Yeah, it took a really really really long time.  But, better late than
never, right?  Right?  um... hope it doesn't disappoint (too much..).
     -Erin

=======end original message; begin fanfic========

Previously on 'Let's Get Serious'...
http://www.unc.edu/~ellis/fanfics/lgs.html

Kaoru was preparing for a regular day at the dojo when she found
newcomer Himemiya Moemi giving Kenshin a very warm hello.  Turns
out that fourteen years back, she had gotten Kenshin to agree to
marrying her, and she was here to collect.  The dojo denizens
don't quite agree with this rationale, but Kenshin has yet to
find a way out of his position.  Needless to say, Kaoru is
unhappy, and in an arguably incredibly ridiculous move, has
gotten Sano to help her catch Kenshin for herself.  Oh yeah, and
there's a mysterious figure trying to best the Hitokiri
Battousai.  But then, it's a Kenshin story -- you probably had
already figured that part out.

*

  The mysterious figure perched high above Tokyo, his view a
fantastic survey of the city.  There was no way he'd miss Himura
today. He knew Himura had read the challenge.  He knew Himura
didn't turn down challenges.  Usually.
  That uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach began
again.  He'd waited for Himura for a good three days now.  They
were running out of full moon.  The man's head wound was all
better now, so there was no excuse there...
  The mysterious figure ground his teeth.  This was just
Himura's way of toying with him.  He stood, brandishing a fist.
Battousai would *never* get the better of... erk.  In a not very
mysterious fashion, the figure windmilled, trying to regain
balance and not fall off the roof.  Sitting again, he settled
deeper into the crook of the rooftops, deciding to stay calm.
Himura *would* come tonight.  But just in case...  He pulled out
a book.

*

Let's Get Serious

by Erin Ellis

Part 5 - Misunderstanding Is the Spice of Life

*

  "Full moon?  Oro?"  Kenshin looked startled, chopsticks
paused on their way to his mouth.  The others at the Akabeko
blinked a few times.
  "You don't know where it is?" Yahiko asked in disbelief.
  "I think this means you don't have to go," Kaoru said.
  "I agree," Moemi chimed.
  "No way," Sano objected.  "Warriors' pride."
  "I'm afraid I do have to go."  His face creased with
thought.  "Full moon on the scales... where could that be?"
  "A koi pond, or some other river with fish," Kaoru offered.
  "A grocer's stall.  Scales for weighing things."
  "Is there a dragon bridge or something around here?  Dragons
have scales," Moemi suggested.
  "An outhouse," Yahiko said.  "You've got the full moon, and
the scales--"  He was interrupted by Kaoru's fist.
  "That's sick!" she screeched, whopping him another for good
measure.  "We're at the table!"
  "Yahiko," Sano sounded disappointed.  "Has all I've taught
you been in vain?  Look at what you've done to the ladies, hmm?"
He gestured.  Kaoru's face was a mixture of rage and disgust,
Moemi's, confusion and disgust, and Kenshin's, plain disgust.
  'Hey,' Kenshin thought.
  "I think you could use some better advisors," a new voice
entered.  Megumi approached the group.
  "Ah, the onna-sensei graces us with her presence."
  "Someone had to come who could pay their bill.  Ken-san, how
are you feeling?"  She slipped between him and Kaoru, checking
his head and neck for heat.  "Has your fever flared up again?
You look flushed.  Do you need me to check you out?"
  "Ano..."
  "I don't believe we've met, " Moemi interrupted coolly.  she
stood, bowing slightly.  "Himemiya Moemi to moushimasu.  Douzo
yoroshiku."
  Megumi followed, an equally cool expression on her face.
"Kochira kousou.  Takani Megumi desu.  Yoroshiku."  Looking into
each other's eyes, the moment held.  One could almost see the
auras battling.
  "See?" Sano pointed out.  "That blue flare there means Fox
Lady hates her hair.  But Himemiya's red one says she doesn't
care for Foxy's taste in clothing.  She's got a point," he
opined, "that bib thing doesn't top the list of sexy things you
could wear."
  "Would you shut up?!" Megumi yelled.  "We're supposed to be
having a serious moment," she said, composing herself.  "Besides,
weren't you supposed to introduce me to your *girlfriend?*"
  "Hmm, you jealous?"  He gave a toothy grin.
  "Jealous?  HA!  May you ever be so lucky."
  "I guess that's good, cause she's not. This here," he gave a
dramatic flourish, "is Kenshin's fianc�e."
  "WHAT?!" the patrons of the Akabeko were instantly around
them.
  "Yep!" Sano crowed.  "It's the latest installment of 'The
Life of Himura Kenshin,' and this one's got a gal.  ...Another
one."
  "Oh my goodness!  What about Kaoru?  What about Megumi?
What about me?  Oh my!" the crowd ad-libed.  They proceded to
surround and inundate the 'happy couple' with questions.  Moemi
at least had the decency to blush at the attention.  There wasn't
much more Kaoru could think well of her for, especially as the
crowd (mostly men), were beginning to favor Moemi over herself.
  On her left, Megumi sat, expression one of faint
disappointment.  "Ken-san... I never knew.
  "My condolences," she said to Kaoru, before slipping out of
the restaurant.
  To Kaoru's immediate right, Sanosuke lounged, grinning like
a jackal, casually fielding questions.  Only Yahiko ate, a mildly
amused smile on his face as he looked between the flustered
Kenshin and the embarrassed Moemi.
  Kaoru frowned, pushing her plate away.  "I've lost my
appetite," she announced to no one in particular.  "Make sure to
send an invitation to the wedding, Himura-san," she bit.
Grabbing Sano by the ear, she stalked through the crowd and out
of the restaurant.
  Damn it all.
  That would have been so much more caustic had Kenshin been
able to hear her.

