--- Donny Cheng <chengdo@home.com> wrote:

Disclaimer:  All characters portrayed in this story
are the property of
their respective creators and companies.

This story takes place after volume 38 of the Ranma
manga and a few
years after the end of DBZ.  It largely overwrites
most of DBGT.

C & C welcomed.

^_^ Everything is IMO.

This C&C is brought to you by QuickYen Productions. 
Working to make a better tomorrow--if the price is
right.

Dragon Ball R1/2

by

Donny Cheng

Chapter 7

	Vejita grunted as he threw Trunks over his
shoulder.  Pain all to

to-->too

familiar to him coursed through his body from the
action of moving his
son's body.  The added weight of a body in a room
with the gravity four
hundred times its normal strength did nothing to
help.  Each step he
took to walk to the control panel reinforced the
negative sensations on
his newly acquired injuries.  However, the physical
pain was
incomparable to the emptiness he felt.

	He hadn't really been surprised.  His expectations
still did not
prepare him for the awful truth, though.  His son
was not a Saiyajin.

Eh?

	When he reached the panel, he proceeded to shut off
the gravity control
mechanism, returning the weight in the room to its
normal status.  He
sighed as the strain on his muscles decreased.  But
the emptiness
persisted making relief that usually followed,
impossible.  As he walked

persisted, making $$the$$ relief that usually followed
$no comma$ impossible.

I suggest combining the sentences and changing this
to: 'He sighed as the strain on his muscles decreased,
but...' You might also want to rephrase the second
sentence, as well. I'm not exactly sure what 'relief'
you're talking about. Maybe the easing of tension?

out of the room he glanced over his shoulder at the

room,

purpled haired boy. 
The hair was further proof of the impurity of the
blood.  Physical
evidence to match the evidence of the soul.  One
that was clearly not
Saiyajin.

Interesting...

	The faint glimmer of hope had left as fast as it
had come.  It had been
foolish of him to expect otherwise from his son. 
Second transformation
or not, Trunks was still Trunks; half-human.

	He had pitied his son, since Trunks had not felt
the same bloodlust he,
Kakaroto, and Gohan had when they transformed and
tasted the power of
the Super Saiyajin for the very first time.  Never
would the boy know

suggest: 'The boy would never know...'

the feeling of being so alive.  Every bone, every
muscle, every ounce of
blood singing in unison as unbridled anger surged
through them. 
Instead, Vejita grunted, the boy had became a Super
Saiyajin over
childish anger and promptly forgot all about the
transformation the next
day.

	To think Kakaroto's son, Gohan, born of peasant

think,

stock could be more of
a Saiyajin than his own son.  It still jarred Vejita

Hmmmm...Gohan was born of Chichi and Kakaroto, so he's
as Saiyajin as Trunks. Trunks is just younger.

to this day that

suggest: 'To this day, it still jarred Vejita that...'

Gohan chose to be a scholar.  Though the boy did not
like fighting,
anyone that saw the boy transform in the battle

'...anyone that had seen...'

against Cell could not
deny the fact that what they saw was a Saiyajin
warrior in his full
fury.  A waste of potential that Trunks would never
have.  That thought

I'm not sure if this fragment is intentional or not.

brought him back to his previous battle with Trunks.

			* * * * *

	Vejita brought both of his arms down hard on to his
son's back,
speeding the body's downward plunge.  *That should

'...speeding up...'

This comes off a little awkward. Maybe: 'Bringing both
of his arms down hard on his son's back, Vejita sent
the boy speeding downwards.'

do it,* Vejita
thought as the hard metal floor dented at the
impact.  He could already
feel the telltale signs of power rising at a drastic
rate even though

rate,

Trunks lay prone on the ground.

