Subject: [FFML] Re: [ranma][fic]Yellow Dragon, Black Tiger Epilogue
From: "Miller, Bert" <bert.miller@unisys.com>
Date: 12/1/1999, 12:39 PM
To: "'allyn yonge'" <ayonge@yahoo.com>
CC: "'ffml@fanfic.com'" <ffml@fanfic.com>

For what it's worth, I thought you handled Akane's name
change well.  I agree that you didn't want to stick with
it in a tale of this length.

The only other thing you might do is downplay it a bit at
its introduction, for instance, have her adopt the new name
as an additional one, even at the cost of historical inaccuracy.
I don't recommend this; I just throw the idea out.

I did feel that the epilogue seemed a bit disconnected with
the rest of the story, at least at first.  Once I was into
it, the humor and the counter-intuitive matchups were quite
welcome, but still a bit disconnected.  Much of the material
would work quite well as a standalone "Twenty Years Later"
type fic, but little of it appeared to directly follow as
consequences of your main story.

You might consider making it clearer at the end of 4-2 that
Nabiki did strangle Oda; this would remove any expectation
on the reader's part that the epilogue will immediately
follow the main story.

Other epilog suggestions:  Make it clearer that Kasumi is now a
Yellow Dragon (if she is) as a consequence of the events
of your story.  Make it clearer that Ukyou is now Prime
Minister as a consequence (if it is) of the events of your
story.  Explore the Shampoo-Akane-Ranma threesome a bit
more.

Don't know if this helps or not.


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