Subject: [ffml] [utena] [spamfic] Scenes From An Elevator: Episode 19
From: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
Date: 9/9/1999, 4:03 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE NINETEEN: Ding Dong Deliveries.

SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where 
the shadow of Kiryuu Touga is seen inside. Touga is still playing with 
a Nintendo Pocket (tm). The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the 
background.

TOUGA: (Maniacal laugh.) Not only have I beaten Onix with 
Jigglypuff but I have gained Wigglytuff! I am the Kami of the 
Pokemon! The Kami of Pokemon, I tell you!

SCENE: The catacombs of Ohtori Academy. The figure of Kaoru 
Miki is seen slumped in a lazyboy recliner. The entire room is filled 
with clocks ticking in eerie synchronization. The far side of the room 
has a stereo system that keeps playing the Sunlit Garden on repeat. 
Miki is busy eating ding dong after ding dong. He now has a huge 
pot belly stomach. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background.

MIKI: (Eating a ding dong.) I ain't so bishonen and sexy am I now, 
girls and boys? (He pauses to let loose a loud burp then scratches 
himself in unmentionable areas.) Ah, that's the spot.

(From across the room, Kaoru Kozue sighs at this and gets up from 
where she was sitting at a desk and crosses to Miki.)

KOZUE: (Hands on hips.) Honestly, Miki. How could you let 
yourself go like this? Anime Playgirl will never want you for their 
bishonen boys of March spread now. 
MIKI: (Stuffs another ding dong into his mouth.) So what? I don't 
care about that stuff. And the last time I did one of those it only 
ended in heartbreak.
KOZUE: (Bored tones.) Whatever, Miki. (She pauses to look at 
him and the huge pile of ding dong wrappers that is nearly up to his 
knees.) Where are you getting those from anyway?
MIKI: (Sounds mysterious while he eats a ding dong.) I have my 
sources.
KOZUE: (Frowns.) What sources?
MIKI: (Eating the same ding dong.) Sources.
KOZUE: (Twitches.) What sources?
MIKI: (Opens up a new ding dong.) My sources.
KOZUE: (Snaps.) And what sources are those?!
MIKI: (Eats the new ding dong.) Good sources.

(Kozue looks like she's about to explode at this but there is a knock 
at the catacomb door and she goes to answer it. A few seconds later 
the figure of Shinohara Wakaba saunters into the room holding 
several plastic grocery bags.)

KOZUE: (Snatches the bags away and looks inside.) I thought so! 
You're Miki's ding dong supplier!
MIKI: (From his recliner.) You got it, so give 'em to me!
WAKABA: (Shrugs lazily.) Someone's gotta do it.
MIKI: (From his recliner.) Gimme my ding dongs!
KOZUE: (Scowls.) Don't you know that you're responsible for 
ruining his bishonen boy perfect figure?
MIKI: (From his recliner.) I'm starving here!
WAKABA: (Looks apathetic.) Oh well.
KOZUE: (Irate.) Oh well?! Oh well?! We have a shoot with Anime 
Playgirl coming up and he's huge! He can't even get his butt up out of 
that recliner!
MIKI: (From his recliner.) Hey, I heard that!
KOZUE: (To Miki.) Would you shut up?!
MIKI: (From his recliner.) Not until I get my ding dongs!
WAKABA: (To Kozue.) Look, are you going to pay me or what? I 
got other jobs to do around here, you know.
KOZUE: (Scowls.) And why should I pay you?
MIKI: (From his recliner.) Gotta have my ding dongs...
WAKABA: (Eyes narrow.) Because everyone pays me. Or else bad 
things happen to them.
KOZUE: (Sniffs.) I'm so scared. What sort of bad things?
MIKI: (From his recliner.) If I don't get 'em I'm gonna die.
WAKABA: (Low and threatening tones.) They pay me or else they 
have to spend a day alone with Saionji.
KOZUE: (Eyes widen in fear. Gasps.) You wouldn't!
MIKI: (From his recliner.) Or snap mentally.
WAKABA: (Smiles harshly.) You going to pay now?
KOZUE: (Looks sickly.) Of course!
WAKABA: (Sounds satisfied.) Good. That'll be exactly 500,000 
yen for his usual order of ding dongs.
MIKI: (From his recliner.) Snap more than I already have.
KOZUE: (Eyes go wider.) His usual order?
WAKABA: (Nods.) Yeah, 100 packages per day.
KOZUE: (Eyes go wider still.) Per day?
MIKI: (From his recliner.) Just gimme my ding dongs!

SCENE: A very long line at some Fre... err... Japanese movie 
theater. The figures of Shadow Play Girls A-ko and B-ko are seen 
with Saionji Kyouichi standing in line. Next to Saionji stands Chu 
Chu who is busy reading the Wall Street Journal. The Sunlit Garden 
faintly plays in the background.

B-KO: (Solemn tones.) I have reached a realization.
SAIONJI: (Looks curious.) Oh? And what is that?
B-KO: (Sighs.) That we're essentially meaningless.
A-KO: (Blinks.) What do you mean?
SAIONJI: (Muses.) Do you mean all people as a whole or just our 
own small group in particular?
B-KO: (Shakes her head.) I meant me and A-ko. And that little 
scab bitch C-ko too, of course. We're all meaningless.
A-KO: (Confused.) Why do you say that?
B-KO: (Looks at A-ko.) We're Shadow Play Girls! We don't have 
faces! We're faceless! We're drones! (Shakes her head and says 
morosely.) We might as well die.
A-KO: (Looks at Saionji.) What's with her?
SAIONJI: (Puzzles.) I'm not sure.
CHU CHU: (Pipes up.) Chu chu chu! Chu!
SAIONJI: (Eyes widen.) Is that so? Well, no wonder. (He looks to 
A-ko.) Chu Chu says that she took my drugs.
A-KO: (Dubiously.) Drugs?
SAIONJI: (Sounds reassuring.) They're just used to quiet the voices 
in my head that command me to be an idiot. I'm sure that they won't 
do her too much damage.
B-KO: (Wails as she spins in a circle.) We should all die!
A-KO: (Looks at B-ko. Skeptic tones.) Right.
SAIONJI: (Nervous smile.) I'm sure she'll calm down.
A-KO: (Frowns.) How did she get your drugs anyway?
SAIONJI: (Blank expression.) Ehhmmm... Chu Chu?
CHU CHU: (Explains.) Chu chu chu, chu chu.
SAIONJI: (Smiles.) Ah, yes. I remember now. (Looks at A-ko.) 
She asked me for Tylenol and I bet Chu Chu that she wouldn't take 
recognize the difference between my pills and ordinary aspirin. It 
turns out that I was right.

(For a response, A-ko twitches as the scene fades to black.)

To be continued...

All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a 
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when 
extremely bored. I shall continue to write this series when I'm 
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In 
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will 
Touga still be trapped in the elevator?! Is he the Kami of Pokemon?! 
And will Miki be in Anime Playgirl?!

Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780

Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm

For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html

A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:

"I did it all for the nookie."
-Limp Bizkit-

TOUGA: (Nods wisely.) I can relate to that all too well.
ANTHY: (Exasperated sigh.) How come I got stuck with him for 
analyzing a quote? Why me?
TOUGA: (Smiles rakishly.) Because you're a lucky girl.
ANTHY: (Shakes her head.) I'm leaving.
TOUGA: (Watches Anthy exit.) She doesn't know what she's 
missing. Because I'm excellent at doing the nookie.