*

  "So, Kenshin, I didn't know you were in the market for a
wife."
  "And such a pretty one too!"
  "But what about that Kamiya girl?  I figured you two were...
you know."
  "Heh heh, a wild man!"
  "O-oro?" the man in question said in a pathetic voice.  All
these people...  He cast about for a friendly face.
  Yahiko sat across the table, casually eating, but Sano and
the women had disappeared.  You'd think Sano had machinated this
somehow...
  Kenshin was not liking this more by the minute.
  "Minna-san!" Tae yelled.  "Please, go back to your tables!
This is a restaurant, not a bazaar."
  Disappointed and grumbling, the crowd dispersed to their
respective tables.
  "Himura-sama... I'm really sorry."  Flushed, Moemi's face
was stricken and a little frightened.  "I didn't-"
  "What's done is done.  It's not your fault Sano did that."
Kenshin gave a half-hearted smile.  It wasn't her fault that he'd
just been romantically trapped into a corner and forced into a
choice he didn't especially care for.  It wasn't her fault that
Sano seemed to be using his 'engagement' as an opportunity to
move in on Kaoru...
  Okay, that was an unproven accusation.  But certain things
tended to point that direction... like all the time they'd been
spending together lately.  And their mysterious disappearance
during dinner.  And--
  "Sumimasen... Kenshin-san?"
  Kenshin snapped back to reality with a jolt.  "H- H- Tae-
dono?"
  "Kenshin-san.  Your friends have all left, and we're
closing."
  Kenshin blinked, gathering himself.  "Closing... hai."
Nodding a few times, he slowly stood, suddenly feeling like he
was missing something important.  Tae still was looking at him,
smiling expectantly.
  "Tae-dono?"
  "Um... the check... I mean, Himemiya-san paid, and I don't
expect anything from Sano-san, but..."
  ...  "I don't have any money..."
  "..." Tae replied.