	Vejita was not fooled by the stillness however 

however,

and

soon, just as he
thought, the body disappeared.  *Up there,* he
predicted as he fired a
ki blast over top of him.  He was surprised as he

'over top of him' sounds strange.

saw the touch of gold
in the color of the hair out from the corner of his
eye.  *Already?*

	The ki blast slammed into Trunks, but he didn't bat
an eye as he
disappeared once again.  Vejita was not prepared for
the second time
Trunks vanished and was thus caught unawares as his
son materialized
right in front of him.  He had not been mistaken. 
The boy's hair now
stood up even straighter than previously and the

previously,

color was definitely
golden.  There was blankness in the eyes that

suggest: 'The blankness in his eyes indicated that...'

indicated Trunks had lost
all sense of what was going on as rage clouded his

on,

mind.  Vejita had
done it.  He had helped Trunks reached the next
level.  And now, he was
going to be in a world of hurt.

Nice line.

	He thought desperately of what to do as Trunks flew
in the air in front
of him.  If he powered up, he would not be able to
stop the next attack
in time.  It would be best to block or dodge
whatever came and look for
an opening to escape and regroup his power. 
However, he had sorely
underestimated how much of an increase in speed and
strength the new
transformation awarded Trunks as an elbow slammed

Trunks,

into his stomach.  He

his--->Vejita's

lost sense of where he was as his body was thrown to

was,

the ground.

	Vejita looked up to see Trunks hovering above him

him,

as he shook off the
bout of dizziness that had overcome him.  A large
ball of ki formed in
the boy's hands.  Vejita quickly formed ki blast in
response in hopes of

'formed $a$ ki blast,'

change 'in hopes of being' to 'hoping to be able to'

being able to deflect most of the damage.  Then all

Then,

of a sudden, a light
of sanity appeared in the boy's eyes, and just as
quickly as the
transformation took place, Trunks de-powered and
fell limply out of the
sky.

	Vejita's emotional high also deflated as he held
out his arms and
caught his son's body before it hit the ground.  He
could hear his son
muttering 'father' just before he lost all
consciousness.

			* * * * *

	Vejita reached the boy's room and dropped him onto
the waiting bed. 

Beds don't wait, so you might want to get rid of
'waiting'.

The tiredness Trunks was experiencing was more
likely from the effort of
reaching his second transformation than from any
injuries Vejita might
have caused.  It did warrant the use of the

Should 'did' read 'didn't'? If it should, you might
want to emphasize it.

regeneration tank.  Besides
that, he knew Kakaroto could still be in there. 
This time the thought

time,

of putting his rival into the tank did not cheer him
up.  Seeing that
imbecile would only remind him of Gohan and what
might have been for
Trunks.  It was of small consolation that Goten was

suggest: '...what Trunks might have been...'

even worse compared
to Trunks.

Vejita and Goku are the only pure Sayaijns.

	Trunks had reached the next stage in his
development and would probably
be able to do it again without any help.  But to
Vejita it mattered

Vejita,

little without the soul behind it.  Trunks had once
again proved that
despite being able to transform, ultimately, his
human side ruled over
his soul.  However, even with all this on his mind,

add 'of' after 'all'

<...>
 

	"More like she's gotten more money and hired better
help," Vejita

Good help is hard to find these days...

said.  He caught himself glancing to the door of the
kitchen, looking if
anyone might have been listening in on them.  He
shook his head and
wondered if his fellow Saiyajin were laughing at him
from hell.

Well, at least we're sure where they went...=)

	"So."

	"So."

	"Full?"

	"Yep, you?"

	"Yep."

	Without another word the two men got up and 

word,

decided

to find someplace
relatively uninhabited.

			* * * * *

	Trunks managed to stay upright as he groggily
walked to the kitchen,

end sentence here and start anew with 'For once, he
was glad that...'

for once glad that he hadn't woken up in the tank

end sentencer here and start anew with 'It smelled so
much...'

that smelled so much
like medicine after one of a fight with his overly

get rid of 'one of'

In fact, you might want to get rid of everything after
'medicine'.

aggressive father. 
His stomach rumbled reminding him of his mission at

rumbled,

hand and to get a
move on.  Staggering, he made it to the kitchen to
find a large spread
already laid out in on the table.

