Subject: [FFML] Re: [Teaser][Fusion][R1/2][Xeno] Deux Ex Machina
From: Miashara
Date: 11/8/1999, 10:23 PM
To: Matthew Gerber <mgerber@eyrie.org>, FFML <ffml@fanfic.com>

Alright. You have a few problems. 
1: You revealed a bit too much in my opinion. Quite a bit of that teaser
could have been used as a hook and just laying it bare like that served
no purpose. 
2: Deus ex Machina.

Plot wise, Why on earth would Ranma be a painter? Are you intending to
completely replace his character with what's his name's? Akane as a
freedom fighter? Plausible but unlikely. Especially not as a part of a
team. Her anger would be a detriment no group could survive. Total
personnality revision in her too? If so, and I don't see any other
believable way to these changes, what remains of Ranma in it? Whats the
difference between this and Xenogears natural. Other than the names, and
that is just annoying. 

You may have something good here, but I don't see where.

Miashara


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