Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE EIGHTEEN: Thunder And Darkness.
SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the
shadow of Kiryuu Touga is seen inside. Touga is still playing with a
Nintendo Pocket (tm). The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the
background.
TOUGA: (Almost on the edge of snapping.) NOOOO! How am I
ever supposed to beat Onix with Jigglypuff?! It's impossible! I'll just
never be able to do it! AUGH!!
SCENE: The Fencing Club. Arisugawa Juri blinks at the sound of a
tortured scream echoing across the campus. She shrugs then watches
as the construction workers tear down the wall to the club house. The
Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background.
JURI: (Hands on her hips. Mutters.) I can't believe I have to tear a
wall down to get these fat slobs outside. And how am I supposed to
take over Ohtori with them as my only allies?
EVIL VOICE: (Sounds very evil.) I'll help you Juri-sama...
(Juri whirls around to come face to face with Takatsuki Shiori. As
soon as Juri does this a crash of thunder sounds and the sky
immediately darkens with clouds.)
JURI: (Looks around mystified.) What the hell...?
SHIORI: (Still sounds evil.) Are you ignoring me, Juri-sama? Or don't
you want my help?
JURI: (Scowls.) Like I really trust you, Shiori.
(Another crash of thunder sounds and the sky immediately darkens to
an inky blackness.)
JURI: (Looks up. Frowns.) What on Earth...?
SHIORI: (Stuck in the sounding evil rut.) Juri-sama... I know you want
me to help. (She slithers closer to Juri and puts her hand lightly on
Juri's chest.) Help you in all ways, right?
JURI: (Scowls again. Flings her hand off.) Not really. I'm just not in
the mood to be poisoned, Shiori.
(Yet another crash of thunder sounds and the sky immediately darkens
to an absolute blackness. Nothing can be seen except the whites of
everyone's eyes.)
SHIORI: (Trying to sound less evil.) I've changed, Juri-sama, really I
have. I haven't even slept with a man in five minutes.
JURI: (Scowls in the darkness.) Well, I'm sure that's a record for you.
But Shiori--
(Juri is interrupted by a crash of thunder sounding and it's more than
fairly safe to assume that the sky darkens but we really can't tell as
nothing can be seen except for the whites of everyone's eyes.)
JURI: (Comes to a realization.) You're causing this! Your evil has
finally poisoned the environment of Ohtori!
SHIORI: (Attempts evil innocence.) Me? What did I do?
JURI: (Erupts.) You're pure evil! You're worse than Akio!
SCENE: A Fre... err... Japanese hospital. The hospital is in total
darkness but if it wasn't you could see that Ohtori Akio is completely
mummified and immobile in bed. This is due to the fact that his
dubiously named Akio car went flying off the cliff and caused a large
explosion. For some reason his mummified head has a purple wig on it.
The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the background.
AKIO: (Muffled.) ...
SCENE: The Fencing Club. Arisugawa Juri faces off with Takatsuki
Shiori in the total darkness. The only thing that can be seen of anyone
is the whites of their eyes. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the
background.
SHIORI: (Sounds evilly confused.) And my being pure evil is a
problem because...?
JURI: (Groans.) Not only are you evil, you're stupid too!
SHIORI: (Is still evilly confused.) What?
JURI: (Screams in frustration.) Someone, anyone, help me! I promise
to get rid of the stupid locket that I wear in the TV series canon if
you'll just help me get rid of her!
(Suddenly the sky goes back to normal and Juri blinks at this then
looks up in time to see a huge anvil fall on Shiori.)
JURI: (Stares at what's left of Shiori.) That works...
SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually
timely and frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girl C-ko and
Shinohara Wakaba are seen. The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the
background.
C-KO: (Looks up.) What was with the weather earlier? All that
thunder and no lightning. And the sky getting so dark. If you ask me
this is some sort of ominous sign.
WAKABA: (Sounds bored.) Uh-huh.
C-KO: (Prattles on.) I bet it's the Kami telling us that we're being
punished for appearing in such a pointless fanfic.
WAKABA: (Still sounds bored.) Uh-huh.
C-KO: (In full prattle mode.) That's it! We're all going to be punished
for the author's vices! We're doomed! Doomed!
WAKABA: (Surprisingly still sounds bored.) Uh-huh.
C-KO: (Stops to think.) Or maybe not.
WAKABA: (Looks at C-ko.) You gotta moral for this week's
episode or should I try to sell them some of my goods?
C-KO: (Squints as she thinks.) I dunno... (After a moment she
brightens.) I have one! Never mention Shiori's--
(A crash of thunder sounds to cut off C-ko as the scene fades to
black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical
out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I
shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because
sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't take this
stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be
trapped in the elevator?! Can he get beat Onix?! And is Shiori-- (A
crash of thunder sounds and the author finds herself in darkness.) Will
this thunder and darkness schtick ever end?!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html
A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:
"Love is the beast that will tear out your heart. Hungrily lick it and
painfully pick it apart."
-Johnette Napolitano-
SAIONJI: (Looks up.) The author has issues with love.
CHU CHU: (Nods.) Chu, chu chu!
SAIONJI: (Wisely.) Yes, I also think that she fits into that particular
theory of Freud's research very well.
CHU CHU: (Shakes his head.) Chu chu...
SAIONJI: (Solemnly.) It is a sad fate indeed.
CHU CHU: (Shrugs.) Chu chu chu. Chu!
SAIONJI: (Smiles widely.) You're so right. Maybe if she truly does do
herself in we can be written by a good author. I must say that's an
excellent plan. Lets get to work!
CHU CHU: (Nods excitedly.) Chu chu!