	"Hey, Trunks.  Where's dad?" Bra asked as she got
the rest of the
leftovers from the fridge and brought them to the
table.  "He ate half
of what was in the fridge.  Mom's going to be
angry."

Like it's something Bulma wouldn't expect? =)Besides,
they're rich.

	"I don't know.  I just woke up in my room.  I saw
that Uncle Goku is
out of the regeneration tank, so you know what that
means.  And if
you're so worried about mom, why the food?  It looks
like you have the
other half of the fridge on the table.  Didn't you
guys go out to eat?"

	"Hello, that was last night.  You've been out 

emphasize 'Hello' or maybe put an exclamatian mark
after it.

like

a light since last
night," Pan said as she and Ranma arranged to

Using 'last night' too soon, too close to a previous;
try another phrase. 

Change 'to' to 'the'

overflowing food.

	"Well don't eat all of it.  I live here too you

too,

<...>
 

	Ranma shrugged.  "He may be slow and fat and
getting on in the years
and dimwitted and..."

Heh.

	"Uh, I get the point," Trunks said quickly,
interjecting in.

	"...but he knows me very well and even when I try
to fight
unpredictably, he usually figures out what I'm going
to do.  If I don't
go seriously on him, I get bruises and later at the

and,

dojo I lived at, I
would get wet."

	"Now that you've mentioned it, I haven't seen the
transformation Pan
told me about yet," Bra said.

	*Might as well get this over will,* Ranma sighed. 
He took his glass of
water and upended it over his head.  However, the
usual gasps didn't
come.

	"That's it?" Trunks looked on disappointingly.  The
chi as far as he

chi,

could tell was different, more 'feminine' like that
of Pan's and Bra's. 
However the actual level of it was exactly the same.

However,

 Definitely not a
transformation like that of the Super Saiyajin.

	"Hey, no fair, they're even bigger than mine!" Bra
exclaimed as she
reached out and touched one of Ranma's breasts.

It seems like every girl Ranma meets up with isn't as
developed. Is this really needed?

	Pan glared at Bra as the girl started to
demonstrate by jutting out her
chest.  Pan nearly exploded when Bra took a hold of
Ranma's hands to let
him 'compare'.  "I think Ranma can tell."

Add a little more emotion, maybe ',she snarled.' to
emphasize Pan's mood here. Also, I don't think Bra
would be _that_ forward, especially with her brother
there watching.

	"Well, they're for sure bigger than yours Pan," Bra
smiled
condescendingly.

	Ranma was already on his feet as the telltale signs
of battle aura
manifested themselves.  Life was decidedly easier
since he managed to
pinpoint with accuracy how much battle aura a girl
had.  He noticed

If only he could do that with boys...

Trunks motioning him to the doorway as the two girls
argued.

			* * * * *

	"Are they always like that?" Ranma said as he and
Trunks walked along
the hallway.

	"Only when they're both after the same things. 
Which you happen to be
this time," Trunks snickered.

	"Ack, and I thought I left all that back in
Nerima."

	"Girl troubles?"

	"You don't know the half of it.  It was one of the
reasons I left there
in the first place along with Pop pressuring me with

place,

inheriting the
dojo."

	"You don't sound like you get along with your
father that well.  If it
were me, I don't think I would mind him paying that
much attention to
me."  *I would love it,* Trunks thought to himself. 
"It must be great
to have him train you for the past ten years."

Hehehehe.

	Ranma blinked at the wistful sound coming from

'wistful words' maybe?

Trunks's voice.

			* * * * *

	"Ranma, enough training.  Time to show me what
you've learned."

	"O-Okay," Ranma stammered as he looked up at the
towering figure over
him.

suggest: '...at the figure towering over him...'

