Well, you can see how much back log I've got:

friends. Any and all opinions are not just desired, but neccessary. For
those
who might be interested, Sakura Tenjo and Natsumi Ogawa, the original
characters, are my friends Medi Kitty and Raingoddess respectively.

Oh? Do they blow up planets too? ^_^

Standard Warning: The Dirty Pair aren't mine, and I don't pretend that
they
are. Please don't sue me.


    "Stop fidgeting."
    "I'm not fidgeting."
    "Yes you are. Now stop it!"
    "�"
    "�"
    "�"
    "You're fidgeting again."
    "I am not!"
    "You're fiddling with your hair! That's fidgeting!"
    "I'm not fiddling with it! I'm fixing it! It's getting all frizzy�"
    "Oh, for�It looks fine! Your hair looks just fine! Now stop playing
with
it. It makes you look vapid."

vapid?

nervous."
    "It's okay�I know how you feel. I mean, here we are, getting our
first
assignments for the 3WA!"

Ah. So now we have some idea of what's going on. That dialogue was a
little long to get to this point, but it still worked.

    "Yeah�now, stop fidgeting before I bash you."
    "Jerk."

Expository Publications Presents�

I'd add a couple of spaces between this and the next sentence.

    "God, I hope we don't end up having to do desk work or something�"

 Nah. Wouldn't be much of a fic if you did. ^_^

    "I know. Well, don't sweat it. The odds of that are pretty slim,
actually. We'll probably end up doing basic patrols or something�pretty
tame
stuff, most likely�"

Later:

The Commander: Your target is a small thermal exhaust port only two meters
wide....

An original work of fanfiction by Captain Exposition�
"Do you think this thing is too tight?"
    "Natsumi, that's your academy uniform. They wouldn't have let you
wear
it for two years if it was in any way indecent."

Indecent uniforms in the 3WA? Perish the thought.

their eyes.
    Both of them were dressed in the standard uniform of a female 3WA
trainee; knee-length navy skirt, white blouse, and navy jacket,
three-quarters buttoned. Each also wore a laminated ID badge clipped to
her
jacket proclaiming her name, rank and an identification bar code for the
security systems. The pink-haired girl's badge read, "Tenjo, Sakura:
Agent,
Third Class". The shorter girl's badge read similarly, stating, "Ogawa,
Natsumi: Agent, Third Class".
    After a few uncomfortable moments while they met public scrutiny, a
secretary stood up at a desk to their left and asked, "Can I help you
ladies?" The pink-haired girl nodded and replied, "Yes, we're here to see
Director Foley. We're being expected."

drop 'being' unless it was meant to show she was nervous.

paused to bolster their
courage. They read the brass plate on the door. It read, "

'They read... It read,' drop one of them or reword it. Maybe, 'The brass
plate on the door read...'

Victor Foley,
Director of Human Resources". Both girls silently noted that the door and
its
frame appeared to have been shot at a number of times, all of the holes
filled and painted over.

hehehehe. Nice touch.

The pink-haired girl, Tenjo, glanced at her shorter
friend. Ogawa was lazily blowing a large white bubble with a wad of
chewing
gum. Tenjo stared. "Is that chewing gum?" She demanded incredulously.
Ogawa
stared at her and nodded wordlessly. Tenjo pressed her mouth into a thin,
hard line and pointed at an ashtray by the door. "Spit that out!" She
commanded. Ogawa shrugged and turned Tenjo's hand over. Opening the
fingers,
she noisily ejected the well-chewed gum into her friend's hand. She

smiled

sweetly as she closed Tenjo's fingers around the squishy mass.

Heh.

The taller
girl stared down at her hand and turned slightly green.
    As she flicked it from her hand, she whispered, "Remind me to hit

you

really, really hard later." She knocked on the door,

with Ogawa's head.

three short, sharp raps.
As they waited, each girl pictured the Director in her own mind. Tenjo
pictured a tall, acetic man with a piercing gaze, silver hair, and

strong,

sure hands. He would have a low, firm voice and would wear wire-rimmed
glasses that gleamed when he spoke�
    In Ogawa's mind, the Director appeared as a tall, shadowy figure
wrapped
in a dark cloak, who sat on a massive throne while spirits swirled around
him. He would have a mighty rumbling voice, and would point dramatically
at
them as he said, in dramatically archaic speech�

A couple of someones are about to be disappointed.

