles to work
with!
Okay, I've done enough damage. Me out. Next author is Shiela, who had to
skip last season (waah!) but is getting a second chance (yay!) and after
that, Brian Stricklin, who also wrote the Mecha fight here and is closing in
tight on John Evans as my favorite Ultra author ever. ^_^
Loser Leaves Ultra match was Urban Ninja's idea; thanks, man.
And in all seriousness... I may self-efface over a few things I didn't think
worked well, but I am PROUD of this part, and stand by it. I likes it. It
works for me. Hope you guys dig it too!
Later!
-2f