*

  "Ow!  Lay off!"
  With a surprised grimace, Kaoru paused, fist still upraised.
"Why?"
  "You're rumpling my shirt," Sano said, plainfaced.
  "Mou!" she exclaimed, loosening her grip and walking away a
slight distance.  "I thought you were trying to *help* me," she
said, voice sore.  "Instead, you introduce the old woman as his
fianc�e.  *Fianc�e*!" she cried, grabbing and shaking him.  "They
might as well be naming children when you put it like that!
We'll never get rid of her now!"
  Sano raised a finger in mild scolding.  "Quite the contrary,
my dear Jou-chan."  He gently but firmly removed her hands from
around his neck.  "Before, there was no real pressure, and
Kenshin, always one to avoid conflict, could potentially keep the
two of you hanging for... well, forever.  Now that the spotlight
is on him, he'll be forced to make a choice."
  "B-but... but what if he makes the wrong choice?"  She began
to blubber.
  He leaned close.  "Well, Kenshin's lived with you this long,
I think he's used to it by now.
  "Ow," he commented at the fist implanted in his stomach.
  "Sharing a tender moment?" Megumi asked, walking up to the
pair.
  "I was just telling Sano he was an idiot," Kaoru said,
turning to Megumi.
  "Oh, he gets that so much, I'm sure he knows."
  "Ha, ha.  Kaoru and I were just talking..." he began, eyes
full of mirth.
  Kaoru stepped on his foot.  If Megumi knew she were getting
love advice from Sano, she'd never live it down.
  "What about?"  Megumi asked, interest piqued.
  "Oh, just giving Jou-chan some advice about certain red-
haired boarders."
  Kaoru switched to kicking him in the shins.  "Isn't there
someplace you should be going now?"
  "What kind of useful advice could *you* possibly give?"
  He grinned wider, if possible, and leaned close,
conspiratorially.  "See, Kaoru wanted my advice on Kenshin, so I
told her, if you ever want a chance with him..." he drew the
moment out, "don't cook for him.  That's just cruel."
  Megumi gave a wry smile.
  Infuriated, Kaoru grabbed a shinai and started beating
wildly on his head until--
  "Where did this come from?"  Pausing in mid-pound, she
looked down at Yahiko, who frowned belligerently.
  "Yo ugly, gimme back my shinai.  You could just look at him
if you wanted to knock him out."
  The blade met a new victim.  Less angry, she returned the
shinai to it's resting place on Yahiko's back.  "Why are you out
all alone?  Where's Kenshin?"
  The boy shrugged.  "Still at the Akabeko, I guess.  They
were giving out the bill, so I had to run."
  "Yahiko!  You abandoned him with that woman?"
  "Yep!  All alone... with Tae."  He stuck out his tongue at
the look she gave him.
  "Why's he still there?" Sano asked.  "Hiding out?"
  "Sono busu didn't leave any money..."
  "What?!  I didn't eat anything!"
  "So Kenshin's stuck washing dishes to pay the bill."
  Kaoru brandished a fist.  "I know you ate.  Why aren't you
working?"
  "Sumimasen ga... Kaoru-san, he did help."  The group turned
at the timid voice poking from behind the boy.
  "Tsubame-chan!  Konban wa."
  Hands clasped, the dark-haired girl stepped closer into the
circle of light offered by the streetlamp.  "Please don't be
angry at Yahiko-kun.  He helped us sweep up, then volunteered to
walk me home."
  "Heh heh.  Good job, kid."  Sano playfully punched the boy
in the shoulder.  Scowling, Yahiko pushed his arm away.
  "Ooh, is that a blush, Yahiko-chan?"
  "Shaddup, all of ya.  We're leaving," he declared, grabbing
Tsubame's hand and stalking off.  "And don't call me '-chan'!" he
called over his shoulder.
  "Biii!"  Kaoru stuck out her tongue at his retreating
figure.  "Ah, I feel better now.  Let's go home."
  "Good idea."  Megumi began walking down the road Yahiko had
turned onto.  "I've some things to finish at the clinic, so..."