   "What is it?!" The girls looked at each other worriedly. The voice
that
spoke sounded frazzled, raw, and anxious. From within, the voice issued
again. "Get in here!" They looked at each other again, shrugged, and
opened
the door.
    The office within was large to be sure, but made up for this by

being

the messiest room either of them had ever seen. Every surface available
held
piles of paper, empty coffee cups, instant noodle bowls, and a variety of
other bric-a-bracs.

Hmm. An unusual choice of wording there. There might be a better word to
use then 'bric-a-bracs'.

at
pool to Takachiho Military
Academy." He looked up at them. "I take it you two are good friends

then."

    Tenjo nodded and answered. "Yes sir. We met during freshman
orientation
at Meizuiru and have sort of stuck together since."

That way all of the chaos that follows each one of us is located in one
area instead of two. Of course that also means double the damage...

Foley jabbed at the button and snapped, "What is it?!" His secretary,

long

used to his abrupt manner, replied smoothly, "Mr. Foley, the Lovely

Angels

are here." Foley twitched slightly, an action he seemed to be totally
unaware
of.

Hehehehe. I imagine lots of people around the 3WA have that reaction.

girls made simultaneous
noises of surprise. Tenjo blinked and said, rather succinctly, "Ack."
Ogawa
paled and said, equally succinctly, "Gleep." Foley nodded in
commiseration.
"Did you know stress makes you go bald?" They stared at him dumbly,

brains

still locked in deep-freeze. "Well it can!" He snapped. He took another
swig
of antacid.

Heheheeheh. Nice bits of humor throughout

that. Because," He took a slow puff on his rapidly diminishing cigarette
and
said, "You two will be working with these two newbies for a few months.
Kei,
Yuri, say hello to Sakura Tenjo and Natsumi Ogawa. Your new partners."

Oh dear. I wonder who will really be worse off.


Nah. Never mind. We know darn well who'll be worse off. ^_^

Four
voices rang out in identical shouts. "WHAT? PARTNERS?!"
    Foley leaned back and grinned savagely. He said, "Yep. I have you
girls'
next assignment, and I want you to take along these two young ladies,

show

them the ropes. It ought to keep you two out of trouble too, while you're
at
it."

There is no force in the universe that can keep the DP out of trouble.

Yuri stared at her boss in dismay. "But�but sir, they're just
Third-Classes!

Bullet stoppers!

Barely out of the Academy! You can't possibly expect us to
carry them for an entire assignment!"
She glanced at Ogawa and Tenjo and
smiled, saying, "Nothing personal." Over mutters of, "None taken" and
"Don't
sweat it", Yuri went on, "Why not assign them to someone else? Someone a
little less busy, maybe."
    Foley shook his head, obviously enjoying this immensely.

I can imagine.

"No dice Agent

dice, Agent

Yuri. They applied to be field troubleshooters, just like you two. They
are
also a team, and both females. You are the only other all-female team I
have.
Frankly, I think they can learn a lot from you�slaughtering civilians,
decimating cities, costing me money and years off of my life�"

BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!

exited the office.
When they turned to go, Foley called out to them. They turned

two 'turned's close together. I'd drop the second and make 'look' into
'looked'

just stood there and stared after the two legendary troubleshooters.
Without
looking at her, Tenjo said, "Natsumi-chan?"
    "Yes, Sako-chan?"
    "I want my guns."

 A good idea.

    "I know. This is gonna suck."
    "Yeah."
    This issue clarified, they went after the two girls whose hands

their

lives would be in for the next several months.


To be continued in Cycle Two

Looked real good and the characterizations were clear. I liked the
handling of the DP a lot and the NC were handled well. Look forward to
seeing more.

D.B. Sommer