Subject: Re: [FFML][FANMA][FIC]Girl days part six, section one
From: "Miller, Bert" <bert.miller@unisys.com>
Date: 5/10/1999, 8:16 AM
To: "'Kenjiko2@aol.com'" <Kenjiko2@aol.com>, "'ffml@fanfic.com'" <ffml@fanfic.com>

Another extremely funny episode!  Keep it up!

Comments follow

good efforts to keep the Nekohanten from being decimated a few days

"decimated" reads weird in this sentence, since it means "kill one in ten".
I suggest "devastated".

he had been known to cause global positioning devices to
malfunction by merely being withing ten meters of them

I loved this.  Despite all that's been written about Ryouga, I
think this is the first time I've seen _this_ said.

"But I'm not really a girl!  I can't change in front of them!"
protested Ranma.

Odd thing for Ranma to say; the Tendo girls have seen Ranma's female
body nude on a number of occasions.  They've played dress-up with her.

"What's Italian food?"

Italian food in its simpler incarnations is quite familiar to urban
Japanese (for instance, Nabiki makes Kuno buy her spaghetti in a very
early anime episode).  (Lower down) I see you're aware of this vis-a-
vis pizza, but the point holds for a wider range of dishes.

Three girls looked at one... and .... fell to the ground and
began to cry.

This struck me as extremely OOC at first.  Further down, the joke
when they league together _almost_ justifies the OOC-ness here, but
not quite.  I think it would have worked better if, instead of crying,
the three were just very polite to each other.  This is reasonably
IC, but Ranma, being unobservant, is not necessarily aware of that.


The "Ranma doesn't want to undress in front of the girls" element doesn't
quite work for me, either, at least stressed this much.  Kasumi
saw girl-Ranma's entire body during the cat-tongue episode.