  "Oi," Sano began, "it's pretty dark... do you want someone
to go with you?"
  "You?" she laughed.  "You're 12 years too young for this
lady."
  "You aren't that old."
  "You aren't that mature."  She smirked at his reaction.
"I'm a big girl, Sagara.  I can take care of myself."
  "Fine!" he spat.  "Get yourself killed.  See if I care."
  "I'll make sure to haunt you.  Ja, mata."
  They continued to the dojo, Sano snatching glances back
towards the street the others had gone down.
  "That's so cute," Kaoru said, smiling.
  "What?"
  "You're worried about her," she said coyly.
  He snorted.  "I'm worried about Yahiko.  She'll catch up and
cramp his style."
  "'Style'?  Yahiko's too young to be thinking about things
like that!"
  "You're never too young."
  "Mou!"  She pointed a finger.  "You know, for someone who's
always talking about lovin', you certainly do little of it.  Your
only dates are 24-7 at my house."
  "Don't mix up my lovelife with yours.  I'll have you know
that I'll be seeing a special someone tomorrow night."
  "Really."  She raised an eyebrow.  "It wouldn't be a certain
female doctor, would it?"
  "No," he said, annoyed.
  "No?  Hmm..."  The girl pursed her lips in thought as she
opened the gate to her home.  "Say, why don't you woo Himemiya,
if you're such the Casanova."
  "Too old.  I don't go for older women."
  "Only Megumi."
  "Right, only Me-- Hey!  Would you quit that?  I am *not*, in
any way shape or form, interested in Takani Megumi!!"
  Elsewhere, Megumi sneezed.
  "Oh no, of *course* not," Kaoru said innocently, walking
into the sitting room and lighting a lamp.
  The man stalked after her, frowning.  "You're skating on
thin ice, Jou-chan."
  "What's wrong, Sagara-kun?"  At his dark look, she cocked an
eyebrow and affected a battle stance.  "Mean old Kaoru getting
your goat?  You wanna fight or something?"  She stuck out her
tongue.
  He sighed, exasperated.  "There's your problem," Sano said.
"Spunk."
  "Spunk?"  Kaoru shook her head.  "I've got plenty of spunk,"
she said hotly.
  "Exactly.  Guys don't want girls with spunk.  Chicks should
do chick things.  Cook, clean, look cute."
  Kaoru digested this.  "Demo... Kenshin already can do those
things.  He doesn't need my help."
  "No," Sano agreed.
  "You're not supposed to agree with me," Kaoru said, looking
at him sidelong.
  "This is why you don't have a man," Sano said sourly,
rubbing the new bump on his head.
  "Mou, I don't know why I listen to you.  I am Kamiya Kaoru,
the kenjitsu komachi!  If that means I'm spunky, then so be it.
That's just how I am."
  "If you wanna become *Himura* Kaoru, then you'd better
change."
  Kaoru paused, reddening.  Sano regretted his words
immediately; he'd gone too far.  "I didn't mean--"
  "Himura..  I wasn't saying all that!" she said, blushing.
"I just want him to notice me!  I... gee!"
  Sano raised an eyebrow.  "Don't tell me you're not
considering the big M.  Come on, you're a woman.  I know you've
got the china pattern all picked out; probably already got a
wedding kimono and everything."
  Kaoru flushed even more.  "Maa..." she said, Kenshinesque.
  "I mean, come on.  At your age?" he continued mercilessly.
"They say girls over eighteen are unmarriageable."
  Kaoru reddened, this time for a different reason.  "Really,"
she said, struggling to keep her cool.  "Is that why you're going
after Megumi?"
  He opened his mouth and closed it.  "Touch�," he said.  "And
I'm not interested in Megumi."
  The girl was silent, the smirk on her face saying it all.
  "What kind of look is that?" he said indignantly.  "Who's
the one getting you a man?"
  "No one, as of yet.  You haven't been much help."
  "Oh?"
  She nodded.
  "Oh."  Sano scratched his chin, thinking.  "Just notice, hm?
I've got somethin' for ya..."

