Subject: Re: [FFML][fanfic][fusion][R1/2/Avengers] Avenging Chapter 2: Three Beauties and a Beast
From: kleppe@execpc.com (Gary Kleppe)
Date: 6/7/1999, 11:49 PM
To:

"DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

To the inhabitants of Nerima, it seemed the rains never stopped for very
long. It would rain at least once every third day, and the citizens still
talked about the vicious thunderstorm that appeared out of nowhere two

that had appeared

A sign appeared in the panda's hand. *It is not my fault that you were
clumsy and allowed yourself to fall into that cursed spring.*

"What do you mean it's not your fault! You're the one that knocked me into
it!" the boy shouted back.

*A superhero martial artist must be prepared for anything at all times.*

Genma's a lot more articulate with his signs in this continuity, I
see.... :)

Ranma tensed up. It didn't take long to learn the little nuances that
panda sign language gave away on a 'speakers' feelings, especially when
'speaker's'
there were hesitations like the one his father had just demonstrated.
Something really bad was going on. "Why?"

Geez, maybe his marker is just drying up. :)

Akane looked to see that Kyoko was holding open the door to allow a
delivery man to wheel past her with several crates on a dolly. Akane
rolled her eyes as the man thanked the older woman, then turned his
attention to the secretary/nurse.

The secretary/nurse being Akane?

Akane gave another sigh and held out her hand to accept the form for the
latest delivery. They had received so many shipments of crates of
equipment over the last two weeks that she was now on a first name basis
with two of the delivery men.

But not this one? :)

bit of scoring that was all but unnoticeable on the night black armor, and
that was it as far as damage was concerned. She was now convinced that her
new toy was resilient enough to take on any weapon within Kunou Industries

Industries'

Yinsen's masterpiece. The only problem she saw with it was that, in spite
of the slight trimming down in size, it was still incredibly huge and
bulky. It was so large she doubted anyone would even realize it was
actually a woman inside the armor, not that she wanted the world to know
it was Kodachi Kunou behind the mask of the Iron Rose. Still, she found
herself increasingly disliking the size. She had managed to trim down her
life-saving chestplate so that it would not be noticeable behind loose
fitting blouses.

No leotard? :(

As she turned away from the testing chamber's control panel, she felt a
headache coming on. She was ill-tempered (though capable) for the
maneuverings of the business world, preferring the battlefield of the lab

Should that be OR the lab?

*That was called the 'Clothing Meets the Maker' maneuver that I learned
>from a horrible person whom I hope you never have to meet. It destroys the
clothing while leaving the undergarments intact. Truly it is a terrible
technique. Although claws sure make it easier to use. And I have used it
on occasion with your mother. Hehe-"

Heh. This bit was funny.

*His name is Captain Japan. He is Japan's greatest superhero. He is a man
among men. A hero among heroes. A...* He brought a paper out from his fur
and read it. *...symbol of our country's greatness and what it means to be
Japanese.* Genma-panda sighed in relief. That was all of the points his
wife had made him promise to make Ranma into.

I'm surprised he doesn't have pre-printed fliers to hand out. :)

Genma-panda suddenly appeared nervous. *Umm. I'm his cute animal
sidekick.*

The comments began again.

"You're not very cute."

"I thought only magical girls had cute animal sidekicks."

Heh.

"Whatever." Dozens of ribbon-like projections shot out from the gauntlet's
of the Iron Rose's armor, wrapping themselves tightly around the Hulk's
head and chest. He was about to rip them to shreds when five hundred
thousand volts shot through the ribbons, flowing directly into his body.

Geez... that's one heck of a lot of volts! But volts don't flow; volts
cause current, and current flows. Kodachi, being a techie in this
continuity, would know this.


Ranma-chan looked down and suddenly realized why it was so drafty out. The
second realization, that her bare chest was now being broadcast to the
entire nation of Japan, caused her to give out an 'Eek!' and cover herself
up. She turned away from the camera, covering her chest as best she could
while tearing off the remainder of her costume's top. She hurriedly
managed to create a makeshift  top that just barely covered her
essentials.

Something tells me that top's gonna get destroyed a LOT.... ^_^

"The detonation will completely obliterate ten city blocks," Roquat
pointed out.

"Good point. Have our construction businesses standing by to take the
rebuilding contracts. We should make a fortune in the aftermath."

Heh. You gotta admire a villainess who knows when to seize an
opportunity. :)

Overall, an enjoyable chapter. Glad to see we're starting to get more
into the plot and character interactions and away from the heavy
background of part 1.

The characters seem to all be well-handled so far. I'd like to see more
detail on what it's like for Akane and Kodachi, what it feels like to be
the thunder god and to be inside the armor. Ranma as the reluctant hero
makes infinitely more sense IMO than him as a straight-and-narrow Cap
like someone tried a while back.

Looking forward to the next chapter.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html