% ShortYes wrote:

*That, Saotome Ranma, is an omen of what's to come.  You will soon
learn to fear Mara.

% More likely he'll just accept you as yet another irritation in his life.


When you do, there won't be a god or goddess that can
save you,* she thought before hopping down from the pole to the ground.
The
instant her foot touched the sidewalk, Mara's figures

% figure

started to morph.
Where there was once the seductive Demon First Class, in her place stood a
girl slightly above five feet with long green hair and blue eyes.  Her
clothing started to change as well.  Her leather jacket and current
apparel
dissolved for a brief moment.  Concentrating, Mara was soon clothed in a
nice
Sunday Dress.

% Don't think 'Dress' should be capitalized.

  Strolling down the street, Mara smiled in satisfaction as the
men and women all bought into her disguise.  Where there was once a Demon
First Class,
now stood a very striking young girl around the age of sixteen.

% There was a similar statement in the paragraph before this. I'd change
it to.

...into her disguise: that of a very striking young girl around the age of
sixteen.



*Time for Stage One.*

* * * * *


"Happy New Year, Kasumi-chan," Ranma muttered in his sleep yet no one
was around to hear it and the dreamer would forget after waking up.

% Heh.


"Gomen.  It was just that when I saw Ranma touching Kasumi, I lost my
temper.  You know how boys are.  They're all perverts!" Akane said, the
last
part was filled with anger.  *Why can't any of the boys at her school act
like Doctor Tofu, when Kasumi was not around.*

% If this is Akane thinking, it should probably be changed slightly.
Something like: 'Why can't any of the boys at my school act like Doctor
Tofu? Well, act like him when Kasumi isn't around.' or words to that
effect.


Many people have sworn that when a male Saotome slept, nothing short
of a World War that would wake one up.  Well actually there was, this
being:
food.  There are three main ideals that a Saotome lived by: Eat when you
can,
sleep if you get the chance and martial arts shall be thy life.  At least
this was true when Saotome Genma was your teacher.

% I can see that being his mantra. ^_^



Smiling, *Before I let you take my sister, I'm going to make sure you
are worthy enough,* thought Nabiki.  "I'll tell you for five hundred yen,"
she offered the young martial artist.

% Heh. Didn't take her long to try to milk him for cash.



Ranma slowly walked passed

% past


Nabiki, Akane and Soun stared at Onna no Ranma.  They still haven't

% hadn't



was all about, Onna
no Ranma just answered automatically.  "I'm fine, Kasumi-chan," Onna no
Ranma
replied, still lost in thought.  It was not until he heard the sound of
wailing and his father patting him on the back did he take notice of what
was
happening around him.

% Hehehe. I suppose Genma would take that as open acceptance on Ranma's
part.




Genma was grinning.  *I knew engaging Ranma to one of Tendou's
daughter

% daughters

"Wah!  Our two family will be join!"

% joined



"Thanks, Kasumi," Ranma said, missing the subtle signs that he had
disappointed her in some way.  Pouring the heated water over his head
brought
wonderment to many faces.  The transformation was quick.  Onna no Ranma's
hair darkens,

% darkened

changing from red to black and grew more than a couple of
inches.  Her breast

% breasts

shrunk and his physique broaden.

% broadened



smiled.  *I wonder just
how much money your pictures would bring in.* Feeling guilty for only a
few
moments,

% The time it took to for her to mentally shotgun her conscience. ^_^

*I do have to find a way to pay for two more people and Ranma is
technically my fianc�e as well as Kasumi

% Kasumi's

% Nice work, but not much happened in this ine. Look forward to more.

D.B. Sommer