*

  Arms folded, Moemi waited in the side street.  'Late...' she
thought, gazing into the dark sky.  'This is foolish.  I'm
going.'
  "Oi," a voice called.  A shadowed (but not mysterious)
figure approached.
  She smiled weakly with relief.  "You came."
  The figure shrugged.  "What'd you want?"
  "I called you here because...  I need help.  With Himura-
sama."
  The figure crossed its arms.  "And I should help you
because..."
  "Well..."

*

  Despite the late hour, the walk home was relatively bright,
save the idle cloud passing over the full moon.  It did nothing
for Kenshin's mood, however.  He grimaced, looking down.  His
fingers were wrinkled like prunes and white as bone.  He'd washed
so many dishes he'd lost the feeling in his hands.  Granted, when
he'd asked Tae to put the bill on Sano's tab she hadn't objected,
but the look she'd given was so defeated and pitiful that he
couldn't bear to leave her that way.
  So he'd scrubbed the evening away.  He narrowed his eyes,
looking to the sky.  The stars had gone quite a ways -- it was
late.  Kaoru must be worried--
  "Sano!  I can't do that!"
  Or not...
  Kenshin crept around the building, following the voices to
their source.  Two figures were in the sitting room, the shadows
thrown through the rice paper door indicating them to be Kaoru
and Sanosuke.  Unsure of how to react, Kenshin lingered in the
yard.
  "Come on, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, unless
you've got some odd deformation when you take off your clothes...
Ow!"
  "Hentai!  I'm not that kind of girl."
  "Don't be a prude. Remember who's getting the most out of
this situation."
  There was silence... no, a light smacking sound.
  "M-maybe I could," Kaoru offered.
  "That's what I want to hear," the boy replied, a grin in his
voice.  "Think about it.  I'll come back later."
  A slight pause, then more wet noises.
  The boy's shadow turned suddenly, reaching his head out of
the door and into the courtyard.  "What was that?"
  With an imperceptible movement, Kenshin ducked out of sight.
  "I thought I heard something," the spiky-haired shadow
replied to the girl's cross-armed stance.
  "I don't see how you can hear anything since you're so
noisy," she said, slightly annoyed.
  "Very funny."  The shadow leaned forward and out.  "Well,
I'll be going now.  Gambling to do."  Sano stepped out of the
room.
  "Hmph," Kaoru hmphed, following him out and carrying a small
lamp.  She frowned slightly, watching him walk to the gate.
"Tomorrow?" she asked.
  He grinned in reply, turning back towards her.  "Sure.
Don't get too worked up about this.  I'll take care of you,
okay?"
  "Will you?"  Instead of the harsh, sarcastic tone Kenshin
had expected, her voice was soft and vulnerable.
  "Here," Sano said.  Kenshin's view of his actions was
obscured by Sano's body and the shadows he himself stood in.  "Go
to bed," he advised, finally.  Breaking off, the boy walked to
the gate while Kaoru returned to the house bearing her lamp and a
teacup.  As Sano passed, he turned, staring into the darkness
where Kenshin stood.  Frowning but finding nothing, he continued
on.
  Now alone, Kenshin waited.  Suddenly he wasn't so eager to
go home.  He turned, leaping over the gate and running down the
streets aimlessly.  Eventually, he slowed to a walk, the
moonlight illuminating his way through the labyrinth of Tokyo's
streets.  Finally he found himself on a grassy riverbank and sat
down, head in his hands.  The full moon sparkled off the water
like dragon scales.  Unimportant, his mind deemed, and pushed the
thought aside.
  He cast a baleful gaze at the night sky.  Kaoru...
  If Sano was taking care of her, what could she need him for?
Other than laundry and dishes...
  Kenshin sagged, looking even more downtrodden.  He had never
told her how he felt... he wasn't quite sure how he felt.  He
knew he wanted her to be happy.  He wanted to make her happy.  If
clean laundry and round rice balls made her happy, he would cook
and clean.  But if Sanosuke made her more happy...
  This was ridiculous.  How could he attempt to stake any
claim on her?  He wasn't sure of what he wanted himself...   Was
he even ready to open his heart that much?  If she even did
actually care for him, that is.  He definitely didn't deserve to
make her wait for him to come to terms with his angst-ridden
existence.
  He would ask him, tomorrow.  No more guessing, and
hopefully, no more Sano.  'Kamisama, you're a hypocrite,' he
thought.
  Sighing, he stood, idly looking behind him.  A large face
peered back.  "Konban wa!" it waved.
  Letting out a small sound of surprise, Kenshin jumped back,
instinctively grabbing for his sakabatou.  Instead, he bounced
off a second man's chest.  He scampered away, facing both.
  "I was wondering when you'd finally notice us, Hitokiri
Battousai."

*

  The mysterious figure sobbed.  "What about me?!"

tbc.

[Author's Notes]

* The suggestions for 'full moon meets the scales' are all real.
I asked friends and family, and that's what they came up with.
As for the actual answer... well, only the mysterious figure
knows for sure...

* Thanks to my typists for letting me know that I was taking an
ungodly amount of time to get this chapter from notebook to
net... Cindy, Dave, Glenn, arigatou!

* Also, to my part 4 prereader Ammadeau, and part 5 one Deandra,
thanks.

* For all y'all who asked for violence from Kaoru... this one was
for you.

* If it matters.. : "Himemiya Moemi to moushimasu.  Douzo
yoroshiku." This means 'I am called Himemiya Moemi.  Pleased to
meet you.'  This is very formal.  Megumi is considerably less
formal with her introduction.

* 'The big M' -- marriage... or should it be the big K? (kekkon
suru)

[Next Time]

Oi, Yahiko again.  Next time, Kenshin faces those two strange
guys -- naturally, he'll waste 'em, I'm sure.  The hag tries out
roosterhead's plan (the blind leading the deaf, I tell ya), while
Sano gets ready for a date. (will wonders never cease?)  Hey,
what's that new chick doing?  And what about me?  If I get hit
again, I'm quitting this fic...  Anyway.  Part Six: Who's Your
Daddy, Sagara?  Coming soon (she *says*.  We know how much an
author's word is worth...)

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        *
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