	Ranma blocked the first fist that was aimed at his
face, but was not

add 'he' after 'but'

fast enough to block the leg that swept him off his
feet.  His head rang
as his head was swatted to the side by his father's

change 'his head' to 'it'

huge hands.  His
meager trained reflexes left him suddenly as his six

This comes off a little awkward. Maybe 'his meagerly
trained reflexes...' 

year old mind
sought only to run away.

	"What are you doing, Ranma?  You could have hit me
there instead of
trying to run away.  An opening is only for a
tactical retreat when you
can't win.  But you can't tell that unless you
actually try to hit me. 
Again.  We'll do this all night if we have to."

	Ranma's head rang as more swats from those large
hands batted his head
to and fro.  He could dimly recall his feet running
to get away in any
direction as his puffy eyelids made it hard on him

direction,

get rid of 'on him'

to see where he was
running.  He didn't know when it happened, but
something snapped inside
of him and instead of fear anger emerged.  The next

fear,

time he felt his
father's fist against his face, he launched himself
into the direction
into the attack as he could not even see where his

into-->of

attack,

father was anymore. 
The solid flesh against his knuckles indicated he
had done it.

	Ranma tried looking down at his hand which was
still clenched in a
fist, but could only see a blurred shape.  He had
done it.  He had
punched his father.

	"Good job, boy.  You made your father proud.  We'll
do some more
sparring later.  Don't worry, you'll get use to it."

	*Get used to hitting Pop?  I didn't like it when I
got angry at him.*

			* * * * *

	"I don't know about that.  Pop never asked me what
I wanted.  Well if

Well,

he asked me now, I'd probably have told him to do
what he did to train
me.  But if asked me earlier when I was young...

add 'he' after 'if'

earlier,

well then, I don't know
anymore," Ranma said thoughtfully.

	"Heh, you know what?  Probably the same with me. 
My life isn't too bad
now and it would be different if I asked him to

now,

Should 'would' read 'wouldn't'?

train me back then.  But
I still wonder what would have happened if I took
your route though."

route,

	"I don't.  Thinking's not my thing," Ranma grinned.
 He pointed to his
fist.  "This is.  So, you up for that sparring
contest now?"

	"Always," Trunks grinned.

	Trunks could have won within a minute, but
something about Ranma made
him want the fight to last longer.  He still won an
hour later, but it
felt much more satisfying than outright overpowering
his opponent as he
had done in the past Tenkaichi-budokai.

			* * * * *

	Vejita woke up and stared at the arm lying across
his chest.  It was
not attached to his wife.  He stared irritably at
the sleeping Kakaroto
and wondered how the idiot had managed to invade his
sleeping space. 

Kinda wondering that myself...=P

Somehow, he and Kakaroto had managed to knock both
of themselves out
during that last attack.

Whew...

	He sighed and wondered how angry Bulma was going to
be with him when he
got home.  Yesterday night was supposed to be a
'celebration'.  At least
Kakaroto's wife will be there and lessen the blow
somewhat.

			* * * * *

	Bulma and Chi-Chi rolled their eyes as their
respective husbands walked
in.  "Chi-Chi's decided to stay a few days since we

days,

<...>

For me it is a fresh start and the two year limit

me,

<...>

Kami platform and looked down.  Even now he could

now,

Full version of the one hour Ignorance is Bliss fic.

Full version? I hope it doesn't turn about to be a
lemon or a developed lime. The genius of it was that
it _wasn't_ finished and left a lot implied. Any
continuing of it would only be gratifying to those
wanting to see Kasumi and Ranma 'get it on'.
Of course, just developing the middle and other parts
and not continuing would be a nice improvement. It's
just the continuing that I think would cheapen the
story.

Lesbian 1/2: Chapter 8

-- 
Anime Fanboy and Fanfiction Writer ^_^
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Ginza/4537
ICQ #: 13236148

Well, this was a nice chapter. Not really that much
happened, but I enjoyed it anyway. Can't wait for the next...

=====
-----
L.A.
-----
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